A Question About Marital Status in This Hobby...and Moving with a HT

[kelsci]

Hi John; I for one have never married. Currently, I am 57 years old. I am not looking for a wife for two reasons. One; my health is not the greatest and 2nd. the girl I did love from 1984 had declining mental and physical health and passed away in April 2000. When she was alive, she did not have patience to sit thru a movie(due to a bi-polar disorder). She did participate a small amount when we went out to county fairs, parks and other events when I used my portable video equipment during the mid 1980s to 1992. She did have enough patience to listen to demonstrations of surround sound. I think that one of the funniest things she ever said was when I showed her the battle between Robocop and Police Robot at the end of ROBOCOP 2. I asked her what she thought about the scene and the outrageous surround sound track when she replied; I liked the scene between the two TIN MEN. Speaking of shades of the WIZARD OF OZ. I thought that what she said was BEAUTIFUL and original which is why I loved her so much.

I believe on some of these boards you will hear the expression WAF and SAF for WIFE ACCEPTANCE FACTOR or SPOUSE ACCEPTANCE FACTOR applying towards the looks of home theater to the lady of the house. I know there are women in the electronic publication business that appear to be interested in the home theater aspect but I think men are the dominant home theater dabblers in the hobby. When my mother was alive, I told her, at least the stuff entertains you(this was before vcrs and dvds and only FM Radio and Vinyl), not sit around all day as an ornament in a living room. or turning the house into a showroom looking like a furniture store and even worse telling everybody where they could not sit.

I think you are going through a time of reflection for your potential future between your hobby and your girlfriend. If things had been better for both of us when we met, I would have married my girlfriend and have had children. The loving of a lady is on a very high plane of its own existence and cannot be compared to this hobby. It sits on its own merits. A receiver is man made, man being a manipulator of the elements needed to make a receiver out of the earth; but a women is created by a higher power and is like yourself a complex organism that walks among the elements of the earth on ones own power. The receiver cannot do that( but some subs have been known to do the "walk").

You are satisfied with your system now. I see no reason why it should not work well even under slightly different conditions in Vegas over N.Y.C. That is the least of your worries. KELSCI.

[JSE]

The key is finding someone who will put up with your hobby. Don't try and find someone that will be just as excited about HT. I am always explaining something to my wife or asking her to listen to something. She says wow or yes, I hear that. She's faking it. I know she faking it. She does not have clue or really care but she knows it interest me so she plays along. That's a cool wife. Now spending money on equipment, that's a diff. story. I just bought a Yamaha RX-V1400. It came early this week and it is now under the christmas tree wrapped up. She is actually evil in that sense. I got to buy the receiver in exchange for me buying her an iPod. I can't complain, I'm a kept man. She makes alot more than I make.

JSE

[poneal]

John, I for one am married. My wife doesn't really get into the HT thing but she does let me know whether something sounds good or not. The good thing is, is that she is mostly right. I was in the military previously (about 10 yrs. ago) and did a lot of moving. The military sent in the truck, movers, etc. I never had any problems with the equipment at the new home. If your driving, then I would say take your most important pieces (amp, etc.) and take it along in the car. Just make sure you take it inside the hotel room at night while on the road. The military paid for anything that was broken during the move. You would have to buy insurance if you want that type of assurance. Before I got married, I was kinda like you. I liked reading stereo magazies and usually hung out with other people that liked the hobby too. The only down side that I can see is that I am unable to spend as much as I would like on stereo equipment now. Other responsibilities ya know. Well good luck on the move.

[John Beresford]

Thanks a lot, guys...

Appreciate the replies; especially Kel, and Im sorry for that loss, Kel...sounds like she was a real human being, your sweetheart from 1984...

But I guess what I am beginning to wonder is, now that Im 30, what is wrong with me? Why cant I just find the right one? I had turned down opportunities I may have had in the past with some women as far as commitment, but is that why Im suffering particularly now? Is it over at 30? To be honest, friends, I dont just want to live the remainder of my life in a studio apartment, watching DVDs on my own, no one to really share any good times or moments with; the girl I'm "with" now doesnt really count in my eyes; she is still officially married, and it doesnt seem like the divorce is coming any time soon --- neither of them seem to have any money to do anything about it. On top of that, while we spend a lot of time together, as I had said in the original post she left to go to Florida for well over two weeks to see her parents for Christmas---but she will also be away for New Years, and it didnt seem to even faze her that she left me all alone when she did that; she knew she was going, and that was that----ALL my married friends from college are all going to be together, in couples, and once again, I have to fend for myself. So I decided to go see MY family in Nevada for the week of New Years so I wasnt sitting home either with married couples or by myself.

So I dont think this is the woman I was meant to marry; but if not her, who is? If I move to where my family is, will I meet someone there? Is it remotely possible? How do I know? Should I stay here in NY just for this girl, who is still married and goes away and leaves me on holidays and doesnt really want to be serious with me beyond what we have?

I am hearing, friends, ALL KINDS of opinions on this next subject: am I running out of time at 30 to find my soul mate? Is it just about over for me because I havent committed yet in my life? Some say dude, just pack it up because its pretty much over in terms of finding somone STABLE at this stage of the game....others say I am young and there is no rush...is there a rule about this? Can anyone make sense of this for me? Some people make me feel terrible about the situation Im in, making me feel like I should have committed to someone A LONG time ago---but I just wasnt ready....now, they are making me feel like Im running out of time...is this so at 30? How do I know what is right or wrong?

My only other option is to pack up and move out to where my family is, but that would be starting completely from scratch, and that is terrifying...what if it didnt work out? What then?

[joel2762]

Nope I don't have a wife...I'm only 13 haha

[John Beresford]

Nope I don't have a wife...I'm only 13 haha

Joel, are you serious? You are only 13? Never would have thought that from our sincere discussions about DVD reviews.

[joel2762]

Joel, are you serious? You are only 13? Never would have thought that from our sincere discussions about DVD reviews.

Ha yep. I'm serious

[piece-it pete]

John,

I find like many others that the holidays can be a heart-wrenching time.

You feel alone. Kel misses his SO. I miss my mother, more than that, my home.

I remember a top 40 song I heard a couple of times, back maybe 10 years ago. It was one of those self-affirming things that usually quite frankly turn my stomach set to music. It said a few things that hit home. At the time I just found out that we (me & SO) would not be having children. I have a stepdaughter I met at 10 yrs. old & now a grandaughter! but none of my own seed - I was bummed then & still sometimes now.

This song says a number of things we know but don't think about. Some will marry, some won't. Some will have kids, some won't. Some will live long, some won't. Some will be rich, some (most?) won't.

The key is that it is normal. It's not a defect on our part, or punishment. It is part of the life laid out for us, our training for the future. Seems a small consolation for the pain of now, but there it is.

You are probably doing at least OK, or you wouldn't be worried about your HT. 30 isn't old. I'd say you've got plenty of time. There is a ton of women waiting to bump into you. I'd tell your current girlfriend how you feel & what you think. Be direct. Base your future actions on what she tells you, and what her actions say. It sounds funny, but grocery stores are a great place to bump into someone - just don't be buying a grocery cart full of beer & porno mags :)!

And, please don't take this wrong, but pray. Talking to God is good for you, and he may answer you.

Church is a great place to find the kind of woman you're looking for, and it's a low-pressure enviroment, where "most" people are friendly, and caring, and easy to talk to. Just be careful not to hook up with a cult. I could not have survived the losses I have recently without my faith in God. I often wonder how other people do.

Good Luck, John. I'll pray for you tonight, along with you, Kel, & your SO, and my own family.

Pete

[recoveryone]

John,

I find like many others that the holidays can be a heart-wrenching time.

You feel alone. Kel misses his SO. I miss my mother, more than that, my home.

I remember a top 40 song I heard a couple of times, back maybe 10 years ago. It was one of those self-affirming things that usually quite frankly turn my stomach set to music. It said a few things that hit home. At the time I just found out that we (me & SO) would not be having children. I have a stepdaughter I met at 10 yrs. old & now a grandaughter! but none of my own seed - I was bummed then & still sometimes now.

This song says a number of things we know but don't think about. Some will marry, some won't. Some will have kids, some won't. Some will live long, some won't. Some will be rich, some (most?) won't.

The key is that it is normal. It's not a defect on our part, or punishment. It is part of the life laid out for us, our training for the future. Seems a small consolation for the pain of now, but there it is.

You are probably doing at least OK, or you wouldn't be worried about your HT. 30 isn't old. I'd say you've got plenty of time. There is a ton of women waiting to bump into you. I'd tell your current girlfriend how you feel & what you think. Be direct. Base your future actions on what she tells you, and what her actions say. It sounds funny, but grocery stores are a great place to bump into someone - just don't be buying a grocery cart full of beer & porno mags !

And, please don't take this wrong, but pray. Talking to God is good for you, and he may answer you.

Church is a great place to find the kind of woman you're looking for, and it's a low-pressure enviroment, where "most" people are friendly, and caring, and easy to talk to. Just be careful not to hook up with a cult. I could not have survived the losses I have recently without my faith in God. I often wonder how other people do.

Good Luck, John. I'll pray for you tonight, along with you, Kel, & your SO, and my own family.

Pete

To bring a little light back on the thread, I offer some of you lonely souls a piece of my world. I've been married going on 20 years five kids ranging from my oldest 18 in college 13yr middle school 12yr middle school 6yr 2nd grade and the 3year old. My wife and were very happy with the first 3 the last two were a surprise ( I could tell you the day they were concived) we were not trying to have any more, but I would not trade them away for nothing. Now I go to work to relax and come home to stress.

The 3 younger one are girls and they fight all the time. I'll be happy to loan you lonly guys out there the two smaller ones (a week at a time) and I'm sure after that week you will appreciate your space and time you have to yourself. The Holidays are nice, but its the everday stuff that wears on you....Stop touching me, you touched me first, Get out of my room, where's mommie, I want to go with you (just going to use the restroom). Buy for 1 you buy for all or you will hear for the next week. Just to keep my HT in good shape I have to spend $ on TV's and other gear to keep them away from it. Being married and Family life is great, but be careful what you ask for.

[JSE]

Recoveryone,

I hear ya. My wife and I don't have kids, yet. We do however have two little girls that we watch alot for a single mom friend who just recently remarried. The dad is a LOSER! We will take them for the weekend or on a short vacation and we are ready to give them back everytime. We love them, but we don't want them! They have turned out to be the strongest form of birth control around. I feel for you with 3 young girls. I am a bit on edge for a few days after we drop them off back at their moms. The guy she married is great and has two older daughters in college so he must be a saint to go through it again.

I'm thinking one kid and then getting fixed.

JSE

[poneal]

Sounds like the Christmas blues. Go get some paxil-cr that'll hook you up.

[John Beresford]

Sounds like the Christmas blues. Go get some paxil-cr that'll hook you up.

Thats NOT the fix that will clear what we are talking about here up, Poneal...you are way off base here in this topic.

[John Beresford]

John,

I find like many others that the holidays can be a heart-wrenching time.

You feel alone. Kel misses his SO. I miss my mother, more than that, my home.

I remember a top 40 song I heard a couple of times, back maybe 10 years ago. It was one of those self-affirming things that usually quite frankly turn my stomach set to music. It said a few things that hit home. At the time I just found out that we (me & SO) would not be having children. I have a stepdaughter I met at 10 yrs. old & now a grandaughter! but none of my own seed - I was bummed then & still sometimes now.

This song says a number of things we know but don't think about. Some will marry, some won't. Some will have kids, some won't. Some will live long, some won't. Some will be rich, some (most?) won't.

The key is that it is normal. It's not a defect on our part, or punishment. It is part of the life laid out for us, our training for the future. Seems a small consolation for the pain of now, but there it is.

You are probably doing at least OK, or you wouldn't be worried about your HT. 30 isn't old. I'd say you've got plenty of time. There is a ton of women waiting to bump into you. I'd tell your current girlfriend how you feel & what you think. Be direct. Base your future actions on what she tells you, and what her actions say. It sounds funny, but grocery stores are a great place to bump into someone - just don't be buying a grocery cart full of beer & porno mags !

And, please don't take this wrong, but pray. Talking to God is good for you, and he may answer you.

Church is a great place to find the kind of woman you're looking for, and it's a low-pressure enviroment, where "most" people are friendly, and caring, and easy to talk to. Just be careful not to hook up with a cult. I could not have survived the losses I have recently without my faith in God. I often wonder how other people do.

Good Luck, John. I'll pray for you tonight, along with you, Kel, & your SO, and my own family.

Pete

Pete,

Thank you for your heart felt sentiments on this, and although I am not catholic, I appreciate your suggestions of going to church to pray...I never thought at 30 my life would get so empty that I would need to pray to a spiritual being just to get me by each and every day, but thats what it has come down to because everyone else in my friendship base is already married, some working on children.

I understand what you are saying regarding what those lyrics essentially meant, that some will get married and some just wont, and some will have children, and some just wont, and it makes me remember the lyrics to the Rolling Stones' "Cant Always Get What You Want"....but, really, there is ONE life to live, thats all----am I to believe that even though I WANT it, I DESIRE the warm companionship of someone else and have a great deal of affection and love to give someone, it MAY BE that it just wasnt in my cards to marry or make a connection with someone? Is that true? In other words, EVERYONE ELSE I know was "allowed" to get married or they were ABLE to find that person----but because of my life plan, whatever that may be----and whomever holds those cars---it may be that I just dont find that connection with anyone on a committed basis? EVEN THOUGH I CAN LOVE and AM CAPABLE OF LOVING and have a HUGE HEART and Im average looking and have had past relationships-----this STILL doesnt mean, for whatever reason, that I may NOT find that person in the remainding 60 or so years I have left here on Earth? Its possible?

[kelsci]

John and Piece-it-Pete; I appreciate your sympathy on my late girlfriend. It is now 3 l/2 years since she is gone. When you loose that somebody you fell in love with, after a period of time, you look at the pictures and begin to say; did it all really happen? Worse then pictures are home videos made in stereo yet with rather good audio quality. It literally sounds like time has been frozen on those tapes. I use to be a great advocate of documentation of ones lives; now I am not too sure that is all so good.

John; so your girlfriend went to Florida. I live in Margate, Fl. On an internet map, the coordinates of N.W. 76th ave and Margate Blvd will show where I live. She had some cold weather to hit here. When the 50s and 60s are your temperatures after you lived here awhile, it is cold. It is going to first start to warm up today. I think it is a good idea for you to go to Vegas to see your family. I understand Vegas is up and coming so your future move may be a good one. By the way, I am orginally from the Bronx and Queens Village, New York. On a map, the coordinates were 229th street and Hillside Ave.

These days, thirty is not old. There were periods of years that I did not go out yet at the age of 38 it took me less than one minute to fall in love with my gal of 14 years. So I come from the school who sees that IF IT IS MEANT TO BE, IT IS MEANT TO BE. Even if you meet and marry somebody down the road, you may be the one listening to the home theater alone in your house. Your wife may carry on different interests. That went on with me and my girlfriend. One thing I did do was spend quality time with her when I was not doodling with the HT. She admired me for what I did in the HT arena and I admired her in her own spheres of influence. Currently, you seem to have a casual relationship with this girl. If you are moving out west, that relationship may end. If you think it is going to end, then I would start thinking about what social avenues to take when you are out in Vegas particulaly in the areas of Vegas that are going to be with permanent settlers and not out of town tourists that hit the hotels. If I come up with anything in my resistor-capacitor related mind dealing with Vegas, I notify you thru private message. KELSCI