Winning the war on terror - give 'em Barely Legal!

[Woochifer]

Bill Maher's theory on terror seems a lot simpler than all the more academic theorizing on what makes terrorists tick. They're not fanatics, they just don't get enough female companionship (or the electronic equivalents thereof)! Very interesting theory, though I can't figure whether that imagery of Col. Ann Coulter as "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." is revolting or tantalizing! Anyway, the article is clipped below...

New rule
If we really want to stop terrorism, we have to get Muslim men laid.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Bill Maher

March 20, 2004 | Five British Muslims who were recently sent home from our prison at Guantánamo charge that their American captors brought in prostitutes to taunt them, because most had never even seen a naked woman before. It made me wonder how many members of al-Qaida have ever even dated a girl. We should hire women to infiltrate al-Qaida cells, and f**k them.

Things would change quickly. Because young Muslim men don't really hate America, they're jealous of America. We have rap videos, the Hilton sisters and magazines with titles like "Barely Legal." You know what's barely legal in Afghanistan? Everything.

Young men need sex, and if they don't get it for month after month after month, they wind up cursing the day they ever decided to go to Cornell.

Have you ever wondered why the word from the Arab street is so angry? It's because it's a bunch of guys standing in the street! Which is what guys do when they don't have girlfriends, or aren't allowed to even talk to a girl -- of course they want to commit suicide. Unlike this country, where it's the married guys who wanna kill themselves.

But here, we always have hope. You can at least talk to a girl, and one might be crazy enough to go for you. Or you could get rich, and buy one, like folks do where I live in Beverly Hills.

The connection between no sex and anger is real: It's why prizefighters stay celibate when they're in training, so that on fight night they're pissed off and ready to kill. It's why football players don't have sex after Wednesday. And, conversely, it's why Bill Clinton never started a war.

So to paraphrase the sign in his old war room: It's the pussy, stupid. We need the Coalition of the Willing to be reallywilling. We need to mobilize two divisions of skanks, a regiment of ho's, and a brigade of girls who just can't say no. All under the command of Col. Ann Coulter, who'll be dressed in her "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." uniform.

Forget the Peace Corps, we need a piece-of-ass-corps. Girls, there's a cure to terrorism, and you're sitting on it.

[karl k]

Bill Maher's theory on terror seems a lot simpler than all the more academic theorizing on what makes terrorists tick. They're not fanatics, they just don't get enough female companionship (or the electronic equivalents thereof)! Very interesting theory, though I can't figure whether that imagery of Col. Ann Coulter as "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." is revolting or tantalizing! Anyway, the article is clipped below...

New rule
If we really want to stop terrorism, we have to get Muslim men laid.

- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Bill Maher

March 20, 2004 | Five British Muslims who were recently sent home from our prison at Guantánamo charge that their American captors brought in prostitutes to taunt them, because most had never even seen a naked woman before. It made me wonder how many members of al-Qaida have ever even dated a girl. We should hire women to infiltrate al-Qaida cells, and f**k them.

Things would change quickly. Because young Muslim men don't really hate America, they're jealous of America. We have rap videos, the Hilton sisters and magazines with titles like "Barely Legal." You know what's barely legal in Afghanistan? Everything.

Young men need sex, and if they don't get it for month after month after month, they wind up cursing the day they ever decided to go to Cornell.

Have you ever wondered why the word from the Arab street is so angry? It's because it's a bunch of guys standing in the street! Which is what guys do when they don't have girlfriends, or aren't allowed to even talk to a girl -- of course they want to commit suicide. Unlike this country, where it's the married guys who wanna kill themselves.

But here, we always have hope. You can at least talk to a girl, and one might be crazy enough to go for you. Or you could get rich, and buy one, like folks do where I live in Beverly Hills.

The connection between no sex and anger is real: It's why prizefighters stay celibate when they're in training, so that on fight night they're pissed off and ready to kill. It's why football players don't have sex after Wednesday. And, conversely, it's why Bill Clinton never started a war.

So to paraphrase the sign in his old war room: It's the pussy, stupid. We need the Coalition of the Willing to be reallywilling. We need to mobilize two divisions of skanks, a regiment of ho's, and a brigade of girls who just can't say no. All under the command of Col. Ann Coulter, who'll be dressed in her "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." uniform.

Forget the Peace Corps, we need a piece-of-ass-corps. Girls, there's a cure to terrorism, and you're sitting on it.

I like Bill, he reminds me of Gallagher or Carlin. Makes alot of sense and is funny about it. I try to look at the world the same way but don't always keep my humor about it!

[Woochifer]

In case any of you missed Maher's Ilsa reference, here's your date for next weekend! Like I said, I'm not sure how I'd react if this ever came knocking on my front door with a glint of intent in the eyes. Do I projectile vomit on the spot? Or do I strip down and scour the house in search of a coil of rope and a couple of feather dusters?

[woodman]

Thanks for coming up with that one - I think that Maher has quite possibly hit on something here. Sex-deprived young males do seem to gravitate towards acts of violence, don't they?

But, Ann Coulter to lead the brigade of young skanks? I don't know if that's a good choice or not ... unless the young Muslim guys are really, really, really, really, really horny and starving for some sex with anything that possesses a vagina! Oh well, maybe a good romp in the hay would do something to soften up her vile, putrid, obnoxious personality, who knows?

[Chris]

That's good stuff - I like Bill. He's great at mixing humor into issues like this. Very witty. Ann Coulter though - man, I wouldn't want her leading any division... she just seems evil to me. Hey, then again, maybe she's perfect for the job then

[FLZapped]

That's good stuff - I like Bill. He's great at mixing humor into issues like this. Very witty. Ann Coulter though - man, I wouldn't want her leading any division... she just seems evil to me. Hey, then again, maybe she's perfect for the job then

Yeah, but ya gotta admit she was right about bombing France.....