New Element Discovery

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  • 06-01-2006, 06:08 AM
    New Element Discovery

    The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence
    of a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently
    announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

    The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has
    one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
    assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
    are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called

    Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
    detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
    contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
    would normally take less than a second to take over four days to

    Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; It does not decay,
    but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
    assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
    Governmentium's Mass will actually increase over time, since each
    reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming

    This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
    believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
    concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
    morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
    Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as
    Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many


  • 06-01-2006, 06:15 AM
    That's where we get poli (meaning many) tics (meaning blood sucking vermen).
  • 06-01-2006, 03:51 PM
    Although Governmentium is surprisingly abundant, the demand for this new element is nil. However, a spokesman for Bose recently announced that Bose's engineers are developing woofer cones from Governmentium that will be implemented in the largest and most expensive loud speakers ever made. These speakers will be marketed to dance clubs all over the world because they will excell at huge, bloated, slow bass. "A signal containing a synthesizer bass note can be sent to the Governmentium woofer and you won't hear anything initially, but over time the note will grow and grow until it practically eats itself. It continues to reverberate months later making an extremely loud and low-pitched flatulent sound," said a Bose engineer who refused to be identified.