Joke of the Day

[blackraven]

ITALIAN ALTAR BOY'S CONFESSION





'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl .. . .'

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'



"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now.


Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Dominic walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

[markw]

To all my concerned friends out there:

[Feanor]

To all my concerned friends out there:

Ha ha!

[markw]

OK, moving on...

[dean_martin]

I'm sure Mark has friends who would be concerned if his testicles were injured by a Dyson ball cleaner.

The notion that someone would use a Dyson ball cleaner to clean his testicles is pretty funny. A warning label should be coming soon.

[JohnMichael]

I'm sure Mark has friends who would be concerned if his testicles were injured by a Dyson ball cleaner.

The notion that someone would use a Dyson ball cleaner to clean his testicles is pretty funny. A warning label should be coming soon.

Now a ball washer on a golf course would also be pretty damned funny.

[bfalls]

Sorry, my bad. I saw the subject and was looking for something funny. This isn't funny. Reminds me of second grade. Sorry, not getting involved. I'm not getting held in from recess.

[ken88]

Curtain rods:

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day,
she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were bought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!
People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit..
Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place..

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth .... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.


She agreed, and within two hours his solicitor delivered the completed paperwork.


A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ..........
and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

[ken88]

AN ELDERLY ITALIAN, CATHOLIC GENTLEMAN
>
> An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini , Italy ,
> went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the
> panel in the confessional, the man said:
>
> "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our
> neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from
> the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
>
> The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no
> need to confess that."
>
> "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors.

This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
>
> The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did,
> you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
> circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However,
> if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
>
> "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one
> more question."
>
> "And what is that?" asked the priest.
>
> "Should I tell her the war is over? ''


>

[JohnMichael]

Curtain rods:

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day,
she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.
Then, slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were bought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!
People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit..
Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.
Word got out, and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place..

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth .... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.


She agreed, and within two hours his solicitor delivered the completed paperwork.


A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ..........
and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

That is an awesome joke. Truly LOL funny. Thanks

[Hyfi]

Wow, just noticed my friend MarkW is listed as Suspended.

I guess I missed another good Hissy Fit???

[blackraven]

Did you hear about the Agnostic who has Dyslexia?

He stayed up all night contemplating whether there is a DOG!

[blackraven]

Here is a You Tube video a friend at work sent me-

It's Not About The Nail - YouTube