View Poll Results: Best "Low Rent" Action Hero

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  • Jean Claude Van Damme - Da Muscles from Brussels.

    5 41.67%
  • Steven (can I have fries with that?) Segal - Now the size of Thanksgiving Day Float

    2 16.67%
  • Chuck Norris - High on self delusion, low on acting ability.

    5 41.67%
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  1. #1
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
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    Best "Low Rent" Action Hero?

    I'm not talkin' about the big boys, Stallone, Ford, Willis, Da Governator and Will Smith et al. I'm talking about the "second stringers" da low rent, low dirt action hero's of the last 25 years or so. Who you got?

    Da Worfster

  2. #2
    Vinyl Fundamentalist Forums Moderator poppachubby's Avatar
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    I have voted for Jean-Claude from a tough field of highly skilled cheeseballs. Certainly Chuck Norris paved the road for the other two. However, Jean-Claude is a special kind of horrible actor.

    As a martial arts fan, I remember when Bloodsport came out and we first saw those lateral splits he is capable of doing. Everyone said "wow". Then the next movie came out, he did the lateral splits and we said "cool". Then the third one came out and he did the lateral splits while washing dishes or something equally mundane and we said "hmmm". Then in every movie following those he did the lateral splits and quite shortly after we said "ok enough".

    It's also funny to me that chicks used to dig this guy with his pants all hiked up to his chest and stupid looking shirts tucked in. I mean really, he looked like he was showing up to tutor you in math, not kick your ace.

    Great topic Worf!!
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  3. #3
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Of the three you have to pick, I would certainly choose Van Damn as the least of the Evil Trio. Not sure what it is, but his characters or portrayals are just wretched, man!

    Can I offer Charles Bronson up for Honorable Unmentionable?

  4. #4
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    With such classic films as Delta Force 2 and Lone Wolf McQuade (the original Texas Ranger), Chuck Norris wins hands down. When you can mix Karate with Spaghetti Westerns, you have a winner...no contest.

  5. #5
    3LB
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    Chuck Norris...low on acting ability? that's putting it kindly

    I voted for Chuck. Where the others are one dimensional, Norris is truely wooden. Yet, we couldn't get enough of him. He even had a hit TV show for a couple of years (which he actually sang his own theme song). Now he sells exercise equipment just as unconvincingly as he did acting like a commando. He touched knuckles with Bruce Lee, that's why he gets the nod.

    It was a tough decision though, because JCVD has been in some bad movies. Bloodsport was a fun movie, but some of those flashback scenes were unintentional comedy. JCVD has shown some range, limited mind you, but some. But too many women like him for me to like him, so he can only finish second.

    Seagal is a dick...in movies, in real life (or at least he comes across that way in interviews). I can honestly say I've only made it through one entire movie of his, ever, unless of course you count Executive Decision. Now he looks like William Conrad (Frank Cannon) with a ponytail.

    These guys' best movies are almost always measurable by the people playing the bad guys. The movies they're in are slapdash affairs that are barely developed past the idea stage. And most guys I knew that liked these movies could care less. I guess its the same draw some younger females have for all those dance themed flicks.
    Last edited by 3LB; 10-14-2009 at 10:41 AM.
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  6. #6
    Vinyl Fundamentalist Forums Moderator poppachubby's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=3LB] JCVD has shown some range, limited mind you, but some.
    QUOTE]

    I'm quite certain I've seen just about every JCVD flick that's gone to theatre, please enlighten us on which film this flash of range appeared. I respect your vote but let's not get crazy, digging for reasons that don't exist. JVCD is awful and if you don't fully agree, then you and I will have a rope fist fight in some dark alleyway in Hong Kong whiltst seedy onlookers gamble as to the outcome.

    Don't ever, ever, ever say that Jean Claude Van Damme can act...ever!!!!

  7. #7
    3LB
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    I agree that Bronson is teetering on the edge of cheesdom with movies like Death Wish 3 and 4, but I put him on the same level as Eastwood and those guys.

    I'd say another actor that has nearly put himself on the same edge, Burt Reynolds. Beyond the '70s, his turns in action movies are nearly unwatchable.

    I'd nominate Mario Van Peebles for honorable(?) mention. He's made some attempts at action flicks, but has anybody seen them? I saw two, Solo, where he's an android with a heart or something like that, and protector, where he's a cop who tangled up in some big mess or something like that.
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  8. #8
    3LB
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubbs
    I'm quite certain I've seen just about every JCVD flick that's gone to theatre, please enlighten us on which film this flash of range appeared.
    reletively speaking of course...anybody is dynamic compared to Norris and is penciled-in 5-o'clock shadow.
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  9. #9
    Vinyl Fundamentalist Forums Moderator poppachubby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3LB
    reletively speaking of course...anybody is dynamic compared to Norris and is penciled-in 5-o'clock shadow.

    Oh....true, true...damn it, no rope fist fight....

  10. #10
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    With the choicelessness available, I'll have to vote for Jean-Claude-G'damit.
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  11. #11
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Hey....if we're counting Mario Van Peebles, then we must include Dolf Lundgren...I thought Worf said "second stringers", not third and fourth tier hacks...

  12. #12
    M.P.S.E /AES/SMPTE member Sir Terrence the Terrible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kexodusc
    Hey....if we're counting Mario Van Peebles, then we must include Dolf Lundgren...I thought Worf said "second stringers", not third and fourth tier hacks...
    LOL...I went for Van Damme as well. Segal is not only wooden to me, but almost fossilized as well. Chuck worth a buck is just......well just......ugggh.
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  13. #13
    Oh where have ye gone RL?
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    I'm not voting for any of those losers. Jackie Chan beats all of them hands down.
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  14. #14
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
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    Quite Right...

    Quote Originally Posted by kexodusc
    Hey....if we're counting Mario Van Peebles, then we must include Dolf Lundgren...I thought Worf said "second stringers", not third and fourth tier hacks...
    You can't include guys like Bronson or Reynolds because, quite simpley, they have great films in their Resumes, "Boogie Nights", "The Great Escape", "Deat Wish", exempt these guys. Also they were, bonafide stars.

    Dolph Lundgren, Mario Van Peebles, Leon Isaac Kennedy, these guys stink to high heaven but never had enough "star power" to rate it as second tier, they are beneath contempt, and beneath the floor LOL. Now some guy who I might have left off but perhaps shouldn't have guys like Hulk Hogan, The Rock, David Strathan. You tell me.

    Da Worfster

  15. #15
    3LB
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    Hulk Hogan and the Rock are in the same league as Van Peebles and Lundgren

    At least Lundgren and Van Damn were in a movie together called Universal Soldier. Inspired casting really - they played undead, resurrected androidtized soldiers.
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  16. #16
    Oh where have ye gone RL?
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    "androidtized"

    WOW!
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  17. #17
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rich-n-Texas
    "androidtized"

    WOW!
    If I can use "choicelessness" then he can use "androidtized."
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  18. #18
    3LB
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    as per Dictionary.Com

    androidtize anĚdroid-tize (ān'droyd'tīz') v., the act of creating an android, specifically as it pertains to reanimating a lifeless form through mechanization
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  19. #19
    Retro Modernist 02audionoob's Avatar
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    Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

  20. #20
    M.P.S.E /AES/SMPTE member Sir Terrence the Terrible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Worf101
    You can't include guys like Bronson or Reynolds because, quite simpley, they have great films in their Resumes, "Boogie Nights", "The Great Escape", "Deat Wish", exempt these guys. Also they were, bonafide stars.

    Dolph Lundgren, Mario Van Peebles, Leon Isaac Kennedy, these guys stink to high heaven but never had enough "star power" to rate it as second tier, they are beneath contempt, and beneath the floor LOL. Now some guy who I might have left off but perhaps shouldn't have guys like Hulk Hogan, The Rock, David Strathan. You tell me.

    Da Worfster
    I don't think The Rock belongs on that list....he is doing our movies, which puts him out of the stinko category and into the cheesy category. I mean really, would any of these other guys accept a role in the The Race to Witch Mountain?
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  21. #21
    M.P.S.E /AES/SMPTE member Sir Terrence the Terrible's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rich-n-Texas
    I'm not voting for any of those losers. Jackie Chan beats all of them hands down.
    Woooooh buddy. Jackie Chan is a favorite of mine you beef eating Texan!
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  22. #22
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    JCVD is horrible, I've never been able to finish a movie he was in. Hmmmm, I think I did watch Universal Soldier all the way through back when it came out.

    I like Chuck but he can't act.

    I liked several of Segal's first movies. He's the best of the three on acting. If he comes off like a jerk at least that comes through on film. they would have been better off voice dubbing JCVD and Chuck always sounded like he was in the 1st Grade play. Of course, Segal's first several movies it was like he played the same character over and over, when they took him out of that "the Italian that went cop instead of mafia" role he began to sink. Under Siege wasn't so bad I guess. At least Chuck tried some different settings for his character.

    I can't believe some one would have said that about Bronson, he is a legend, he's great. He's one of the "larger than life" type actors, they really didn't need acting ability, testosterone flowed from the screen. It is a shame that some of these guys leave some stinkers at the end of their career and that ends up being what they are known for. This is what American Movie Classics and Turner should be doing showing these whipper snappers what a real STAR looks like.

    Don't even try to drag Burt down, who and the hell hasn't seen the definitive masterpiece Deliverance! Everyone has made or heard reference to this movie. There's Gator, the original Longest Yard, Smokie & the Bandit, on and on......
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  23. #23
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
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    Dayum...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Terrence the Terrible
    I don't think The Rock belongs on that list....he is doing our movies, which puts him out of the stinko category and into the cheesy category. I mean really, would any of these other guys accept a role in the The Race to Witch Mountain?
    What do you wear at night Mickey Mouse pajamas!!!!! LOL, never figured you for a company man!!!

    Put that gun down!!!!!

    Da Worfster

  24. #24
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
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    Okay....

    I've confession to make. I recently rented "JCVD" it is a surprisingly great movie wherein Van Damme plays himself trapped in a world of too many divorces, too many child custody fights, too little money and bad roles, roles he's losing to Segal. He winds up a hostage in a real life robbery and is forced to confront his triumphs, his failures and his rotten resume. The film is a flat out revelation, if you've contributed to this thread you MUST see this film. There's a 10 minute solliloquy that is so far beyond anything the other guys could do that I was speechless afterwards. JCVD is to Van Damme what "The Wrestler" was to Mickey Rourke, I'm serious. I voted for him, based on this film.

    Da Worfster

  25. #25
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    That movie the Rock did where he was the babysitter sucked out loud. I liked The Run Down. I actually liked the Scorpion King too. The sequel was a waste of film.

    Where would Vin Diesel fit in?
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