Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Anywhere but here...
    Posts
    13,243

    Those wonderful Church Bulletins!

    I just got this email from our IT manager. Worth a few laughs IMO.


    They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies

    with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared

    in church bulletins or were announced in church services:






    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    --------------------------

    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:

    'Searching for Jesus.'

    --------------------------

    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

    things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

    --------------------------

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone

    who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

    --------------------------

    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    --------------------------

    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious

    pleasure to the congregation.

    --------------------------

    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

    downstairs.

    --------------------------

    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help

    they can get.

    --------------------------

    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So

    ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    --------------------------

    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will

    follow..

    --------------------------

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come

    early and listen to our choir practice.

    --------------------------

    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new

    members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    --------------------------

    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.

    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    --------------------------

    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you

    want remembered..

    --------------------------

    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

    gracious hostility.

    --------------------------

    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

    --------------------------

    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be

    seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    --------------------------

    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the

    Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    --------------------------

    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are

    invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

    --------------------------

    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend

    him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    --------------------------

    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the

    back door.

    --------------------------

    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church

    basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.



    --------------------------

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please

    use large double door at the side entrance.

    --------------------------

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:

    'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  2. #2
    Forum Regular audio amateur's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    France
    Posts
    2,523
    I shouldn't be laughing but some of them are quite funny! Are these for real?

  3. #3
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Anywhere but here...
    Posts
    13,243
    Quote Originally Posted by audio amateur
    I shouldn't be laughing but some of them are quite funny! Are these for real?
    Beats me, but they made me laugh.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  4. #4
    Man of the People Forums Moderator bobsticks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    down there
    Posts
    6,852
    Awesome! I forwarded those to my step-mom who is an avid churchgoer...she found them as hilarious as I did...Greenies for you!!
    So, I broke into the palace
    With a sponge and a rusty spanner
    She said : "Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing"
    I said : "That's nothing - you should hear me play piano"

  5. #5
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Troy, New York
    Posts
    4,288

    That was...

    Pretty dang funny....

    Thanks for sharing.... I needed a laugh...

    Worf

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •