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Thread: Real Life...

  1. #1
    Forum Regular Sugar Beats's Avatar
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    Real Life...

    My Grandpa who is 95 yrs. old in Michigan sometimes sends me funny or cute stories that amused him. Here are a few I got today...hope they make you smile. Have a good day!


    Before the shopper could pay for her groceries w/ a personal check, the checker needed her address. "What's your street name?" the checker asked.
    "I don't have a street name," replied the customer, "I just go by Juanita."

    A teenager, who'd been in a drug rehab, came before a judge. He told the court how he was gradually overcoming his addiction. The judge was impressed. "Well done," he said. "Let's hope you end the year on a real high."

    A Navy recruiter was addressing his younger audience and doing it on terms they could understand. At one point, he asked the group, "Anyone play the video game US Navy Seals?"
    "I have," said one teen.
    "Have you gotten to the level with the bridge yet?"
    "Yes."
    The audience leaned forward, anticipating a story similar to that of the video game...
    The recruiter looked at the young man and asked,
    "How do you beat that level?"

    Driving around in a parking garage looking for a spot a man could find nothing, no available space. He spotted a couple walking up ahead and pulled closer, "Going out?" He called to them.
    "No," said the man, "Just friends."
    Don't you like it on the sly? Don't you like it till it hurts? Have I been on your mind? What's a voice without a song?

  2. #2
    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    Good ones! I like your Grandpa.

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    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Sounds like my granpa...Caught him with his mouth on granma's neck, his dentures in a glass..."Whatcher dooin', granpa," I ask. "Jus' teethin', son," he replied.

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    Forum Regular Sugar Beats's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn
    Good ones! I like your Grandpa.

    Thanks FA. He's a real honest to goodness character. It wasn't too long ago that he sent me a pic of him dressed in nothing but shorts and boots in the middle of winter in his backyard holding a very large log over his head! It's a hilarious picture! I still don't know what the heck he was doing? I think he was trying to prove to us that he doesn't need help shoveling his walks or anything like that!

    I know the neighbor kid goes over and does it, so that's good. He's 95 for pete sake!



    Yep Auri, they sound like they are cut from the same cloth alright!
    Don't you like it on the sly? Don't you like it till it hurts? Have I been on your mind? What's a voice without a song?

  5. #5
    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sugar Beats
    Thanks FA. He's a real honest to goodness character. It wasn't too long ago that he sent me a pic of him dressed in nothing but shorts and boots in the middle of winter in his backyard holding a very large log over his head! It's a hilarious picture! I still don't know what the heck he was doing? I think he was trying to prove to us that he doesn't need help shoveling his walks or anything like that!

    I know the neighbor kid goes over and does it, so that's good. He's 95 for pete sake!



    Yep Auri, they sound like they are cut from the same cloth alright!
    Um, who took the picture?!

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    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    I'm tryin' so hard not to make a joke, here....Really trying....

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    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    Don't hurt yourself. Let it out man!

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    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Gimmea minnit...Gotta log on....(Ooops!)

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    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Auricauricle
    Gimmea minnit...Gotta log on....(Ooops!)
    Badumpum!

    Hey did I just fall for being your straight man (so to speak)?

  10. #10
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    You did great. Can a getta cymbal-crash with the badump-pun?

  11. #11
    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    Okay, this one isn't from my Gramps but it made me laugh out loud!

    A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

    The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
    Red.......................Cherry
    Yellow...................Lemon
    Green...................Lime
    Orange................ Orange

    Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

    'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

    One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God!! They're ass-holes!'

  12. #12
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Tishhhhhh................
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn
    Okay, this one isn't from my Gramps but it made me laugh out loud!

    A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

    The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
    Red.......................Cherry
    Yellow...................Lemon
    Green...................Lime
    Orange................ Orange

    Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

    'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

    One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, 'Oh my God!! They're ass-holes!'

    IIIIIIIII LLike it! Good one FA.

  14. #14
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    I teacher is telling the kids about some new vocabulary words. She goes to the board and writes:

    Nachos
    Facinate
    Hotel

    "Does anybody know how to put these words into sentences," she asks.

    After a few moments, with nobody raising a hand, little Juanita raises her hand.

    "Great!" says the teacher. "Juanita, could you give us some examples?"

    "Sure," says Juanita. "My mother gave me a new dress. It's mine and nachos."

    "Erm, yes...." replies the teacher. "Go on..."

    "This dress is beautiful. It has nine buttons in the front. I can facinate."

    "Um...."

    "But my mother says the dress is too tight. She says, 'Honey, when you bend over, I can see your hotel!'"

    "Thank you, Juanita."

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