An Amusing Literary Exercise

[trollgirl]

Subject: Exercise
>>>
>>> Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's
a
>>> prime example offered by an English professor from the University
of
>>> Phoenix:
>>>
>>> "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
>>> The
>>> process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting
>>> to
>>> his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will
>>> write
>>> the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner
>>> that
>>> paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the
>>> first
>>> paragraph and then
>>> add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
>>> another
>>> copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and
so
>>> on
>>> back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time
>>> in
>>> order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO
>>> talking
>>> outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written
>>> in
>>> the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has
been
>>> reached."
>>>
>>> The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
>>> Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).
>>>
>>>
>>> THE STORY:
>>>
>>> (first paragraph by Rebecca)
>>> At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>>> chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
>>> now
>>> reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that
>>> he
>>> liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
>>> mind
>>> off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
>>> about
>>> him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
>>> out of
>>> the question.
>>>
>>> (second paragraph by Gary)
>>> Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
>>> squadron
>>> now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about
>>> than
>>> the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom
>>> he
>>> had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
>>> Geostation
>>> 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
>>> established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
>>> sign
>>> off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole
>>> through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
>>> flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
>>>
>>> (Rebecca)
>>> He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
>>> felt
>>> one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman
>>> who had
>>> everhad feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
>>> pointless
>>> hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress
>>> Passes
>>> Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in
her
>>> newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and
bored
>>> her.
>>> She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
>>> passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
>>> television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all
>>> the
>>> beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
>>> become
>>> a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>>>
>>> (Gary)
>>> Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
>>> Thousands
>>> of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the
>>> first of
>>> its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who
>>> pushed
>>> the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress
had
>>> left
>>> Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
>>> determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
>>> passage
>>> of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
carrying
>>> enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to
stop
>>> them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
>>> fusion
>>> missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
>>> top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
>>> coast
>>> of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
>>> poor,
>>> stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
slammed
>>> his
>>> fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to
veto
>>> that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
>>>
>>> (Rebecca)
>>> This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>>> writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
>>>
>>> (Gary)
>>> Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at
>>> writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
>>> chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh
>>> no,
>>> I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
>>> novels!"
>>>
>>> (Rebecca)
>>> *******.
>>>
>>> (Gary)
>>> *****
>>>
>>> (Rebecca)
>>> F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>>>
>>> (Gary)
>>> Go drink some tea - whore.
>>>
>>> (TEACHER)
>>> A+ - I really liked this one.

[JohnMichael]

Thank you, thank you. I have not laughed so hard in such a long time. First I hope they are never paired up again. Secondly I am glad I am not paying their tuition. They do reinforce the book.