Well, I'm Getting Divorced

[cam]

You are definately not alone. I have a friend who was in almost the exact same situation. He moved from Nova Scotia to Ontario to be with a woman he met. They were both divorced with children. Bill left his behind in NS (they were adults), Francie's lived with their father in Quebec (they were still children). Bill and Francie did not marry but they lived together for 6 years in total.

She decided that she needed to move to Quebec to be closer to her children. He went with her.

Once in Montreal, her 15-yr-old daughter decided to live with Mom. She moved into their house and basically took over. Bill paid for half of everything, including the daughter's keep. The daughter was mean. She did everything that she could to cause fights between Bill and Francie. Francie wouldn't take any responsibility for her daughters actions and it got to the point where all they did was fight....about Francie's daughter.

Eventually, there was so much resentment that the relationship couldn't be saved. They waited too long to break up and it was not friendly. They sold the house, and Bill moved back to Toronto.

The good news is that after a couple of months of being alone and miserable, Bill met another woman. They are now living together and I've never seen Bill happier.

I know that things are tough now. But they'll get better. And it's better for your son to have two happy parents living apart than two miserable parents living together.

Yep, that does sound like my situation. I just could not bare to wait another 4-6 years for the step-daughter to move out just to see if me and my wife would then be happier. Possibly wasting that many more years of my life just isn't that appealing.

[cam]

Well Cam, hold your head up buddy, you gave it a try and got a son out of it. What a treasure. At least your wife didn't die when your marriage was going well, and getting better. That happened to me.

This may sound cold and insenstive, but its real. Sometimes when things are just not working out, for the GOOD of the children its best to split up. It is extremely stressful for children to see their parents disagreeing, and even worse on the parties involved. Divorce is never good, but persistant and consistant fighting and disagreeing is far worse because it is protracted pain with no end in sight. I hate divorce, I am a product of it. However, I am glad that my parents did split up, because the idea of them going at it until I left the house to go out on my own would have been excrutiating for me to bare. My twin brother and I were far better off with them apart.

As Eric stated, this is an opportunity to rediscover yourself, challenge yourself, redefine yourself, and strengthen the bond between you and your son. I thank God for my twin boys, they literally pulled me out of the dolldrums and a deep depression. I didn't eat for nearly two weeks, and had gotten so skinny that if you put a ruler on my tongue, I would have been a zipper in a pair of pants. My wife's death made my boys and I so tight that you couldn't fit a piece of dental floss between us. There is always, and I mean always a silver lining behind a dark cloud. I discovered I had a love for running and lifting weights. Who would have thunk that these discovered loves would get me so much attention from the opposite sex. I am single now, but it sure in the heck doesn't have to be that way with all of the attention I am getting. Trust me, it does get better over time. If you are strong and resilent, you will come out of this a better man. Word of advice, keep yourself together and civil with the soon to be ex, it is much better on your son that way.

Good luck to you brudda, you have people here who will give you some moral support and concerned ears, and that makes you a lucky man.

I love audioreview........you guys are just the best!

You are right, my son is a treasure. Without him I would be nothing. I do have my Parents, and sisters and many many other family members, but my son is everything. I am really sorry about your wife's death and I do know how important your son's mean to you. You were lucky to have them through your trying time, likewise with me and my son. I know that everything happens for the best, it's just hard to imagine this right now. My mind is not clear and I feel like I'm in a terrible funk. I guess this is what people go through with depression. Once my house is sold and I get my cut, which is a considerable amount, I guess then and only then can I hope that my mind clears up. It's amazing how our brains can have such a grip on our (everything).

[JSE]

Hey Cam, sorry to hear the news of your divorce. I can't begin to imagine what your going through but just remember to focus on your son. Marriages can unfortunately come and go but parenthood is forever. It sounds like your keeping it civil which will help your son tremendously. Two young girls that my wife and I helped bring up when their mother and father divorced went through emotional hell when their father made the divorce as nasty as he could just to spite my wife's best friend and mother of the girls. We took the kids away for many weekends and helped out as much as we could to try and get them out of the warzone. The father knows better than to ever be within sight of me at this point. Even if you have to bite your tongue and hold back your feelings sometimes, just do it for your son. It will pay off in the end and your son will thank you for it one day. When things start to get you down just remember him and be a geat Dad.

[cam]

Hey Cam, sorry to hear the news of your divorce. I can't begin to imagine what your going through but just remember to focus on your son. Marriages can unfortunately come and go but parenthood is forever. It sounds like your keeping it civil which will help your son tremendously. Two young girls that my wife and I helped bring up when their mother and father divorced went through emotional hell when their father made the divorce as nasty as he could just to spite my wife's best friend and mother of the girls. We took the kids away for many weekends and helped out as much as we could to try and get them out of the warzone. The father knows better than to ever be within sight of me at this point. Even if you have to bite your tongue and hold back your feelings sometimes, just do it for your son. It will pay off in the end and your son will thank you for it one day. When things start to get you down just remember him and be a geat Dad.

Thanks for the advice about biting your tongue. I forgot that about 10 min. ago. I will remember from now on.

[shokhead]

Bummer. My parents got divorced and when my dads friend backed out,i had to be the witness. At 13 i had to go on the stand and tell all that my mon was a bum. Thats what the lawyer told me i had to say so they could get this done. Watchout for the kid but be truthfull and even if its true,dont badmouth the mom.

[dean_martin]

Dang, Cam. I just noticed your post. My first wife and I divorced when my son was about 18mos. old. We were both young, but she wasn't ready to act like an adult. I did get custody of our son. It hurt for a long time. After 6 years, I convinced myself that being a bachelor was great and the best situation for me. But wouldn't you know it, as soon as I accepted and started enjoying being single, BOOM, I met my present wife.

In my second marriage, we've had our ups and downs primarily because we lived by ourselves for so long after our first marriages. Each of us had a boy from our former marriages. Blending the family together has been tough. "Equal treatment" of our sons is the issue that comes up the most. My son is my parents' first grandson. They go the extra mile for him. It becomes my job at home to even things out. We have been able to work through the equal treatment issues with minimal impact on the boys though. I think that's because our goals are the same even though we do have to deal with petty jealousies and emotions that unfortunately are part of being human.

Anyhow, as soon as you accept and start enjoying the single life, WATCH OUT!

[EFE Speakers]

Cam,
I also am sorry to hear about your separation. Being married for 34 years and going through many ups and downs myself, I can assure you that it is not something easy to go through.

I always counsel couples to give it some time before acting too hastily, because many times they just need more time to think about the outcome, and the alternitive may not be any better though they think it might be. Usually a self examination on both spouses part in the marriage can find things that need to be changed and when they do so, everything usually works out for the better, especially if there is still a remnant of love left.

As another poster stated, it is easier to quit and divorce than to work it out, but when couples do work it out and overcome the hurdles of life, it usually makes them stronger. Sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder and it gives us time to think about things we should have done or said to our spouse or loved one.

Take some time, think about how many years you've both given to each other and agree to a trial seperation if you must, perhaps it will heal some hard feelings that have built up. I recommend some good marriage counselling before calling it quits but I know many feel it won't do any good. If 13 years of togetherness means anything, it's worth a try.

In His service,
Ed Frias
EFE Speakers

[GooseWashington]

I feel sorry about you. Divorcing is sucks.

[HardissonHard]

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[Lilo1]

Hello there! Thank you for informative post!

[RebLinn]

Thank you. Personal experience is always a strong argument for those who find themselves in such a situation. I myself saw what happens between the two exes after the start of the divorce. I thought and decided that marriage is not what I am striving for. There is also an easier relationship, try this. I talk a lot on the dating site now and I am sure that there are those who also do not want to be serious ..