Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Now, Zen....

  1. #1
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Yonder
    Posts
    3,113

    Now, Zen....

    Thought I would share a post a friend sent me the other day. It's good food for thought (it's luchtime, bear with me!) and contributions and other pearls of wisdom are always welcome....

    The Zen of Sarcasm

    01. Do not walk ahead of me for I may not follow. Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

    02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

    03. It is always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted, but at least you've got a job.

    05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

    08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

    10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

    12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    13. Some days you're the windshield; most days you're the bug.

    14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

    16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

    18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.


    19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

    20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    21. Never miss a good chance to shut up??

    22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
    "The great tragedy of science--the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact."--T. Huxley

  2. #2
    Musicaholic Forums Moderator ForeverAutumn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Location: Location
    Posts
    9,604
    11 made me laugh out loud.

  3. #3
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Yonder
    Posts
    3,113
    Yeah. Reminded me how many "wise investments" I have made....

    ...and how broke I am...!

  4. #4
    Man of the People Forums Moderator bobsticks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    down there
    Posts
    7,124
    Quote Originally Posted by ForeverAutumn
    11 made me laugh out loud.
    I've modified this axiom to work in checkout lines in grocery stores. Everytime I get behind some gassbag arguing over an expired coupon I like to lob some change at 'em. If I'm feeling particularly saucy I'll carefuly fold a dollar into a paper airplane and lob it at their dome.

    "eeeewww,eeeeeww...whadya meeeen it's expahryed?!"

    "Shutcha pie hole. Here's a dollah. Now beat it before I give a hoodrat fitty ta tapdance onya face..."

  5. #5
    Suspended 3-LockBox's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Hey! Over here!
    Posts
    2,747
    Quote Originally Posted by bobsticks
    "eeeewww,eeeeeww...whadya meeeen it's expahryed?!"


    "Shutcha pie hole. Here's a dollah. Now beat it before I give a hoodrat fitty ta tapdance onya face..."
    Did the guy in front of you sound like the dude who played the cowardly lion from Wizard Of Oz? And do you sound like Mo Howard?

    jes wondern

  6. #6
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Yonder
    Posts
    3,113
    Been lookin' fer a second-hand hoodrat....Any in the shops yer way?

  7. #7
    Man of the People Forums Moderator bobsticks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    down there
    Posts
    7,124
    Quote Originally Posted by 3-LockBox
    Did the guy in front of you sound like the dude who played the cowardly lion from Wizard Of Oz? And do you sound like Mo Howard?
    Most frequently they're women who sound like Edie McClurg...y'know Herb Tarlek's wife...hence the hoodrat. I absolutely won'e ever, under any circumstances, hit a woman...but I'll sho 'nuff pay one to hit another one.

    Sad thing is, I had to Google "Mo(e) Howard", so there's a pop culture reference ya slipped by me. And, no, I sound more like Tony Montana on Equipoise.


    Aa...they're all secondhand. It's not a term of endearment.

  8. #8
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Yonder
    Posts
    3,113
    Gotcha....Edie McClurg: Genius. Perfect as Herb Tarlek's ol' lady. No wonder the poor schmo wore plaid! Favorite scene was in "Planes, Trains and Automobiles"

    So that's yer voice, eh? As long as we're bragging, I used to do voiceover for Sean Connery (he really sounds like a cross between Gilbert Godfried and Fred Gwynne).

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Latest AudioReview Articles

Hot Deals

Latest News

AudioReview on Facebook