To my folks at AR.....

[L.J.]

Just wanted to tell you guys I'm not gonna be around for a bit. My life is going to hell and it's gonna be a while before I feel like posting. My marriage of 11 years is ending and I'm not feeling to good. I'll be back eventually I guess. I have a lot of things I need to sort out in my life. I want to thank everyone for helping me out through the years.

I still log into the PSN for gaming. It takes my mind off what's going on. So I'm down for a game, I guess. Take it easy everyone.

[GMichael]

Just wanted to tell you guys I'm not gonna be around for a bit. My life is going to hell and it's gonna be a while before I feel like posting. My marriage of 11 years is ending and I'm not feeling to good. I'll be back eventually I guess. I have a lot of things I need to sort out in my life. I want to thank everyone for helping me out through the years.

I still log into the PSN for gaming. It takes my mind off what's going on. So I'm down for a game, I guess. Take it easy everyone.

OMG! That sucks!!

I have to run now but will respond more after I get back.

[Worf101]

Sorry to hear it bro. Hang in there, I've a spare pullout in the living room and you're welcome to it (all joking aside). Sides, I'd rather have you there than most of my deadbeat relatives.

Da Worfster

[ForeverAutumn]

L.J. I'm sorry to hear about your tough times. I hope that you fare it well and quickly and find yourself in a better frame of mind soon.

In the meantime, know that we're always here when you feel the need for comic relief.

Take care of yourself.

[JSE]

Sorry to here that man. Once you get everything sorted out and feel a bit better, come on back and we will be happy to make fun of Rich to make you feel better. Sorry Rich, time to take one for the team.

[kexodusc]

LJ,
Hell I never know what to type when I read crap like this, except I'm thinking of you buddy...wish there was something I could do to help. Chin up and don't get down on yourself...dominate this challenge life's thrown at you.

Look after yourself, bro...we'll be here when you get back.

[GMichael]

I am very sorry to read about your tough times LJ. It's never a happy time when a relationship ends. But try not to let it weigh you down too much. There is whole lot of good out there waiting for you to find it. Don't forget to keep an eye open for it.
Your insight and jokes will be greatly missed here until your return.
See you in the PSN. Maybe a few games of bowling? Or maybe we can take turns blowing up Tex.

[basite]

sucks to hear that LJ.....


I hope all ends well...

My parents divorced a couple of months ago too, it was hard, but try to look at different things. constantly thinking about it just makes things worse - believe me.

as Kex said, we'll be here when you get back...

Keep them spinning,
Bert.

[Ajani]

L.J. I know the last thing you probably feel like doing is hanging around and talking AV nonsense on this site, but that might be just the kind of distraction that you need...

I really hope it all works out in the end... Try to remember that you're always welcome around here...

[dean_martin]

Hang in there, LJ. It took me six years to get over my first marriage. When I finally resolved to be single for the rest of my life and began actually enjoying being single, I met my present wife. Funny how things work out - just have to be strong enough long enough for a new life to take shape.

It's tough being practical in times like these, but the lawyer in me has a list of dos and don'ts if you're interested.

[Rich-n-Texas]

Very sad to hear this L.J. I can only repeat what everyone else has already said (except the part where they blow me up ) but hang in there and things will work out for the best eventually.

[GMichael]

(except the part where they blow me up ) .

Everyone's a critic

[JohnMichael]

L. J. I am sorry to hear about the events unfolding in your life. I hope whatever happens is resolved quickly and you can look for happiness again. Stop in any time you need to vent.

[bobsticks]

LJ,
Hell I never know what to type when I read crap like this, except I'm thinking of you buddy...wish there was something I could do to help. Chin up and don't get down on yourself...dominate this challenge life's thrown at you.

Look after yourself, bro...we'll be here when you get back.

ditto

This is such a rough time of year, easpecially this year, that so often built resentments surface and things snowball. I know so many folks that are experiencing challenges, be it in relationships or health or finances...

Thoughts and prayers, my friend, thoughts and prayers...yer in 'em.

Peace,
M

[Woochifer]

Oh man, sorry to hear about that. Keep your spirits up in the meantime. We're all pulling for you, and look forward to seeing you back in the fold in short order. Take care ...

[topspeed]

Hey LJ,

I'm really sorry to hear about that, brother. It's going to feel like the world is caving in on you, but we both know that it's not. My best advice would be to stay out of your head as much as possible. In other words, don't let your mind idle; keep feeding it good information (stay away from the news) and keep your motor running. Good books ("The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch is an easy read), sports, and yes, video games are all effective. Consider this as a "Reset" button. This is an opportunity to really move your life forward.

Stay positive, you'll get through this.

[Smokey]

Hey LJ,

My best advice would be to stay out of your head as much as possible. In other words, don't let your mind idle; keep feeding it good information (stay away from the news) and keep your motor running. Good books ("The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch is an easy read), sports, and yes, video games are all effective.

That is good advice. I would also add a long trip to that list where one get away from everything for a while visiting long distance families or friends.

Be strong L.J. and as long as you got your health, you will get over it.

[RoadRunner6]

L.J. I'm sorry to hear this sad news.

Remember in the difficult times ahead that there is one person in the whole world who is more important than all the other human beings on this planet. That is L.J.! That is the person who you need to take care of most and embrace with a mother's love. As difficult as it might seem, take the best care of him you possibly can.

Even though the tendency might be to withdraw inward, let all of your family, friends and co-workers know about your situation. Reach out, you will need their love and support.

If you feel that you cannot cope with the sadness, give the old nurse a call. I did and the doc has some great new stuff that really helps after a few weeks. It is not a sign of weakness but a sign of a smart man. Sometimes a little help to keep the brain chemistry
going in the rights paths makes a healing difference.

Come back whenever you can and just say hello and let us know how you're doing. Friends are always here to lend an ear.

RR6 (a big mental hug)

[Auricauricle]

I am so sorry to read this news, LJ. Along with everyone else, I wish you well and will think good things of you in the days to come.

I will only caution you to be especially careful as the holiday season cranks into high gear. This season is already extremely stressful, and the addition of the sort of hell you are and will be going through can be well nigh unbearable. Please be careful, and seek out friends and family members who love you and can give you the emotional support you need. It will be tempting to turn to other sources of support as well: alcohol, drug, etc. Although I have kidded around alot about these things, they can pave a bad road, and I don't wanna see you take it. If friends and family are in short supply, then come back here or contact us personally. My webaddress is accessible, and you may certainly "pop in" any time you like.....

Again, you will be in my thoughts, LJ,

-Aa

[L.J.]

Hello everyone, thanks for your kind words and great advice. Everything is pretty much the same with me. I have offered every possible solution to keep my marriage together but she is pretty determined to go and have it completely over. I personally thought everything was fine but I guess not. Her father died not to long ago and everything pretty much went down hill after that. She went from being my best friend, someone I thought I knew, to someone who has to get piercings and all these tattoos all of a sudden. It's almost like her dad died and she feels she has to go out and do anything and everything before she dies too. Sounds weird but that's what I'm getting out of it. She doesn't want to talk about anything serious or relating to what she is doing. As long as I shut my mouth and don't bring anything up than everything is fine. I have no real answers and I'm assuming she has meet someone else. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. She doesn't want to talk about anything because obviously she doesn't want to keep lying to me about stuff. 2 months before all this started we were looking at tent trailers and talking about what we were gonna do for our 11 year anniversary. What the hell happened in 2 months??????

We have decided to live together til both our lives are sorted out. We work together(self employed) so I have to find a job and a room mate because I can't afford to live here on my own. I barely made it out of high school and I'm paying for it now. No education, no skills. My resume isn't looking too good. She has a decent job lined up already so as soon as I find work, she's gone.

I'm being mature about this and have avoided any fights. I was feeling really bad last week but I'm a little better now I guess. My kids don't know yet and I don't know how I'm gonna cope with that. My eyes are watering just by thinking about what's gonna happen to them. I have a 10 year old and 3 year old. I just can't imagine going a day without seeing them. I know a lot of people who see their kids every other weekend but that's not me. I'm not that type of person.

I'm not trying to paint this evil picture of her. She is still a very nice person and she still loves me. As long as we don't talk about the immediate future than the house still functions somewhat normally. I want to hold onto our friendship but I don't know how long that's gonna last for.

I'm proud to say that in the end I lived up to my vowels. I never lied to her or cheated or did anything shady. I alway put my family before myself. I would have stayed until the very end.

[GMichael]

LJ,

I'm so sorry to read your post. You deserve to be happy. It sounds like she is going through some kind of mid life crisis. She may come to her senses and realize that her long term happiness would be better served by staying with the man who has stuck by her all this time and is the father of her children. But people can be strange. Way too often, people do things that make no sense to me. I'll hope that she wakes up and sees the mistake she is making.

[kexodusc]

Hey LJ,

Your kids are really luck to have a Dad that loves them so much, and they'll be there for you for the rest of your life because of it. Sounds like your enduring this as well as any man ever could...I wish I had some advice or something smart to say but I don't. I just know you're gonna make it through to the other side and better days are ahead. Hang in there, bro.

[Sugar Beats]

kind of thing. Except I am the one in the midst of a crisis.

I have been going to both marriage counseling and a private counselor of my own. I have uncovered quite a lot, and while I wouldn't want to get to in depth re: it here on a public site, I think I may have some good insights for you. I have been married for 13 yrs and I have 4 kids. I'm 37 and thought maybe it was MLC, but it's not. But it's deep.
If you want to talk or share some thoughts, I'd be glad to lend an ear and give as much perspective as I can. Believe me, I know it's hard. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. Alot of it stems from family issues and from my relationship to my dad, who is still alive, but incapable of giving or showing love of any kind.
I really wish they offered "counseling" services as a requirement for marriage. Or if I had been more aware, I could have gone a long time ago and saved myself alot of pain. I am at least in the stage where I am working through my issues and I guess sometimes that's just the best one can do.

My thoughts are with you at this time. Good Luck.

[Sugar Beats]

I have been doing alot of reading as of late.

I just finished a copy of "The Christmas Sweater" by Glenn Beck.
It's a fast read, you should easily have it done within a day or two. It's very relevant to what you are going through. If your wife would be willing to read it, I think it would have a lot of meaning to her as well, as Glenn also relates in the story and in his personal life to the loss of a parent.

It discusses being in the "eye" of your storm, whatever it may be. He really does share his own experiences very poignantly. He speaks of forgiveness, facing your greatest fears and your regrets. His website, I think it's called eyeofthestorm.com also shares other people's personal stories. I thought it was helpful for me to read those just to gain some much needed perspective. Even though this is the absolute toughest time of my life, it helped me to see that even as awful as I currently feel, other people have it worse than me. After reading other people's experiences, it made me feel as if I should look around and see who is hurting worse than I am and find out what I can do to help. Service. It's a great healer, perspective gainer and hey, it helps to kill the time and take your mind off your own problems. I know you may not feel like you are up to it. But just keep it in mind for when you feel like you might. Tis' the season, right?

Also if you do not have a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, go get one - today!

I cannot say enough about this book. It's amazing. I feel like Norman Peale is straight up, a gift from God. His insights are truly amazing!
Right off the bat, he will help you feel better about whatever is going on in your life and he will tell you how to cope and what you need to do to buoy yourself up and stay afloat. Especially when you feel like you can't or don't even want to.

I highly, highly recommend this book. Sorry for the back to back posts. I logged out then thought about some of what I have been doing/read recently and am hoping this may help you.

Take Care, and remember you can email me anytime.

[GMichael]

Sugar,

Thanks for stepping up to help out one of our favorite members here. Just one thought though. It may not be wise to list your email address on a public forum. You never know who is reading. You may want to delete the address from your post and sent it to LJ in a PM (private message), for your own security.