A Question About Marital Status in This Hobby...and Moving with a HT

[topspeed]

Go to the gym to check out the women? Why bother....just because Im single, all I want to do is look, or have the ABILITY or authority to just LOOK as married people dont? Thats not what Im after....why waste time going to a gym just to look at the chicks or check them out or whatever....the search is for someone real in this world...Im so tired of all the head games and dumpings women perform; they play games with guys and then just dump em on their asses when theyre done...how do people find REAL people to marry? How does that happen?

John, you're not working out to pick-up chicks (although that's a nice by-product). You're working out to improve your mental and physical attitude. The physical exertion will not only improve your body via lifting weights, cardio, etc. but will vastly improve your mental outlook through the release of endorphins(sp?) and sense of accomplishment. Being thoroughly exhausted after pushing your body for an hour or so is a truly euphoric feeling (those endorphins again). The way you think about yourself has everything to do with how other people with think about you. Have you ever noticed how women always say they are most attracted to confidence? They are also attracted to people that like doing the same things as them.

As Zig Ziglar correctly states "You become what you think about all day long." If you think you'll be lonely (which you obviously are) guess what you'll get? If you think that all women do is dump guys, guess what kind of women you'll surround yourself with. You can have anything you want if you simply ask for it. The question is, are you asking the right questions?

One last idea. If meeting a "real" woman is a priority for you right now, do something about it. Get off your computer and go meet someone. Get shot-down 99 times. Crash and burn another 100. Think of it as a numbers game and the good news for every "no" you meet, you're one step closer to that one "yes". It's time to stop have virtual relationships.

[richieb]

I am 32. I met my wife when I was 26, I got married in 1998 in the United Kingdom and have since moved to the USA. I met my wife on the internet in the yahoo chat rooms. Before we met my life was HT, but in those days it was more Laserdisc vs VHS and Dolby pro logic. Most of my money went on videogames and the boys came round each and every night for games on mariokart.

When I was 20+ I always thought who was the one for me? I would stay indoors alot playing games and watching movies in surround sound. It attracted alot of guys round my house but none of the opposite sex. So I went onto yahoo chat rooms to find women to chat to and find out what makes them tick. Within a few months I had 2 or 3 lady companions who didnt want to lose contact. They all lived in the USA for some reason.

In essense, I got to know a few ladies, but I knew I had distance and I was not committed. It did to some extent take me further away from society, but it also felt good to know that someone was waiting for my phone call or to get on the computer. I still let the boys come in for games on mariokart, and I had my lady friends. I would go to the pub a few times a week and sit down with ladies who were drunk or tipsy and have a laugh.. you never know you might get a telephone number.

There is not a right or wrong way to find a woman. When you eventually do find a lady, you will find that you have somehow being blessed and a hoard of women with bombard you with requests to take them out. At which point you will say "sorry, im taken".. Then you will realize that they were always in the exact same boat as you were when you read this.

In the meantime, do what you enjoy most. Don't isolate yourself from society and don't be shy to dance or tell someone they look nice..

Amen.

[46minaudio]

"You become what you think about all day long."

You reckon Im going to become a bigbreasted women with a nice ass..??Two even better...

[kelsci]

Hi John; I occasionally went to Rockville Center when I lived in N.Y. Little Neck, Queens was not far from me particulaly the intersection of Hillside Ave and Litlle Neck Parkway. You might have noticed that Grand Central and No. St. Pkwy were built on a hill. Anything north of these Pkwys was rough and hilly terrain. Anything south was flat. The Parkway was the dividing line of the ice age glacier.

At this point, both of you are not married. As such both of you are free to do whatever you please. Lets say you were married. I could only think of one similar instance. I am still friends with my late girlfriends family primarily her older sister and her husband. They became grandparents a year ago and for the 2nd time, a few weeks ago. My girlfriends sister spent alot of time up in Portland Ore. where they live. She has bought a condo in Portland as well to be near the grandchildren.
Her husband has been left alone here since he is a cardiologist and has a job with Pritikin. He gets away from the job as much as he can to go to Portland. While I am sure it might get lonely for him, at the same token, he manages the situation fine. If I took your situation and was married, I would have had no qualms about letting her go to see her family if she has not scene them in 7 years. While I might feel "abandoned", it is because of love that I would not feel "that abandoned" and of course, she is my wife. I'd just fart around with the home theater and other experiments till she came back.

Her land in Fla. may be worth quite a bit depending on where it is. There is a limit to where builders can build in Fla. because this could create drinking water, sewage and a host of other problems. Current real estate in South Fla. is appreciating. New homes run close to 100G or more. In the 70s, you could get a home in the 20s. I cannot comment any more on her property since I do not know that much about developed and underdveloped property. Since Hurrican Andrew over 10years ago, homeowners insurance has skyrocked while getting less coverage for your premium.

Again as I said before, for Vegas take a good look around when you go there and see if there is potential for you. KELSCI

[John Beresford]

Hi John; I occasionally went to Rockville Center when I lived in N.Y. Little Neck, Queens was not far from me particulaly the intersection of Hillside Ave and Litlle Neck Parkway. You might have noticed that Grand Central and No. St. Pkwy were built on a hill. Anything north of these Pkwys was rough and hilly terrain. Anything south was flat. The Parkway was the dividing line of the ice age glacier.

At this point, both of you are not married. As such both of you are free to do whatever you please. Lets say you were married. I could only think of one similar instance. I am still friends with my late girlfriends family primarily her older sister and her husband. They became grandparents a year ago and for the 2nd time, a few weeks ago. My girlfriends sister spent alot of time up in Portland Ore. where they live. She has bought a condo in Portland as well to be near the grandchildren.
Her husband has been left alone here since he is a cardiologist and has a job with Pritikin. He gets away from the job as much as he can to go to Portland. While I am sure it might get lonely for him, at the same token, he manages the situation fine. If I took your situation and was married, I would have had no qualms about letting her go to see her family if she has not scene them in 7 years. While I might feel "abandoned", it is because of love that I would not feel "that abandoned" and of course, she is my wife. I'd just fart around with the home theater and other experiments till she came back.

Her land in Fla. may be worth quite a bit depending on where it is. There is a limit to where builders can build in Fla. because this could create drinking water, sewage and a host of other problems. Current real estate in South Fla. is appreciating. New homes run close to 100G or more. In the 70s, you could get a home in the 20s. I cannot comment any more on her property since I do not know that much about developed and underdveloped property. Since Hurrican Andrew over 10years ago, homeowners insurance has skyrocked while getting less coverage for your premium.

Again as I said before, for Vegas take a good look around when you go there and see if there is potential for you. KELSCI

Kel, My Good Friend,

Thanks once again for the input....just to clear one thing up, officially, she really IS still married----I didn't include that fact in the last posts, I dont think...at any rate, I met her when she was separating from eight years married to someone...her divorce still hasnt gone through, and Im with her a year already. So Im really having sex with, and dating, a married woman. So, when you say neither of you are "married," sure, not ESSENTIALLY, but in reality, she IS married to someone else; but in THIS context of which you speak, it its irrelevant....she is not married to me, nor me to her. So I see your point....

Yet still, I understand about her going to see her family for CHRISTMAS and then coming home; but New Years, too? See, her family doesnt really know how close me and her have become because she is still breaking the divorce news to them slowly and stuff; so I cant just be "thrown" into the mix or the family so quickly I suppose; but still, why couldnt she tell them she wanted to come back to spend New Years with ME? Arent I worth that? Arent significant others supposed to be together on that night? She couldnt tell them that she would want to see me that night, and quite frankly, I think she wanted to spend New Years with them instead anyway...she did this to me last year, too, by spending the night with her friend instead of me last New Years.

I went to Vegas for about four or five months a year ago to try and get a job and feel the place out, whatever...while my cousin watched my place in New York for me; I couldnt find work, but I did manage to date four women or so at almost the same time---one with three kids that I really, really liked but it didnt work out. So I came back to New York. That same cousin since got married, moved out of my apartment and I havent heard from her since. I dont know if I should give Nevada another chance.

By the way, this girl I have been dating lived right off Marathon Parkway----so yes I know the streets and hills that you speak of! She lived on Rushmore Avenue.

[kelsci]

Hi John; you were on line apparently this afternoon since you answered back so quickly. I needed to close down to do other things. I also so the "monkey wrench" in this whole affair.

You are dating a lady who is separated from her husband. That's legal. She has yet to finalize a divorce. Even if she does, there is no gurantee as to what will follow next with both your relationships.

You have known her a year. Eh, last year was the beginning of your relationship. So perhaps she really needed to know you better before spending New Years with you then. For this year, perhaps she should have COMPROMISED but it appears she did not even think of it-like being there for you at New Years. You are asking a good question; AREN'T I WORTH IT? She did not take you into consideration on her own. What really would have been good is if she had proposed that compromise. So while you may be having a good time with each other, it seems like it is on a very social aspect. I do not think your situation is unique in today's world except with those couple who really love each other. Take a look at the news when a soldier has to leave his family to go off to a foreigh country. Look at the faces of the wives when they return. From what my mother told me, in 1945 she was in the kitchen when she heard whistling. She said she flew out of the apt. in the Bronx for she knew it was my father who happened to whistle quite well. When my late girlfriend gave me one of her first big kiss, the next thing she said to me "and I can do BETTER" in a voice that resembled actress Mae West. Oh, I knew she loved me and on top of that I had a Mae West imitator. One day, there was a Mae West film on and I said to her, who does this sound like. Sheepishly she said "me".

You have indicated you tried Vegas. It sounds like you had a dating scene there but jobs are important too. I mean, how do we support ourselves w/o a job and particually the home theater habit?

Marathon Parkway sounds familar to me. Rushmore ave does not. I did try msn maps. I could not find any Marathon Parkway but there was a Rushmore Ave out in Westbury. The mapsite was not working too well either.

I think that perhaps you now have graduated to DEAR ABBY. I cannot think of anything more on this topic to help you with. It is one of the toughest things to deal with in life, but some just find it so easy but sometimes it takes years too. And if it goes bad, then you end up with Judge Judy of which the plaintiff and the defendant end up famous for being stupid if Judge Judy gives each the gavel. KELSCI

[John Beresford]

Hi John; you were on line apparently this afternoon since you answered back so quickly. I needed to close down to do other things. I also so the "monkey wrench" in this whole affair.

You are dating a lady who is separated from her husband. That's legal. She has yet to finalize a divorce. Even if she does, there is no gurantee as to what will follow next with both your relationships.

You have known her a year. Eh, last year was the beginning of your relationship. So perhaps she really needed to know you better before spending New Years with you then. For this year, perhaps she should have COMPROMISED but it appears she did not even think of it-like being there for you at New Years. You are asking a good question; AREN'T I WORTH IT? She did not take you into consideration on her own. What really would have been good is if she had proposed that compromise. So while you may be having a good time with each other, it seems like it is on a very social aspect. I do not think your situation is unique in today's world except with those couple who really love each other. Take a look at the news when a soldier has to leave his family to go off to a foreigh country. Look at the faces of the wives when they return. From what my mother told me, in 1945 she was in the kitchen when she heard whistling. She said she flew out of the apt. in the Bronx for she knew it was my father who happened to whistle quite well. When my late girlfriend gave me one of her first big kiss, the next thing she said to me "and I can do BETTER" in a voice that resembled actress Mae West. Oh, I knew she loved me and on top of that I had a Mae West imitator. One day, there was a Mae West film on and I said to her, who does this sound like. Sheepishly she said "me".

You have indicated you tried Vegas. It sounds like you had a dating scene there but jobs are important too. I mean, how do we support ourselves w/o a job and particually the home theater habit?

Marathon Parkway sounds familar to me. Rushmore ave does not. I did try msn maps. I could not find any Marathon Parkway but there was a Rushmore Ave out in Westbury. The mapsite was not working too well either.

I think that perhaps you now have graduated to DEAR ABBY. I cannot think of anything more on this topic to help you with. It is one of the toughest things to deal with in life, but some just find it so easy but sometimes it takes years too. And if it goes bad, then you end up with Judge Judy of which the plaintiff and the defendant end up famous for being stupid if Judge Judy gives each the gavel. KELSCI

Yeah, Kel, but she did the same thing to me LAST New Year's too; is that what you mean about not knowing me well enough? Last year I could understand it....but now a year later after being very intimate with me? She doesnt see it this way----she sees it as she wanted to spend all holiday with her family---well through New Year, no matter what I or anyone else said, because her parents asked her to. What could I do?

And what are you saying about my situation not being unique---are you saying chances are very slim we meet someone to REALLY love us and for us to love back? These people dont really exist? What are the chances?

[JSE]

Alright, John

You and I have not always got along in this forum buy maybe I can help. I'm honestly not trying to be mean or cold but,

Dump Her!

She obviously does not think enough about you to meet her parents and she obviously does not really care about your feelings. Why are you with her? She is still married. She could have been divorced by now if she really wanted to to. She is using you as a crutch. Why do you want to be a crutch? That's not love. I think you know this, you just see her as a companion, nothing more. The sooner you can drop her, the sooner you can move on and find "the one". Trust me, she is out there. Just gotta look.

My wife and I started dating in college 14 years ago. We started dating in August and ever since August 14 years ago, we have been together for every holiday. We made a point of it. Our parents and us spend Christmas and Thanskgiving together every year. I knew she was the one then and now. From your posts, this lady is not the one for you. Move on. If she does get divorced, she gonna have baggage. I will bet you money, after she does get divorced, she will be history. Again, I'm not trying be cold but, if YOU were the one for her, you would be in Florida right now.

Accept the fact that she is not here and make the most of it. Throw back a few cold ones and enjoy the Holidays. Go to Vegas and have fun, meet some ladies,spend some money on the machines, look for a J.O.B., whatever. Enjoy. I think it was Topspeed that said it's all about confidence. He's right. Attitude will get you everywhere.

Oh, 30 is not to old by any means. A buddy of mine just got married for the first time at 37. His wife is HOT and super cool. He definitely married up the gene pool. He never thought or worried it was too late. He always new he would find someone and he never settled for Ms. Almost.

Have a good Holiday and cheer up dude. There are a lot of women out there. After the Holidays, pick up your club and go hunting. Arrrrrg.

JaaaaaaaaaSsssss Eeeeeeeeeeee!

[Tarheel_]

a new direction i see, well i'll bite because having a wife that cannot appreciate good sound, but loves to see me excited about new equipment is nothing short of awesome.
I'm 34, been in HT since 99, and since then have spent close to 12k on audio/video gear.
Does she like my floorstanding F30s (finish doesn't match room) or 50" RPTV in her well decorated living room? No, but she tolerates it nonetheless because its my hobby and is much better than going out burning money on strippers and such.

Finding someone who accepts you is more important than finding someone who enjoys surround sound. The former will accept the latter.

Good luck and Merry Christmas to all on this board!!!

[John Beresford]

a new direction i see, well i'll bite because having a wife that cannot appreciate good sound, but loves to see me excited about new equipment is nothing short of awesome.
I'm 34, been in HT since 99, and since then have spent close to 12k on audio/video gear.
Does she like my floorstanding F30s (finish doesn't match room) or 50" RPTV in her well decorated living room? No, but she tolerates it nonetheless because its my hobby and is much better than going out burning money on strippers and such.

Finding someone who accepts you is more important than finding someone who enjoys surround sound. The former will accept the latter.

Good luck and Merry Christmas to all on this board!!!

Tar,

I have given up on the possibility of meeting a woman who would be into surround sound (although the "girlfriend" I have now likes to watch DVDs in surround with me and comment on the sound, etc; she is a DVD collector more than being into them for the sound) and now I am searching for exactly what you describe: someone to accept me for ME.

Peace be upon you and your family as well....

[kelsci]

John; I am out of anymore thoughts and suggestions for you. I must appreciate the other members of this board who posted after me(JSE, WORFSTER, ETC) of their situations and suggestions that they have given you. JSE's "crutch" theory could be what is going on here. I think you should have a good TALK with her after you and her return to New York and see where this is going. My late gal believed in COMMUNICATION within the relationship and I concurred with her from my own observations of married couples with-in my family.

I noticed one thing during my life. Usually, when I met somebody and occasionally dated, it was the girls from the midwest that were the most friendly. Do not worry about being Jewish unless you follow concervative or orthodox philosophies. I have heard of so many mix marriages that the religious factor does not seem to matter. All these couples care is having a good marriage and a good family. My late girlfriends niece's marriage is mixed and it is going fine. Both she and her husband have Doctorates and their 2nd child arrived about two weeks ago. With celebrieties, take Jerry Stiller and Ann Meara. "worked out good for them. KELSCI