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  1. 04-30-2010, 06:51 PM #1
    ForeverAutumn
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    So much for Weight Watchers.

    Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my dogs. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?

    Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.

    I told her NO; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my ass and, a car hit me.

    I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
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  2. 04-30-2010, 07:25 PM #2
    JohnMichael
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn


    I told her NO; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my ass and, a car hit me.



    You do know someone in Texas is going to visualize that joke all wrong.
    JohnMichael
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  3. 04-30-2010, 08:46 PM #3
    Mr Peabody
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    What's that they say, there's a time and place for everything and in that story..... wrong time, wrong place. The parking lot that is..... Wouldn't mind seeing that trick though
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  4. 05-02-2010, 04:38 PM #4
    JSE
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnMichael
    You do know someone in Texas is going to visualize that joke all wrong.

    ......................................
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  5. 05-03-2010, 05:25 AM #5
    bobsticks
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    I just snorked coffee like Tony Montana in reverse...
    So, I broke into the palace
    With a sponge and a rusty spanner
    She said : "Eh, I know you, and you cannot sing"
    I said : "That's nothing - you should hear me play piano"
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  6. 05-03-2010, 05:47 AM #6
    blackraven
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    I'm still laughing 24hrs after reading that story!
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  7. 05-03-2010, 06:39 AM #7
    GMichael
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn
    I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my ass and, a car hit me.
    .
    What colour was the car?
    Last edited by GMichael; 05-03-2010 at 07:01 AM.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.
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  8. 05-27-2010, 11:11 AM #8
    3LB
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    and here I thought this was going to be a 'diet' thread

    funny stuff
    Repost this on your wall if you love Jesus.
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