Funniest movie lines.

[PeruvianSkies]

Funny quotes guys. They seem to even get funnier when delieverd on screen in the comedy situations.

Like the line in Rush Hour by Chris Tucker:

Don't never touch a black man radio. You can do that in China, but you get killed out here.

And when in China in RH2, Jackie ran the same line in opposite

I tend to find myself laughing at the more subtle jokes in movies that go-over alot of peoples heads. I suppose I read-into more stuff, but that's ok. Movies like SUNSET BLVD are humorous to me for some of the in-jokes about the movie industry, same with BOWFINGER, so here's a line from that film:

Robert K. Bowfinger: Do you have any experience in motion pictures?

Jiff Ramsey: Uh, well, yeah, quite a bit, actually, I have quite a bit of experience. I'm an active, uh, renter at Blockbuster, and I, um, attend the filmed cinema, uh, as much as possible, weekly, bi-weekly, inter-week-... intermediately.

Robert K. Bowfinger: Would you be willing to cut your hair?

Jiff Ramsey: [sighs] Oh, yes, but, uh, it's usually better if someone else does it. I've had a few... accidents.

[Worf101]

Being an ex-service (Army) man I often find humor in the lines that flow from the mouths of Drill Sergeants or Drill Instructors as they're called in the Marines. They are the most profane, foul mouthed despicable individuals God in his/her infinate wisdom ever placed on this earth but they are also essential. All free nations need "bright legions" and these men and women take civilians and turn them into soldiers. The best of these movies was Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket". The first half of the movie is so true to boot camp I can't watch it without squirming in my seat, but the lines... ahh those are friggin' priceless!

JOKER
(whispering)
Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?

HARTMAN
Who said that? Who the f**k said that? Who's
the slimy little communist s**t twinkle-toed c**ksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant?
Nobody, huh?! The fairy f**king godmother said it! Out-f**king-standing! I will P.T. you all until you f**king die!
I'll P.T. you until your *******s are sucking buttermilk.

__________________________________________________ ___

HARTMAN

Tonight ... you pukes will sleep with your rifles! You will give your rifle a girl's name! Because this is the only pussy you people are
going to get! Your days of finger-banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over! You're married to this
piece, this weapon of iron and wood! And you will be faithful!

Port ... hut! Prepare to Mount...

MOUNT!
__________________________________________________ ___

HARTMAN
Quickly! Get your fat ass over there, Private Pyle! Oh, that's right, Private Pyle ... don't make any ****ing effort to get to the top of
the f**king obstacle!
If God wanted you up there He would have miracled your ass up
there by now, wouldn't He?

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!


HARTMAN
Get your fat ass up there, Pyle!

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
What the hell is the matter with you anyway?
I'll bet you if there was some pussy up there on top of that obstacle you could get up there!
Couldn't you?!

PYLE
Sir, yes, sir!

__________________________________________________ _____

PYLE climbs a high obstacle.


HARTMAN
Get up here, fatboy! Quickly! Move it up! Move it up, Pyle! Move it up! You climb obstacles like old people f**k. Do you know that, Private Pyle?

Get up here! You're too slow! Move it, move it! Private Pyle, what-
ever you do, don't fall down! That would break my f**king heart! Quickly!

PYLE freezes at the top.

HARTMAN
Up and over! Up and over! Well, what in the **** are you waiting for, Private Pyle?
Get up and over! Move it, move it, move it! Are you quitting on me? Well, are you!
Then quit you slimy f**king walrus-looking piece of sh*t! Get the f**k off my obstacle! Get the f**k down off of my obstacle! Now!

PYLE climbs
back down his side of the obstacle.

HARTMAN
Move it! I'm gonna rip your balls off so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!
__________________________________________________ _____

HARTMAN
I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump!

JOKER & COWBOY
(in unison)
Sir, yes, sir!

HARTMAN
Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?

JOKER
Sir, no, sir!

HARTMAN throws down the garbage can with a loud
bang.

HARTMAN
Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!

JOKER
Sir, the private said "No, sir," sir!

HARTMAN
Why, you little maggot! You make me want to
vomit!

HARTMAN slaps JOKER, hard, across the cheek.

HARTMAN
You goddam communist heathen, you had best
sound off that you love the Virgin Mary . . . or
I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you do love
the Virgin Mary, don't you?!

JOKER
Sir, negative,
sir!!

HARTMAN
Private Joker, are you trying to offend
me?!
__________________________________________________ _____

HARTMAN

What is this Mickey Mouse s**t? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ
are you animals doing in my head?

(to JOKER)
Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights out?!
Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?

JOKER
Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the Senior Drill Instructor that Private Pyie has a full magazine and has locked and loaded, sir

__________________________________________________ _______
JOKER
I want to slip my tubesteak into your sister.
What'll you take in trade?

COWBOY
What have you got?


Ah what memories!!!

Da Worfster

[Smokey]

What is this Worf? Quoting funny lines from a movie, or walking down the memory lane

I really liked that movie, but only the first half of movie in the training camp. The movie seem to lose momentum once they are in Vietnam. I wished the latter part was as aggressive as the first part.

But nevertheless, the line from Hartman “I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump!” is a memorable one.

[PeruvianSkies]

What is this Worf? Quoting funny lines from a movie, or walking down the memory lane

I really liked that movie, but only the first half of movie in the training camp. The movie seem to lose momentum once they are in Vietnam. I wished the latter part was as aggressive as the first part.

But nevertheless, the line from Hartman “I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump!” is a memorable one.

One of the most common criticisms of FULL METAL JACKET is that the first half doesn't seem to match up with the second half of the film, but I feel a bit different about it. First, Stanley Kubrick's approach is different than what had been done before by ...oh let's say Coppola's APOCALYPSE NOW or Cimino's THE DEER HUNTER. Instead Kubrick wanted to make a film that was realistic, yet artistic in it's depiction of war, even the horrific and beautiful moments.

The first half of the film is certainly more memorable as we are taken into the world of boot camp. It's rough, gritty, dirty, and real. We are (as the camera moves suggest) almost witnessing the action as if WE are there with those guys. We watch with shock, we laugh at times, and are scared at times as to what happens or will happen next.

Then we transition into the actual war part of the film, which is slower in pace than most war films are. It's not about the confrontation of war, but the patience of war, or as some have put it...the FOG of war. In many ways the second part of the film reminds me of Peter Davis' HEARTS AND MINDS (1974), which to this day is probably the most profound documentary made on War, especially Vietnam.

The fact that the second part of FULL METAL JACKET is not as aggressive as the first part, or as aggressive as other war films is, to me at least, what distinguishes it apart from the rest as a film that dares to be different, perhaps more realistic at the nature of war, and also manages to be both beautiful and horrorible at the same time.

[SlumpBuster]

Not a line per se, but one of the funniest scenes in movie history is Peter Boyle as Frankenstein's monster in Young Frankenstein singing "Puttin' on the Ritz."