Should dating co-workers sign a "love contract?"

[Sugar Beats]

I read this article re: people spending so much time @ work so relationships are bound to happen.
It said like 40% of workers have dated a co-worker. And it's nearly impossible to enforce a "no-dating" policy at the workplace as well.

This "love-contract" is suppose to establish workplace guidelines for those dating or romantically involved. Some say this "contract" would take the bloom out of the romance and some say that "love" doesn't belong in the workplace anyway.

What do you guys think?

[kexodusc]

I'm shocked it's 40% to be honest. I've worked at many a different company and only at one did I see the phenomenon unfold. I guess I'm in minority by that statistic?

I dont' care - people can do as they wish, and face the consequences of doing so. I don't think I'd do it because of all the possible fallout, but if you met THE ONE at your place of work, some things are unavoidable and unstoppable. Guess I just never met the right girl for me at the jobs I had...

I say no to the contract - they should be judged by their performance and if there's no negative consequences to the employer, the employer should mind their own business. If the people aren't doing their job because the relationship is interfering, then they should be dealt with appropriately. The contract seems like a waste of time, unless its primary value is to act as a deterrent?

[Groundbeef]

There are 2 major issues at play.

Most companies prohibit relationships with people with a clear line of senority IE, the boss can't date his employees. This is due to the perception of some sort of quid-pro-qu for the relationship. I don't have a problem with this policy at all.

Between employees of the same rank, I don't have as big a problem. But dating isn't a contract. If you feel that if the relationship goes south, that working near that person would be "weird" or "difficult" then no paper is going to change that. It would be best not to start.

[ForeverAutumn]

I agree that the contract is a waste of time and unenforcable. I think that common sense should prevail at all times. I met my husband at work. No one knew that we were anything more than friends until we decided that the relationship was serious. By the time we "came out" we were well past the stage of casual dating. So, I'm not sure what kind of "guidelines" our employer could have set forth.

I've seen more workplace friendships blow up and become political than workplace romances. Is anyone suggesting a "friendship contract"?

Kex, I can name at least 6 other couples who met while working at this same company and are still married. Everyone was hired by the same HR person. Clearly, she had very specific attributes in mind when she did her hiring that led to a workplace full of very compatible people. Even her own son, who also worked there, married someone that she hired.

[GMichael]

I agree that the contract is a waste of time and unenforcable. I think that common sense should prevail at all times. I met my husband at work. No one knew that we were anything more than friends until we decided that the relationship was serious. By the time we "came out" we were well past the stage of casual dating. So, I'm not sure what kind of "guidelines" our employer could have set forth.

I've seen more workplace friendships blow up and become political than workplace romances. Is anyone suggesting a "friendship contract"?

Kex, I can name at least 6 other couples who met while working at this same company and are still married. Everyone was hired by the same HR person. Clearly, she had very specific attributes in mind when she did her hiring that led to a workplace full of very compatible people. Even her own son, who also worked there, married someone that she hired.

Does she only hire hot, single people?

[Groundbeef]

I agree that the contract is a waste of time and unenforcable. I think that common sense should prevail at all times. I met my husband at work. No one knew that we were anything more than friends until we decided that the relationship was serious. By the time we "came out" we were well past the stage of casual dating. So, I'm not sure what kind of "guidelines" our employer could have set forth.

I've seen more workplace friendships blow up and become political than workplace romances. Is anyone suggesting a "friendship contract"?

Kex, I can name at least 6 other couples who met while working at this same company and are still married. Everyone was hired by the same HR person. Clearly, she had very specific attributes in mind when she did her hiring that led to a workplace full of very compatible people. Even her own son, who also worked there, married someone that she hired.

You don't work for E-Harmony by chance do you FA?

[ForeverAutumn]

Does she only hire hot, single people?

LOL. It seemed that way at the time. I met my husband 19 years ago. She just became a great grandmother due to that lovely match up that she made for her son!

[ForeverAutumn]

You don't work for E-Harmony by chance do you FA?

No, but it sure felt that way sometimes.

[nightflier]

Well we just resolved our fifth sexual harassment claim (actually the last two were outside of my department and I was asked to assist in the investigation). As a supervisor of a large staff, I can tell you that the majority of managers have no clue about what they should or should not be doing in these situations. And this is the biggest problem. In most companies regular employees are promoted to managerial duties without proper training which then opens the company to a number of possible claims.

Another issue is that managers are seldom knowledgeable about how laws may have changed as different cases are decided over time. That is, they are making decisions on outdated notions of what is acceptable behavior in the workplace. In our company we actually have a specialist in sexual harassment and discrimination cases. It's been made clear in no uncertain terms that if something does creep up, that I need to consult with them right away. This isn't just to cover my rear, but also to protect my own employees.

With that said, dating between people of different ranks is strictly verboten, even if they are from different divisions. This is because things are said in both formal and informal (i.e. casual) settings between employees, even when they are distantly connected. Any such gossip can be construed as offensive, retaliatory, and discriminatory, which could be used to deny promotions, bonuses (not that we're seeing many of these), benefits (also disappearing), and other things that distinguish one employee from the next.

Between employees of the same rank, the guidelines get more murky but the same issues eventually come into play. So long story short, dating is a no-no. Not that it doesn't go on, but when it is found out, it is immediately referred to legal. My opinion on that situation is that this is a disservice since it makes the behavior clandestine. The problem with that is when these things are kept secret, it encourages employees to keep other things secret and it widens the gap between the employees and their managers.

From a legal perspective, the contract described above could also be considered a source of sexual harassment, so I'm not so sure if the people involved in the article that SB mentioned even sought legal council to begin with. I know we're all for love and fairness, especially around V-day, but once you're slapped with a multi-thousand dollar claim that corporate says will come out of your own department's budget, you tend to just fall right into line. Actually, the real danger is that the company may elect not to represent you at all, and then you're on your own, although I haven;t see that happen yet. Corporate likes to threaten us with all sorts of things, some of which it can't even enforce, but I digress.

And I know I'll probably get blasted for stepping on office romances, but consider this case. One of our employees was offended by a romantic relationship that she claimed two other employees were involved in. These two other employees were also gay and probably quite open about it. We ultimately found out that they were probably not dating or romantically involved. At most they were affectionate towards each other more than they were towards other employees. We addressed that issue, but the offended employee made the claim that we did not act soon enough. More specifically, the manager over that division may have been less than interested in doing something about the dating issue for fear that he was violating their rights to express their gender-preference publicly. The offended employee claims that we allowed the workplace to be come a "hostile work environment" as a result and that we did not abide by our own company policies. To make matters worse, the complaining employee had been fired during the time that we were addressing the issue. Obviously, these types of situations can get very complex very quickly.

But ask yourself this, what kind of interaction (physical, oral, written, etc.) between employees would you as a manager accept? And, in all honesty, would you have the same standards for a pair of employees of opposite genders as you would for two employees who are openly gay? Faced with these questions, it sometimes is better to have a no tolerance policy towards office romances.

[Ajani]

Difficult topic... considering how many frivolous law suits there are in North America, I can understand why companies want to cover their @$$es.... All that said, I've dated several women I worked with and eventually married one... so I'd be a total hypocrite if I was to support a 'love contract'...

[bobsticks]

Don't know nothin'...don't even know what y'all talkembout...

[emesbee]

A contract seems like a dumb idea to me. It simply won't work. If two people are attracted to each other, then they will do as they please, contract or no contract.

Where it can get tricky is where one person's attentions are unwelcome by the other, or when an attraction between two people goes wrong somehow. In those situations things can cross over into claims of harassment, and it can all get very messy. I've seen it happen.