John,

I find like many others that the holidays can be a heart-wrenching time.

You feel alone. Kel misses his SO. I miss my mother, more than that, my home.

I remember a top 40 song I heard a couple of times, back maybe 10 years ago. It was one of those self-affirming things that usually quite frankly turn my stomach set to music. It said a few things that hit home. At the time I just found out that we (me & SO) would not be having children. I have a stepdaughter I met at 10 yrs. old & now a grandaughter! but none of my own seed - I was bummed then & still sometimes now.

This song says a number of things we know but don't think about. Some will marry, some won't. Some will have kids, some won't. Some will live long, some won't. Some will be rich, some (most?) won't.

The key is that it is normal. It's not a defect on our part, or punishment. It is part of the life laid out for us, our training for the future. Seems a small consolation for the pain of now, but there it is.

You are probably doing at least OK, or you wouldn't be worried about your HT. 30 isn't old. I'd say you've got plenty of time. There is a ton of women waiting to bump into you. I'd tell your current girlfriend how you feel & what you think. Be direct. Base your future actions on what she tells you, and what her actions say. It sounds funny, but grocery stores are a great place to bump into someone - just don't be buying a grocery cart full of beer & porno mags :)!

And, please don't take this wrong, but pray. Talking to God is good for you, and he may answer you.

Church is a great place to find the kind of woman you're looking for, and it's a low-pressure enviroment, where "most" people are friendly, and caring, and easy to talk to. Just be careful not to hook up with a cult. I could not have survived the losses I have recently without my faith in God. I often wonder how other people do.

Good Luck, John. I'll pray for you tonight, along with you, Kel, & your SO, and my own family.

Pete