The world is too ugly and cruel

[3LB]

I never got the hatred for gay people. I don't pretend to be a crusader for gay rights or have a bunch of gay friends, afaik. I don't pretend to be entirely comfortable around gay couples who are very demonstrative, but then again, I don't like public displays of affection gay or straight.

I was in a bar in Bellingham, WA right after I got out of the Navy. It was a straight bar, but in close proximitey to the college, so there was a contingency of gay and lesbian there as well. I was there with some buddies (who were still in the Navy) on a Saturday and for about the third time in the same bar, I got hit on by a guy. I wasn't offended, as this was the umpteenth time its happened to me (lots of closeted gays in the Navy). This time the dude, though younger than me (I believed) was a tad bit pushy. He was with a "couple" and those two guys were into the PDAs (I think they were also egging their young friend on - the guy eventually to me anyway). One of my buddies saw this happen and he wanted to go raise hell with these guys. He was also discusted with me because I didn't punch the guy who hit on me. On our way out, he tried to call-out the gay guys, he yelled across the bar towards the bartender, "we wouldn't have come here if we knew you let *****s in here". I got mad at him told him to chill the fvck out and shoved me and said, "a guy puts his hand on yer ass and your all smiles, but you tell me to chill?" Then he told me he didn't know I was a f*g and I was lucky I was already out of the Navy. A couple of the other guys with us were perplexed by his behavior, but didn't really admonish him either. Worse yet, the furor the dude was stirring up some of the locals who began flipping the gay guys some crap (they left before we did) That was the last time I saw any of them, and I actually had what I thght was a good friendship with a couple of them.

The point is that no one should have to withdraw into seclusion or pretend to be something they're not just too avoid maltreatment. I don't know of any heterosexual couples who've been in danger of being beaten for PDAs. I don't know any homosexual groups responsible for social attrocities or crimes against humanity. I don't get the fear.

The problem with intolerence and hatred is that when left to fester and grow with no attempt to quell or educate it, it will eventually spill over onto those who think they don't have a 'horse in that race'. Indifference fuels intolerence and neutrality is no shield; the haters don't trust anyone but themselves.

Hatecrime treatment isn't about micro-management, its about education. We need to extricate biggotry out of our society and we do that through education, because after all, we're education into biggotry in the first place.

[Hyfi]

One of my buddies saw this happen and he wanted to go raise hell with these guys. He was also discusted with me because I didn't punch the guy who hit on me. On our way out, he tried to call-out the gay guys, he yelled across the bar towards the bartender, "we wouldn't have come here if we knew you let *****s in here". I got mad at him told him to chill the fvck out and shoved me and said, "a guy puts his hand on yer ass and your all smiles, but you tell me to chill?" Then he told me he didn't know I was a f*g and I was lucky I was already out of the Navy. A couple of the other guys with us were perplexed by his behavior, but didn't really admonish him either. Worse yet, the furor the dude was stirring up some of the locals who began flipping the gay guys some crap (they left before we did) That was the last time I saw any of them, and I actually had what I thght was a good friendship with a couple of them.

This kind of behavior is typical of males who think they have to act that way to look a certain way but in most cases they are actually suppressing their own curiosity by overcompensating the macho act.

[Hyfi]

Here is another whacked issue
http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/10...at-marines-fu/

These whackos claim that all deaths in the war are Gods way of punishing us for gays.

From the link

"The father of a Marine killed in Iraq has asked the court to reinstate a $5 million judgment against the Rev. Fred Phelps and other church members who picketed his son's funeral, carrying signs saying "Thank God for Dead Soldiers" and "God Hates ***s." Phelps and his followers were not arguing that the man being buried was gay, but that war deaths are God's punishment of a country that tolerates homosexuality."

[GMichael]

This world is full of some frickin sick @ss people for sure.

[ForeverAutumn]

A friend of my put this link on his Facebook page. A beautifully written piece about growing up gay, and just a great outlook on life for anyone to subscribe to...

"Go without hate, but not without rage. Heal the world."
by David Tomlinson on Wednesday, October 6, 2010 at 2:26am

I was routinely beat up and bullied in my rural high school. Called 'faggot' and 'queer' by the bulk of my classmates, it became very clear to me that being gay was the worst thing a man could possibly be. These sentiments were echoed by my homophobic father (who flew into a rage concerning homosexuality in my teenage years, screaming that it was a mental illness and a perversion), by my church (where I was teaching Sunday School), and by the world at large. "It's humiliating to be gay," I wrote in my diary, "It's like... David's a loser, but you don't know how big of a loser he is until you know he's gay."

At 21, having finally conceded that I was queer, I vowed that I would keep it a secret, live my entire life single and die alone, as I could not come to terms with the great shame I assumed I would bring upon my family if I ever disclosed. By 25, this decision had started to crumble, and I started telling people.

The first person I told was my best friend Hillary. I sat her down, and said that I had something to tell her. She asked if I was gay, I told her no, but there was a good chance I was bisexual. She calmly laid her hand on my knee and said "No... you're gay, David. You're gay."

When I dropped the gay bomb on my apparently unsuspecting mother (she was convinced my brother was gay, not me), she sat in silence for 45 seconds, then turned and asked "How can I support you in this?"

I was very lucky to have so many incredible people so close.

My own process of coming out spilled into and defined my late twenties. As I told more and more people, there was a curious underlining fury with which I claimed my sexuality. Paul Monette's quote "Go without hate, but not without rage. Heal the world." was especially potent for me, as it perfectly encapsulated how I felt. As I moved further into my life, there was a sense of outrage at the persecution my tribe had suffered at the hands of the ignorant and the fear-ridden. I simply could not come to terms with opposing points of view which regarded me as a great perversion. I knew myself to be a man of great quality; I reasoned that the pursuit of life, love, happiness, success, adventure, evolution, discovery... they are not straight desires or gay desires, but human desires.

After spending so many years trapped in the closet, nothing was going to send me back in. Not even my career; which I suspect would have been much different were I straight. Encouraged by my improv teacher Moira Dunphy to continue tackling gay themes onstage, I publicly embraced my sexuality, was in Canada's first queer sketch duo (Glyph with the ever-awesome Lex Vaughn), and took my queer comedy into straight comedy houses. It was freeing and powerful, and since that time I have blossomed into a wonderful and fearless writer, performer, and person.

Recently, there has been a rash of suicides by gay youth across the USA and Canada. When I was a teenager, it was happening then; twenty years later, it's still happening. Queer teens are still four times as likely to kill themselves than straight teens. Where is the change? The progress? Those statistics should be dropping, no? Demonstrating a progress, an evolution of attitudes?

I live in a very cozy circle of forward-thinking advocates, rebel bohemians, artists, and activists; it's easy to think things have changed, that people are more enlightened. However, I still to this day don't have to travel very far to get slapped across the face with homophobia. It's everywhere, this prevailing attitude that because I am gay I am somehow less than. And I confess, I forgot that no matter how cool my friends are, no matter how well-adjusted I am, homophobia is still killing kids.

It's time to take action. I cannot tell you what you need to do, what action you need to take. I am struggling to find those same answers for myself. We live in a world where people just want to blend in, wear the right clothes, do the right things, make the right choices. We live in a world where homogenization is encouraged, where having a point of view is becoming a radical political act.

Maybe that's the answer; in the face of all this Orwellian beige, of these prevailing conservative attitudes, there has never been a more important time to be who you really are. To let your freak flag fly, let your differences shine. Get that tattoo. Quit your job and pursue what it is you want to do. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Love who you want to love. Be vocal. Have an opinion. Reach out. Demonstrate, showcase, and celebrate what makes you, you.

Diversity is more than sexuality. Diversity covers all our human intricacies. The more we try to erase or ignore these differences, the less human we become. To be human is to be diverse, and spectacularly so. In a diverse world, the diverse feel welcome and supported. Let us redefine and celebrate our diversity and our humanity. Let us embrace and welcome our differences.

To all the members of my tribe, young or old, to those who feel different, that they have no place, who are feeling less than wonderful, know that you are. You are each magnificent beyond measure. You are not alone. Know that the brighter you shine, the better the world is.

To those we have recently and heartbreakingly lost; I am sorry to have never met you. I am sorry your time was so short. I am sorry that you never felt embraced or valued. Most of all, I'm sorry that the world will not have the chance to revel in your magnificence any longer. You are fallen, but not forgotten.

[JohnMichael]

A friend of my put this link on his Facebook page. A beautifully written piece about growing up gay, and just a great outlook on life for anyone to subscribe to...

"Go without hate, but not without rage. Heal the world."
by David Tomlinson on Wednesday, October 6, 2010 at 2:26am

I was routinely beat up and bullied in my rural high school. Called '***got' and '*****' by the bulk of my classmates, it became very clear to me that being gay was the worst thing a man could possibly be. These sentiments were echoed by my homophobic father (who flew into a rage concerning homosexuality in my teenage years, screaming that it was a mental illness and a perversion), by my church (where I was teaching Sunday School), and by the world at large. "It's humiliating to be gay," I wrote in my diary, "It's like... David's a loser, but you don't know how big of a loser he is until you know he's gay."

At 21, having finally conceded that I was *****, I vowed that I would keep it a secret, live my entire life single and die alone, as I could not come to terms with the great shame I assumed I would bring upon my family if I ever disclosed. By 25, this decision had started to crumble, and I started telling people.

The first person I told was my best friend Hillary. I sat her down, and said that I had something to tell her. She asked if I was gay, I told her no, but there was a good chance I was bisexual. She calmly laid her hand on my knee and said "No... you're gay, David. You're gay."

When I dropped the gay bomb on my apparently unsuspecting mother (she was convinced my brother was gay, not me), she sat in silence for 45 seconds, then turned and asked "How can I support you in this?"

I was very lucky to have so many incredible people so close.

My own process of coming out spilled into and defined my late twenties. As I told more and more people, there was a curious underlining fury with which I claimed my sexuality. Paul Monette's quote "Go without hate, but not without rage. Heal the world." was especially potent for me, as it perfectly encapsulated how I felt. As I moved further into my life, there was a sense of outrage at the persecution my tribe had suffered at the hands of the ignorant and the fear-ridden. I simply could not come to terms with opposing points of view which regarded me as a great perversion. I knew myself to be a man of great quality; I reasoned that the pursuit of life, love, happiness, success, adventure, evolution, discovery... they are not straight desires or gay desires, but human desires.

After spending so many years trapped in the closet, nothing was going to send me back in. Not even my career; which I suspect would have been much different were I straight. Encouraged by my improv teacher Moira Dunphy to continue tackling gay themes onstage, I publicly embraced my sexuality, was in Canada's first ***** sketch duo (Glyph with the ever-awesome Lex Vaughn), and took my ***** comedy into straight comedy houses. It was freeing and powerful, and since that time I have blossomed into a wonderful and fearless writer, performer, and person.

Recently, there has been a rash of suicides by gay youth across the USA and Canada. When I was a teenager, it was happening then; twenty years later, it's still happening. ***** teens are still four times as likely to kill themselves than straight teens. Where is the change? The progress? Those statistics should be dropping, no? Demonstrating a progress, an evolution of attitudes?

I live in a very cozy circle of forward-thinking advocates, rebel bohemians, artists, and activists; it's easy to think things have changed, that people are more enlightened. However, I still to this day don't have to travel very far to get slapped across the face with homophobia. It's everywhere, this prevailing attitude that because I am gay I am somehow less than. And I confess, I forgot that no matter how cool my friends are, no matter how well-adjusted I am, homophobia is still killing kids.

It's time to take action. I cannot tell you what you need to do, what action you need to take. I am struggling to find those same answers for myself. We live in a world where people just want to blend in, wear the right clothes, do the right things, make the right choices. We live in a world where homogenization is encouraged, where having a point of view is becoming a radical political act.

Maybe that's the answer; in the face of all this Orwellian beige, of these prevailing conservative attitudes, there has never been a more important time to be who you really are. To let your freak flag fly, let your differences shine. Get that tattoo. Quit your job and pursue what it is you want to do. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Love who you want to love. Be vocal. Have an opinion. Reach out. Demonstrate, showcase, and celebrate what makes you, you.

Diversity is more than sexuality. Diversity covers all our human intricacies. The more we try to erase or ignore these differences, the less human we become. To be human is to be diverse, and spectacularly so. In a diverse world, the diverse feel welcome and supported. Let us redefine and celebrate our diversity and our humanity. Let us embrace and welcome our differences.

To all the members of my tribe, young or old, to those who feel different, that they have no place, who are feeling less than wonderful, know that you are. You are each magnificent beyond measure. You are not alone. Know that the brighter you shine, the better the world is.

To those we have recently and heartbreakingly lost; I am sorry to have never met you. I am sorry your time was so short. I am sorry that you never felt embraced or valued. Most of all, I'm sorry that the world will not have the chance to revel in your magnificence any longer. You are fallen, but not forgotten.

ForeverAutumn thank you so much for posting "Go without hate, but not without rage.Heal the world". I needed so much to read something positive and uplifting today. My heart and soul thank you!

[JohnMichael]

Keith Haring’s illustration for National Coming Out Day (Source:Keith Haring)National Coming Out Day was hailed as an essential day of recognition and support in the wake of a rash of GLTB youth suicides.

An Oct. 11 article at Syracuse.com traced the day’s beginnings to 23 years ago, in 1987. The day was initially meant to bolster GLBT visibility and mutual support in the face of the ongoing AIDS crisis. In 1987, an article about National Coming Out Day that is posted at the Human Rights Campaign’s website says, the NAMES Project Quilt was shown for the first time. The quilt is a giant textile made from individual panels that bear the names of AIDS victims. The date for National Coming Out Day commemorates the date of the 1987 March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.

But this year’s observance in the LGBT community of National Coming Out Day, which is commemorated each Oct. 11, unfolds against an equally grim background: a plethora of suicides by gay teenagers who were reportedly the victims of anti-gay bullying and harassment.

"Coincidentally, today’s annual celebration falls one day after Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino stated his opposition to same-sex marriage during a speech before Orthodox Jewish leaders in Brooklyn," the article notes.

Paladino, a Catholic, cited the teachings of his faith on Oct. 11 in defending comments he had made the previous day to an audience in a Brooklyn synagogue. Paladino said that children should not be "brainwashed" at school into thinking that to be gay is okay.

On Oct. 11, Paladino backpedaled, saying on television that he has no problem with gays, outside of his conviction that marriage should be reserved as a special right for heterosexuals. Paladino also echoed the Catholic tenet that homosexuality is an inborn, innate characteristic and not a "choice," although acts of same-sex physical intimacy are condemned by the church as "inherently evil."

GLBT equality groups have condemned such rhetoric as possibly being a catalyst for tragedies in which GLBT youths kill themselves.

Suyracuse.com reported that Syracuse University’s LGBT Resource Center had scheduled films and discussions to address the topic of GLBT youth and their plight in the homophobic culture of many high schools, and American culture at large.

Similarly, film screenings and other events were scheduled to take place at Colorado College in Colorado Springs., Colo., noted local newspaper the Colorado Springs Independent in an Oct. 11 article. The newspaper noted that Coming Out Day is "a day not just for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning individuals to speak out about who they are, but also a day for allies to step up and be active voices." The article also addressed the role of affirming churches and people of faith: "With the large percentage of religious organizations in Colorado Springs, the topic is certainly worth discussing," the article said.

Colorado Springs is home to anti-gay organizations such as Focus on the Family and the Family Research Institute, but students at the college planned assorted activities in honor of National Coming Out Day, including a "Spiritual Journeys Luncheon" at the office of the school’s chaplain, and an "Ally Workshop."

Moreover, college GLBT equality group EQUAL volunteered to make videos of anyone wishing to record a supportive video message aimed at reassuring gay teens that might be contemplating suicide. The videos were meant to be shown to local support groups and possibly added to the "It Gets Better" project, a series of messages posted at YouTube in which celebrities and everyday people, gay and straight alike, appeal to gay youths not to despair.

The Village Voice offered a selection of personal stories in observance of National Coming Out Day. Among those contributing brief essays about their own coming out stories are Village Voice columnist Michael Musto, ***** Rising founding member Jake Goodman, and New York Times web producer Mekado Murphy.

[TheHills44060]

All this talk I hear about bullying in the media and whether or not it should be a crime makes me puke. At some point you have to take a stand for yourself and if it means kicking some ass than do it. Legislation is not intended to micromanage our lives.

Agreed 100%...

It works both ways. Bullies can be just as troubled as the bullied and commit suicide as well. Hell it happened in my school. Either way all this media about it is stupid.

[JohnMichael]

Agreed 100%...

It works both ways. Bullies can be just as troubled as the bullied and commit suicide as well. Hell it happened in my school. Either way all this media about it is stupid.

The media is covering an ongoing social problem that is costing young lives. The info from the media is educating parents and the public about the many ways children can be bullied. I guess if the media coverage is stupid then you want the bullying to continue.

[GMichael]

I plan to have my little girl learn martial arts. I know what it’s like to be the smallest in the class. I was only 120 pounds when I graduated HS. Bullies love to pick on the small ones. And Wifey is only 4’7”. Poor baby will need some help to be confident enough to stand up for herself.

[ForeverAutumn]

Agreed 100%...

It works both ways. Bullies can be just as troubled as the bullied and commit suicide as well. Hell it happened in my school. Either way all this media about it is stupid.

All the more reason to bring it to the forefront and deal with it. Brushing it under the rug as silly or stupid doesn't help anybody.

[Hyfi]

All the more reason to bring it to the forefront and deal with it. Brushing it under the rug as silly or stupid doesn't help anybody.

Maybe the real shame is that we even need media coverage about something that has been going on for how many years now?

Maybe we wouldn't need media coverage out the wazoo if parents actually paid some attention to their own children and their lives.

I was the victim of a bullying incident when I was pretty young. I finally snapped and took the kid out. He was bigger and stronger but not quite as mad. He never bothered me or anyone else I know of after that.

Legislation will not force parents and families to communicate, be aware of their surroundings, and deal with matters at hand when they come up.

More government and less personal responsibility is never the answer.

[TheHills44060]

...I guess if the media coverage is stupid then you want the bullying to continue.

OMG listen to yourself...that is an asinine statement. Do you really think I approve of bullying? Of course i don't.

I have been the victim of bully's, i have bullied others myself, i have stood up for the bullied, i have watched my friends bully others and done nothing about it. It goes on everyday in every school and every kid has to deal with it in one way or another.

All the more reason to bring it to the forefront and deal with it. Brushing it under the rug as silly or stupid doesn't help anybody.

I don't think brushing it under the rug is what i mean. My point is that bullying and suicides happen everyday. I think randomly deciding which tragedies to cover is stupid. I don't know what made this kid worthy of having a nationally covered story, cuz he way gay? who knows...

More government and less personal responsibility is never the answer.

Amen!

[Hyfi]

Has anyone mentioned the OTHER guy in the video?

Why did he not jump? They were both victims of the same bullying yet one handled it and one didn't.

I'm not belittling what happened but where is all the attention for the other victim in the video?

[JohnMichael]

Maybe the real shame is that we even need media coverage about something that has been going on for how many years now?

Maybe we wouldn't need media coverage out the wazoo if parents actually paid some attention to their own children and their lives.

I was the victim of a bullying incident when I was pretty young. I finally snapped and took the kid out. He was bigger and stronger but not quite as mad. He never bothered me or anyone else I know of after that.

Legislation will not force parents and families to communicate, be aware of their surroundings, and deal with matters at hand when they come up.

More government and less personal responsibility is never the answer.

I think the point many are missing is this is not one on one bullying. This issue involves a large number of classmates are turning against one student. Now a days there is no safe place. They bully with text messages, e-mail, etc and 24 hours a day. These young people have no peace. If the victim is gay they will be less likely to seek help.

[Hyfi]

I think the point many are missing is this is not one on one bullying. This issue involves a large number of classmates are turning against one student. Now a days there is no safe place. They bully with text messages, e-mail, etc and 24 hours a day. These young people have no peace. If the victim is gay they will be less likely to seek help.

And again I point to the family, parents, open communication, and being aware of your surroundings.

If the parents never noticed any tendencies as their children grow up, they are not paying enough attention. It's not hard to spot.

If they see it and choose to ignore it because they are embarrassed or don't except it, shame on them.

The main issue at hand is that ALL peoples choices should be respected and tolerated by everyone AND the CHURCH, who controls what people think as well as a lot of what is in the media.

When you have an organization as large as organized religion telling everyone that an all loving god will strike you down for being whoever you were born, there is a bigger problem than bullying going on.

[JohnMichael]

Has anyone mentioned the OTHER guy in the video?

Why did he not jump? They were both victims of the same bullying yet one handled it and one didn't.

I'm not belittling what happened but where is all the attention for the other victim in the video?

The other young man may have been out and comfortable with his sexual orientation. He may not have been a student and so was not feeling victimized. Too many variables to know.

[Hyfi]

The other young man may have been out and comfortable with his sexual orientation. He may not have been a student and so was not feeling victimized. Too many variables to know.

He should at least get a mention as he was also victimized no matter what his comfort level may have been.

[JohnMichael]

It goes on everyday in every school and every kid has to deal with it in one way or another.



Amen!

Then let us do nothing. Let the children suffer, kill themselves and family and friends mourn.

[Hyfi]

Then let us do nothing. Let the children suffer, kill themselves and family and friends mourn.

The something that needs to be done is that parents start taking full responsibility for the beings that they bring into this world.

Children don't ask to be born. ( I got many a backhand to the face for that one too )

[TheHills44060]

Then let us do nothing. Let the children suffer, kill themselves and family and friends mourn.

People of all age ranges from all walks of life kill themselves...not just children and young people. Hmmm does your statement mean you approve of suicide as long as they aren't children!?!? Now you see how stupid your earlier remark to me was...you need to take off your blinders man.

[JohnMichael]

The something that needs to be done is that parents start taking full responsibility for the beings that they bring into this world.

Children don't ask to be born. ( I got many a backhand to the face for that one too )

Again I say the media is needed to educate the parents as to what to watch for and how the children can be bullied. We have had much media coverage about bullied students who bring guns to school and blow the bullies away. Media brought attention to this problem and now it has lessened the number of incidents. If the media attention saves just one young life it will be worth it.

[JohnMichael]

People of all age ranges from all walks of life kill themselves...not just children and young people. Hmmm does your statement mean you approve of suicide as long as they aren't children!?!? Now you see how stupid your earlier remark to me was...you need to take off your blinders man.

This thread has been and will continue to be about bullying. The suicides I am discussing are about victims of bullying. Victims who are not mature and do not have a strong sense of self.

[Hyfi]

Again I say the media is needed to educate the parents as to what to watch for and how the children can be bullied. We have had much media coverage about bullied students who bring guns to school and blow the bullies away. Media brought attention to this problem and now it has lessened the number of incidents. If the media attention saves just one young life it will be worth it.

And if people keep pumping out children who they don't plan to pay any attention to, media coverage won't do much.

Why do adults need media coverage to tell them that bullying exists. Was it non-existent when they grew up? I don't think so.

The bottom line is people keep pumping out babies with no thought about how to properly raise them. How to pay attention to them. How to pick up on signs that are smacking them in the face daily.

I'm not going to say that there should be no media coverage as it is indeed news and we all know people watch the news to see the puddles of blood, the shell casings in the street, the yellow police tape and so on. So of course they want to hear all the bad news, maybe it helps them feel better knowing others are worse off.

Bottom line is people, adults and parents have to start taking full responsibility for their own actions, which include bringing helpless and defenseless children into the world.

My parents knew where I was, who I was with, what I was doing (for the most part). My mother would show up to see if I was actually where I said I was. Most parents don't even know where there kids are or if they are at home or not. As long as they don't have to do anything they don't care. That is until something like this happens and then it's "I had no clue little johnny was having problems in school". Yeah right, pay some attention once in a while and it would have been obvious.

[JohnMichael]

And if people keep pumping out children who they don't plan to pay any attention to, media coverage won't do much.

Why do adults need media coverage to tell them that bullying exists. Was it non-existent when they grew up? I don't think so.

The bottom line is people keep pumping out babies with no thought about how to properly raise them. How to pay attention to them. How to pick up on signs that are smacking them in the face daily.

I'm not going to say that there should be no media coverage as it is indeed news and we all know people watch the news to see the puddles of blood, the shell casings in the street, the yellow police tape and so on. So of course they want to hear all the bad news, maybe it helps them feel better knowing others are worse off.

Bottom line is people, adults and parents have to start taking full responsibility for their own actions, which include bringing helpless and defenseless children into the world.

My parents knew where I was, who I was with, what I was doing (for the most part). My mother would show up to see if I was actually where I said I was. Most parents don't even know where there kids are or if they are at home or not. As long as they don't have to do anything they don't care. That is until something like this happens and then it's "I had no clue little johnny was having problems in school". Yeah right, pay some attention once in a while and it would have been obvious.

I had a very attentive mother but I was a good actor. The last thing I wanted her to know was that I was being bullied because I was gay. I had read about families rejecting their children when they learned they were gay. Being spit on, punched and verbally abused at every class change by multiple students made for many lousy years at school. I considered suicide. She was a single mother and I did not want her to worry about me with all the other things she had to worry about. Secrets and more concern for her kept me trapped. No one at the school ever tried to help even though it was obvious what was happening. When adults witness abuse and do nothing that is a very negative message to the victim.