Polygamy. Acceptable? Immoral? State your views here.

[nobody]

I'm generally in favor of consenting adults doing whatever they want. And, in theory, I can see how this could be a perfectly fine scenario. And, I am completely willing to believe there are families out there can make this or pretty much any other configuration work just fine.

However, in practice things get a bit more tricky. There is an inherent imbalance in polygamy if for no other reason than we are talking about one male husband and multiple female wives. If we saw this work both ways with single women with multiple husbands balancing things out, perhaps it would be different. But that this is such the prevalent dynamic, there is certainly a large degree of inequality in regard to gender if nothing else. So, you take something unbalanced with giving males significantly more power than females and it is hard not to expect that in many cases the dis-empowered group will be taken advantage of or abused in some way. To me, it also smacks of looking at wives as possessions to be gathered up.

So yeah, I guess I can see this as being perfectly workable in theory. But, in practice I have to believe happy, truly mutually beneficial relationships of this sort are strongly in the minority and overall the a system that found this OK would be horribly rife with abuses. I guess before I felt the practice was actually practiced in a fair matter routinely, I'd have to see more than an occasional anecdotal example of a family that works well following this set-up.

To me, an interesting question would be...do you think the proponents of this, and let's be honest those will mostly be people who are religiously motivated, would be OK with women having multiple husbands? If not, I frankly call bullsht on their whole mutual consent argument.

[GMichael]

I was thinking 3+ wives with 3+ husbands. I know it sounds like an orgy, but those are not agaist the law.

[nobody]

Not against the law.......yet.

[GMichael]

Well, if they were smoking......

[JohnMichael]

I was thinking 3+ wives with 3+ husbands. I know it sounds like an orgy, but those are not agaist the law.

They were called communes in the 60's and 70's.

[GMichael]

They were called communes in the 60's and 70's.

And normal for the Doctor on the Star Trek series Enterprise.

[ForeverAutumn]

I absolutely think that this could go both ways. If it's okay for a man to have multiple wives then certainly a woman can have multiple husbands. However, this would be more unlikely to happen since, I think, the reason for multiple wives is procreation. That doesn't work so well with multiple husbands.

[JohnMichael]

I absolutely think that this could go both ways. If it's okay for a man to have multiple wives then certainly a woman can have multiple husbands. However, this would be more unlikely to happen since, I think, the reason for multiple wives is procreation. That doesn't work so well with multiple husbands.

Now I can really get behind the idea of multiple husbands. Or is it the other way around.

[Feanor]

Are you sure it was just because you disagree and asked them to explain themselves?

What are you implying?

[ForeverAutumn]

What are you implying?

I think that what GM is implying is that, although you may not have meant it to be, your tone was insulting. More specifically, the word "feeble" is insulting. Had you responded to me that way, I would have reacted to you the same way JohnMicheal did.

[Feanor]

I think that what GM is implying is that, although you may not have meant it to be, your tone was insulting. More specifically, the word "feeble" is insulting. Had you responded to me that way, I would have reacted to you the same way JohnMicheal did.

Mea culpa. I was insensitive and I apologize for that. I'm like that sometimes and it is a fault of mine.

The problem is that I can be just too candid. I really felt that JM was being intellectually vague and called him on it. Regardless, I should have been more tactful.

Also, I do participate in forums where people are considerably ruder to each other, but I should remember that those are different places.

[Feanor]

I absolutely think that this could go both ways. If it's okay for a man to have multiple wives then certainly a woman can have multiple husbands. However, this would be more unlikely to happen since, I think, the reason for multiple wives is procreation. That doesn't work so well with multiple husbands.

A group of women can produce just as many children or more if each has her own husband instead of sharing one. Hence the reason isn't biological procreation. I suggest it is a matter of acquisitiveness on the part of the polygamists (and lust, of course).

[Hyfi]

Oh and by the way the sister wives and husband were on Oprah. The women, children and husband all seemed very happy.

Oh well if it was on Oprah, then it must be true.

Is it at all possible that the family was told to behave and look happy by the dominating husband so that they could cash in on being on Oprah while promoting their brainwashing religion witch justifies the behavior for the rest of their team?

Just sayin.....

[JohnMichael]

Oh well if it was on Oprah, then it must be true.

Is it at all possible that the family was told to behave and look happy by the dominating husband so that they could cash in on being on Oprah while promoting their brainwashing religion witch justifies the behavior for the rest of their team?

Just sayin.....

I doubt they would have gone to the trouble. I watched the episode and they looked genuinely happy. Oh and by the way the women were strong independant women. If I remember correctly some of the women maintained their own homes. The situation was not a man in bed with four women. That would be a harem if they all shared the same bed. Of course then they would need a eunuch to guard the wives.

[Hyfi]

I doubt they would have gone to the trouble. I watched the episode and they looked genuinely happy. Oh and by the way the women were strong independant women. If I remember correctly some of the women maintained their own homes. The situation was not a man in bed with four women. That would be a harem if they all shared the same bed. Of course then they would need a eunuch to guard the wives.

Oh thats right, people on tv don't put on an act, not even Oprah.

It's possible that they are happy and if they are, great. But they should not be using religion to justify it all. If people want to do it, they should do it out of any faith because that is what they choose, not join a whacked religion so they can do it.

[GMichael]

What are you implying?

That you can be rough around the edges sometimes.

(but we love you anyhow)

[ForeverAutumn]

Oh well if it was on Oprah, then it must be true.

Is it at all possible that the family was told to behave and look happy by the dominating husband so that they could cash in on being on Oprah while promoting their brainwashing religion witch justifies the behavior for the rest of their team?

Just sayin.....

Having watched 'Sister Wives' a few times. The family really does seem happy. The show started with three wives. The husband was courting a fourth woman who, after time, he wanted to bring into the family. A family meeting was held to discuss the possibility. The other wives and all of the kids liked this woman and her children so they were excited about including her in the family. I really believe that had the other wives objected the husband would not have asked the fourth to marry him.

Could the whole thing be a show for TV? Sure. But, like John, I don't think it is. I compare this to stories like Carolyn Jessop (read the book Escape. It's frightening!). And although both are polygamous families, the attitudes and values couldn't be more different.

I saw parts of that Oprah episode. From what I could tell, religion is less of an issue for this family than 'community' is. They did not preach or promote their religion on Oprah, nor do they do it on their TV show.

[JohnMichael]

Oh thats right, people on tv don't put on an act, not even Oprah.

It's possible that they are happy and if they are, great. But they should not be using religion to justify it all. If people want to do it, they should do it out of any faith because that is what they choose, not join a whacked religion so they can do it.

Should we list all the negative events that were justified with religion. Look at all the polygamy in the Old Testament. Oh and I think religion is whack.

[noddin0ff]

I guess before I felt the practice was actually practiced in a fair matter routinely, I'd have to see more than an occasional anecdotal example of a family that works well following this set-up.

Bingo. I was hoping to say the same thing but nobody puts it well, and in a good context.

[Feanor]

Bingo. I was hoping to say the same thing but nobody puts it well, and in a good context.

I've never watched Sister Wives, (just not my kind of show), but I have the feeling it presents polygamy in the best possible light, and thereby misrepresents the typical reality of it in North American and even more so the world in general.

With all due respect to ForeverAutumn and not deliberately being insulting, the whole topic does not merit serious discussion. Polygamy is a social evil and, without saying it is as bad necessarily, I liken it to slavery. I see no need to discuss the merits of slavery despite that there were slaveowners who treated their slaves well and slaves, no doubt, who would have preferred to stay with them than be set free -- blah, blah, blah.

[kexodusc]

Acceptable but stupid...

Sums up this subject for me. +1

[ForeverAutumn]

With all due respect to ForeverAutumn and not deliberately being insulting, the whole topic does not merit serious discussion. Polygamy is a social evil and, without saying it is as bad necessarily, I liken it to slavery. I see no need to discuss the merits of slavery despite that there were slaveowners who treated their slaves well and slaves, no doubt, who would have preferred to stay with them than be set free -- blah, blah, blah.

And yet you go on to discuss it.

[blackraven]

I couldn't see having more than 1 wife. The WAF for my Magnepans would be much tougher!

[Feanor]

And yet you go on to discuss it {Sister Wives}.

No, not at all. I was discussing polygamy as an institution, not the show.

To be sure, if a bunch of women want to live with each other and one man, that's their business. Acceptable but stupid as Bobsticks says.

I'm not exactly sure what 'Sticks was calling 'stupid', but I think it is potentially a big problem for a woman to live with a man without the legal protections of marriage or common law relationship. And of course, for reasons mentioned I'm throughly opposed to formally institutionalizing polygamy or polyandry.

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