A Question About Marital Status in This Hobby...and Moving with a HT

[kelsci]

Hi John; you were on line apparently this afternoon since you answered back so quickly. I needed to close down to do other things. I also so the "monkey wrench" in this whole affair.

You are dating a lady who is separated from her husband. That's legal. She has yet to finalize a divorce. Even if she does, there is no gurantee as to what will follow next with both your relationships.

You have known her a year. Eh, last year was the beginning of your relationship. So perhaps she really needed to know you better before spending New Years with you then. For this year, perhaps she should have COMPROMISED but it appears she did not even think of it-like being there for you at New Years. You are asking a good question; AREN'T I WORTH IT? She did not take you into consideration on her own. What really would have been good is if she had proposed that compromise. So while you may be having a good time with each other, it seems like it is on a very social aspect. I do not think your situation is unique in today's world except with those couple who really love each other. Take a look at the news when a soldier has to leave his family to go off to a foreigh country. Look at the faces of the wives when they return. From what my mother told me, in 1945 she was in the kitchen when she heard whistling. She said she flew out of the apt. in the Bronx for she knew it was my father who happened to whistle quite well. When my late girlfriend gave me one of her first big kiss, the next thing she said to me "and I can do BETTER" in a voice that resembled actress Mae West. Oh, I knew she loved me and on top of that I had a Mae West imitator. One day, there was a Mae West film on and I said to her, who does this sound like. Sheepishly she said "me".

You have indicated you tried Vegas. It sounds like you had a dating scene there but jobs are important too. I mean, how do we support ourselves w/o a job and particually the home theater habit?

Marathon Parkway sounds familar to me. Rushmore ave does not. I did try msn maps. I could not find any Marathon Parkway but there was a Rushmore Ave out in Westbury. The mapsite was not working too well either.

I think that perhaps you now have graduated to DEAR ABBY. I cannot think of anything more on this topic to help you with. It is one of the toughest things to deal with in life, but some just find it so easy but sometimes it takes years too. And if it goes bad, then you end up with Judge Judy of which the plaintiff and the defendant end up famous for being stupid if Judge Judy gives each the gavel. KELSCI

[Worf101]

I've always been a bachelor. I've lived alone all my adult life (save dormitories and Army Barracks) until August of last year. In 93 an ex-girlfriend and I met for dinner in the city... she was getting divorced and we were just renewing aquaintences. One thing led to another and despite her being on the pill and me using a condom, my son Ian was conceived. Since we were never married we had no bad blood between us. I gave the kid my name, financial support and love (all without going to family court I might add) and we all got along fine.

I'd offered to give them a better life and home outside of NY city but they never took me up on my offer. In the ten year interim I settled down, got a good gig in Albany, bought a house etc... Finally, she realized that, despite her best efforts, all kids need Dads. They moved in with me last August. It's been a semi-difficult adjustment period for us all but it's working. I've had to reign in my speaker and gear buying habits but I can't complain. Ireta appreciates my HT systems both in the living room and bedroom and tolerates my hobby. I'm sure she wouldn't take the time money or effort to do it herself but she's glad I did. I've only bought one speaker (center channel) since she's been here, but that may chance soon...

Da Worfster

[John Beresford]

Hi John; you were on line apparently this afternoon since you answered back so quickly. I needed to close down to do other things. I also so the "monkey wrench" in this whole affair.

You are dating a lady who is separated from her husband. That's legal. She has yet to finalize a divorce. Even if she does, there is no gurantee as to what will follow next with both your relationships.

You have known her a year. Eh, last year was the beginning of your relationship. So perhaps she really needed to know you better before spending New Years with you then. For this year, perhaps she should have COMPROMISED but it appears she did not even think of it-like being there for you at New Years. You are asking a good question; AREN'T I WORTH IT? She did not take you into consideration on her own. What really would have been good is if she had proposed that compromise. So while you may be having a good time with each other, it seems like it is on a very social aspect. I do not think your situation is unique in today's world except with those couple who really love each other. Take a look at the news when a soldier has to leave his family to go off to a foreigh country. Look at the faces of the wives when they return. From what my mother told me, in 1945 she was in the kitchen when she heard whistling. She said she flew out of the apt. in the Bronx for she knew it was my father who happened to whistle quite well. When my late girlfriend gave me one of her first big kiss, the next thing she said to me "and I can do BETTER" in a voice that resembled actress Mae West. Oh, I knew she loved me and on top of that I had a Mae West imitator. One day, there was a Mae West film on and I said to her, who does this sound like. Sheepishly she said "me".

You have indicated you tried Vegas. It sounds like you had a dating scene there but jobs are important too. I mean, how do we support ourselves w/o a job and particually the home theater habit?

Marathon Parkway sounds familar to me. Rushmore ave does not. I did try msn maps. I could not find any Marathon Parkway but there was a Rushmore Ave out in Westbury. The mapsite was not working too well either.

I think that perhaps you now have graduated to DEAR ABBY. I cannot think of anything more on this topic to help you with. It is one of the toughest things to deal with in life, but some just find it so easy but sometimes it takes years too. And if it goes bad, then you end up with Judge Judy of which the plaintiff and the defendant end up famous for being stupid if Judge Judy gives each the gavel. KELSCI

Yeah, Kel, but she did the same thing to me LAST New Year's too; is that what you mean about not knowing me well enough? Last year I could understand it....but now a year later after being very intimate with me? She doesnt see it this way----she sees it as she wanted to spend all holiday with her family---well through New Year, no matter what I or anyone else said, because her parents asked her to. What could I do?

And what are you saying about my situation not being unique---are you saying chances are very slim we meet someone to REALLY love us and for us to love back? These people dont really exist? What are the chances?

[JSE]

Alright, John

You and I have not always got along in this forum buy maybe I can help. I'm honestly not trying to be mean or cold but,

Dump Her!

She obviously does not think enough about you to meet her parents and she obviously does not really care about your feelings. Why are you with her? She is still married. She could have been divorced by now if she really wanted to to. She is using you as a crutch. Why do you want to be a crutch? That's not love. I think you know this, you just see her as a companion, nothing more. The sooner you can drop her, the sooner you can move on and find "the one". Trust me, she is out there. Just gotta look.

My wife and I started dating in college 14 years ago. We started dating in August and ever since August 14 years ago, we have been together for every holiday. We made a point of it. Our parents and us spend Christmas and Thanskgiving together every year. I knew she was the one then and now. From your posts, this lady is not the one for you. Move on. If she does get divorced, she gonna have baggage. I will bet you money, after she does get divorced, she will be history. Again, I'm not trying be cold but, if YOU were the one for her, you would be in Florida right now.

Accept the fact that she is not here and make the most of it. Throw back a few cold ones and enjoy the Holidays. Go to Vegas and have fun, meet some ladies,spend some money on the machines, look for a J.O.B., whatever. Enjoy. I think it was Topspeed that said it's all about confidence. He's right. Attitude will get you everywhere.

Oh, 30 is not to old by any means. A buddy of mine just got married for the first time at 37. His wife is HOT and super cool. He definitely married up the gene pool. He never thought or worried it was too late. He always new he would find someone and he never settled for Ms. Almost.

Have a good Holiday and cheer up dude. There are a lot of women out there. After the Holidays, pick up your club and go hunting. Arrrrrg.

JaaaaaaaaaSsssss Eeeeeeeeeeee!

[John Beresford]

Alright, John

You and I have not always got along in this forum buy maybe I can help. I'm honestly not trying to be mean or cold but,

Dump Her!

She obviously does not think enough about you to meet her parents and she obviously does not really care about your feelings. Why are you with her? She is still married. She could have been divorced by now if she really wanted to to. She is using you as a crutch. Why do you want to be a crutch? That's not love. I think you know this, you just see her as a companion, nothing more. The sooner you can drop her, the sooner you can move on and find "the one". Trust me, she is out there. Just gotta look.

My wife and I started dating in college 14 years ago. We started dating in August and ever since August 14 years ago, we have been together for every holiday. We made a point of it. Our parents and us spend Christmas and Thanskgiving together every year. I knew she was the one then and now. From your posts, this lady is not the one for you. Move on. If she does get divorced, she gonna have baggage. I will bet you money, after she does get divorced, she will be history. Again, I'm not trying be cold but, if YOU were the one for her, you would be in Florida right now.

Accept the fact that she is not here and make the most of it. Throw back a few cold ones and enjoy the Holidays. Go to Vegas and have fun, meet some ladies,spend some money on the machines, look for a J.O.B., whatever. Enjoy. I think it was Topspeed that said it's all about confidence. He's right. Attitude will get you everywhere.

Oh, 30 is not to old by any means. A buddy of mine just got married for the first time at 37. His wife is HOT and super cool. He definitely married up the gene pool. He never thought or worried it was too late. He always new he would find someone and he never settled for Ms. Almost.

Have a good Holiday and cheer up dude. There are a lot of women out there. After the Holidays, pick up your club and go hunting. Arrrrrg.

JaaaaaaaaaSsssss Eeeeeeeeeeee!

Thanks JSE,

I will take everything into consideration, however, in her defense, I have met her parents before this holiday, the last time they came into New York, and it has been tough on her to tell her parents she has a new boyfriend so soon after the separation; I can understand this----her mom knows we are more than just friends but her dad just wouldnt understand it. And as far as Florida goes, she claims she made these plans to see her family for Christmas because she hasnt been with them in many, many years and I was working----which I was---and I dont even celebrate Christmas (I am Jewish)...

Do you really think there is still more time to find the "right one"? I am not running out of time or should get desperate for a mate?

[JSE]

Dude,


YOU ARE YOUNG!

Plenty of time. Besides, most young couple get divorced anyway because they rush into things. Sound familiar?

I still say move on. But that's your call. No one can make that decision for you. Hell, I am only a couple of years older than you so I am no expert.

I've never lived in NYC but I hear it's hell for singles. Vegas, does it get any better for singles? Have fun and date around. You've got PLENTY of time. Anyone that tells you different is blowing smoke up your ......!

Later.

[John Beresford]

Dude,


YOU ARE YOUNG!

Plenty of time. Besides, most young couple get divorced anyway because they rush into things. Sound familiar?

I still say move on. But that's your call. No one can make that decision for you. Hell, I am only a couple of years older than you so I am no expert.

I've never lived in NYC but I hear it's hell for singles. Vegas, does it get any better for singles? Have fun and date around. You've got PLENTY of time. Anyone that tells you different is blowing smoke up your ......!

Later.

Thanks JSE,

Well, yeah, New York is hell for dating because these friggin chicks all wanna party and be wild and not settle down, and that is so not my lifestyle----I am much more humble. But I dont live in the city, Im in the subburbs, in Long Island. I dont know if Vegas is any better for singles; I was there for about five months or so, trying it out, living with my folks, and I met about five or so women online...one I was having a heated sexual relationship (very cute girl, but had THREE kids and her two sisters were strippers there in Vegas) with, and another I was just fooling around with....nothing came of the other few. So it was REMOTELY POSSIBLE to meet people, women; nothing seemed stable, though....no one was real, no one seemed to be my "soul mate"....how do I know if Vegas is the place? My folks want me to move there, of course...

[Tarheel_]

a new direction i see, well i'll bite because having a wife that cannot appreciate good sound, but loves to see me excited about new equipment is nothing short of awesome.
I'm 34, been in HT since 99, and since then have spent close to 12k on audio/video gear.
Does she like my floorstanding F30s (finish doesn't match room) or 50" RPTV in her well decorated living room? No, but she tolerates it nonetheless because its my hobby and is much better than going out burning money on strippers and such.

Finding someone who accepts you is more important than finding someone who enjoys surround sound. The former will accept the latter.

Good luck and Merry Christmas to all on this board!!!

[John Beresford]

a new direction i see, well i'll bite because having a wife that cannot appreciate good sound, but loves to see me excited about new equipment is nothing short of awesome.
I'm 34, been in HT since 99, and since then have spent close to 12k on audio/video gear.
Does she like my floorstanding F30s (finish doesn't match room) or 50" RPTV in her well decorated living room? No, but she tolerates it nonetheless because its my hobby and is much better than going out burning money on strippers and such.

Finding someone who accepts you is more important than finding someone who enjoys surround sound. The former will accept the latter.

Good luck and Merry Christmas to all on this board!!!

Tar,

I have given up on the possibility of meeting a woman who would be into surround sound (although the "girlfriend" I have now likes to watch DVDs in surround with me and comment on the sound, etc; she is a DVD collector more than being into them for the sound) and now I am searching for exactly what you describe: someone to accept me for ME.

Peace be upon you and your family as well....

[kelsci]

John; I am out of anymore thoughts and suggestions for you. I must appreciate the other members of this board who posted after me(JSE, WORFSTER, ETC) of their situations and suggestions that they have given you. JSE's "crutch" theory could be what is going on here. I think you should have a good TALK with her after you and her return to New York and see where this is going. My late gal believed in COMMUNICATION within the relationship and I concurred with her from my own observations of married couples with-in my family.

I noticed one thing during my life. Usually, when I met somebody and occasionally dated, it was the girls from the midwest that were the most friendly. Do not worry about being Jewish unless you follow concervative or orthodox philosophies. I have heard of so many mix marriages that the religious factor does not seem to matter. All these couples care is having a good marriage and a good family. My late girlfriends niece's marriage is mixed and it is going fine. Both she and her husband have Doctorates and their 2nd child arrived about two weeks ago. With celebrieties, take Jerry Stiller and Ann Meara. "worked out good for them. KELSCI

[kelsci]

John; I watched IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE on NBC network. I stumbled onto this film on ch 5 in New York around 1966 only catching the last 40 minutes or so at that time. Watching it the other day made me think about you and your current girlfriend. The interelationship between James Stewart and Donna Reed as their love story unfolds through events in this film is nothing short of astounding and quite believeable. This to me is how two stranagers fall in love. I have heard a saying that RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK is the greatest serial Republic Pictures never made. I.A.W.L., in my opinion is the greatest Twilight Zone episode, Rod Serling never produced and wrote. I.A.W.L. IMO is a film of epic proportions that took many years to get its due. Perhaps what makes it so great that it is the story of love and the sacrifice of love and its importance on the lives of others. I consider it the #1 A movie of all time.

[John Beresford]

John; I am out of anymore thoughts and suggestions for you. I must appreciate the other members of this board who posted after me(JSE, WORFSTER, ETC) of their situations and suggestions that they have given you. JSE's "crutch" theory could be what is going on here. I think you should have a good TALK with her after you and her return to New York and see where this is going. My late gal believed in COMMUNICATION within the relationship and I concurred with her from my own observations of married couples with-in my family.

I noticed one thing during my life. Usually, when I met somebody and occasionally dated, it was the girls from the midwest that were the most friendly. Do not worry about being Jewish unless you follow concervative or orthodox philosophies. I have heard of so many mix marriages that the religious factor does not seem to matter. All these couples care is having a good marriage and a good family. My late girlfriends niece's marriage is mixed and it is going fine. Both she and her husband have Doctorates and their 2nd child arrived about two weeks ago. With celebrieties, take Jerry Stiller and Ann Meara. "worked out good for them. KELSCI

Kel,

I guess I will talk with her, but the talks go nowhere; she claims she just CANNOT speed up the divorce process any more than it is going; thats what SHE claims. I feel like Im wasting my time at this point; why even come back to NY? Perhaps, as friends and friends' parents are advising me, it is a good time to move to where my folks are and try and begin a new life with nicer, less depressing surroundings.

The whole Jewish/non Jewish thing is not a concern for me; I am leaving tonight for Vegas to see my parents for New Years. Have a great New Years, all.