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  1. #1
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    ----- In Honor of Stupid People . . .

    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.


    On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
    (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

    ==============================


    On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    (the shoplifter special?)


    ============================


    On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
    (and that would be???....)




    ============================




    On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
    (but, it's just a suggestion.)


    ============================


    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
    (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

    =============================


    On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
    (...and you thought????...)


    ============================


    On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
    (but wouldn't this save me time?)


    ==============================


    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)


    =============================


    On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    (...I'm taking this because???....)

    ==============================



    On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    (as opposed to what?)

    =============================


    On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
    (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

    ==============================



    On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
    (talk about a news flash)

    =============================


    On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
    (Step 3: say what?)

    =============================



    On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

    ===========================


    On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

    ===========================
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  2. #2
    If you can't run-walk. Bernd's Avatar
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    Hi,

    Saw a cigarette lighter that said" Extinguish flame before putting in pocket."
    That brings me to smoking. Don't you think it's strange that people smoke when they know that it will do them harm. Now that's proof.

    Peace

    Bernd
    "Let The Earth Bear Witness."

  3. #3
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Yeah, I've seen that on Bic lighters back when I still smoked.
    Maybe the warning label on cigarettes should be changed to, "warning: we have determined that you are too stupid to live. So light up, we're eliminating you slowly."
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  4. #4
    If you can't run-walk. Bernd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    Yeah, I've seen that on Bic lighters back when I still smoked.
    Maybe the warning label on cigarettes should be changed to, "warning: we have determined that you are too stupid to live. So light up, we're eliminating you slowly."
    STOP IT NOW! I have tears in my eyes. You can just picture it an IQ ID card to allow you to smoke.

    Peace

    Bernd
    "Let The Earth Bear Witness."

  5. #5
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernd
    STOP IT NOW! I have tears in my eyes. You can just picture it an IQ ID card to allow you to smoke.

    Peace

    Bernd
    Security: Excuse me sir, do you have ID to smoke that?
    Fool: Herrrrrrre's my sign!
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  6. #6
    If you can't run-walk. Bernd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    Security: Excuse me sir, do you have ID to smoke that?
    Fool: Herrrrrrre's my sign!
    You got it.

    Here Sir, please slip on this comfortable jacket and take a seat in the newly padded Smoking Room.

    Peace

    bernd
    "Let The Earth Bear Witness."

  7. #7
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernd
    You got it.

    Here Sir, please slip on this comfortable jacket and take a seat in the newly padded Smoking Room.

    Peace

    bernd
    Hey, it's nice in here. Who's the old guy slumped over in the corner?
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  8. #8
    Super Moderator Site Moderator JohnMichael's Avatar
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    Yes the world is dumbing down. Each warning on a package is the result of a frivolous law suit. Who would have thought that you should not put hot coffee between your thighs when driving. Also that you need to warn people that a dry cleaner plastic bag is not a toy. I would also hate to tell you how many men lose their wives vibrator in their rectum because they get curious about how it would feel and don't know not to push it in too far. This happened too many times in my 15 years in healthcare. I thought GMichael could write a warning to appear on the side of the vibrator.
    JohnMichael
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  9. #9
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnMichael
    Yes the world is dumbing down. Each warning on a package is the result of a frivolous law suit. Who would have thought that you should not put hot coffee between your thighs when driving. Also that you need to warn people that a dry cleaner plastic bag is not a toy. I would also hate to tell you how many men lose their wives vibrator in their rectum because they get curious about how it would feel and don't know not to push it in too far. This happened too many times in my 15 years in healthcare. I thought GMichael could write a warning to appear on the side of the vibrator.
    OK, here goes,

    Caution: Do not shove this up your a$$ so far that your throat begins to vibrate. A good rule of thumb (heh heh, no pun) is to stop pushing when your fingers start to get wet.

    How's that?
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  10. #10
    If you can't run-walk. Bernd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    Hey, it's nice in here. Who's the old guy slumped over in the corner?
    Where? Can't see him with all that smoke in here.Is there a fire? Who else is in here?

    Bernd
    "Let The Earth Bear Witness."

  11. #11
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernd
    Where? Can't see him with all that smoke in here. Who else is in here?

    Bernd
    Oops, I dropped my lighter. Where is it now? I knew I should have left it lit. Hope no one sneeks up behind me.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  12. #12
    If you can't run-walk. Bernd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    Oops, I dropped my lighter. Where is it now? I knew I should have left it lit. Hope no one sneeks up behind me.
    This feels like a plastic cucumber and is that you bending over?
    "Let The Earth Bear Witness."

  13. #13
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnMichael
    Yes the world is dumbing down. Each warning on a package is the result of a frivolous law suit. Who would have thought that you should not put hot coffee between your thighs when driving. Also that you need to warn people that a dry cleaner plastic bag is not a toy. I would also hate to tell you how many men lose their wives vibrator in their rectum because they get curious about how it would feel and don't know not to push it in too far. This happened too many times in my 15 years in healthcare. I thought GMichael could write a warning to appear on the side of the vibrator.
    Sears lawn mowers come with a warning not to put your hands where the blades are. And there's even a cute little picture of fingers getting chopped off for people who can't read, or don't read English.

    Maybe vibraters should come with a rope attached to the back so you could pull them back out.

    SlurrrrPOP! Ahhhh.. much better.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  14. #14
    If you can't run-walk. Bernd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    Sears lawn mowers come with a warning not to put your hands where the blades are. And there's even a cute little picture of fingers getting chopped off for people who can't read, or don't read English.

    Maybe vibraters should come with a rope attached to the back so you could pull them back out.

    SlurrrrPOP! Ahhhh.. much better.

    Guys I am going for a smoke. See you tomorrow.

    Bernd
    "Let The Earth Bear Witness."

  15. #15
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernd
    This feels like a plastic cucumber and is that you bending over?

    Nope, I'm over here. Maybe that's JM. Feel around. Is there a handle on his back for rough rides?
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  16. #16
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernd
    Guys I am going for a smoke. See you tomorrow.

    Bernd
    WAIT! You forgot your sign. You wouldn't want to lose that.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  17. #17
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glen B
    Are you referring to the old McDonald's lawsuit or latest one ? In the news recently there was another lawsuit pending over hot coffee purchased from a Wendy's drive-thru. A woman passenger was burnt when one of two cups of coffee in one of those cardboard takeout trays spilled in her lap. The victim claims a Wendy's employee did not put the lid on the cup properly and she was burnt because the coffee was too hot. Duh ! When you buy coffee, what college degree does it take to ensure the lid is on tight, especially when you're in a moving vehicle that can accelerate or stop suddenly ?
    Some coffee (used to be all) is made by boiling water. Water boils at 212F (or 100C).
    I remember when the first women was suing McD's. I was laughing about it at work one day when a coworker (with a PHD no less) blurted out, "the coffee was over 160F, that's way too hot for coffee." I almost spit up my lunch.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  18. #18
    Da Dragonball Kid L.J.'s Avatar
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    Interesting thread. I must say people are pretty stupid. A little bit of common sense goes a looooong way.

  19. #19
    Can a crooner get a gig? dean_martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnMichael
    Yes the world is dumbing down. Each warning on a package is the result of a frivolous law suit. Who would have thought that you should not put hot coffee between your thighs when driving.
    I'm not trying to pick a fight or start a debate. In fact, I found this topic humorous. Here are a couple of links that explain the infamous McDonalds hot coffee case in a little more detail. The snopes.com page addresses a slightly different topic and I don't agree with everything said there, but it does provide a synopsis of the coffee case and includes the other link I'm including here. Again, I ain't tryin' to start somethin'. I made a promise to myself that I would stand up for my profession (trial lawyer) by providing more information when necessary. We take a lot of abuse as a profession. Much of it is attributable to propaganda not based on fact. Our civil justice system has its flaws, but those flaws should be addressed in the manner that least affects our right to a trial by jury in civil cases.

    http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

    http://caoc.com/CA/index.cfm?event=showPage&pg=facts

  20. #20
    Super Moderator Site Moderator JohnMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dean_martin
    I'm not trying to pick a fight or start a debate. In fact, I found this topic humorous. Here are a couple of links that explain the infamous McDonalds hot coffee case in a little more detail. The snopes.com page addresses a slightly different topic and I don't agree with everything said there, but it does provide a synopsis of the coffee case and includes the other link I'm including here. Again, I ain't tryin' to start somethin'. I made a promise to myself that I would stand up for my profession (trial lawyer) by providing more information when necessary. We take a lot of abuse as a profession. Much of it is attributable to propaganda not based on fact. Our civil justice system has its flaws, but those flaws should be addressed in the manner that least affects our right to a trial by jury in civil cases.

    http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

    http://caoc.com/CA/index.cfm?event=showPage&pg=facts
    My comments were not aimed at attorneys but at people doing foolish things and then wanting someone else to be made responsible for their lack of judgement. You are hired to represent your client. Doctors are hired to remove vibrators.
    JohnMichael
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  21. #21
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dean_martin
    I'm not trying to pick a fight or start a debate. In fact, I found this topic humorous. Here are a couple of links that explain the infamous McDonalds hot coffee case in a little more detail. The snopes.com page addresses a slightly different topic and I don't agree with everything said there, but it does provide a synopsis of the coffee case and includes the other link I'm including here. Again, I ain't tryin' to start somethin'. I made a promise to myself that I would stand up for my profession (trial lawyer) by providing more information when necessary. We take a lot of abuse as a profession. Much of it is attributable to propaganda not based on fact. Our civil justice system has its flaws, but those flaws should be addressed in the manner that least affects our right to a trial by jury in civil cases.

    http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

    http://caoc.com/CA/index.cfm?event=showPage&pg=facts
    How are we supposed to have fun if you keep mucking things up with facts? Geez. I mean, really.

    I think there is enough blame to go around. But there have been a few suites that should never have been. What about the one lawyer trying to bring a suit against McD's for selling fattening food? Thank heaven that was thrown out. Why does Bic have that warning on their lighters? Sears on their mowers?
    I think we need a "give me a break" clause. When suits like these come to court, the judge should be able to say, "give me a break" and throw it out.
    I know this is not a practical answer, but it sure is funny. Hope you don't mind.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  22. #22
    Can a crooner get a gig? dean_martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnMichael
    My comments were not aimed at attorneys but at people doing foolish things and then wanting someone else to be made responsible for their lack of judgement. You are hired to represent your client. Doctors are hired to remove vibrators.
    I see your point of view. It's interesting. Most of the flack I'm exposed to comes from the mouths of politicians. These politicians blame trial lawyers for bringing "frivolous" lawsuits. Real people, however, focus on the individual party.

    Anyway, I thought your pronouncement that "Each warning on a package is the result of a frivolous law suit" was a wee bit too broad and deserving of a retort. But now I realize it could have just as well been hyperbole. My apologies and I hope I never have to present to my doctor with that particular problem.

  23. #23
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dean_martin
    I see your point of view. It's interesting. Most of the flack I'm exposed to comes from the mouths of politicians. These politicians blame trial lawyers for bringing "frivolous" lawsuits. Real people, however, focus on the individual party.

    Anyway, I thought your pronouncement that "Each warning on a package is the result of a frivolous law suit" was a wee bit too broad and deserving of a retort. But now I realize it could have just as well been hyperbole. My apologies and I hope I never have to present to my doctor with that particular problem.
    Hyperbole? Now you stop that.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  24. #24
    Can a crooner get a gig? dean_martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    How are we supposed to have fun if you keep mucking things up with facts? Geez. I mean, really.

    I think there is enough blame to go around. But there have been a few suites that should never have been. What about the one lawyer trying to bring a suit against McD's for selling fattening food? Thank heaven that was thrown out. Why does Bic have that warning on their lighters? Sears on their mowers?
    I think we need a "give me a break" clause. When suits like these come to court, the judge should be able to say, "give me a break" and throw it out.
    I know this is not a practical answer, but it sure is funny. Hope you don't mind.
    Most warnings on products are governed by federal regulations, although there are plenty of lawsuits over the adequacy of some product warnings. GM, I think this topic is funny too. I just felt like speaking up when JM hyperbolized that all product warnings are due to frivolous lawsuits.

    About the obesity lawsuit - that was a law professor and his students that filed that lawsuit against several fast food chains. It was thrown out. People have tried to use the courts to implement social change for many years. Most of the time they fail because it's not the right place. I have found it interesting though that after that lawsuit McDs announced it was going to use a different type of oil for its fries and that it was going to provide more nutritional information for the items on its menu.

    Most of the time the courts get it right and weed out suspect claims. Judges are authorized to award the other side their costs for having to defend these claims. I get suspiscious of knee-jerk reactions that include legislation banning these types of claims when the courts can take care of them. What if you get food poisoning, HIV/AIDS or hepatitis from a fast food place, but find you can't sue them because a law was passed banning lawsuits against fast food places for the quality of their food?

    As for the warnings on the BIC lighter and the Sears mower, I don't know why they're there. I do agree that there are a lot of dumb people walking around. Product warnings has become a highly specialized field. If the product's warning is not prescribed by the government, then the product's warning is probably based on studies of human behavior. That says quite a bit about the general population.

  25. #25
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dean_martin
    Most warnings on products are governed by federal regulations, although there are plenty of lawsuits over the adequacy of some product warnings. GM, I think this topic is funny too. I just felt like speaking up when JM hyperbolized that all product warnings are due to frivolous lawsuits.

    About the obesity lawsuit - that was a law professor and his students that filed that lawsuit against several fast food chains. It was thrown out. People have tried to use the courts to implement social change for many years. Most of the time they fail because it's not the right place. I have found it interesting though that after that lawsuit McDs announced it was going to use a different type of oil for its fries and that it was going to provide more nutritional information for the items on its menu.

    Most of the time the courts get it right and weed out suspect claims. Judges are authorized to award the other side their costs for having to defend these claims. I get suspiscious of knee-jerk reactions that include legislation banning these types of claims when the courts can take care of them. What if you get food poisoning, HIV/AIDS or hepatitis from a fast food place, but find you can't sue them because a law was passed banning lawsuits against fast food places for the quality of their food?

    As for the warnings on the BIC lighter and the Sears mower, I don't know why they're there. I do agree that there are a lot of dumb people walking around. Product warnings has become a highly specialized field. If the product's warning is not prescribed by the government, then the product's warning is probably based on studies of human behavior. That says quite a bit about the general population.
    I'm sorry Dean, but I don't see anything funny in your post. That will cost you.

    Just joking. You can be the voice of reason. It's nice to have a few thought out thoughts thinking around us thoughtless thinkers. Ya think?
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

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