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Yet even another Christmas Thread - Top 10 Worst Presents.
I was shopping with my wife the other day and picked out a few Christmas presents for my relatives. She wasn't impressed. My initial response was to think of all the crappy stuff they get me and why they should feel lucky that's what I'm getting them.
Then it popped into my head this could make a decent thread. So here's my top 10 - I'm not going to cop out by posting all the socks, undies, and crappy shirts and ties I get...everyone gets that. So here goes, it's not meant to be funny. My life is mostly average and probably boring to most, but I have a few Christmas gift stories.
10. The fluorescent tropical fish wallet - wish I had a picture, it woulda been cool if I was 5, but this was given to me in 2005 or 2006 IIRC. My uncle just visited Hawaii, and I'm pretty sure this was an afterthought at the gift shop in the airport before he spent 2 weeks with us.
9. The mistletoe belt buckle - a great invention in theory, but trust me, it doesn't work.
8. When I was 7 or 8, someone bought me She-Ra. WTF?
7. Cashews from my former boss year after year. Nothings says $#&% you like telling someone to chew on a box of salty nuts. Thanks
6. From my brother, the sh!tty gator skin wallet I gave him for Christmas 2 years earlier. If you're going to re-gift, at least keep tabs on the place of origin. Except the joke was on him, he never found the $50 note I put in the picture holder!!!
5. Boggle - the game none of your friends ever want to play. Compounded by the fact I got it 3 Christmases in a row.
4. Book - "The Vegan Lifestyle" or "A guide to the Vegan Lifestyle". Don't remember, never got past the "Vegan" part of the title. In-laws...ugh. Our species didn't evolve until we started eating meat. Anyone who knows me knows I eat 4 servings of dead animal per day. Again...WTF?
3. Gobots. 'Twas 1983. All my friends got Transformers. I got the shaft from my cheap mom and dad.
2. Another book - "Tell it on a Mountain" I think it was called - when I was in junior high my Dad was posted to an air force base in Edmonton, Canada for some teaching/exchange thing with the Canadian military. My stupid relatives thought I would lose my citizenship or something, and felt I should stay behind with them. It was a guide book for foreigners on immigrating to the USA. Written at about a grade 3 level, and full of blatant Christian-extremist propaganda. Great gift for a 12 year old. My brother got a Gameboy from same relatives. The gods are cruel. I've never spoken to that uncle since. Idiot.
1. Wool sports jacket thing. In high school I had a bizarre fashion sense. If you can remember how screwed up you were in high school, you'll appreciate that I figured since I was going to college I had to spice up my wardrobe to look older or something. Nice looking jacket, but it was covered in mothballs. I'm quite allergic to dichlorobenzene, and my hands, feet, face, and neck all blew up like a balloon. I missed a ski-trip I had planned over the holidays. My best friend ended up sleeping with my subsequently ex-girlfriend on the trip, and to add further insult to injury, I found out a few years ago they won a $100,000 in some state lottery and are living happily ever after. I'm not bitter...but I get tired of my friends reminding me of this stupid jacket "I had to have" that turned me off fashion for ever.
Some of you guys are strong personalities and have decades on me...that should make for reading of your top 10 worst Christmas presents.
Oh, I know some of my ar.com buddies might not necessarily have celebrated Christmas, so insert whatever special gift exchange occasion you want. Not my intention to exclude anyone....
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Dang Kex.....it's not all about getting gifts! It's about family, the christmas spirit, being around friends..............Ah screw that! It's about the gifts. :cornut:
I can't think of 10 but my father is kindof a gadget freak sometimes. Back in the 80's when I was about 17 or 18, he got me a Panasonic Automatic Check Writing thingy. It was about the size of a brick. You put in a blank check and then entered in the check amount, payee, etc and it printed out the fileld out check. It took about 3 to 5 minutes to complete the process when it worked properly. I could have hand written about 10 checks during that time. Plus, I was not about to carry a huge, slow, heavy, battery hogging check writing machine around with me everywhere I went. I think I used it twice.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JSE
Dang Kex.....it's not all about getting gifts! It's about family, the christmas spirit, being around friends..............Ah screw that! It's about the gifts. :cornut:
I can't think of 10 but my father is kindof a gadget freak sometimes. Back in the 80's when I was about 17 or 18, he got me a Panasonic Automatic Check Writing thingy. It was about the size of a brick. You put in a blank check and then entered in the check amount, payee, etc and it printed out the fileld out check. It took about 3 to 5 minutes to complete the process when it worked properly. I could have hand written about 10 checks during that time. Plus, I was not about to carry a huge, slow, heavy, battery hogging check writing machine around with me everywhere I went. I think I used it twice.
Seriously dude, your first point isn't lost on me, I'd rather my family/friends saved their money or bought me beer than some lousy, expensive crap though.
As for your present...Ha ha ha ha...Damn, that's one lousy invention, and suggests to me that your old man got you the kind of gadetry he wanted for himself. Whew....I better hush up, knowing my luck there's one under the tree waiting for me :yikes:
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Roebuck dungarees (jeans for you youngsters) with reinforced knees from age 6 to 10 or 11.
Old Spice aftershave gift set from same aunt from age 14 'til not too long ago when she started getting me a white dress shirt every year (which I can always use) but it's never the same or correct size.
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Ahhh the memories of High Expectations, and Low Realization
I don't know if I have 10 but here they go. In no particular oder. Just in the order I remeber.
1. At an office christmas party my wife and I participated in a gift exchange. I got a salt and pepper set. But wait, it gets better. They were a set that fit together. One was a male hog, and the other a sow. And the Hog was mounting the Sow. Very nice for the kitchen table no? BTW this wasn't a gag gift exchange.
2. A remote control car as a young lad. I happened to see it before Christmas. I spent about 2 weeks dreaming about that car, and the awesome stunts I would do with it. Out of the box it went 2.5mph, and couldn't go over 2 sheets of notebook paper, nevermind a ramp!
3. A gift certificate from my uncle for a local bar in a small town I visit twice a year. Who gives a gift certificate for a bar? I might add I was underage at the time.
4. My mom gave my wife and I a set of mixing bowls for Christmas one year. Wrapped them up and everything. Except they were from the 70's and I remember mom using them as I grew up. Particularly galling was the fact that she gave my Aunt a very expensive NEW set of mixing bowls at the same gift exchange. Love mom, but that was pretty bad. My wife and I laugh everytime we use them.
If I have anymore I will post them.
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Too many to list - my dad was uninvolved in gift purchasing, and my mom boght most of our gifts from Spiegal and/or Finger Hut catelogs, which meant everything was a cheap knock-off of the real thing. Oh, there were a few good gifts every now and then, but a lot of it was crap.
But my fave worst present - since I was born on Dec 30th...you guessed it...the dreaded X-mas/B'day present. Everyone else got birthday presents on their birthdays, and I got the combo gift. Sh!tty thing to do to a kid. At least my mom never combo gifted me.
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Originally Posted by 3-LockBox
But my fave worst present - since I was born on Dec 30th...you guessed it...the dreaded X-mas/B'day present. Everyone else got birthday presents on their birthdays, and I got the combo gift. Sh!tty thing to do to a kid. At least my mom never combo gifted me.
I feel for you. I'm an early January baby and I used to get the combo gift too. Until my family smartened up and realized that they could buy me a birthday gift cheap at the Boxing Day sales. :D
I have a friend who loves things that she calls kitch or ecclectic, but I just call tacky. Every year she buys me some sort of cheap, tacky item. Sometimes it's an ugly vase. One year it was these really ugly wall sconces that you put plants in. Another year was a ceramic worm. The only saving grace is that she lives an hour away and has a young daughter, so we always go to their house so that they can put the kid to bed. She has no idea that all of her gifts are hidden in the back of the closet. :smilewinkgrin:
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I don't do Christmas. As Tom Lehr penned:
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens
spike the punch, drag out the Dickens
even though the prospect sickens
Brother, here we go again...
I don't do Easter, Halloween, or Valentine's Day either. I can't decide which I loathe most.
Laz
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If anyone is looking for an Xmas gift for Kex this year, read this first:
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Short of gift ideas for that person who really does have everything? Then how about an underwear repair kit or maybe a Barack Obama "Yes, We Can" can opener?
Web site Stupid.com, which claims finding a truly stupid gift is an art form, on Tuesday unveiled its second annual list of the top 10 "stupidest" holiday gifts for 2008.
"2008 might have been a bad year for the economy, but it was a great year for stupidity," said Stupid.com's founder Gary Apple. "Weird products seemed to come out of the woodwork this year. There was almost too much stupidity to choose from!"
Last year the list featured a Hillary Clinton nutcracker, a Mother Teresa breath spary, and portable mistletoe with a suction cup to attach to your forehead.
Here is New York-based stupid.com's top 10 list for 2008 (http://www.stupid.com/fun) which is not endorsed by Reuters:
1. Screaming Chicken, The World's Most Annoying Toy:
This rubber chicken doesn't squeak or squawk. It screams.
2. Wealth Redistribution 2008 Holiday Ornament:
This tree ornament announces that the ornament that used to be there has been removed and given to someone who needs it more. The Redistribution Holiday Ornament will let everyone know you're spreading the wealth whether you want to or not.
3. Mini Guitar Hero:
This miniature version of that mega-hit game is barely 6-inches long but you can still rock out to songs by Queen, Cheap Trick, Nirvana, and The Police.
4. Potty Putter:
Why waste time on the toilet, when you can use it to get ready for the fairway? Potty Putter contains everything you need for an exciting round of golf without leaving your seat including a putting green for around the toilet, mini putter, flag stick and two golf balls.
5. Wasabi Flavored Gumballs:
These potent little green confections offer an intense explosion of wasabi. Strangely, the gum is actually delicious.
6. Men's Underwear Repair Kit:
In this troubled economy, don't throw away your old underwear but repair it with the Men's Underwear Repair Kit. This handy, inexpensive kit provides everything you need to get your unsightly undershorts back into presentable shape.
7. Obama "Yes We Can" Opener:
Every election spawns some interesting products, but this has to be one of the stupidest. To Obama fans, the "Yes, We Can" opener, seizing on his campaign refrain, could be a treasure.
8. "How To Tie A Tie" Tie:
Still struggle with your tie? This stylish tie has simple knot-tying instructions printed right on the front. Just follow the six step-by-step diagrams and you'll look as dashing as George Clooney in seconds.
9. 2009 Dog Poop Calendar:
Each month features a spectacular landscape or breathtaking tableau, but somewhere in every shot there's a pile of dog poop. Distasteful? You bet it is, but the contrast between the beautiful photography and dog poop is remarkable.
10. Pole Dancer Alarm Clock:
When the alarm goes off, dance music plays and disco lights flash. At the same time, a buxom blonde dancer gyrates around a pole under the spinning disco ball.
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God, I needed this.....Thanks so much, FA!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn
9. 2009 Dog Poop Calendar:
Each month features a spectacular landscape or breathtaking tableau, but somewhere in every shot there's a pile of dog poop. Distasteful? You bet it is, but the contrast between the beautiful photography and dog poop is remarkable.
10. Pole Dancer Alarm Clock:
When the alarm goes off, dance music plays and disco lights flash. At the same time, a buxom blonde dancer gyrates around a pole under the spinning disco ball.
I've seen the Dog Poop Calendar and it is neither charming nor breathtaking. It's done in that gnomes/trolls motif so it probably would be a terrible gift for anyone that wasn't a complete D&D freak.
As for the PoleDancer Alarm Clock, I've got one. It resides on my Isamu Noguchi neo-bauhaus nightstand within direct line-of-sight of the actual pole assembly. If you sync things just right it's like a picture-in-picture effect.
One winter an acquaintance of mine laid out some bait traps for an opossum and ended up poisoning the neighbor's Great Dane. Thinking quickly he invested two hundred and fitty in a wheelbarrow, some baked beans and some candles used to set up a makeshift Santeria scene behind ol' boy's toolshed. When the dog was finally discovered the scene was so bizarre that it wa never spoken of again.
Of course, I'm not advocating this kind of thing...but I think we all can agree that if one trimmed it up with some ribbon and a bow that it would easily be a top-ten worst of something.
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Opossums....Great Danes....Santeria....Yer messin' with mah Christmas Buzz, 'Sticky!! :D :D
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Originally Posted by Auricauricle
God, I needed this.....
Was there any one particular thing on the list that you're referring to as needing? :lol:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auricauricle
Thanks so much, FA!
My pleasure. I'm always happy to brighten your day. ;)
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Criminey
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobsticks
One winter an acquaintance of mine laid out some bait traps for an opossum and ended up poisoning the neighbor's Great Dane. Thinking quickly he invested two hundred and fitty in a wheelbarrow, some baked beans and some candles used to set up a makeshift Santeria scene behind ol' boy's toolshed. When the dog was finally discovered the scene was so bizarre that it wa never spoken of again.
Of course, I'm not advocating this kind of thing...but I think we all can agree that if one trimmed it up with some ribbon and a bow that it would easily be a top-ten worst of something.
Chite man I guess you ARE a witch!!!!! Burn him!!! Burn him I say!!!!! Suffer not a witch to live!!!!! Where are the torches and pitchforks?
Da Worfster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobsticks
One winter an acquaintance of mine laid out some bait traps for an opossum and ended up poisoning the neighbor's Great Dane. Thinking quickly he invested two hundred and fitty in a wheelbarrow, some baked beans and some candles used to set up a makeshift Santeria scene behind ol' boy's toolshed. When the dog was finally discovered the scene was so bizarre that it wa never spoken of again.
Of course, I'm not advocating this kind of thing...but I think we all can agree that if one trimmed it up with some ribbon and a bow that it would easily be a top-ten worst of something.
Dude! What the hell have you done to my thread?
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Man this brings back memories..
I've a little list.
1. Lincoln Logs - No matter what you built, it looked like crap. I'm talkin old school Lincoln Logs, you know, when they were still made out of WOOD!!!!! In the end catapault wars were all we did with the junk.
2. "Action Jackson" - The poor man's G.I. Joe and it showed too. Costumes so cheap as to make Wal Mart blush in shame.
3. "Fake Slinky's" - You know the cheesey knockoff that was too retarded to EVER make it down the stairs?
4. "Sweaters and Shirts" - There's nothing wrong with this stuff, when you're 14 or 15. But when you're under 10 you want toys dammit!!!!!
5. "Coloring Books" - What self respecting parent gives their son a bunch of coloring books? I don't care if they had Marvel Superhero's in it!!! Coloring books suck!!!!
6. "Plastic Telescope" - You know the cheesey 10X kind. I lived the projects, in New York City.... WTF was I gonna do with a telescope? Well, I guess when I got older and figured it out, mebbe the plastic fantastic wasn't all THAT useless.
7. "Hai Karate" or other hideious cheap assed aftershaves" - This one needs NO explanation. But I did just go out and buy some English Leather for ole time sake.
8. "Fruit Cake" - NOT the rum soaked fruit cake my Aunt Marie used to make in Bed Stuy. No we're talking about that dry, desert roasted brick that folks give at christmas time with the science fiction fruit in it. Ye gads what junk.
9. BAD Christmas Music" - One unexpected by product of cheap home recording and CD burnage is that anyone and everyone who THINKS they can sing, feels it's their god given right to saddle you with chitty christmas carols sung by them and their friends. Jeeze Louise I'd rathe stick needles in my BALLS than listen to this drivel. And the real kicker is, some of them actually try to charge MONEY for it.
10. "Christmas Clothing" - Next muthaf**ker gives me Christmas tie's gonna be picking it out of their stool.
Bah Effin Humbug....
Da Worfster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worf101
I've a little list.
1. Lincoln Logs - No matter what you built, it looked like crap. I'm talkin old school Lincoln Logs, you know, when they were still made out of WOOD!!!!! In the end catapault wars were all we did with the junk.
2. "Action Jackson" - The poor man's G.I. Joe and it showed too. Costumes so cheap as to make Wal Mart blush in shame.
3. "Fake Slinky's" - You know the cheesey knockoff that was too retarded to EVER make it down the stairs?
4. "Sweaters and Shirts" - There's nothing wrong with this stuff, when you're 14 or 15. But when you're under 10 you want toys dammit!!!!!
5. "Coloring Books" - What self respecting parent gives their son a bunch of coloring books? I don't care if they had Marvel Superhero's in it!!! Coloring books suck!!!!
6. "Plastic Telescope" - You know the cheesey 10X kind. I lived the projects, in New York City.... WTF was I gonna do with a telescope? Well, I guess when I got older and figured it out, mebbe the plastic fantastic wasn't all THAT useless.
7. "Hai Karate" or other hideious cheap assed aftershaves" - This one needs NO explanation. But I did just go out and buy some English Leather for ole time sake.
8. "Fruit Cake" - NOT the rum soaked fruit cake my Aunt Marie used to make in Bed Stuy. No we're talking about that dry, desert roasted brick that folks give at christmas time with the science fiction fruit in it. Ye gads what junk.
9. BAD Christmas Music" - One unexpected by product of cheap home recording and CD burnage is that anyone and everyone who THINKS they can sing, feels it's their god given right to saddle you with chitty christmas carols sung by them and their friends. Jeeze Louise I'd rathe stick needles in my BALLS than listen to this drivel. And the real kicker is, some of them actually try to charge MONEY for it.
10. "Christmas Clothing" - Next muthaf**ker gives me Christmas tie's gonna be picking it out of their stool.
Bah Effin Humbug....
Da Worfster
:cryin: :lol: :cryin:
Oh, stop, yer killin' me.
Worf, there's a generation between us, we come from different backgrounds, but substitude Hai Karate with JC Penny discount Stetson and I had 8 of your 10 ( growing up on AFBs GI Joes came cheap!, never got a telescope.)...if that ain't proof that there is a universal human nature and that she has a cruel sense of humour, nothing will....
Thanks for sharing.... :lol:
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Originally Posted by kexodusc
:cryin: :lol: :cryin:
Oh, stop, yer killin' me.
Worf, there's a generation between us, we come from different backgrounds, but substitude Hai Karate with JC Penny discount Stetson and I had 8 of your 10 ( growing up on AFBs GI Joes came cheap!, never got a telescope.)...if that ain't proof that there is a universal human nature and that she has a cruel sense of humour, nothing will....
Thanks for sharing.... :lol:
It's easy to chime in when it's a GREAT thread. God I haven't thought about some of this crap in years. And yes, many things ARE universal. Thanks fer lettin' me vent.
Da Worfster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worf101
1. Lincoln Logs - No matter what you built, it looked like crap. I'm talkin old school Lincoln Logs, you know, when they were still made out of WOOD!!!!! In the end catapault wars were all we did with the junk. Da Worfster
I loved Lincoln Logs, never even thought about ugly, or catapults.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worf101
Chite man I guess you ARE a witch!!!!! Burn him!!! Burn him I say!!!!! Suffer not a witch to live!!!!! Where are the torches and pitchforks?
Da Worfster
I didn't do it! Not me!
I'm just sayin' it would be bad.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worf101
10. "Christmas Clothing" - Next muthaf**ker gives me Christmas tie's gonna be picking it out of their stool.
Bad slinky, oh ja...
...but nobody needs to be buying Christmas clothes...especially ties.
I have a thing about ties, probably because I hate wearing them. I figure if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right. I probably have a hundred of the things and always seem to have a few people a year think that they need to submit an offering to the collection. In my entire life only one has ever made into rotation. Just 'cause you dropped fifty or so on a tie doesn't make it nice or fashionable or cool or desirable. Whatever.
No one should buy anyone else ties. Ever. Especially Christmas ties.
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