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  1. #1
    Rocket Surgeon Swish's Avatar
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    That Bad Lyrics Thread.

    It occurred to me that Paul McCartney, while writing or co-writing some truly great songs with solid lyrics (A Day in the Life) while in the Beatles, he has also written some of the worst pablum with some of the lamest lyrics while on his own. Here are a couple of strong examples;

    Someone's knockin' at the door, someone's ringing the bell, do me a favor, open the door and let him in.

    Ebony and ivory, Live together in perfect harmony, Side by side on my piano keyboard,
    Oh Lord why don't we?


    While those two make me want to stick pins in my eyes, here's one that could possibly be the most contrived piece 'o crap ever to make it on a record;

    Hello you fool I love you, c'mon join the joyride
    Hit the road out of nowhere, had to jump in my car
    Be a rider in the love game, following the stars
    Don't need no book of wisdom, I get no money-talk at all

    She has a train going downtown, she's got a club on the moon
    And she's telling all her secrets in a wonderful balloon
    She's the heart of the funfair, she got me whistling her private tune

    And it all begins where it ends
    And she's all my, my magic friend...

    She says "Hello you fool I love you, c'mon join the joyride,
    Join the joyride"

    She's a flower - I can paint her, she's a child of the sun
    We're a part of this together, could never turn around and run
    Don't need no fortune teller to know where my lucky love belongs, oh no.

    Cause it all begins again when it ends
    And we're all magic friends...

    She says "Hello you fool I love you, c'mon join the joyride,
    Join the joyride"
    She says "Hello you fool I love you, c'mon join the joyride,
    Be a joyrider"

    I'll take you on a skyride, feeling like you're spellbound
    Sunshine is a la-dy - rocks you like a baby

    She says "Hello you fool I love you, c'mon join the joyride,
    Join the joyride"
    Hello you fool I love you, c'mon join the joyride, join the joyride
    Hello, hello you fool I love you,
    C'mon, c'mon join the joyride, be a joyrider
    Roxette!


    Can you top that? I didn't think so.
    I call my bathroom Jim instead of John so I can tell people that I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

    If you say the word 'gullible' very slowly it sounds just like oranges.

  2. #2
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Swish

    Can you top that? I didn't think so.
    Oh yeah, shitty lyrics and shitty song:

    I tried to kill the pain (kill the pain)
    But only brought more (so much more)
    I lay dying
    And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
    I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
    Am I too lost
    To be saved?
    Am I too lost?

    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation
    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation

    Do you remember me?
    Lost for so long
    Will you be on the other side?
    Or will you forget me?
    I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
    Am I too lost
    To be saved?
    Am I too lost?

    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation
    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation

    (Return to me salvation)

    (Ohhhhhh)

    (I want to die)

    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation
    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation

    My wounds cry for the grave
    My soul cries for deliverance
    Will I be denied?
    Christ? (Christ)
    Tourniquet
    My suicide

    (Return to me salvation)

    (Return to me salvation)

  3. #3
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    I always had to laugh at Clouds in your Coffee where the line says

    "Your so vain, you probably think this song is about you"

    Well, isn't it?

  4. #4
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    We sit in the car outside your house
    I can feel the heat coming 'round
    I go to put my arm around you
    and you give me a look like I'm way out of bounds
    well you let out one of your bored sighs
    Well lately when I look into your eyes
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    We get dressed up and we go out, baby, for the night
    We come home early burning, burning in some fire fight
    I'm sick and tired of you setting me up
    Setting me up just to knock-a knock-a knock-a me down, down, down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down

    I pull you close but when we kiss I can feel a doubt
    I remember back when we started
    My kisses used to turn you inside out
    I used to drive you to work in the morning
    Friday night I'd drive you all around
    You used to love to drive me wild
    But lately girl you get your kicks from just driving me down, down, down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    I'm goin down, down, down
    I'm goin' down, down down
    .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..................
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  5. #5
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    The Indigo Girls have done some good work in the past...but this clunker from their 1st disc reads like some pretentious 17-year-old girl trying to get in touch with her "sensitive side"...

    During the time of which I speak it was hard to turn the other cheek
    To the blows of insecurity
    Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
    Lay dying in the strength of its impurity...


    [and then later on in the same song]

    Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
    I search for our absolute distinction
    Not content to bow and bent
    To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
    Eating us away, eating us away
    Eating us away to our extinction
    Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me
    I'd still have two of the same to live...


    Yeesh.
    Mr. MidFi
    Master of the Obvious

  6. #6
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Wow, that Indigo Girls tune was bad...

    I can remember taking poetry in grade 12 where we had some intern teacher take over the class. Typical acid-wash wearin' ponytailed douchebag. One night the homework he gave us was to write some analysis on a poem I later discovered was Judas Priest's Turbo Lover:

    You won't hear me, But you'll feel me
    Without warning, something's dawning, listen.
    Then within your senses,
    You'll know you're defenseless
    How your heart beats, when you run for cover
    You can't retreat, I spy like no other.

    Then we race together. We can ride forever.
    Wrapped in horse-power, driving into fury
    Changing gear I pull you tighter to me.

    I'm your turbo lover.
    Tell me there's no other.
    I'm your turbo lover.
    Better run for cover.

    We hold each other closer, as we shift to overdrive
    And everything goes rushing by, with every nerve alive
    We move so fast it seems as though we've taken to the sky
    Love machines in harmony, we hear the engines cry.

    I'm your turbo lover.
    Tell me there's no other.
    I'm your turbo lover.
    Better run for cover.

    On and on we're charging to the place so many seek
    In perfect synchronicity of which so many speak
    We feel so close to heaven in this roaring heavy load
    And then in sheer abandonment, we shatter and explode


    Could be wrong, but I remember I wrote it was about a loser in his 20's stalking some high school student from his Miata with the sole intent of raping her. It was funny at the time cause he had this thing going with a girl in our class.

    Anyway, no Bad Lyrics thread is complete without Judas Priest. I'll let someone else pick the obligatory Dio song...

  7. #7
    Forum Regular audio amateur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kexodusc
    Oh yeah, shitty lyrics and shitty song:

    I tried to kill the pain (kill the pain)
    But only brought more (so much more)
    I lay dying
    And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
    I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
    Am I too lost
    To be saved?
    Am I too lost?

    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation
    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation

    Do you remember me?
    Lost for so long
    Will you be on the other side?
    Or will you forget me?
    I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
    Am I too lost
    To be saved?
    Am I too lost?

    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation
    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation

    (Return to me salvation)

    (Ohhhhhh)

    (I want to die)

    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation
    My God, my tourniquet
    Return to me salvation

    My wounds cry for the grave
    My soul cries for deliverance
    Will I be denied?
    Christ? (Christ)
    Tourniquet
    My suicide

    (Return to me salvation)

    (Return to me salvation)
    I'm not sure what makes these lyrics so crap, aside the christian connotation. For my part, I've found a lot more crap in the atheist lyric domain...
    Now for the song, it may well be bad indeed.

  8. #8
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by audio amateur
    I'm not sure what makes these lyrics so crap, aside the christian connotation. For my part, I've found a lot more crap in the atheist lyric domain...
    Now for the song, it may well be bad indeed.
    I don't care if a band wants to write about religion or not. Or I would have picked on Creed or something.
    It's the over-the-top phony hopelessness and over-done gloomy-depressing suicide theme that comes across as so calculated and forced here. If you're gonna write crud like this, it better be real good, original, and sincere or you better learn to take the punches.

    Not only that, the word tourniquet is such a clumsy, unmusical word that is used at a pivotal point of the chorus here, and it is counterproductive to the melody and song execution in this case. It's just crappy lyrics in a crappy song.

    Besides, didn't Marilyn Manson write all the songs about tourniquets we needed 10 years earlier?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by kexodusc
    Not only that, the word tourniquet is such a clumsy, unmusical word that is used at a pivotal point of the chorus here, and it is counterproductive to the melody and song execution in this case. It's just crappy lyrics in a crappy song.

    Besides, didn't Marilyn Manson write all the songs about tourniquets we needed 10 years earlier?
    I... feel...
    cold as a razor blade
    tight as a tourniquet
    dry as a funeral drum

    Roger Waters can get away with it.
    Mr. MidFi
    Master of the Obvious

  10. #10
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr MidFi
    I... feel...
    cold as a razor blade
    tight as a tourniquet
    dry as a funeral drum

    Roger Waters can get away with it.
    Hmmm yeah, song ideas usually are better the first few times.

  11. #11
    3LB
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    I'll see your lyrics and raise ya a video

    Good Morning Starshine by Oliver

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q2wXCiZ4oc

    Good morning starshine
    The earth says "Hello"
    You twinkle above us
    We twinkle below
    Good morning starshine
    You lead us along
    My love and me as we sing
    Our early morning singing song
    Gliddy glup gloopy
    Nibby nabby noopy la la la lo lo
    Sabba Sibby sabba
    Nooby abba nabba le le lo lo
    Tooby ooby walla nooby abba nabba
    Early morning singing song

    Good morning starshine
    You lead us along
    My love and me as we sing
    Our early morning singing song
    Gliddy glup gloopy
    Nibby nabby noopy la la la lo lo
    Sabba Sibby sabba
    Nooby abba nabba le le lo lo
    Tooby ooby walla nooby abba nabba
    Early morning singing song
    Singing a song, humming a song
    Singing a song loving a song
    Laughing a song
    Sing the son, sing the song
    Song the sing
    Song, song, song, sing
    Sing, sing, sing, song
    Repost this on your wall if you love Jesus.

  12. #12
    Rocket Surgeon Swish's Avatar
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    That's pretty gruemsome for sure, but I don't think it's as..

    Quote Originally Posted by 3LB
    I'll see your lyrics and raise ya a video

    Good Morning Starshine by Oliver

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Q2wXCiZ4oc

    Good morning starshine
    The earth says "Hello"
    You twinkle above us
    We twinkle below
    Good morning starshine
    You lead us along
    My love and me as we sing
    Our early morning singing song
    Gliddy glup gloopy
    Nibby nabby noopy la la la lo lo
    Sabba Sibby sabba
    Nooby abba nabba le le lo lo
    Tooby ooby walla nooby abba nabba
    Early morning singing song

    Good morning starshine
    You lead us along
    My love and me as we sing
    Our early morning singing song
    Gliddy glup gloopy
    Nibby nabby noopy la la la lo lo
    Sabba Sibby sabba
    Nooby abba nabba le le lo lo
    Tooby ooby walla nooby abba nabba
    Early morning singing song
    Singing a song, humming a song
    Singing a song loving a song
    Laughing a song
    Sing the son, sing the song
    Song the sing
    Song, song, song, sing
    Sing, sing, sing, song
    ...pathetic as...

    Do you remember me?
    Lost for so long
    Will you be on the other side?
    Or will you forget me?
    I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
    Am I too lost
    To be saved?
    Am I too lost?
    I call my bathroom Jim instead of John so I can tell people that I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

    If you say the word 'gullible' very slowly it sounds just like oranges.

  13. #13
    Man of the People Forums Moderator bobsticks's Avatar
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    So, I broke into the palace
    With a sponge and a rusty spanner
    She said : "Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing"
    I said : "That's nothing - you should hear me play piano"

  14. #14
    Suspended markw's Avatar
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    Just an excerpt...

    Even in the hippy dippy sixties this was a bit much...

    "MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don't think that I can take it
    'Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I'll never have that recipe again"

  15. #15
    3LB
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    Quote Originally Posted by markw
    Even in the hippy dippy sixties this was a bit much...

    "MacArthur Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don't think that I can take it
    'Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I'll never have that recipe again"
    Have you ever left a cake out in the rain...I mean an entire cake?

    Its bad man...really really bad
    Repost this on your wall if you love Jesus.

  16. #16
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Disqualification!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by bobsticks
    FOUL! No fair, bro, every bad lyrics thread automagically assumes Kiss lyrics are excluded...I mean, how can anything compete with "Ooh baby, wanna put my log in your fireplace"???

  17. #17
    3LB
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    All heroes fall eventually:

    Abracadabra: Steve Miller Band

    I heat up, I can't cool down
    You got me spinnin'
    'Round and 'round
    'Round and 'round and 'round it goes
    Where it stops nobody knows

    Every time you call my name
    I heat up like a burnin' flame
    Burnin' flame full of desire
    Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher

    Abra-abra-cadabra
    I want to reach out and grab ya
    Abra-abra-cadabra
    Abracadabra

    You make me hot, you make me sigh
    You make me laugh, you make me cry
    Keep me burnin' for your love
    With the touch of a velvet glove

    Abra-abra-cadabra
    I want to reach out and grab ya
    Abra-abra-cadabra
    Abracadabra

    I feel the magic in your caress
    I feel magic when I touch your dress
    Silk and satin, leather and lace
    Black panties with an angel's face

    I see magic in your eyes
    I hear the magic in your sighs
    Just when I think I'm gonna get away
    I hear those words that you always say

    Abra-abra-cadabra
    I want to reach out and grab ya
    Abra-abra-cadabra
    Abracadabra

    Every time you call my name
    I heat up like a burnin' flame
    Burnin' flame full of desire
    Kiss me baby, let the fire get higher

    I heat up, I can't cool down
    My situation goes 'round and 'round
    I heat up, I can't cool down
    My situation goes 'round and 'round
    I heat up, I can't cool down
    My situation goes 'round and 'round and ro...
    Repost this on your wall if you love Jesus.

  18. #18
    3LB
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    Of course, every time this subject comes up we tend to pick on the same bands and eras, but the '50s were rife with bad lyrics and dumb songs. Some of the biggest stars and legends are the most guilty. All those retarded 'dance' songs - "C'mon and do the ______."

    Roy Orbison is no exception:

    Ooby Dooby


    Hey baby, jump over here and you do the ooby dooby
    I wanna be near

    Ooby dooby, ooby dooby
    Ooby dooby dooby dooby
    Dooby dooby do wah do wah do wah

    Well ya wriggle to the left, you wriggle to the right
    Do the ooby dooby with all of your might

    Yell ya wriggle and ya shake, like a bit rattle snake
    Ya do the ooby dooby 'till ya think her heart'll break

    Well you won't be a struttin' cos now ya know
    How to do the ooby dooby now baby let's go
    Repost this on your wall if you love Jesus.

  19. #19
    Suspended markw's Avatar
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    Boop boop dit-tum dat-tum wat-tum, Chu!

    As long as we're accessing the archives...

    Three Little Fishes, by Kay Kyser, 1939

    Down in the meadow in a little bitty pool
    Swam three little fishies and a mama fishie too
    "Swim" said the mama fishie, "Swim if you can"
    And they swam and they swam all over the dam
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    And they swam and they swam all over the dam

    "Stop" said the mama fishie, "or you will get lost"
    The three little fishies didn't wanna be bossed
    The three little fishies went off on a spree
    And they swam and they swam right out to the sea
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    And they swam and they swam right out to the sea

    "Whee!" yelled the little fishies, "Here's a lot of fun
    We'll swim in the sea till the day is done"
    They swam and they swam, and it was a lark
    Till all of a sudden they saw a shark!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Till all of a sudden they saw a shark!

    "Help!" cried the little fishies, "Gee! look at all the whales!"
    And quick as they could, they turned on their tails
    And back to the pool in the meadow they swam
    And they swam and they swam back over the dam
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!
    And they swam and they swam back over the dam

    -This brings back memories. My Mom used to sing this to me when I was widdle.

  20. #20
    Rocket Surgeon Swish's Avatar
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    Note to Steve Miller....Abracadabra, I want to reach out...

    Quote Originally Posted by 3LB
    All heroes fall eventually:

    Abracadabra: Steve Miller Band

    Abra-abra-cadabra
    I want to reach out and grab ya
    Abra-abra-cadabra
    Abracadabra
    ..
    ..and stab ya...for writing this garbage!
    I call my bathroom Jim instead of John so I can tell people that I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

    If you say the word 'gullible' very slowly it sounds just like oranges.

  21. #21
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    Sometimes the lyrics are borderline retarded but the damn tune is just so catchy ya can't get it outta yer head...

    You have so many relationships in this life
    Only one or two will last
    You're go through all the pain and strife
    Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
    And they're gone so fast

    Oh so hold on the ones who really care
    In the end they'll be the only ones there
    When you get old and start losing your hair
    Can you tell me who will still care
    Can you tell me who will still care, oh care

    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du
    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du

    Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
    You can plant any one of those
    Keep planting to find out which one grows
    It's a secret no one knows
    It's a secret no one knows

    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du
    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du

    In an mmmbop they're gone
    In an mmmbop they're gone. In an mmmbop they're not there
    In an mmmbop they're gone. In an mmmbop they're not there
    In an mmmbop they're gone. In an mmmbop they're not there
    In an mmmbop they're gone. In an mmmbop they're not there
    Until you lose your hair. But you don't care

    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du
    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du

    So hold on the ones who really care
    In the end they'll be the only ones there
    When you get old and start losing your hair
    Can you tell me who will still care
    Can you tell me who will still care, oh care

    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du
    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du

    Can you tell me
    No you can't 'cause you don't know
    Can you tell me
    You say you can but you don't know
    Can you tell me which flower's going to grow
    No you can't 'cause you don't know
    Can you tell me if it's going to be a daisy or a rose
    You say you can but you don't know
    Can you tell me which flower's going to grow
    No you can't 'cause you don't know
    Can you tell me
    You say you can but you don't know
    You say you can but you don't know
    Don't know oh, You don't know oh

    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du
    Mmmbop, ba du ba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du

    Can you tell me
    No you can't 'cause you don't know
    Can you tell me
    You say you can but you don't know
    Can you tell me
    No you can't 'cause you don't know
    Can you tell me
    You say you can but you don't know

  22. #22
    Man of the People Forums Moderator bobsticks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kexodusc
    FOUL! No fair, bro, every bad lyrics thread automagically assumes Kiss lyrics are excluded...I mean, how can anything compete with "Ooh baby, wanna put my log in your fireplace"???
    You batsard! How you gonna call me out for Kiss lyrics and then post MMBop?!?!

    It's on....like Donkey Kong....
    So, I broke into the palace
    With a sponge and a rusty spanner
    She said : "Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing"
    I said : "That's nothing - you should hear me play piano"

  23. #23
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bobsticks
    You batsard! How you gonna call me out for Kiss lyrics and then post MMBop?!?!

    It's on....like Donkey Kong....
    Oh you want it like that, eh? No holds barred then...do your worst...

  24. #24
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
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    Wow.....

    All this invective about lyrics... and NOONE'S MENTIONED ABBA?????

    1. "Born to be Alive"
    2. "Disco Duck"
    3. "The Streak".
    4. "The Village People" et. al.
    5. McCartny's "Wings" period.
    6. "Obbla Dee" whatever...
    7. "The Pina Collada Song".
    8. "Afternoon Delight".
    9. "Mother Popcorn" even by James Browns standards this was low.
    10. "Ben" - Hey its a song about an effin' RAT!!!!!

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case!

    Da Worfster

  25. #25
    Man of the People Forums Moderator bobsticks's Avatar
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    There's this girl that's been on my mind
    All the time, Sussudio oh oh
    Now she don't even know my name
    But I think she likes me just the same
    Sussudio oh oh

    Oh if she called me I'd be there
    I'd come running anywhere
    She's all I need, all my life
    I feel so good if I just say the word
    Sussudio, just say the word
    Oh Sussudio

    Now I know that I'm too young
    My love has just begun
    Sussudio oh oh
    Ooh give me a chance, give me a sign
    I'll show her anytime
    Sussudio oh oh

    Ah, I've just got to have her, have her now
    I've got to get closer but I don't know how
    She makes me nervous and makes me scared
    But I feel so good if I just say the word
    Sussudio just say the word
    Oh Sussudio, oh

    Ah, she's all I need all of my life
    I feel so good if I just say the word
    Sussudio I just say the word
    Oh Sussudio I just say the word
    Oh Sussudio I'll say the word
    Sussudio oh oh oh
    Just say the word
    So, I broke into the palace
    With a sponge and a rusty spanner
    She said : "Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing"
    I said : "That's nothing - you should hear me play piano"

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