Everyone Always Makes a List of Favorite Films; How About Opinions on the WORST Films

[Geoffcin]

That would be Van Helsing for me.

The CGI monster is out of the bag and running wild all over a screen near you!

Hugh Jackman looked like he couldn't wait for this movie to be over, and I agree with him 100%.

Kate Beckinsale's Transylvanian accent will go down as possibly the worst accent ever forged.

There was one memorable line in the move though;

Dracula to Igor as Igor is torturing the Werewolf with a cattle prod;

Igor, why do you that?

Igor; But master, that's what I do.

[Dusty Chalk]

Well I happen to care if sound and visuals are wonderful. Thats why I spent the big bucks for the install, cracko.

No, no, don't get me wrong -- I go over to a friend's house every chance I can, because he has a big-bucks HT system -- mostly for the sound and visuals. I'm just saying the best sound and visuals in the world won't save a bad movie, that's all.

Kate Beckinsale's Transylvanian accent will go down as possibly the worst accent ever forged.

Nope. It is bad, in fact, it's up there in my top 10 worst that I've seen recently, but the mother in Man on Fire was all over the place -- Southern at one point, fake-British-rich-snob in another, you name it. I could almost justify it (the Southern is during a breakdown, so I'm thinking maybe she's breaking down, and regressing to her Southern roots), but then again...

But the worst was Nicole Kidman's in Cold Mountain. Sorry, Nicole, I love you dearly, and you are a wonderful actress, so I can only blame the director.

[Lexmark3200]

Okay, I thought of a couple of others that belonged in my original list....Grease 2 and Stayin Alive...two ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY UNNECESSARY sequels.

[Lexmark3200]

"No, no, don't get me wrong -- I go over to a friend's house every chance I can, because he has a big-bucks HT system -- mostly for the sound and visuals. I'm just saying the best sound and visuals in the world won't save a bad movie, that's all."

Well, when broken down succinctly, perhaps that may be correct, but sometimes I find myself forgiving certain films because of their absolutely beautiful marketing or performance on Digital Versatile Disc; this has happened with Pearl Harbor for me, and because of its THX mastered delivery, its DTS soundtrack and the gorgeous packaging, I will probably add it to my collection soon. Sure, the film sucked great big donkey dick, and I am a surface fan of Michael Bay's, but it was a travesty of a film that did no justice or homage to the surviving families of folks lost during that cowardly raid and at the same time HID behind a sappy, ridiculous nauseating love triangle story that was COMPLETELY unnecessary.

But, in Home Theater Magazine's "DVDs Of All Time" issue, Pearl Harbor fell in the category of "BEST DVD PRESENTATIONS OF BAD FILMS...." or some such mention; it said something about Pearl Harbor having an absolutely gorgeous packaging scheme and awesome transfer and it was too bad because it was a movie that was "just so ridiculously corny while not even trying........"

[Dusty Chalk]

Well, when broken down succinctly, perhaps that may be correct, but sometimes I find myself forgiving certain films because of their absolutely beautiful marketing or performance on Digital Versatile Disc...

Okay, so basically we agree on the synopsis, but disagree on the conclusion. (I vote thumbs down, you vote thumbs up, yes?) Fine.

But, I could say a similar thing about showgirls: Well, when [you say that it's not a story worth making a film about], perhaps that may be correct, but sometimes I find myself forgiving certain films because of their [T&A].

Actually, I did enjoy the T&A in Showgirls. The thought of Elizabeth Berkley -- Jessie from Saved by The Bell, ferpete'ssakes! -- all growed up and nekkid...mmmm...I'm going to have to get that boxset, but I'm confident enough with it's future that I think I'll wait until I see it in the cutout bins.

But that's not even what saved it for me.

I should mention that I really enjoyed the characterizations -- it's kind of like watching a shark school -- at first, they all look dangerous, but then you realize, some of them are even afraid of each other. (So, by analogy, at first glance, all the characters in Showgirls were sleazy, but then some of them had moral lines that they wouldn't cross, that others would. So there were characters in them that were sleazier than other characters. Enough so that even some of the sleaziest characters in the film found them sleazy by comparison. Did that make any sense?)

[JSE]

Actually, I did enjoy the T&A in Showgirls. The thought of Elizabeth Berkley -- Jessie from Saved by The Bell, ferpete'ssakes! -- all growed up and nekkid...mmmm...

Exactly! Just for that, it's kept off the list.

JSE

[RGA]

Hmm - all the movies I gave *1/2/***** or less to - yes I rate films too.

No Stars

Black Sheep
Flesh Gordon
Friday The 13th, Part III
Ghost In The Machine
Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday
Oasis Of The Zombies
Showgirls
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
Airheads
Baby--Secret Of The Lost Legend
Bad Girls
Barb Wire
Congo
Crash
Friday The 13th, Part II
Friday The 13th, Part V-A New Beginning
Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers
Hellmaster
Jaws: The Revenge
Lightning Jack
On Deadly Ground
Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Stay Tuned
Swarm, The

* to *1/2
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Anaconda
Armed And Dangerous
Avengers, The
Bad Boys
Bad Company
Bad Moon
Batman & Robin
Beastmaster, The
Bees, The
Before And After
Best Defense
Beverly Hills Cop II
Blob, The (1958)
Bordello of Blood
Boxing Helena
Brain, The
Bram Stoker's Dracula
By Dawn's Early Light
Canadian Bacon
Candyman
Cannibal Woman In The Avocado Jungle Of Death
Cannonball Run II
Chain Reaction
Chopping Mall
Cowboy Way, The
Crocodile Dundee II
Crow: City Of Angels, The
Crush, The
Day After, The
Daylight
Death Wish II
Deepstar Six
Diabolique(1996)
Dune
Earthquake
Entity, The
Escape From L.A.
Evil Dead, The
Excalibur
Exorcist II: The Heretic
Eye For An Eye, An
F/X 2: The Deadly Art Of Illusion
Final Conflict, The
Fire Down Below
Firewalker
Friday The 13th
Friday The 13th, Part VI: Jason Lives
Friday The 13th, Part VII: The New Blood
Friday The 13th-The Final Chapter
Ghost And The Darkness, The
Good Mother, The
Great Expectations
Halloween III: Season Of The Witch
Halloween IV: The Return Of Michael Myers
Halloween V: The Revenge Of Michael Myers
Hard Rain
Haunted Honeymoon
Hell Night
High School High
Independence Day
Jackal, The (1997)
John Carpenter's Vampires
Jurassic Park III
Juror, The
Langoliers, The
Larger Than Life
Leviathan
Lifepod
Loose Cannons
Major League II
Mars Attacks!
Maximum Overdrive
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1
Night Of The Living Dead (1990)
Nightmare On Elm Street 2, A: Freddy's Revenge
Out To Sea
Patriot, The
Peacemaker, The
Pelican Brief, The
Pet Sematary
Police Academy II: Their First Assignment
Poltergeist II: The Other Side
Predator 2
Problem Child
Punisher, The (1990)
Quick And The Dead
Raising Cain
Robocop 2
Robocop 3
Rocky V
Santa Clause, The
Scanner Cop
Scanners 2: The New Order
Scorpion King, The
Sphere
Stealing Home
Striptease
Substitute, The
Supergirl
Superman IV: The Quest For Peace
Surviving The Game
Tango And Cash
Terror In The Aisles
Thinner
Traces Of Red
Trigger Effect, The
Volcano
Wes Craven's Wishmaster
Suspect Zero

[Lexmark3200]

Okay, so basically we agree on the synopsis, but disagree on the conclusion. (I vote thumbs down, you vote thumbs up, yes?) Fine.

But, I could say a similar thing about showgirls: Well, when [you say that it's not a story worth making a film about], perhaps that may be correct, but sometimes I find myself forgiving certain films because of their [T&A].

Actually, I did enjoy the T&A in Showgirls. The thought of Elizabeth Berkley -- Jessie from Saved by The Bell, ferpete'ssakes! -- all growed up and nekkid...mmmm...I'm going to have to get that boxset, but I'm confident enough with it's future that I think I'll wait until I see it in the cutout bins.

But that's not even what saved it for me.

I should mention that I really enjoyed the characterizations -- it's kind of like watching a shark school -- at first, they all look dangerous, but then you realize, some of them are even afraid of each other. (So, by analogy, at first glance, all the characters in Showgirls were sleazy, but then some of them had moral lines that they wouldn't cross, that others would. So there were characters in them that were sleazier than other characters. Enough so that even some of the sleaziest characters in the film found them sleazy by comparison. Did that make any sense?)

Yeah, I gotta tell ya Dusty....she really WAS one delightful delicious piece of ass in that film, our Miss Saved By The Bell....what a body on that girl. I couldnt stand the film, and didnt understand why this gets a massive DVD set with all kinds of collectors items that makes it look like some kind of board game, while cult classics like "The Warriors" get bare bones treatment from the likes of Paramount; but I can understand the appeal for some people. After all, the rest of us need jerk off material, right?

When you say "grown up and nekkid...." man, was that girl awesomely N-A-K-E-D in that film! What a body on her; and Kyle McLoughan's little slut wasnt half bad, either. I would have loved to see the two of them roll around in the hay a bit.

[Lexmark3200]

"Jason X"....one of the absolute worst films --- horror or otherwise --- of all time, surely.

I am glad to see Exorcist II and Jaws: The Revenge making other people's lists of the worst......

[Lexmark3200]

That would be Van Helsing for me.

The CGI monster is out of the bag and running wild all over a screen near you!

Hugh Jackman looked like he couldn't wait for this movie to be over, and I agree with him 100%.

Kate Beckinsale's Transylvanian accent will go down as possibly the worst accent ever forged.

There was one memorable line in the move though;

Dracula to Igor as Igor is torturing the Werewolf with a cattle prod;

Igor, why do you that?

Igor; But master, that's what I do.

Wow, now THIS I seriously need to disagree with....I thought "Helsing" was the best action film I had seen the whole season of theater-going when it came out, and cant wait to get the DVD (which I heard Universal is only putting a Dolby 5.1 track on, no DTS)....no way in the world is Van Helsing the worst film made in all of time....no way.