Well, I'm Getting Divorced

[Mr Peabody]

Camm, you said you all were happy just a couple years ago, is there any chance that you two can talk to see where things got off track and try to put your marriage back together? It sounds like there is still good communication. What would happen if you and her decided to take divorce off the table as an option?

Divorce is the much easier way out. That's why the divorce rate is so high these days. People cannot turn love on and off. If a couple love each other enough to make a commitment of marriage, work through the hard times. I'd rather sleep with my wife than my pride. I've been married for over 20 years and there's been nights my pride and I slept on the sofa. We've had some really bad fights and problems and probably will again. The hardest thing to control is ones tongue. I wish I could tell you what kept us together, maybe it was like Feanor, we know we need each other, maybe deep down under the anger we knew we really loved one another and wasn't going any where. It's good to have some one you can depend on. Most of the time fights are over the dumbest or un-important things in the big picture.

I mean, you know your own life and heart, you don't need to spill what's up here for all to read, but you all give it some more thought, OK? Why don't you each try writing what makes you unhappy in the marriage, maybe make a suggestion as to what could be done about it, then exchange them. Or, write just what makes you all unhappy and leave it up to the other to suggest a resolution. If you can sit down to hammer out a divorce settlement, you can do this. But it will take you both wanting to save the marriage.

I sincerely hope the best for you. My intent was not to offend.

[PAT.P]

Cam I been busy on other site and come back to this.So sorry to hear the news .I've been divorced also in the past,we did a mutual agreement at the time.It was very hard for me to tell the childrens I was leaving at the time.I took them every weekend and loved it.Stayed single for 5years ,saved for a downpayment and met on the day of my move the most wonderfull woman .She is also the best stepmother my childrens could ever have.Take care!

[cam]

Cam I been busy on other site and come back to this.So sorry to hear the news .I've been divorced also in the past,we did a mutual agreement at the time.It was very hard for me to tell the childrens I was leaving at the time.I took them every weekend and loved it.Stayed single for 5years ,saved for a downpayment and met on the day of my move the most wonderfull woman .She is also the best stepmother my childrens could ever have.Take care!

Second times a charm then. If I have to be single for 5 years to meet someone special, then that's just what I will do. My head is held low today, I only hope I can hold it up high in the future. This is definetly the lowest point in my life right now.

[PAT.P]

Second times a charm then. If I have to be single for 5 years to meet someone special, then that's just what I will do. My head is held low today, I only hope I can hold it up high in the future. This is definetly the lowest point in my life right now.

I set a goal for myself to buy my first home and nothing was going to stop me.I was'nt looking for anybody ,my children were my life.There a path in life for all of us ,to find it is to stumble and get up .Life is a rollercoaster ,there the high and the lows.You have a son in all of this ,thats important.He needs you as much as you need him.Now dont make me cry

[likeitloud]

Really, Really sorry man, I went through it once at your age with a son, and it was
tough going for awhile, In my case nothing earth shattering happened (affairs or
drinking) nothing that cut and dry. We just grew apart, and that made it much
harder, there was nothing I could grab onto, and say "I'll fix this" and everything
will be cool. Anyway, I'm sure you have family support, without my family, I'd
be going to AA meetings to this day, and you always have us at AR to get
you through. Feel free to shoot me an e-mail/PM anytime you need to talk.
You WILL get past this. Take it easy.

[cam]

Really, Really sorry man, I went through it once at your age with a son, and it was
tough going for awhile, In my case nothing earth shattering happened (affairs or
drinking) nothing that cut and dry. We just grew apart, and that made it much
harder, there was nothing I could grab onto, and say "I'll fix this" and everything
will be cool. Anyway, I'm sure you have family support, without my family, I'd
be going to AA meetings to this day, and you always have us at AR to get
you through. Feel free to shoot me an e-mail/PM anytime you need to talk.
You WILL get past this. Take it easy.

I don't like to hear about hardships people have, having said that, I'm glad you shared that with me, it makes me feel I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one. Thank you.

[ForeverAutumn]

I don't like to hear about hardships people have, having said that, I'm glad you shared that with me, it makes me feel I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one. Thank you.

You are definately not alone. I have a friend who was in almost the exact same situation. He moved from Nova Scotia to Ontario to be with a woman he met. They were both divorced with children. Bill left his behind in NS (they were adults), Francie's lived with their father in Quebec (they were still children). Bill and Francie did not marry but they lived together for 6 years in total.

She decided that she needed to move to Quebec to be closer to her children. He went with her.

Once in Montreal, her 15-yr-old daughter decided to live with Mom. She moved into their house and basically took over. Bill paid for half of everything, including the daughter's keep. The daughter was mean. She did everything that she could to cause fights between Bill and Francie. Francie wouldn't take any responsibility for her daughters actions and it got to the point where all they did was fight....about Francie's daughter.

Eventually, there was so much resentment that the relationship couldn't be saved. They waited too long to break up and it was not friendly. They sold the house, and Bill moved back to Toronto.

The good news is that after a couple of months of being alone and miserable, Bill met another woman. They are now living together and I've never seen Bill happier.

I know that things are tough now. But they'll get better. And it's better for your son to have two happy parents living apart than two miserable parents living together.

[Sir Terrence the Terrible]

Second times a charm then. If I have to be single for 5 years to meet someone special, then that's just what I will do. My head is held low today, I only hope I can hold it up high in the future. This is definetly the lowest point in my life right now.

Well Cam, hold your head up buddy, you gave it a try and got a son out of it. What a treasure. At least your wife didn't die when your marriage was going well, and getting better. That happened to me.

This may sound cold and insenstive, but its real. Sometimes when things are just not working out, for the GOOD of the children its best to split up. It is extremely stressful for children to see their parents disagreeing, and even worse on the parties involved. Divorce is never good, but persistant and consistant fighting and disagreeing is far worse because it is protracted pain with no end in sight. I hate divorce, I am a product of it. However, I am glad that my parents did split up, because the idea of them going at it until I left the house to go out on my own would have been excrutiating for me to bare. My twin brother and I were far better off with them apart.

As Eric stated, this is an opportunity to rediscover yourself, challenge yourself, redefine yourself, and strengthen the bond between you and your son. I thank God for my twin boys, they literally pulled me out of the dolldrums and a deep depression. I didn't eat for nearly two weeks, and had gotten so skinny that if you put a ruler on my tongue, I would have been a zipper in a pair of pants. My wife's death made my boys and I so tight that you couldn't fit a piece of dental floss between us. There is always, and I mean always a silver lining behind a dark cloud. I discovered I had a love for running and lifting weights. Who would have thunk that these discovered loves would get me so much attention from the opposite sex. I am single now, but it sure in the heck doesn't have to be that way with all of the attention I am getting. Trust me, it does get better over time. If you are strong and resilent, you will come out of this a better man. Word of advice, keep yourself together and civil with the soon to be ex, it is much better on your son that way.

Good luck to you brudda, you have people here who will give you some moral support and concerned ears, and that makes you a lucky man.

I love audioreview........you guys are just the best!

[cam]

Well Cam, hold your head up buddy, you gave it a try and got a son out of it. What a treasure. At least your wife didn't die when your marriage was going well, and getting better. That happened to me.

This may sound cold and insenstive, but its real. Sometimes when things are just not working out, for the GOOD of the children its best to split up. It is extremely stressful for children to see their parents disagreeing, and even worse on the parties involved. Divorce is never good, but persistant and consistant fighting and disagreeing is far worse because it is protracted pain with no end in sight. I hate divorce, I am a product of it. However, I am glad that my parents did split up, because the idea of them going at it until I left the house to go out on my own would have been excrutiating for me to bare. My twin brother and I were far better off with them apart.

As Eric stated, this is an opportunity to rediscover yourself, challenge yourself, redefine yourself, and strengthen the bond between you and your son. I thank God for my twin boys, they literally pulled me out of the dolldrums and a deep depression. I didn't eat for nearly two weeks, and had gotten so skinny that if you put a ruler on my tongue, I would have been a zipper in a pair of pants. My wife's death made my boys and I so tight that you couldn't fit a piece of dental floss between us. There is always, and I mean always a silver lining behind a dark cloud. I discovered I had a love for running and lifting weights. Who would have thunk that these discovered loves would get me so much attention from the opposite sex. I am single now, but it sure in the heck doesn't have to be that way with all of the attention I am getting. Trust me, it does get better over time. If you are strong and resilent, you will come out of this a better man. Word of advice, keep yourself together and civil with the soon to be ex, it is much better on your son that way.

Good luck to you brudda, you have people here who will give you some moral support and concerned ears, and that makes you a lucky man.

I love audioreview........you guys are just the best!

You are right, my son is a treasure. Without him I would be nothing. I do have my Parents, and sisters and many many other family members, but my son is everything. I am really sorry about your wife's death and I do know how important your son's mean to you. You were lucky to have them through your trying time, likewise with me and my son. I know that everything happens for the best, it's just hard to imagine this right now. My mind is not clear and I feel like I'm in a terrible funk. I guess this is what people go through with depression. Once my house is sold and I get my cut, which is a considerable amount, I guess then and only then can I hope that my mind clears up. It's amazing how our brains can have such a grip on our (everything).

[JSE]

Hey Cam, sorry to hear the news of your divorce. I can't begin to imagine what your going through but just remember to focus on your son. Marriages can unfortunately come and go but parenthood is forever. It sounds like your keeping it civil which will help your son tremendously. Two young girls that my wife and I helped bring up when their mother and father divorced went through emotional hell when their father made the divorce as nasty as he could just to spite my wife's best friend and mother of the girls. We took the kids away for many weekends and helped out as much as we could to try and get them out of the warzone. The father knows better than to ever be within sight of me at this point. Even if you have to bite your tongue and hold back your feelings sometimes, just do it for your son. It will pay off in the end and your son will thank you for it one day. When things start to get you down just remember him and be a geat Dad.

[cam]

Hey Cam, sorry to hear the news of your divorce. I can't begin to imagine what your going through but just remember to focus on your son. Marriages can unfortunately come and go but parenthood is forever. It sounds like your keeping it civil which will help your son tremendously. Two young girls that my wife and I helped bring up when their mother and father divorced went through emotional hell when their father made the divorce as nasty as he could just to spite my wife's best friend and mother of the girls. We took the kids away for many weekends and helped out as much as we could to try and get them out of the warzone. The father knows better than to ever be within sight of me at this point. Even if you have to bite your tongue and hold back your feelings sometimes, just do it for your son. It will pay off in the end and your son will thank you for it one day. When things start to get you down just remember him and be a geat Dad.

Thanks for the advice about biting your tongue. I forgot that about 10 min. ago. I will remember from now on.

[cam]

Camm, you said you all were happy just a couple years ago, is there any chance that you two can talk to see where things got off track and try to put your marriage back together? It sounds like there is still good communication. What would happen if you and her decided to take divorce off the table as an option?

Divorce is the much easier way out. That's why the divorce rate is so high these days. People cannot turn love on and off. If a couple love each other enough to make a commitment of marriage, work through the hard times. I'd rather sleep with my wife than my pride. I've been married for over 20 years and there's been nights my pride and I slept on the sofa. We've had some really bad fights and problems and probably will again. The hardest thing to control is ones tongue. I wish I could tell you what kept us together, maybe it was like Feanor, we know we need each other, maybe deep down under the anger we knew we really loved one another and wasn't going any where. It's good to have some one you can depend on. Most of the time fights are over the dumbest or un-important things in the big picture.

I mean, you know your own life and heart, you don't need to spill what's up here for all to read, but you all give it some more thought, OK? Why don't you each try writing what makes you unhappy in the marriage, maybe make a suggestion as to what could be done about it, then exchange them. Or, write just what makes you all unhappy and leave it up to the other to suggest a resolution. If you can sit down to hammer out a divorce settlement, you can do this. But it will take you both wanting to save the marriage.

I sincerely hope the best for you. My intent was not to offend.

All the communication for saving this marriage is too late. The step daughter, in my opinion, has put a permanent wedge between my wife and me. I would try to tell my wife about some of the things going on but it was either not believed or it just fell on deaf ears.

The best way I can describe it is, I get dished out a plate of bull$hit over and over year in and year out and then I decide to serve the same plate back. And then it is not about what is being said to me, it's about what I said in response. My wife never backed me up or stood at my side. No support at all. This should have been nipped in the but years ago when it started, and if you don't parent a child firmly in the beginning, you then get where I am now.