"The Rules"

[LeRoy]

Got this email from a female friend of mine and thought I would share the rules.


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides....Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[ForeverAutumn]

I really have to disagree with #1.

All the points, other than 1, are fine however.

[LeRoy]

I really have to disagree with #1.

All the points, other than 1, are fine however.

You got me chuckling with your disagreeing approval

Have a great weekend.

[Worf101]

Being copied and circulated amongst the troops even as we speak... I needed that. Funny but too much common sense in it to be hilarious. Okay couch, here I come!

Worf

[bobsticks]

Bump...

...sadly, this only caught my attention due to the spam. thanks FA...

[Hyfi]

Bump...

...sadly, this only caught my attention due to the spam. thanks FA...

I emailed the mods too...

So are these whacky spammers actually going thru the 5 or 10 post rule along the way?

Here is another option you mods may want to consider

In many places on the web in order to move forward you need to type a word or phrase in the box that is presented to you. If you use two of these, one that is an actual word or phrase, and one that is pure jibberish, the bots cannot figure them out and enter them.

Maybe that should be implemented for the initial 5 posts along with signing up.

[bobsticks]

.....

[winston]

OH Boy, LeRoy , I didn't figure your so "Brutal" those are (chuckleworthy) !! and (bobstick) didn't help eighter da man makes matters worst with that attachment..... LOL

[Zephyr!]

Ah, I cant wait for them to retaliate with rules of their own...another # of 1s that directly contradicts the list above...agh.

[StevenSurprenant]

.....

That is so true! As my sisters says, if a woman tells a man her problem, men will try and solve it for her, but it's not what women what to hear. They just want someone to listen to them.

[LeRoy]

.....

to surpress my motivation and idea on how I would have replied to the wife's dilemma. All I need is someone, anyone, to ask me just how I would have responded to her situation.

[Hyfi]

Hey Sticks....over here now

[bobsticks]

Hey Sticks....over here now

Thank you sir! By the by, if you PM on the site it will automatically forward the message to me via my iPhone...might get faster results.

[bobsticks]

This one is bad. It manages to be both mysogynistic and misandrist in the same breath but gosh-and-golly-gee it just seems to belong in this thread:

The Husband Store

There is a store in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and The sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and The sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives who love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives who love sex and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

[LeRoy]

Hey Bobsticks....it does belong in this thread..yep, its bad but that's what makes it sooo good!

[blackraven]

My wife broke all the rules a long time ago!

[Teteopeni]

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