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  1. #1
    Da Dragonball Kid L.J.'s Avatar
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    The birds and the bees!

    So I have an interesting question for you guys. I have a curious 10 year old and I feel it's about time to sit down and have a chat with the little guy. I'd rather he hear it from me than one of his school mates. And this is assuming he doesn't already know

    So my question is.....when did you get the talk or did you?

    I didn't. I had to umm....learn on my own

  2. #2
    _ Luvin Da Blues's Avatar
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    I was given a couple of books. But they did have pictures.
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    Still got them?

  4. #4
    Rep points are my LIFE!! Groundbeef's Avatar
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    Definatly have a good chat.

    When I was a wee lad, my mother sat me down and gave me the entire chat. I frankly don't know how she did it, but I got the whole picture. I mean I knew everything there was to know about sex. In fact, in 6th grade, we had a quiz to 'test" our knowledge, and then a private 1-1 discussion with a teacher to go over the answers, and correct any misconceptions.

    I was the only one that had ever scored a 100%. I think I knew more than the teacher!

    That said, the talk is much easier in the abstract. Set aside about 1 hour. Walk through it slowly, and dispell with the "baby talk". Clinical talk is easier, rather than slang.

    Depending upon your particular religious beliefs there are some very good Christian "Sex Talk" books. My wife has used them with our daughters. We previewed them before hand, as I didn't want an over-emphais on abstinance or other nonsense. They mainly stressed "marital" relations versus live-in or casual sex.

    One thing to keep in mind, at 10 he may already feel that he "knows" everything, or be embarrassed to be discussing it. There will probably be much giggling, and blushing.

    I would also consider discussing other methods of sex, as well as negative consequences. I don't think you need pictures of "sick willies" but it is important to discuss that there are dangers to having casual sex with many partners. Although it may be uncomfortable, the dangers of oral sex should also be discussed. Many kids today do not consider oral sex to be "sex".

    Birth Control should not be avoided either (IMHO). Rather than a tacit approval to have sex, I think that one should be educated to prevent disease, or pregnancy.

    Remember, talking to your child about sex is always difficult. Sitting in the waiting room, while his girlfriend delivers the unintended baby is even more difficult. I would opt for the first choice!
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  5. #5
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    I got The Talk one afternoon after my mother prevailed upon my dad to do so. By that time, I had heard quite alot about "doing it" from "knowledgeable" friends and inferring the rest from certain jokes. He simply asked me what I knew, and after I told him (with my eyes focused on a pattern on the rug), he said simply: "If you get a girl pregnant, it will be your responsibility." After that, the refrain "Don't get anybody pregnant" was intoned whenever I went out. The phrase made my mother blush--which pleased Dad enormously--and reminded me to keep my One-and-Only within the confines of my undies.

    The only thing I would add to Beefy's comments is to ask your child how much he knows already. Again, "giggling and blushing" may attend the answer, but it will give you a launch pad for your discussion and give you a sense of the terms he uses and of his perception.

  6. #6
    I took a headstart... basite's Avatar
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    One point I would add, is to stress the fact that at the age of 10, it is too early to have a sexual relationship with someone, and that when the urge to try 'it' comes, that they should always think it over, and talk about it with someone they can trust. Accidents happen real quick, and as Groundbeef already mentioned, it's even more difficult to sit in the waiting room, while his girlfriend delivers the unintended baby...
    Tell him that in a few years he will come in to the puberty, and that his body will start to change and all that, and again, that it's important to think twice when all those hormones are starting to kick in...

    at the age of 10, though, in the current society, it's most likely for him to already know a thing or 2...

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  7. #7
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    When I was 18, my dad asked me if I needed to have "the talk". I told him he was too late.
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  8. #8
    Forum Regular audio amateur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    When I was 18, my dad asked me if I needed to have "the talk". I told him he was too late.

  9. #9
    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    I never had "the talk" with either of my parents. The closest I got was a discussion with my mother about my period. But it didn't include any birds and bees stuff. I learned what I learned through sex-ed at school, through friends or through personal experience.

    From a female perspective, don't just go through the technical aspects of sex with your son. Talk to him about relationships and respecting his girlfriends. I remember watching something on TV recently where they were talking about this subject with a family. One of the things that the parents did with their daughters was to have the Dad take the daughter out for lunch and talk to her about how she deserves to be treated by a boy. And that any boy who didn't treat her with respect didn't deserve to be with her. This is a great talk to have with boys too. How they should expect to be treated by their girlfriends and how their girlfriends should expect to be treated by them. Talk to him about mutual respect in relationships. You may think that he's a bit young for this, but 10 is the age when kids start holding hands and experimenting with kissing. He may be many years from going "all the way", but it's never too early to learn respect IMO.

    Thinking back to the boyfriends that I had before my mid-20s, this is something that many guys just don't understand (or don't care about) until they are older. And that's unfortunate.

  10. #10
    Forum Regular audio amateur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn
    From a female perspective, don't just go through the technical aspects of sex with your son. Talk to him about relationships and respecting his girlfriends. I remember watching something on TV recently where they were talking about this subject with a family. One of the things that the parents did with their daughters was to have the Dad take the daughter out for lunch and talk to her about how she deserves to be treated by a boy. And that any boy who didn't treat her with respect didn't deserve to be with her. This is a great talk to have with boys too. How they should expect to be treated by their girlfriends and how their girlfriends should expect to be treated by them. Talk to him about mutual respect in relationships. You may think that he's a bit young for this, but 10 is the age when kids start holding hands and experimenting with kissing. He may be many years from going "all the way", but it's never too early to learn respect IMO.

    Thinking back to the boyfriends that I had before my mid-20s, this is something that many guys just don't understand (or don't care about) until they are older. And that's unfortunate.
    Very good points. That's something my parents have always stressed.

  11. #11
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Treating others with respect is something that should be taught all along. No need to wait until a certain age or particular talk. Golden rule number one: Do on to others as you would have them do on to you.
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  12. #12
    Forum Regular audio amateur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    Treating others with respect is something that should be taught all along. No need to wait until a certain age or particular talk. Golden rule number one: Do on to others as you would have them do on to you.
    Sure, however it's important to stress it with relationships.

  13. #13
    Da Dragonball Kid L.J.'s Avatar
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    Great points guys!!!! I'm taking notes

  14. #14
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    I've found that it's the guys (and gals these days) who disrespect most everyone, who are also the ones who treat their significant others the worst. If they are taught to treat everyone with respect, then it will translate into treating the ones they are in relationships with the same way, if not better.

    Edit: And it all starts with how you treat others and your significant other. Kids learn by watching you.
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  15. #15
    Da Dragonball Kid L.J.'s Avatar
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    Unbelievable!!!!!!! Turns out the little guy has a #$%^*(* girlfriend already!!!!!! My wife and I are completely shocked. And I thought I knew my own kid. Little girls started calling the house about a week ago and we thought nothing of it. Well we decided to listen in on one of the conversations and WOW!!!! He still seems to be pretty innocent(although he asked one of the girls for a hug next time he sees her ) and in this situation he is being pressured by the girls. They were pressuring him to hug them and get this......hug for more than 5 seconds!!! Can you believe that @#%^&. They are freakin 10. I didn't start that stuff til I was 16. He doesn't know what we heard and he is about to get a looooooooong talk. No yelling, just a honest open discussion. I still can't believe it. The boy gets straight A's and for the most part, he's a very respectful kid. Guess it doesn't help that he looks just like his old man. Damn me and my cursed good looks!!!!!

  16. #16
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    It looks like it's getting harder and harder to shelter kids these days. Even the Disney channel is filled with shows that have pre-teens dating. What's a parent to do? Good luck with that talk.
    Oh, and yeah, you are kinda cute. Don't don't tell any of the guys that I said so.
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  17. #17
    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by L.J.
    Unbelievable!!!!!!! Turns out the little guy has a #$%^*(* girlfriend already!!!!!! My wife and I are completely shocked. And I thought I knew my own kid. Little girls started calling the house about a week ago and we thought nothing of it. Well we decided to listen in on one of the conversations and WOW!!!! He still seems to be pretty innocent(although he asked one of the girls for a hug next time he sees her ) and in this situation he is being pressured by the girls. They were pressuring him to hug them and get this......hug for more than 5 seconds!!! Can you believe that @#%^&. They are freakin 10. I didn't start that stuff til I was 16. He doesn't know what we heard and he is about to get a looooooooong talk. No yelling, just a honest open discussion. I still can't believe it. The boy gets straight A's and for the most part, he's a very respectful kid. Guess it doesn't help that he looks just like his old man. Damn me and my cursed good looks!!!!!
    LOL! A hug for more than 5 seconds! I know that this is serious stuff...but it's just so darn CUTE!

    I'm not surprised that the girls are chasing him. Besides his obvious inherited charm, girls mature faster than boys and are more open about their emotions.

  18. #18
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    It's never too early to have the "audio" talk with your son. I agree you don't want him to learn about audio from the street. He may pick up bad habits, like listening to Bose. Next thing you know he's buying a Wave Radio, or a Lifestyle system. NIP IT IN THE BUD!

    If you do catch him listening to Bose, make him listen to a pair of 301's, or one of their ".2" systems for hours and hours, untill he can't take it anymore (OK maybe minutes and minutes should be enough. We don't want to be cruel). That will break him.

  19. #19
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    I agree with b:

    Geeze, this place is getting sleazier and sleazier!

    Well, at least you can make sure your son has access to respectable gear. I mean flashy and dolled-up amps have their appeal, but then we grow up. Like my pop always reminded me: It's all about family. Would you bring some gaudy, pimped-up amp to meet Mom and Dad? No. Get a nice, good looking amp from a respectable family....

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  20. #20
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    When I was 15 my Dad called me into his room and we both sat on the bed. He said it was time that we had a talk about sex. He then asked me if there was anything I didn't know about it. When I responded: "no", he thought about it for a second, said: "okay", and got up and left. I think he was as relieved as I was.

  21. #21
    Da Dragonball Kid L.J.'s Avatar
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    Well my wife and I made a list and discussed all sorts of different topics with him. Sex, cigs, drugs, alcohol, girls, safety, honesty...you name it. It took maybe an hour or so. He responded well and did tell the truth when asked questions that we knew the answer to.

    We're going to start having a 15 minute family meeting once per week to discuss what's going on in his world and answer any questions.

    "audio talk".....u guys are funny. I'll get right on that

  22. #22
    Forum Regular elapsed's Avatar
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    The Bird and the Bee, great band!

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    Anyways with kids, just be straight up and honest. I can't for the life of me work out why this is such a hard topic to address

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  23. #23
    Rep points are my LIFE!! Groundbeef's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by L.J.
    Well my wife and I made a list and discussed all sorts of different topics with him. Sex, cigs, drugs, alcohol, girls, safety, honesty...you name it. It took maybe an hour or so. He responded well and did tell the truth when asked questions that we knew the answer to.

    We're going to start having a 15 minute family meeting once per week to discuss what's going on in his world and answer any questions.

    "audio talk".....u guys are funny. I'll get right on that
    Great job on "the talk". As far as the 15min a week, that might be a bit formal (but it might work for your family).

    We, as a rule eat EVERY dinner around the table. There are limited exceptions for the wife and I, and even less execptions for the kids. It's amazing what little nuggets of their lives they let loose during dinner. So, if you don't eat dinner together, start doing that. It's less formal, and more enjoyable.

    Turn off the TV as well. We don't have the TV on during mealtime (exception Superbowl), or the radio.
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  24. #24
    Da Dragonball Kid L.J.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Groundbeef
    Great job on "the talk". As far as the 15min a week, that might be a bit formal (but it might work for your family).

    We, as a rule eat EVERY dinner around the table. There are limited exceptions for the wife and I, and even less execptions for the kids. It's amazing what little nuggets of their lives they let loose during dinner. So, if you don't eat dinner together, start doing that. It's less formal, and more enjoyable.

    Turn off the TV as well. We don't have the TV on during mealtime (exception Superbowl), or the radio.
    We don't do the dinner thing anymore. My kids eat together but my wife and I barely eat in the evenings now.

    The once per week thing is a start but I'm sure things will progress. My parents didn't talk to me about anything and I surely don't want to repeat that mistake.

  25. #25
    Rep points are my LIFE!! Groundbeef's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by L.J.
    We don't do the dinner thing anymore. My kids eat together but my wife and I barely eat in the evenings now.

    The once per week thing is a start but I'm sure things will progress. My parents didn't talk to me about anything and I surely don't want to repeat that mistake.
    I'm certainly not going to pass judgement on your family dinners. But I would like to add that the informality of dinner time sometimes lends to interesting discussions. It's natural to want to talk/share the day's events, and the kids can get a picture of the family structre at the same time.

    Even if you only set aside a couple of nights to eat with the kids, I would encourage it. We have designated Friday nights as "Family Night". We usually have pizza, and rent a movie (in the winter) or go out somewhere in the summer. The kids look forward to it, and we keep a connection with them.

    I know that you have been having a rough go of it lately. Sometimes its the little changes that can make a big difference. Give it a go, try to have some family meals. At least for ours, it is a bonding time.
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