How to Take Care of Those Pesky WireNuts
by Richard BassNut Greene

(-1) Drink heavily for several days
(0) Form a WirePolice mob
(1) Storm their homes
(2) Drag them into the streets
(3) Repeatedly slap them upside the head
(4) Poke at them with sticks
(5) Taunt them mercilessly until they admit they are brainwashed losers who believe in bizarre theories of electricity and promise to quit flapping their gums about their
oh-so-precious wires, uh, I mean "cables", for the rest of their miserable lives.
(6) Tell them R. BassNut Greene sent you

This post has been peer-reviewed by a panel of WirePolice, under triple-blind
conditions, and not a single word was changed. It will be published in the
next issue of my favorite scientific journal: "Garterbelt Illustrated".