A Question About Marital Status in This Hobby...and Moving with a HT

[John Beresford]

A couple of general inquiries for all my friends in this great forum; first of all, is there anyone in here, with the home theater surround hobby bug, that isn't married yet? It seems that I am on an island all by myself here with regard to this as everyone makes references to "the wife" or "the family room" and it seems that way on other boards I frequent, too, such as Home Theater Forum.com; seems EVERY MEMBER has a wife or fiance or some such arrangement; I am 30 and haven't taken the plummet into matrimony yet, and I sometimes feel as if Im all alone in this hobby of mine with no one to share the movie watching experience with; sure, my current girlfriend (we're on the rocks right now, and on top of that, she went to Florida for a few weeks to be with her family for the holidays...I couldnt go I have to work) watches DVDs in surround with me at times, but for the most part, its like there is such an alienation of sorts when I think of coming home to that studio apartment where there is no wife waiting, etc; I dont live with anyone. Can anyone else relate to being into this home theater hobby yet living alone at the same time?

And as I contemplate moving from where I currently live in New York, and moving to where my only family is in Las Vegas, Nevada, I wonder about the intricacies of moving...especially all my audio equipment. Anyone have any experiences to share regarding the moving process? Once I get all the home theater gear set up wherever I end up, will it sound like it once did; is the re-setup process difficult when moving audio gear when one moves? Does it perform the same once all calibration settings are made once again, etc? Is there anything to be concerned about in this regard?

Thanks, friends.

[kelsci]

Hi John; I for one have never married. Currently, I am 57 years old. I am not looking for a wife for two reasons. One; my health is not the greatest and 2nd. the girl I did love from 1984 had declining mental and physical health and passed away in April 2000. When she was alive, she did not have patience to sit thru a movie(due to a bi-polar disorder). She did participate a small amount when we went out to county fairs, parks and other events when I used my portable video equipment during the mid 1980s to 1992. She did have enough patience to listen to demonstrations of surround sound. I think that one of the funniest things she ever said was when I showed her the battle between Robocop and Police Robot at the end of ROBOCOP 2. I asked her what she thought about the scene and the outrageous surround sound track when she replied; I liked the scene between the two TIN MEN. Speaking of shades of the WIZARD OF OZ. I thought that what she said was BEAUTIFUL and original which is why I loved her so much.

I believe on some of these boards you will hear the expression WAF and SAF for WIFE ACCEPTANCE FACTOR or SPOUSE ACCEPTANCE FACTOR applying towards the looks of home theater to the lady of the house. I know there are women in the electronic publication business that appear to be interested in the home theater aspect but I think men are the dominant home theater dabblers in the hobby. When my mother was alive, I told her, at least the stuff entertains you(this was before vcrs and dvds and only FM Radio and Vinyl), not sit around all day as an ornament in a living room. or turning the house into a showroom looking like a furniture store and even worse telling everybody where they could not sit.

I think you are going through a time of reflection for your potential future between your hobby and your girlfriend. If things had been better for both of us when we met, I would have married my girlfriend and have had children. The loving of a lady is on a very high plane of its own existence and cannot be compared to this hobby. It sits on its own merits. A receiver is man made, man being a manipulator of the elements needed to make a receiver out of the earth; but a women is created by a higher power and is like yourself a complex organism that walks among the elements of the earth on ones own power. The receiver cannot do that( but some subs have been known to do the "walk").

You are satisfied with your system now. I see no reason why it should not work well even under slightly different conditions in Vegas over N.Y.C. That is the least of your worries. KELSCI.

[JSE]

The key is finding someone who will put up with your hobby. Don't try and find someone that will be just as excited about HT. I am always explaining something to my wife or asking her to listen to something. She says wow or yes, I hear that. She's faking it. I know she faking it. She does not have clue or really care but she knows it interest me so she plays along. That's a cool wife. Now spending money on equipment, that's a diff. story. I just bought a Yamaha RX-V1400. It came early this week and it is now under the christmas tree wrapped up. She is actually evil in that sense. I got to buy the receiver in exchange for me buying her an iPod. I can't complain, I'm a kept man. She makes alot more than I make.

JSE

[poneal]

John, I for one am married. My wife doesn't really get into the HT thing but she does let me know whether something sounds good or not. The good thing is, is that she is mostly right. I was in the military previously (about 10 yrs. ago) and did a lot of moving. The military sent in the truck, movers, etc. I never had any problems with the equipment at the new home. If your driving, then I would say take your most important pieces (amp, etc.) and take it along in the car. Just make sure you take it inside the hotel room at night while on the road. The military paid for anything that was broken during the move. You would have to buy insurance if you want that type of assurance. Before I got married, I was kinda like you. I liked reading stereo magazies and usually hung out with other people that liked the hobby too. The only down side that I can see is that I am unable to spend as much as I would like on stereo equipment now. Other responsibilities ya know. Well good luck on the move.

[John Beresford]

Thanks a lot, guys...

Appreciate the replies; especially Kel, and Im sorry for that loss, Kel...sounds like she was a real human being, your sweetheart from 1984...

But I guess what I am beginning to wonder is, now that Im 30, what is wrong with me? Why cant I just find the right one? I had turned down opportunities I may have had in the past with some women as far as commitment, but is that why Im suffering particularly now? Is it over at 30? To be honest, friends, I dont just want to live the remainder of my life in a studio apartment, watching DVDs on my own, no one to really share any good times or moments with; the girl I'm "with" now doesnt really count in my eyes; she is still officially married, and it doesnt seem like the divorce is coming any time soon --- neither of them seem to have any money to do anything about it. On top of that, while we spend a lot of time together, as I had said in the original post she left to go to Florida for well over two weeks to see her parents for Christmas---but she will also be away for New Years, and it didnt seem to even faze her that she left me all alone when she did that; she knew she was going, and that was that----ALL my married friends from college are all going to be together, in couples, and once again, I have to fend for myself. So I decided to go see MY family in Nevada for the week of New Years so I wasnt sitting home either with married couples or by myself.

So I dont think this is the woman I was meant to marry; but if not her, who is? If I move to where my family is, will I meet someone there? Is it remotely possible? How do I know? Should I stay here in NY just for this girl, who is still married and goes away and leaves me on holidays and doesnt really want to be serious with me beyond what we have?

I am hearing, friends, ALL KINDS of opinions on this next subject: am I running out of time at 30 to find my soul mate? Is it just about over for me because I havent committed yet in my life? Some say dude, just pack it up because its pretty much over in terms of finding somone STABLE at this stage of the game....others say I am young and there is no rush...is there a rule about this? Can anyone make sense of this for me? Some people make me feel terrible about the situation Im in, making me feel like I should have committed to someone A LONG time ago---but I just wasnt ready....now, they are making me feel like Im running out of time...is this so at 30? How do I know what is right or wrong?

My only other option is to pack up and move out to where my family is, but that would be starting completely from scratch, and that is terrifying...what if it didnt work out? What then?

[joel2762]

Nope I don't have a wife...I'm only 13 haha

[piece-it pete]

John,

I find like many others that the holidays can be a heart-wrenching time.

You feel alone. Kel misses his SO. I miss my mother, more than that, my home.

I remember a top 40 song I heard a couple of times, back maybe 10 years ago. It was one of those self-affirming things that usually quite frankly turn my stomach set to music. It said a few things that hit home. At the time I just found out that we (me & SO) would not be having children. I have a stepdaughter I met at 10 yrs. old & now a grandaughter! but none of my own seed - I was bummed then & still sometimes now.

This song says a number of things we know but don't think about. Some will marry, some won't. Some will have kids, some won't. Some will live long, some won't. Some will be rich, some (most?) won't.

The key is that it is normal. It's not a defect on our part, or punishment. It is part of the life laid out for us, our training for the future. Seems a small consolation for the pain of now, but there it is.

You are probably doing at least OK, or you wouldn't be worried about your HT. 30 isn't old. I'd say you've got plenty of time. There is a ton of women waiting to bump into you. I'd tell your current girlfriend how you feel & what you think. Be direct. Base your future actions on what she tells you, and what her actions say. It sounds funny, but grocery stores are a great place to bump into someone - just don't be buying a grocery cart full of beer & porno mags :)!

And, please don't take this wrong, but pray. Talking to God is good for you, and he may answer you.

Church is a great place to find the kind of woman you're looking for, and it's a low-pressure enviroment, where "most" people are friendly, and caring, and easy to talk to. Just be careful not to hook up with a cult. I could not have survived the losses I have recently without my faith in God. I often wonder how other people do.

Good Luck, John. I'll pray for you tonight, along with you, Kel, & your SO, and my own family.

Pete

[Worf101]

I've always been a bachelor. I've lived alone all my adult life (save dormitories and Army Barracks) until August of last year. In 93 an ex-girlfriend and I met for dinner in the city... she was getting divorced and we were just renewing aquaintences. One thing led to another and despite her being on the pill and me using a condom, my son Ian was conceived. Since we were never married we had no bad blood between us. I gave the kid my name, financial support and love (all without going to family court I might add) and we all got along fine.

I'd offered to give them a better life and home outside of NY city but they never took me up on my offer. In the ten year interim I settled down, got a good gig in Albany, bought a house etc... Finally, she realized that, despite her best efforts, all kids need Dads. They moved in with me last August. It's been a semi-difficult adjustment period for us all but it's working. I've had to reign in my speaker and gear buying habits but I can't complain. Ireta appreciates my HT systems both in the living room and bedroom and tolerates my hobby. I'm sure she wouldn't take the time money or effort to do it herself but she's glad I did. I've only bought one speaker (center channel) since she's been here, but that may chance soon...

Da Worfster