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  1. #1
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Troy, New York

    Bad joke rising... I can't stop it!!!!

    The Geography of a Woman

    Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .
    Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

    Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

    Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
    Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

    Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

    Between 41 and 50,a woman is like Great Britain. Has a glorious and all conquering past.

    Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.
    Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

    Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

    After 70, she becomes Tibet .
    Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

    Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran , entirely ruled by a couple of nuts.

    THE END.


  2. #2
    Romanticist Philosopher
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Long Island NY

    Lightbulb Lol

    Its not only a couple of nuts but for some a pair of coconuts as well!!!!

  3. #3
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Anywhere but here...
    Seems like a very nice joke. Not the usual bashing that jokes (at least mine) contain.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  4. #4
    I put the Gee in Gear.... thekid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    VB VA

    Thanks for the laugh.
    Tonight's slog through the rain was a bear and a little humor takes the edge off.
    NAD D3020
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  5. #5
    Man of the People Forums Moderator bobsticks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    down there

    When faced with mind numbing pain and grief, I like to find the most absurd topic of discussion and run with it. A few minutes ago, I thought, “Is it possible to explain rap music to a 60 year old white woman?” I believe it is, and today, I’ll provide the older white ladies of the world a reason to throw their hands in the air, and wave them like they just don’t care.

    I’ve listened to rap and hip hop music since my teen years. Yes, I enjoy the Beastie Boys, since any white dude who enjoys rap likes this melanin-deprived trio. We can’t help it. But, I also like a range of heavy hitters, old school and new. Run DMC, Boogie Down Productions, Public Enemy, N.W.A., Tupac, Biggie Smalls, Wu-Tang, Jay Z, Eminem, Lil’ Wayne….all of these artists are talented pioneers. All have their own messages of empowerment and social awareness, and if you actually take the time to listen, their lyrics can inspire.

    My mother is a 60 year old white woman, and doesn’t fall into the target demographic of your typical rap artist. Because of this, she has difficulty grasping even the most basic hip-hop music. However, with my helpful assistance, I’m sure that at the end of this, my mom will be ready to drop it like it’s hot.

    Today, I’m going to deconstruct the song “Gin and Juice, ” by Snoop Dogg, another rapper popular with us white folks. Why is he so popular? Probably because he smokes so much pot. We like rappers that smoke pot (case in point: Cypress Hill). Maybe it’s because he’s named after Snoopy, that adorable cartoon dog that always made us laugh as little white kids. In any case, we dig him. I’ll explain the lyrics in a way my mom will certainly grasp and appreciate. The lyrics of the song are italicized, and the rest is my interpretation. If you’re not familiar with the song, here’s a video:

    With so much drama in the L.B.C.
    It’s kinda hard bein’ Snoop D-O-double-G
    But I, somehow, some way
    Keep comin’ up with funky ass **** like every single day

    Snoop resides in Long Beach, California, in a neighborhood known for violence and gang activity. Snoop acknowledges his difficult environment. Although he doesn’t specify the exact nature of his difficulty, it likely stems at least partially from people regularly misspelling his surname. He reminds us that “DOGG” has two Gs, not one. Despite the ongoing challenges that Snoop faces, he is resilient and innovative. This, in conjunction with a strong work ethic, allows him to create musical masterpieces on a daily basis.

    May I kick a little something for the G’s?
    And, make a few ends as I breeze through
    Two in the mornin’ and the party’s still jumpin’
    ‘Cause my momma ain’t home

    Snoop is courteous, and before sharing his musical talents with his friends, he requests their permission to do so. While some think “G” is an abbreviated term for “Gangster,” I believe Snoop is referring to his friends as “Gentlemen.” He hopes that sharing his music will lead to networking opportunities, that can ultimately allow him to profit from his artistry. Remember, this is way before Facebook and Twitter came along, so it was necessary for Snoop to take a grassroots approach in establishing his brand. His efforts are tireless, as evidenced by his willingness to continue working even though it’s well past quitting time for your average Joe. He holds a business meeting for potential fans at the home he shares with his mother. This meeting is animated and festive. His mother is still not home at 2:00 a.m., but she likely possesses the same work ethic as Snoop, and decided to work overtime this evening.

    I got *****es in the living room gettin’ it on
    And, they ain’t leavin’ ’til six in the mornin’
    So what you wanna do? ****, I got a pocket
    Full of rubbers and my homeboys do too

    This is no Old Boys network, and Snoop has many female colleagues. Several of these colleagues are gathered in the family room, where they frolic and display their zest for life. They’re having a wonderful time, and because it’s dangerous to ride around at night, Snoop has graciously asked them to stay until daybreak. Snoop loves a slumber party, and he’s certainly thinking about the possibility of a coed pillow fight. He asks his guests if there is anything in particular they’d like to do. After suggesting various board games and movie options, Snoop remembers that he and his male friends possess a large quantity of prophylactics. Snoop emphasizes the need to practice safe sex, as he abhors the thought of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.

    So turn off the lights and close the doors
    But, but what? We don’t love them ho’s, yeah
    So we gonna smoke a ounce to this
    G’s up, hoes down, while you mother****ers bounce to this

    Snoop demonstrates his softer, more tender side regarding the fairer sex. If he’s going to have conjugal relations with a young lady, he insists on setting the mood by dimming the lights and closing the door to ensure privacy. While Snoop is generally respectful toward women, he is troubled by women engaging in prostitution. This causes him considerable stress, and he smokes large quantities of marijuana to soothe his anxiety. After he has calmed down, he utters a little self-affirmation meaning, “I’m for gentlemanly behavior, and I am adamantly opposed to prostitution.” He implores those with similar thoughts to express their support by jumping up and down.

    Rollin’ down the street, smokin’ endo
    Sippin’ on gin and juice, laid back
    With my mind on my money
    And my money on my mind

    Just to clarify, Snoop would never enter a vehicle in which the driver was intoxicated. An avid supporter of RADD, he insists on designated drivers when traveling to and from business functions. Like many young professionals, Snoop handles the stress of his profession through social drinking. He lives in the liberal State of California, which explains his comfort with the occasional use of marijuana. Although this helps him relax, he is a goal-oriented man with a strong focus on the establishment and growth of his financial portfolio.

    Now that I got me some Seagram’s gin
    Everybody got they cups, but they ain’t chipped in
    Now this type of **** happens all the time
    You got to get yours but fool I gotta get mine

    Snoop is a generous man who has purchased refreshments for the business meeting. He expresses annoyance with those who take advantage of his kindness and offer nothing in return. This happens to Snoop frequently, and while he is a gracious host, he refuses to be a patsy. Beyond his smooth and heavy-lidded veneer, Snoop is a shrewd and perceptive businessman. His mother certainly did not raise him to be a fool.

    Everything is fine when you listenin’ to the D-O-G
    I got the cultivating music that be captivating he
    Who listens, to the words that I speak
    As I take me a drink to the middle of the street

    Here, we see that Snoop contributes to the confusion surrounding his surname. Earlier, he insisted there were two Gs in his last name, but now, he’s forgotten this. Perhaps this is the alcohol talking. He’s confident in his musical skills, so much so that he is comfortable rapping amidst the high-volume of street traffic. All of the vehicles make him slightly nervous, so he has a mixed drink to stay calm.

    And get to mackin’ to this ***** named Sadie
    She used to be the homeboys lady (Oh, that *****?)
    Eighty degrees, when I tell that ***** please
    Raise up off these N-U-T’s, ’cause you gets none of these

    Snoop is a virile young man, and makes sexual overtures to a young woman named Sadie. Unfortunately, Snoop discovers that she used to date one of his friends. Because Snoop values friendship more than his own carnal pursuits, he respectfully informs the young woman that he will not be able to date her, much to his chagrin.

    At ease, as I mob with the Dogg Pound, feel the breeze
    *****, I’m just

    Having successfully avoided an interpersonal disaster, Snoop is able to relax. He is friends with a group of people affectionately known as ‘the Dogg Pound.” This group is known for vigorously promoting the needs of canines and animal shelters, with the motto, “Save a life–spay or neuter your dog.”

    Rollin’ down the street, smokin’ endo
    Sippin’ on gin and juice, laid back
    With my mind on my money
    And my money on my mind

    As before, Snoop demonstrates his continued focus on his fiscal plans.

    Later on that day, my homey
    Dr. Dre came through with a gang of Tanqueray
    And a fat ass J of some bubonic chronic
    That made me choke, ****, this ain’t no joke

    Snoop’s friend Andre arrives at the meeting with a healthy amount of high-quality gin. Snoop is appreciative. While Andre is not an actual medical doctor, his passionate defense of marijuana’s medicinal benefits have led to his receipt of an honorary doctorate from Humboldt State University. Andre also brings a large cigarette filled with a potent strain of marijuana, which results in Snoop spontaneously coughing. As the coughing subsides, Snoop remembers that drinking or smoking to excess has negative consequences.

    I had to back up off of it and sit my cup down
    Tanqueray and chronic, yeah, I’m ****ed up now
    But it ain’t no stoppin’, I’m still poppin’
    Dre got some *****es from the city of Compton

    Snoop feels slightly disoriented after his drug and alcohol consumption, and wisely decides to limit his intake. He acknowledges his inebriation, but his sense of machismo ensures that this will not prevent him from continuing his meeting. Andre has proposed an aggressive marketing campaign targeting women, and he has invited a group of female investors from Compton, known in select circles as “The Urban Silicon Valley.” Snoop recognizes the importance of this demographic, and proceeds forward.

    To serve me, not with a cherry on top
    ‘Cause when I bust my nut, I’m raisin’ up off the cot
    Don’t get upset girl, that’s just how it goes
    I don’t love you ho’s, I’m out the do’ and I’ll be

    Snoop is a businessman, and recognizes the cutthroat world of hip hop finance. While the female investors are visually appealing, he understands that they are motivated by money. He anticipates an attractive offer, and temporarily plays along to gain more insight of their gambit. However, he ultimately realizes that his business interests conflict with the plans of the female investors, and he politely declines their offer and leaves. Before leaving, Snoop expresses empathy, and advises them against an emotional reaction. After all, he says, it’s only business. He then bids them, “Adieu.”

    Rollin’ down the street, smokin’ endo
    Sippin’ on gin and juice, laid back
    With my mind on my money
    And my money on my mind

    To punctuate his business philosophy, Snoop reminds us that he remains focused on his monetary objectives.

    Feel free to share with the older women in your life. Enjoy.
    So, I broke into the palace
    With a sponge and a rusty spanner
    She said : "Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing"
    I said : "That's nothing - you should hear me play piano"

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