----- In Honor of Stupid People . . .

[JohnMichael]

Do not fold, spindle or mutilate?

Or more like this:

You’ve asked her out, and she said YES! What do you do now?

Pre-Date Plans

Making the Plans

Call your date prior to the rendezvous, preferably the day before; by this time, you should have already formulated tentative plans on where to go (see Where To Go, below). Discuss these suggested plans with your date. If she seems unenthusiastic about your choices and does not offer any alternatives, then ask her for some suggestions. If your date proposes someplace different from your original idea, go with it (unless she wants to go clogging or something, in which case cancel the date). Don’t make the destination a surprise. If for some reason you absolutely must, then give the woman an idea of what to wear. Stiletto heels and a miniskirt are not fun at a picnic.

What to Bring

Here’s a tip; I never met a woman that hated receiving flowers. Bringing flowers shows that you are thoughtful, generous, and have a sense of aesthetics, all good traits in a man. Daisies, tulips, and a half-dozen white or yellow roses are all good picks for a first date bouquet. Don’t bring carnations; as my friend Niru says, "They look cheap." Also, a dozen red roses are too presumptuous for a first date. A woman wants a potential boyfriend, not a potential stalker.

Other good gifts include: a tasteful box of candy (French mints are a good pick, but buy the more expensive brand); a small, interesting plant; a favorite food of hers. Don’t be afraid to get creative. You want to leave a lasting impression—giving lingerie is not a good idea, unless you want to leave the impression of your cheek on her hand.

How To Act

Manners

Chivalry is not dead. Forget all the PC garbage; women love all the old-time gestures of courtesy. The majority of women will want you to open their doors, pull out their chairs, offer your coat, and let them go first. By far, women want a gentleman—these types of behaviors will display that you have class, good breeding, respect, and that you were raised right by your mother.

Money Matters

I cannot stress this enough; you must pay for all the evening’s activities. I know that this may make women seem petty and selfish, but secretly every woman expects the man to pay on the first date. Unfair though it may seem this is tradition; don’t be a rebel. The woman will most likely attempt to pay for a check. Gently refute this by jokingly saying, "You can get it next time." If you really like this woman, chances are you will have a second, third, and fourth date. Very soon she will return the favor.

Where To Go

Dinner

The purpose of the first date is for the man and woman to get to know each other. To do this, you must talk. So, you can’t go wrong with dinner. Take her to a semi-fancy restaurant; McDonald’s won’t cut it. Conversely, don’t take her to a very expensive restaurant; she will feel uncomfortable if you pay for a $100+ check. Show your originality by taking her to a little-known local restaurant with a diverse menu. Discuss the type of restaurant fare before you plan; you don’t want to take her out for seafood only to discover that shrimp makes her swell up like a balloon. If an upscale local restaurant is out (or your budget can’t handle it), take her to a mid-range chain like T.G.I. Fridays or Chili’s. They have tasty food and fun atmosphere.

What next?

Dinner was great, but what should you two potential lovebirds do next? Dinner and a movie is now a dating cliché, so I wouldn’t recommend it. There is no chance for talking, too much chance for arguing ("You actually like Steven Segal?"). There is also too much opportunity for worrying and committing a faux pas (Where should I put my hand? Can she tell I’m staring at her out of the corner of my eye?). If you and she like dancing, go dancing. However, if you look like a drunk monkey when you dance, maybe you should wait until you are more comfortable with each other before displaying your boogie-down inadequacies. Instead, take her out to a cool coffee bar or an intimate nightclub; make sure (subtly) that she drinks alcohol before placing her in a potentially uncomfortable situation. Don’t drink too much, though, or the only thing you’ll be kissing that night is the porcelain goddess.

After the Date

Saying Goodnight

To kiss or not to kiss? Isn’t that really the question? Unfortunately, I don’t have a definitive answer for that one. Rely on your gut feeling—if the woman seems open to being kissed (stands close to you, seems a bit nervous, touches your arm or shoulder), then go for it. However, if you are not sure, don’t try to press the issue. If the woman is into you, there is always the next date. After the kiss (or lack thereof), make sure you tell your date how much fun you had and hint at a future date. You don’t want to leave her wondering whether you will ask her out again.

The Phone Call

Yes, I’ve seen the movie Swingers. And no you should not wait a whole week to call your date. If you really like this woman, call her the next day. As much as women like to play games, we don’t like to be on the receiving end of them. You will make the woman a nervous wreck waiting for your call. You will also seem too casual if you wait a long period of time to ring her up. Call for a quick chat, deep conversation, or heck, ask her out again. Thus, a woman will not have to analyze your feelings; they will be apparent. Please, though, don’t expect your date to call you; we are not programmed that way.

There you have it, the perfect first date. Now the rest is up to you. All these hints won’t amount to much if you are not your charming self. So be loose, have a good time, and let your personality show through. A second date can’t be far behind.

Dressing for Dummies
Face it. Looks are the first thing that attracts a woman. So, what do you wear on your first date so she’ll be clamoring for a second?
Casual
The date: picnic, outdoor concert.

Though I recommend these as second date activities, the more adventurous may want to take their date to a casual event. Jeans (not dirty or ripped) and polo shirt.

Semi-Casual/Formal
The date: dinner, movie.

These plans are the best for a first date . Khakis and a white-button down are my top pick. Alternate choices: wool sweater, corduroys/ black pants, fitted shirt (cool weather); khaki shorts and short-sleeved polo (warm weather).

Formal
The date: formal dinner, posh nightclub.

This type of date is probably too expensive for a new couple. Trendy suit; tie and blazer.

Don’t Forget:
polished shoes, cologne, mouthwash, styled hair, clean shave.

Never, Ever Wear:
cowboy boots (or hat), vest with no shirt underneath, overabundance of jewelry, T-shirt, tank top, old sneakers, too much cologne, sweatshirt, baseball cap, dirty clothes.

Remember; Dress according to your destination, and you’ll never be inappropriately attired. Call ahead for dress-code if you are uncertain.

Oh my you straight men have it tough.

[GMichael]

Oh my you straight men have it tough.

Oh yes, women are strange creatures. But Spanky is no bargin either. Toss up I guess.

[dean_martin]

No, I did not mean anything personal towards you or attornteys in general. I was thinking of some people I knew who were always watching for someone to sue as a get rich quick scheme if they were not able to win the lottery. You may not know this but I worked in healthcare for 15 years both in patient care and management. Someone was always threatening to sue us. Then when I was in management and you fired someone they would always tell you their lawyer would be calling. They never did of course but I was always glad we had first class representation if there ever was a suit. So believe me the legal team we had made us feel more confident in what we were doing and kept us informed so we did not do anything wrong.

Yep - good screening turns away a lot of got-no-case-big-talkers. Speaking of healthcare, we've also met with many people who believed their or their loved ones' doctors committed malpractice, but after speaking with them for a while we realized that the doctor simply had a poor bedside manner.

[Oneeyesnake]

Only a smart person can create this topic. A genius perhaps, or one of moderate intelligence, is qualified to create a thread that is a tongue in cheek insult to the so called "stupid people".

If they're so stupid, how will they know it's about them? And how will those who are NOT stupid realize it is someone else who is the focal point of this crap?

YOU need to think things through, completely!! Otherwise, you'll appear stupid.

[L.J.]

Only a smart person can create this topic. A genius perhaps, or one of moderate intelligence, is qualified to create a thread that is a tongue in cheek insult to the so called "stupid people".

If they're so stupid, how will they know it's about them? And how will those who are NOT stupid realize it is someone else who is the focal point of this crap?

YOU need to think things through, completely!! Otherwise, you'll appear stupid.

[GMichael]

Only a smart person can create this topic. A genius perhaps, or one of moderate intelligence, is qualified to create a thread that is a tongue in cheek insult to the so called "stupid people".

If they're so stupid, how will they know it's about them? And how will those who are NOT stupid realize it is someone else who is the focal point of this crap?

YOU need to think things through, completely!! Otherwise, you'll appear stupid.

Dude, don't you know a joke when you read one? Sorry if I hurt your feelings.

YOU need to think things through, completely!! Otherwise, you'll appear stupid

[shokhead]

We had Santa Ana's a few weeks ago,dust everywhere. Middle of the day i get a call to go look at a teachers car so i figure somebody hit it. Go and check and i cant see anything wrong and the teacher is standing next to me saying,see!. Ah,no what? Look,somebody threw dirt on it. I look at her and say,its Santa Ana's,look at everybody eles's cars. Nope,there's isnt as dirty,somebody threw dirt on it. Its so fine of silt that i blow on it and it comes right off. I said so what do we do. She tells me to take pictures of it and then to wash it. What? I dont wash somebody's car. Well you need to at least wash off the dirt with the hose. No i dont. By then the VP comes out and takes a picture and tells me to wash it off. Nope,i dopnt do cars. Now i'm called into the Prin office,why didnt you wash off the car? After a lot of back and forth,the next time they tell me to do anything,i should just do it. I work with pretty much all stupid people. There are everywhere.

[GMichael]

Maybe you should have washed every car in the parking lot. How about every car that passed by while you're at it? Then when they ask why you didn't get anything else done, you could throw water on them and start scrubbing.

[JohnMichael]

Is one eye snake any relation to daddy3legs? I just do not understand the need for penile references. You would almost think I would.

[GMichael]

Is one eye snake any relation to daddy3legs? I just do not understand the need for penile references. You would almost think I would.

You noticed the similarities too huh? He even started a thread about the Giants the way D3L used to. Makes me ashamed to be a Giant's fan.

[L.J.]

You noticed the similarities too huh?

I was thinking that also.

[Oneeyesnake]

You noticed the similarities too huh? He even started a thread about the Giants the way D3L used to. Makes me ashamed to be a Giant's fan.

Dude, unfortunately, we're not related, though the name is just as catchy.

And Yes, I like the NY Giants. The playoff bound NY Giants, that is!!!!!!

[GMichael]

Dude, unfortunately, we're not related, though the name is just as catchy.

And Yes, I like the NY Giants. The playoff bound NY Giants, that is!!!!!!

I hope they start playing up to their potential soon. Then they might even win a few playoff games if they do. Their games are very hard to watch with all the mistakes they make. And what kind of idiot refuses a penalty that would push their opponent out of field gold range when you're only 3 points up? The same idiot that accepts a holding penalty after a 10 yard sack. That's it, give them a free down. I'm gonna pull all my hair out!

[GMichael]

Dude, unfortunately, we're not related, though the name is just as catchy.

And Yes, I like the NY Giants. The playoff bound NY Giants, that is!!!!!!

By the way, how was your trip to Giants Stadium last week?

[Oneeyesnake]

By the way, how was your trip to Giants Stadium last week?

Haven't been to a game in years. The Giants are tough on D and have a better offense than one might think.

[GMichael]

Haven't been to a game in years. The Giants are tough on D and have a better offense than one might think.

I think they could have a great offense once they get thear act together. Plenty of tallent in every possition. Eli needs to settle down. I think he's trying too hard. What's he, 22? He'll learn. And the line needs to not move before the ball is snapped. Then make smarter calls. Really, why did they accept a holding penalty after a 10 yard sack? They don't gain anything, and it gave the Eagles an extra down. Why did they not accept the other holding penalty that would have pushed the birds back out of field gold range to tie the game? Where is this guy's head? Every week he does something that makes me question reality. Is it the head coach? Is it the offensive coordinator? One of them needs to wake the f.k up.

[Oneeyesnake]

Penalties are the problem.....easilyt would be in command of every game if they would be less "penal" in the refs judgement.

Eli is learning, growing, and will be better in two years. Now, he's going to lead the team to the Super Bowl. Hey, he's the QB we have.

Actually Barber is the leader, but on the field Manning will prove himself a great leader.

[GMichael]

Penalties are the problem.....easilyt would be in command of every game if they would be less "penal" in the refs judgement.

Eli is learning, growing, and will be better in two years. Now, he's going to lead the team to the Super Bowl. Hey, he's the QB we have.

Actually Barber is the leader, but on the field Manning will prove himself a great leader.

I believe in Eli. He'll keep growing and he has lot's of potential. He could snap out of his funk at any moment and catch on fire.

Still some stupid calls by whoever is making them. I can feel my hair turning grey as I watch.

[GMichael]

Another blast from the past.