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  1. #1
    Aging Smartass
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    And the Grand Prize for the dumbest ever product goes to...

    the Stanton "Vibemaster."

    The Stanton what?

    I'm certain no one hear has ever heard of this item (thank goodness!), but its creation makes for an interesting tale. First a little background...

    Throughout his lifetime as the sole owner of both Stanton and PIckering, Walter Stanton surrounded himself with a cadre of "yes-men" who fed him a daily diet of nonsense and silliness he wanted to hear. For anyone outside that circle, it was nothing less than getting yourself fired if you dared to disagree with any of these folks, or to criticize them in any manner whatsoever.

    When I joined Stanton back in 1992, the company was a mere shadow of its former self, and the cadre had been reduced from around 9 to a total of three. One of these three was the Swiss-based Director of Sales for Europe. I'll call him "Fred," though that's not his real name.

    Fred was a longstanding company employee, and a first class a$$-kisser and back stabber.That Walter respected him to the degree that he did always puzzled me.

    One day, in what must have been the result of a drug and/or alcohol-induced stupor, Fred came up with the idea for the Vibemaster. The company had a small, but highly profitable side business manufacturing "M.I.T.'s" which, as best as I can recall stood for "Magnetic (or Miniature) Inertial Transducers." These MIT's were used in the old-fashioned, around-the-ear hearing aids, and were that portion of those hearing aids that rested on the bone behind the user's ear.

    Fred determined somehow that DJ's didn't really have to hear the music when they were beat mixing, but only the beat, or bass. Moreover, they didn't need to hear it either, if it could be felt throughout their bodies. If the MIT could be used in a device that rested on a DJ's sternum, and sent powerful, deep bass frequencies through that sternum, then the DJ would feel a powerful, visceral vibration throughout his body and be able to beat mix from the feel of the bass, and get a physical thrill out of the experience as well.

    So far so good, if a bit far-fetched. When Fred came from Switzerland to the U,.S to give a presentation with the Vibemaster prototype, I have to admit I attended that meeting with an open mind. The MIT was attached to the one end of a plastic headband (from a cheap set of stereo headphones), and the other had a rubber bumper attached to it. The DJ wore this device across his shoulder, with the MIT resting on his sternum, and with the rubber end designed to keep the whole thing from moving.

    As the Vibemaster ran off the headphone output of a DJ's mixer, it also needed a step-up device since the output from that jack was too little. An external power pack (about the size of a pack of cigarettes) was needed, and it had an AC adapter that plugged into the wall. The power pack on the prototype was about the size of a hard-cover novel.

    And so, Fred made his presentation, waxing poetic about the "wonders" of the Vibemaster, and the "enormous profits" the company was sure to receive from the success of this new and amazing product. Then, each of us in the room tried out the Vibemaster.

    Not only did the Vibemaster fail completely to deliver anything remotely close to deep bass, it produced an annoying "buzz" in the middle of one's chest, and refused to stay in postion. As there was no HF cutoff, one could actually hear the Vibemaster, and it sounded much like the 89 cent headphone that used to come with small transistor radios.

    Rather than stand up and say, "This is a piece of S***" and sure lose my job in the process, I suggested that we take the Vibemaster to a local, and very supportive, Stanton dealer and get their opinion. We did that, Fred made his presentation to a very receptive audience, and the folks at that dealership each tried out the Vibemaster. None said anything to Fred, but all told me that he was "certifiably nuts" if he things this "stupid POS" ever has a chance of selling. They even went so far as to suggest I offer it to their neighboring retailer - an adult bookstore - and suggest that it be worn on an entirely different part of one's anatomy.

    Still, it was clear that Walter Stanton continued to believe in Fred's claims that the Vibemaster was a viable product, and production commenced. Realizing the potential catastrophe that was lurking, I took the prototype on a week-long trip across the U.S. to all of Stanton's key dealers for their opinions. I made a deadly earnest presentation to each of them, but got identical results from all: "You're out of your mind if you think this thing will ever sell." And that was the nicest thing most had to say!

    In a very carefully worded report to Walter Stanton, I stated what each of the dealers had to say (leaving out the profanity, but making it clear just which words were being left out) and listed the annual business each of these accounts was giving the company, so as to provide substance to their claims. And, it worked!

    Walter issued a statement that the Vibemaster would be manufactured by the company, but sold and marketed exclusively in Europe. The U.S. dealer cost (not resale) was going to be $180, meaning that dealers would have to sell the Vibemaster for around $300 to make a decent profit.

    Not one Vibemaster was sold. Ever. Yet, "Fred" continued to talk of its viability, and how "misunderstood" the product was. And, despite the enormous cost of tooling and manufacturing it, Fred still had Walter's ear. Go figure...

  2. #2
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Sounds like the old bone phone idea. Whatever happened to them?

    Edit: Found this--------

    One of the many great inventions publicized by the incredible JS&A Group, the Bone Fone put a unique spin on personal stereos--with its wrap-around design unique speaker placement, the vibrations "resonate through your bones--all the way to the sensitive bones of your inner ear" giving the listener breathtaking sound.

    The Bone Fone was one of the many novelty radios reaching a niche radio buyers back in the '70s and early '80s. Joggers, cyclists and disco roller skaters loved the convenience of the handy little radio while exercising; techno-weenies like us appreciated the unusual approach toward high quality stereo sound. The Bone Fone wasn't cheap--it cost over $70 US but included lycra sleeves in an array of colors and even a fabric pattern to create your own.

    The Bone Fone's interest was short-lived, as most wound up in tag sales when the Walkman boom hit in the early '80s. Today, the personal stereo's capabilities have reached urban legend level proportions though in all likelihood, one could probably get the same effect by breaking a set of headphones in half and taping each end to one's chest. The radios are in high demand and probably fetch the same as what one would have paid when they were initially sold.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  3. #3
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Pics....
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails And the Grand Prize for the dumbest ever product goes to...-bonefone.jpg   And the Grand Prize for the dumbest ever product goes to...-bonefone2.jpg  
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  4. #4
    Loving This kexodusc's Avatar
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    Those are truly stupid products. Wow. Right up there with the mobile treadmill:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUuwE...bile-treadmill

  5. #5
    Forum Regular elapsed's Avatar
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    I see over at AudioKarma that you were a National Sales Manager for Pickering and Stanton, you might want to be careful slandering their staff and products especially having worked there

    In any event, Walter Stanton retired in 1998 and died back in 2001. Let it go already

    http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag...57C0A9679C8B63

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  6. #6
    Super Moderator Site Moderator JohnMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GMichael
    Pics....



    Back in my days of selling audio, AR 9's, Phase linear, Bose 901's we also carried the bone fone. Thanks for the memories I think.
    JohnMichael
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  7. #7
    Aging Smartass
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    Quote Originally Posted by elapsed
    I see over at AudioKarma that you were a National Sales Manager for Pickering and Stanton, you might want to be careful slandering their staff and products especially having worked there

    In any event, Walter Stanton retired in 1998 and died back in 2001. Let it go already


    elapsed

    That's strange, as I was unceremoniously dumped from AK several years ago.

    Yes, I was Pickering's National Sales Manager from 1976 until 1978, and then joined Stanton in 1992 through 1999 as their VP of Sales and Marketing. There were many very fine people who worked for the company, and many of them were still there when I came back almost 20 years later. The compaies also made some truly outstanding products which I've posted about extensively on many audio-based websites.

    Unfortunately, many of the good people at Stanton/PIckering had to work their way around the Walter Stanton "yes-men," and often feared for their jobs due to some of the truly slanderous things those yes-men did. I'd never dare disparage or "slander" anyone at the company who was a respectable individual, and a dedicated worker, and never have. Despite some really nasty ugliness at the company, my tenure at Stanton was the most enjoyable in my entire career.

    On the other hand, those who perpetually danced around the truth, and wasted countless thousands of the company's money to pursue outrageous ideas and products deserve nothing less than a public flogging. This jerk in Europe cost my boss his job by lying to Walter Stanton. He also actually begged Walter not to promote me to the VP position because, somehow, he thought this would affect his standing in Europe. And he wasted a small fortune on the development of the Vibemaster, as well as numerous other foolhardy projects.

    I post these things here for the interest of AR readers, since most have no idea how many really outrageous things have happened at various companies in this industry. Stanton/Pickering had more than their fair share of these things, and the Vibemaster was but one of a few. Lastly, compared to the Vibemaster, the Bone-Fone was a stroke of genius.

  8. #8
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Great read, e!

    Walter and Fred shoulda peddled the Vibemaster to the American Red Cross. I imagine it had the potential to make quite an impact (!) on CPR delivery: giving recipients good tunes to help lure them away from "the light"....

  9. #9
    Forum Regular filecat13's Avatar
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    Dumb ideas are pretty common in any industry, and the ratio of dumb ideas to good ideas must be pretty high. Virtually all "great" men (if we consider Stanton so) are capable of great hubris and are easy prey for fawning sycophants. In fact, it's probably more common than not.

    I'm not in the "don't speak ill of the dead" or "don't speak ill of former employers" camps and appreciate getting these inside looks.

    Thanks.
    I like sulung tang.

  10. #10
    Shostakovich fan Feanor's Avatar
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    Don't fear

    Quote Originally Posted by emaidel
    ....
    I post these things here for the interest of AR readers, since most have no idea how many really outrageous things have happened at various companies in this industry. Stanton/Pickering had more than their fair share of these things, and the Vibemaster was but one of a few. Lastly, compared to the Vibemaster, the Bone-Fone was a stroke of genius.
    To recount true stories is not slander. Some of us know perfectly well the stupidity that managers at all levels, but especially high levels, can perpetrate on their employers. Others seem to believe that the mere fact that a company survives is ipso facto prove that it is a consistently smart and efficient organization, whereas in fact that's been lucky and done a few good things to offset the many stupid.

    It's pathetic to consider the number of people who believe in the infalibility of private enterprise on the one hand. but on the other that government can't do anything right. The big difference is that governments are exposed to public scrutiny while private companies are much more able to hide their mistakes.

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