I was sitting in the reading room this morning (the Bathroom for you uninitiated) when I got to thinking about how many war/historical movies I love that bear absolutely NO resemblance to historical fact. Some wartime films can be excused as propaganda to help win the war, the rest... whew, have no excuse. Here's some films (some I love some I hate) that have a real slim grasp on history.

1. "They Died With Their Boots On" (1942) - Errr, a sober Custer who actually loved Indians and respected them all the while he was killing them. The real Custer was a brutal, ignorant, glory seeking, prima dona who felt the rules didn't apply to him. He often went AWOL to visit his wife and before the Little Big Horn was inches from being cashiered by the Army. It is her we have to thank for the enduring myths about this man and his death.

2. "Wake Island" (1942) - According to this film Geoffrey "Artillery" Caton and his men fought a last stand to equal the Spartans at Philipi (sp). In reality, after the Marines and civilians heorically beat off the first Japanese landing, Caton, who'd been hiding in his bunker, came out and ordered the entire garrison to surrender. To be fair he was facing a far superior force but if the lie has to be this big, better to tell nothing at all. Great performance by Brian Donlevy as Caton.

3. "The Battle of the Bulge" (1965) - First big screen technocolor movie I ever saw as a kid.. Great stuff yeah.... if you don't read any history books about it. Wrong units, wrong Generals, stereotypes of the worse stripe on all sides all topped off with the largest, most fictious tank battle ever put on film. There were some great performances though. Fonda was magnificent as was Robert Shaw as Herr Hessler. But my fave has to be Charles Bronson as Maj. Wolenski. He gives a speech about what they should do with Germany after the war that has been cut from the film over the years. The kind of speech a Pole would give about the Germans.

4. "The Charge of the Light Brigade" (1936) - Errol Flynn and Mike Curtiz at it again. This time they concoct the most outrageous backstory as to why 600 men rode to "certain death" on the Balaklava Heights. In this movie they charged for revenge, glory etc... In real life it was a blunder and despite what you were told, most of the men who made the charge, lived to continue the fight.

5. "Pearl Harbor" (2001) - How one film can foul up The Eagle Squadon's exploits in the Battle of Britain, the attack on Pearl Harbor and the Dolittle Raid all in under three hours is absolutely amazing to me. The only "true" part of the film was the exploits of Dorey Miller played by Cuba Gooding. Miller did man a gun who's crew had been killed as was credited with downing 4 to 5 Zero's. The rest... is pure hollywood hogwash.

Well, that's my story....

Da Worfster