New jokes, old jokes, all jokes

[GMichael]

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.

The first one says "Windy, isn't it?"

Second guy says "No, it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

The three wise men?

[GMichael]

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood !

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.


20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Damn!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Damn! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer

Now, admit it. At least one of these made you SMILE !!!!!!!!!!

[markw]

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year Eve Party. We turned on a night-light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat that we had just put out in the back yard, scoots right back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit, My wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night so she tells the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away.

"That stupid sum***** was hiding under the bed! I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

[GMichael]

First Time Sex



A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday

night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces

to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like

to go out and make love for the first time .

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to

get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his

first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about
an

hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know
about

condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks


the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack,
10-pack, or

family pack. The boy insists on the family pack
because he

thinks he will be rather bu s y, it being his first time
and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm
so

excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner

table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy

quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in

prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and
still

no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes

with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and
whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea

your father was a pharmacist."

[markw]

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.

He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Nooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Nooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of
Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder...." St.

Peter said, "Verrrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter."

[GMichael]

I used to work for a large company, they often did special things for us to make work a little more enjoyable, below is a memo I found in my desk today thought I would pass it on.

Casual Day Memo No. 1: Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.

Memo No. 2: Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Memo No. 3: Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Memo No. 4: A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m., Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Memo No. 5: As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper dress.

Memo No. 6: The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the "home casual" versus "business casual" checklist before leaving for work each Friday. If you have doubts about the appropriateness of an item of clothing, contact your CDTF representative before 7 a.m. on Friday.

Memo No. 7: Because of lack of participation, Casual Day has been discontinued, effective immediately.

[markw]

...shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

“No, just Arthritis."

[GMichael]

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what
could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my
wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My
wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I
ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't
know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always
walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she
has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a
taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and
she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again
and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep
down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out
again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motorcycle next to the
garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole
street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my
Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be
leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks,

Bob

[markw]

An English explorer decided to explore the mountains of Africa. Before his team went into the jungle, the guide told them about the Yeti.

"You must never go near the Yeti," he told them. "It is a very mean creature, but there is one thing worse then meeting a Yeti, and that is to touch it. For if you touch a Yeti, it will chase you to the ends of the earth and it will not stop until it catches you."

With that warning, the guide led them into the jungle. When it was too dark to go any farther, they made their camp, had dinner, and went to sleep. In the middle of the night our English explorer (we'll call him Throckmorton) heard something outside his tent.

He peeked out of his sleeping bag and saw something horrible. It was the silhouette of the Yeti! And it was coming straight toward his tent! Throckmorton was frozen to the spot as the shape started to unzip the tent. He panicked and did something very stupid. He ran straight out the door of the tent, and in doing so CRASHED INTO THE YETI.

It screeched and followed Throckmorton as he ran down the mountain. Throckmorton jumped into a car and drove to the nearest airport, charged at the closest plane heading for England, and went home.

Two weeks after the adventure in Africa, Throckmorton was out for an early-morning walk when he saw the Yeti coming up the road! He took off in the other direction, grabbed a bicycle, and rode away as fast as he could go. He came to a car rental place and rented one, and took off again. After he had gone a hundred miles or so he stopped to look behind him. There was the Yeti, still following him!

Throckmorton drove as fast as he could until he came to an airport. He hopped on the first plane leaving. It happened to be going to Ireland. He got to Ireland, hopped on another bike, and rode until the handlebars fell off. He stopped to look behind him and saw… the Yeti. It was STILL following him!

Throckmorton broke out in a run. He ran until the sweat was pouring off him. He ran straight out onto the moor. He ran until he was so pooped he couldn't move. He looked to see if the Yeti was still following him. It was.

There was nowhere to go so Throckmorton just stood there. He made up his mind to give up. He turned and faced the Yeti bravely.

The Yeti stopped right in front of him and grinned. It reached out its hairy arm and poked Throckmorton in the chest.

"TAG! YOU'RE IT!" it shouted, and ran off in the other direction.

[GMichael]

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.

Dogs shed, cats shred.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

Women and cats will do as they please... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

[GMichael]

A man appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter
asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I picked
out the largest and most heavily tattooed biker, punched him on the
nose, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, then told him, "Now, leave her alone or things are really going to get really ugly!"
St. Peter was impressed and asked "When did this happen?"
"About ten minutes ago."

[JohnMichael]

A very frustrated blond calls her boyfriend and tells him she bought a puzzle and does not know how to start it.

He asks what is it supposed to look like when it is finished?

She tells him a tiger.

He says he is on his way over to help.

When he arrives she takes him to the table where all the pieces are laid out.

He takes her by the hand and leads her to the couch. He makes her a cup of tea and then explains that no matter how hard they try they will not be able to make a tiger. Very patiently he tells her that after she finishes the tea they will put the Frosted Flakes back in the box.

[GMichael]

Many years ago, I had a job at a local bar making drinks. The days were usually very mellow. A few regulars were all I'd see for weeks.
One day, I got a treat. Five hot blondes walked in laughing and touching each other. They came up to the bar and asked for 5 bottles of Champaign and 10 glasses. Not wanting to put them off, I gave them what they asked for. They sat at the large table in the corner and started pouring Champaign into the ten glasses. All the while they kept laughing and saying, "42 days." A few minutes later, 4 more even hotter blondes came in and joined them. A burst of laughter came out and they started shouting, "42 days!" Over and over. 42 DAYS... 42 DAYS... 42 DAYS....
Then the door swung open again. There in the door was the hottest blonde ever. She was holding some kind of picture in her hands with a gold frame around it. The others screamed out, "42 DAYS!!!!!" and they all started laughing and dancing around. Clinking glasses and shouting out loud. The chanting continued, 42 DAYS!!!!!" 42 DAYS!!!!!" 42 DAYS!!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I walked up to the last blonde. She sipped her glass and then looked me in the eyes and whispered, "42 days" to me. She giggled and took another sip. Before she could start up again, I asked her, "So what's up with this 42 days thing?" She almost spit up in her glass as she began to laugh. "Can you believe it" she said. 42 days! Then she settled down a bit and started telling me the story. They were all very tired of all the stupid blonde jokes. So they got together to come up with a way to prove that they were really much smarter than anyone gave them credit for. After a few days of thought, they came up with this. She shows me the picture. It was a 12" by 24" puzzle of the Cookie Monster. I said, "Huh?" She went on to say that the box this came in said 2-4 years and they were able to put it together in just 42 days. They all burst into laughter and the chanting started up again. I got myself a glass and joined them.

[Dusty Chalk]

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want th eir hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[GMichael]

The Top 5 Men in a Woman's life are:

1. Doctor.
2. Dentist
3. Coal man.
4. Decorator.
5. Bank manager.

A Doctor says to take off your clothes.
A Dentist says open wide.
A Coal man asks "where do you want it, front or back?"
A Decorator says "how do you like it now that it’s up?"
A Bank manager says "don’t take it out you’ll lose interest"!

[GMichael]

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your job is interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?? I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth ... now THAT'S a drinking problem!
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
Every woman you see has an exact twin.
You fall off the floor.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger -- forget dinner!
The glass keeps missing your mouth.
Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
Mosquitoes catch a buzz* after biting you.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.
"Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
"BeerTender! Get me another Bar!"

[markw]

Three guys died in an accident and went to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!"

So they entered heaven and sure enough, there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally stepped on one.

Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman".

The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn't miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.

The third guy had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any duck. But one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word.

The guy remarked, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity"?

She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck"!

[GMichael]

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big
" everything under the roof" department store looking for a job.

The manger says, " Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
"You start tomommow. I'll come down after we close and see how you
did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says just "one".
The boss says "Just one?" Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers
a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101,237.65".
The boss says "101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
medium fishhook, then I sold him larger fishhook. Then I sold him a
new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishin and he
said down the coast, so i told him he was going to need a boat, so
so we went down to the boat department and I sold a twin engine
Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automative department and sold him
that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold
him a BOAT and TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife,
and I said,

"Dude, your weekend's shot you should go fishin.'

[GMichael]

A women in her late 40's goes into a doctor's office. She explains to him that her husband doesn't seem to have any drive left in him. It's been many months since the last time they, "you know." The doctor said, you're in luck. We have this new pill. Just put one in his morning coffee and you'll get all the "you know" that you can handle later that night. The woman's eyes lit up and she took the prescription to have it filled that day. The next morning, she slipped one in his coffee. Later that night, he was very affectionate. No "you know" but still much more than she had been getting. The next morning she slipped 2 into his coffee. Later that day it happened. She got her "you know." But it only lasted a minute or two. She wanted more. The next morning she dumped the rest of the bottle into his coffee. Later that day, the doctor called to see how they were doing. "How are we doing?!" said their son, "I'll tell ya how we're doing!" Mom is dead. Sis left home. My butt hurts. And now dad is out in the bushes stark naked going, "here kitty kitty, here kitty kitty."

[Luvin Da Blues]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my G~d!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um...
equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long!!!"

Mrs. Smith fainted!!

[Justlisten2]

A gas station owner in Alabama was trying to increase his sales so he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck named Billy-Bob pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, and if he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. Billy-Bob guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no free sex this time."

A week later Billy-Bob stopped in with his twin brother, Bubba, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number.....Billy-Bob guessed 2 this time...The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away Billy-Bob said, "Bubba, I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex. "

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy-Bob. It ain't rigged. My girlfriend won twice last week."

[GMichael]

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr
old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see
while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she
was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was
born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his
bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for
her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what
she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his a** again!"

[JohnMichael]

Life could always be worse.

You could be siamese twins.

Your brother could be gay.

His boyfriend could be on the way over,
and you share an a$$hole.

[GMichael]

Life could always be worse.

You could be siamese twins.

Your brother could be gay.

His boyfriend could be on the way over,
and you share an a$$hole.

Is SVI his BF?

[GMichael]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let`s talk. I`ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?" Oh, I don`t know", said the stranger. “How about nuclear power?" "OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet, a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea," The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don`t know sh*t?"