The Ten Most Annoying Singers

[ForeverAutumn]

Who would be on your list?


The Ten Most Annoying Singers
by Rob O'Connor in List Of The Day

It's stunning to learn that others don't share our tastes. Then again, how did an entire generation embrace faux wood paneling, shag carpets and putting thick plastic on their furniture? Well, someone thought it was a great idea!

Hey, I like Bob Dylan's voice and kept him off this list because I could! Instead, I found the ten singers most likely to make you drive off the road.

Now that's a terrible fate. Not only are you stranded in some ditch, but you're stuck listening to one of these ten singers, who it would seem are singing that way just to mock you. Oh, the injustice.

10) Celine Dion: I know there are millions of people who would beg to disagree, but let's get real, people. She sings 15 notes where one would suffice and turns every song into an anthem for self-empowerment. It's like getting an hour of Oprah condensed into four minutes. She sings. It's time to start the lawnmower.

9) John Mayer: Young people are impressionable. I'm not sure where John Mayer learned his vocal craft. I hesitate to call it singing. It's more like whimpering. And for some reason, this has become a trend not stopping anytime soon. As you'll sadly learn as we go further down this list.

8) Conor Oberst: As the wunderkind who leads Bright Eyes, Conor Oberst was given a certain amount of leeway since he was a young teen when he started out and his precious singing--so sensitive and intimate you could hear the post-nasal drip--was mistaken as precocious. Well, he's in his 20s now and he still sounds like he's swimming back to the womb for protection from this hard, harsh world. Come on buddy, stand up straight and stop trying to imitate the Cure's Robert Smith. He got there first. And even he must know he sounds a little silly.

7) Lily Allen: Contrary to this column, I want to like fresh, young talent. I want to hear singers bring true commitment to their material. The first time I heard Lily Allen I thought it was quaint. Then it seemed every young female singer was determined to sing just like her, as if they're running out of air in their lungs and have to get back to the respirator before the next verse begins. Sure, she's bouncy and spunky. But if I might quote what Lou Grant once told Mary Tyler Moore: I HATE SPUNK.

6) Devendra Banhart / Tiny Tim: I'm not convinced they're not the same person. Tiny Tim was a novelty item singing with that stupid ukulele something about tiptoeing through the tulips. Anyone with any half sense would know it was novelty item that shouldn't be used as the basis for an entire recording career. And for thirty years, it wasn't, until freaky-folk dude Devendra Banhart showed up and started warbling in that unlistenable, untrained vibrato the kind of nonsensical lyrics that didn't sound all that great back when people were taking the kinds of drugs you're supposed to be on in order to enjoy it.

5) James Blunt: All this talk in the media about whether or not waterboarding is torture is moot. Forcing anyone to listen to "Beautiful" on repeat constitutes torture. You want my darkest, deepest secrets? This guy's quivering voice gets you my social security number, my mother's maiden name, my personal PIN and any random government secrets I'm currently harboring.

4) Frankie Valli: Frankie Valli was a hero to some back in his day. I grant you this. He was consistent! He consistently sang in a voice designed to send dogs running for cover and perfect for breaking glass. "Rag Doll, " "Sherry," "Dawn," "Big Girls Don't Cry," the list is enormous. He very well could be tried as a war criminal. Who would object? Seriously? Who?

3) Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins): Yes, despite all his rage he's still just a rat in a cage. Unfortunately, that cage came with a microphone for him to transmit his Smashing Pumpkins hits to a helpless, hapless world at large. While Billy could orchestrate grand walls of guitar and write albums of endless tuneage, he insisted on singing it himself. Except this is not singing in any conventional sense, but rather the sound of a petulant, whiny child. This is what happens when parents don't tell their kids to shut up often enough. Children need to know you don't like them.

2) Scott Stapp (Creed): We could probably start laying the blame on Bono, Eddie Vedder, Jim Morrison and that guy from Blood, Sweat and Tears, but in the end it's Scott Stapp who epitomizes that macho bellow that sounds like a man who's gone overboard at the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet and has just received spiritual orders to let everyone know they're going to hell if they don't save themselves somehow. His spiritual torment becomes your problem. Thanks, pal.

1) Michael Bolton: OK, this was easy. C'mon, you knew Mr. Bolton would top the list. Who else can take a love song and turn it into a hernia? When a man loves a woman he doesn't do so by screaming in her ear--so why should it be acceptable for a man to sing a sensitive love song as if he's directing traffic for the hearing impaired? R&B classics deserve their place in musical history and should be protected from this man's desecration of all that is holy. It's only right. Let's make it a law.

[JohnMichael]

1. Feist and it seems like every time I would shop in Kohl's she was playing overhead.

2. Rod Stewart when singing the great standards. Loved Maggie May and his early music.

3. Josh Groban and I do not understand the attraction. I watched a PBS special and the crowd was mesmerized.

4. Barry Manilow again I just do not get the popularity.

There will be more.

[bobsticks]

Props for Manilow and Celine Dion...actually the whole list is pretty spot-on. I'd add Neil Diamond, Jim Croce, the idiot from Iron Butterfly, James Taylor's enunciation annoys me...I could probably go on and on.

How's about this inbreeder?





If given the chance, I'd punch Chester from Linkin Park. Seriously.

[Hyfi]

Bruce would have to be at the top of my list.

Out of most of today's "Rock" bands, I think the guy from Creed actually sings nice on a lot of songs compared to most other groups.

Can't stand the whacko from Chilli Peppers. Can't figure out why everyone likes them so much. 8 out of every 10 of their songs sounds just like the last one. Same stop start tempo, same bridge, same boring content.

Plenty others to challenge the "Official" list.

[Luvin Da Blues]

Plenty others to challenge the "Official" list.

Like John Popper from Blues Traveller, Geddy Lee after 'bout ten minutes (sorry FA) and of course Shania Twain (after 'bout ten seconds).

[ForeverAutumn]

Geddy Lee after 'bout ten minutes (sorry FA)

Blasphemer! Actually, I completely understand why people don't like Geddy's voice.

My list would be topped by Alanis Morissette. It's like nails on a blackboard everytime she opens her mouth.

Neil Young is another one on my list. Great song writer, but can't stand his singing.

That Rhianna chick. Nice looking girl, but please just shut up and go into modelling or something.

I'm sure that I'll come up with a few more.

[GMichael]

Another vote for Bruce here. I never got his appeal.
Add Bono to the list as well as Chrissie Hynde. I'd rather have needles poked in my ears.

[Troy]

Bob Dylan is worse than anybody in that list. He may have left him off "because he can", but by leaving him off he loses credibility.

[Mr MidFi]

Some "unconventional" voices I dig (including Dylan and Geddy Lee, btw). And some...I just don't. I'm sorry to say that the guy from Modest Mouse falls into the latter category for me.

NP: Band of Horses, "Ode to LRC"

[Smokey]

I'd add Neil Diamond.

What!!

IMO he is one of better singers that came out of pop/rock era. His earlier work such as "Solitary Man" or "Song Sung Blue" showcase his vocal talent.

But definitely agree on Celin Dion. That girl try to make opera out of every song.

[nightflier]

Annoying? Oh you guys are only scratching the surface. Here's a real winner: Philip Michael Thomas, aka "Tubs." When he cut his first (and only?) single, even Eddie Murphy sounded good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv2iLzhS-Sg

[Swish]

...one in the same person. Whitney destroyed a nice little love song that was written and recorded quite quite perfectly by Dolly Parton. Yes, I'm talking about 'I Will Always Love You'. I still get migraines from Whitney's 'luv-a- YOU, luv-a- YOU'. Write your own damn songs and sing them how you want, but leave Dolly et. al. alone. Beeyotch!

Swish - can't stand her sorry arse.

[emesbee]

I can't stand Jimmy Barnes. I don't know if he is very well known in the US, but he's a bit of a local icon here in Australia. Personally I can't stand the way he sings. He just belts everything out at full volume, and its dreadful. It only takes the first few bars of 'working class man' on the radio to have me changing stations.

I also can't stand Nick Cave. That man can't sing for peanuts. His songs aren't much cop, either. Just a load of self-important pseudo-intellectual claptrap.

Somebody here mentioned John Mayer. I sort of agree that his singing doesn't amount to much, but he's not a bad guitarist. Saw him playing on the Crossroads Guitar Festival DVD, and he was quite good (as a guitarist).

One of my pet hates are singers who resort to excessive warbling. Their voices go up and down the scales constantly, and its so tedious. Why can't people sing a note straight any more? I think Mary J Blige (Bilge?) is a typical culprit. Maybe that's one reason why I like Irish traditional music. Good Irish singers know how to hold a note straight and keep it simple (and I don't mean Sinnead O'Conner).

[ForeverAutumn]

Welcome emesbee.

I agree with your comment about excessive warbling. Some people feel the need to practice their vocal exercises in the middle of a song and it is very annoying. I don't really listen to the types of singers who do it in their music, mostly because those singers and that music doesn't appeal to me. But my husband and I go to a lot of live sports events and it absolutely drives me crazy when the person singing the national anthems feels the need to embellish and show off their "talent".

[kexodusc]

Patti Smith and Jack White are near the top of the list for me.

Oh, and Sammy Hagar of course.

[emesbee]

Yeah, the same thing happens here. Our national anthem is dreary enough as it is, and the embellishments added by these singers do nothing to improve it. 'Advance Australia Fair'? Nobody in this country identifies with that song, and none of us can remember the words. The only song that Australians do identify with, and which the rest of the world associates with Australia is 'Waltzing Matilda'.


(That's the jazz version!)

[bobsticks]

Staind!!! The nose, er guy, from Staind. God, Staind sucks. I'd rather pee in a shoe and drink it that listen to a Staind disc...uggh.


Just suck.

Completely.


Hate 'em.

[kexodusc]

Staind!!! The nose, er guy, from Staind. God, Staind sucks. I'd rather pee in a shoe and drink it that listen to a Staind disc...uggh.


Just suck.

Completely.


Hate 'em.

Hey Bobby Styxx...
...It's been awhiiille..
Yeah, that's a good pick. Talent discovered by Fred Durst. Nuff said. The voice wasn't their worst attribute though, they always tuned their instrument so low their songs sounded like the noise an elephant might make during digestion.

When I think of the abomination that was Nu Metal...I think Staind. Should have called themselves Skid Markd instead...bleech

[Hyfi]

What about that Crooner from AC-DC? Makes what little hair I have stand up.

[jasn]

I'm going to add Axl Rose and hope at least one person agrees with me.

[ForeverAutumn]

Staind!!! The nose, er guy, from Staind. God, Staind sucks. I'd rather pee in a shoe and drink it that listen to a Staind disc...uggh.


Just suck.

Completely.


Hate 'em.

Good call. I once saw them live when they opened for Nickelback and they were boring to watch too. The highlight of that whole show actually was the band who opened for Staind...Three Days Grace. They rocked!

[bobsticks]

Hey Bobby Styxx...
...It's been awhiiille..

Bastarde!

When I think of the abomination that was Nu Metal...I think Staind. Should have called themselves Skid Markd instead...bleech

True talk, sho 'nuff.

[bobsticks]

I'm going to add Axl Rose and hope at least one person agrees with me.

To these ears Axl sounds like Ethel Merman on crack...Welcome to the Danny Booyyyy!!!

[kexodusc]

To these ears Axl sounds like Ethel Merman on crack...Welcome to the Danny Booyyyy!!!

I always thought he sounded like Cobra Commander...Cobraaaaahh!!!

[Swish]

No, her voice isn't what annoys me, it's her liberal politicking during her performances. Look, I realize a few of you misguided RR members are liberals , but if she wants to discuss her politics on stage, the show should be billed that way. I've been to a couple shows in the past where the lead singer started some crap about Bush, eliciting quite a few boos and hisses from the audience, along with some applause as you might guess.

The point is, keep your friggin' politics off the stage during your performances unless you advertise it as a fund-raiser or Bush-bashing event, or I will never support you again, and that goes for your cds and your shows. The Chickey Dicks paid the price for their stupidity, so you'd think others would learn.

Swish - card-carrying conservative