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  1. #1
    Forum Regular Sugar Beats's Avatar
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    funny anecodotes, jokes & such...

    When my coworker, Donsa, was promoted the boss wanted to celebrate. He called a baker & ordered a cake.
    "Two questions," said the baker.
    "Is Donsa a man or a woman? And what do you want the cake to say?"
    "The cake should read 'Congratulations,' " said the boss, and "Oh, Donsa's a woman."
    The next day, the office celebrated her promotion with a cake
    that read, "Congratulations - Donsa's a woman."



    Three guys are fishing out on a lake when an angel suddenly appears in the boat w/ them. The first guy gets over his shock and humbly says to the angel, "I've suffered from miserable back pain for years. Is it too much to ask that you help me?" The angel touches the man's back and he instantly feels relief. The second guy points to his coke-bottle glasses and asks if the angel can cure his poor vision. The angel tosses his glasses into the lake and instantly the man's vision clears and see can see all very distinctly. The angel looks at the third man in the boat who throws up his hands declares, "Don't touch me! I'm on disability!"


    Joe figured out the perfect way to remember both his wife's birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist and gave him the dates. He told the florist to send flowers on those days w/ a note that would say, "From your loving husband." Joe's wife was thrilled by the attention. Until one day when Joe can home from work, saw the bouquet of flowers sitting on the table and said, "Nice flowers. Where'd you get them?"


    Have a good day!
    Don't you like it on the sly? Don't you like it till it hurts? Have I been on your mind? What's a voice without a song?

  2. #2
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Guy came home from Iraq and went to the local bar. He orders a drink, and before he picks up his beer, a little man appears and knocks the beer over. He orders another; same thing happens. It continues until the bartender asks about it."Well," the guy explains, "I found a genie in a bottle. I asked for a six-inch prick...."

  3. #3
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: `Debra, I`ve never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off...` `Could you jack off?` she says, `I feel like crap.`
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  4. #4
    JSE
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    A young lady walks up the checkout counter at a grocery store and starts to put her items on the checkout belt. One can of soup, one toothbrush, one magazine, one can of soda, etc. The checkout guy looks at the young lady and says, single huh? The girl smiles and asked if he knew she was single because she was buying one of everything? The checkout guy said no, because your F@#+*%$ Ugly!

    I'm here all noght folks............................................

  5. #5
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    No Nerd in his right mind would ever wish to be one, but if can survive the slings and arrows of the outrageousness of fortune that await him in life, he will be the better for surviving them. As terms of affection go, Nerd is akin to Geek, appended as it is to that special sector of society that was once referred to as “special”. Nerd refers to the ardently bookish sorts, whose interest is invariably turned away from the whims and tastes of popular culture. In my day, the Nerds were the young lads who were often seen in Radio Shack or the public library’s Electronic section, where they read up on Sine Waves. If they watched a movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, say, they were the ones who were able to articulate the meaning of the obscure title and explain quite clearly what a Close Encounter of the Second Kind was.

    I became cognizant of my Nerdiness early: when I was in the fifth grade, in fact. Until then, I was blissfully unaware that my perception, that I was like everybody else, was a delusion. Things became painfully evident when the class held a Christmas party, before the holiday break. My classmates brought various records to the school, to play. Some brought albums relaeased by K-Tel, of favorite disco hits, etc. I brought Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos. Yep….

    Nerds vied with Jocks in the race to become the dominant males in the Testosterone Wars that were fought in the locker rooms during gym class. The jocks easily and handily won the battles early on, but every fool knows who got the last laugh. As a Nerd, I was aware early of my discomfiture for sports. I was a great base-ball player, for I never let the ball come into contact with my bat nor glove. Likewise, I excelled at tennis, as my racquet seemed to develop a sizable hole whenever it came near the ball. Basketball was equally arduous, for I always managed to develop strategies that drove the opposing team away from the basket—it was their basket, and I graciously gave them points for their kindness.

    I have decided that sports are actually quite stupid, really. Take baseball. Someone throws a ball at you and you are expected to hit it with a stick. Sometimes they throw the ball at YOU. This is fun? If you hit it, you run, trying to stomp on these little square pads. If you miss one, people get mad. If someone catches the ball after it’s been hit, you go back to the dugout where your good friends hit you on the back of the head and the coach gives you a look that makes you wish you could find a rock somewhere to crawl under. Fun sport.

    Basketball is golf with bigger balls. You bounce a ball on the floor and, if you are agile enough, you bounce it down the court to the basket, where you throw it in. People who wear different colored outfits than yours get in your way or take the ball away. If you try to get it back and someone gets hurt, they say that it is your fault and send you home. Whee!

    Golf is just dumb. You go outside and walk and walk and walk and walk. Every now and then, you find your ball—you can barely see it—and hit at it with your stick. You have to hit it just right and hard enough so that the ball will fly a long ways to the hole. The hole is just bigger than the ball, so your chances of getting it in in a reasonable amount of time are pretty slim. Some people excel in this, and spend lots of money to play it. Some wear stupid outfits and hats that are supposed make them look Scottish. Get a life!

    Football is great. You wear things that make you look like a gladiator and you kill whoever has the ball. If they wear a different-colored jersey than yours, that’s good. In football you get to growl and snarl and the girls wear cute, short dresses so you can see their….Anyway, the ball is shaped in the most unpractical form. Some people have actually figured out how to throw it, which is pretty lame. If you catch it and go to your side of the field without being killed, you get to be a hero. If you get killed, you’re still a hero, somewhat. If you avoid the ball—which is really sensible, because somebody’s going to kill you—you are a schmuck. Smart, but a schmuck.

    Fencing is also stupid. Who wants to play “swordfight” if you can’t draw blood? All you do is wear a very uncomfortable suit while your opponent pokes at you with his “sword” that has a rubber tip at the end. It’s like your brother or dad or best friend poking you over and over and over again in the back of the car on the trip to the other side of the country. Just stop it already!

    Soccer. You run and you run and you run and you run and you run and you run and you kick and you run and you run and you run and you run and you run….

    Judo and Karate. Everyone in the “dojo” has taken it longer than you have. As the “new guy”, you are the one to practice on. You get flipped, punched, kicked, flipped, punched and kicked….You do push ups on your knuckles and you do a dance—called a “kata”—around the "dojo", that your instructor makes everyone watch and makes you “freeze” in place so that he can slap your fist. It doesn’t get much better than that.

    So, as you can see, being a Nerd is not such a bad thing; in fact it’s quite a sensible thing. Jocks think that they’re great because know how to do all these things quite well: Hitting balls with sticks, taking impossible long walks, throwing balls into baskets, catching balls and getting killed, getting poked, running and running and running, and getting flipped and kicked by a moron who shouts incomprehensible things at you while he stomps your face in.

    There’s a good reason I am a Nerd. I am still alive, I have all my teeth, I have never broke a bone and I have a killer stereo that can play better Beethoven than….Aw, shoot...
    Last edited by Auricauricle; 02-10-2009 at 04:19 PM.

  6. #6
    Sgt. At Arms Worf101's Avatar
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    Wow....

    Masteful treatise Auri on the eternal battle between Nerdishness and Jockfom. For a practical demonstraton though I guess you'd need to see the film... "Mr. Woodcock". A leetle "over the top" but I think it sums up this eternal struggle pretty well.

    Da Worfster

  7. #7
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Well you’re feelin’ hurt and you're getting’ right sick
    You’re head is swimmin’ and the mucus is thick
    So you head to the pharmacist’s counter at the general store
    Where there’s pills and pills and pills and more.
    And you don’t know where to turn or what to do
    Starin' at all the bottles and boxes and baggies amid the toys and shampoo.
    You wonder at all the chocolates and candies and candles and nuts
    And you cringe over syringes and stuff for plugged up eardrums and impacted butts.
    And there’s lotions an potions and powders and myriad elixirs
    And stuff you can whip up and dole out from your daiquiri mixers;
    There are Band Aids for cuts and Roll Aids if your tummy ain’t right
    And a hundred bandages and splints to wrap the feet tight
    To cover the corns and calluses and those ugly toenails
    That’ve all been assaulted by all sorts of worms, mites and fungus and scales.
    They’ve got every conceivable concoction and confection
    In aisles by the dozen, it’s quite the collection!
    Everything but the pills you need for the phlegm in your schnozz
    And so you leave in disgust, fifty dollars broker and well versed in Lamaze.
    And if you are a gentleman or gentlewoman of scholarly bent
    They’ve Merck Manuals and PDR’s and other books for hours well spent
    Up at the crack of dawn going through thousands of pages
    Sittin’ readin’ of illnesses anew and past and so down the ages.
    There’s every malady and illness imaginable and conceivable
    Borne of virus or bacteria, it’s simply unbelievable
    That scabies and rabies and pustules are caused by many thousands of diseases
    That smell of dank tea or a sea of urea and greasy old feces.
    They're all there for your perusal if you wish or if you’re there sittin’
    On the can fussin’ and fretting and pouting, wonderin’ why you ain’t ****tin’.
    At length you go to the local ER at a medical school
    Where you sit with a lady who holds a bag of a freshly passed stool.
    The lady at the counter gives you a firm eye and a mountain of forms
    A big pile of waivers and permission slips and consents to inform.
    When at last the good doctor takes you into his lair
    He sits you down by the table and starts to fret with his hair.
    The doctor you see, is a knowledgeable man
    He’ll give you booklets and papers and brochures galore and a plan
    To explain his prognosis of your obscure diagnosis
    All told in a breath either too minty or steeped in nicotine-soaked halitosis.
    When you see him next time, he asks you to kneel or to bend
    As he pokes you and prods you and he dares to pretend
    That that needle he flicks and he thumps with a wink and a nod
    Is a little old thing that’s going to go somewhere, anywhere but near your bod.
    And then, at last, you’re strapped to a table with plugs and any manner of goo
    As they look at your sweat and your tears and your impacted doodoo.
    And they nod and they hum as the machines drone and they moan
    And the screen on the monitors go blip and beep cheerfully in cheery monotone.
    So your lyin’ awake in the gloom and doom of your hospital room
    Wonderin’ how you wound up all wound up like a mummy entombed
    And the nurses and orderlies and technicians come through the door
    To take your pulse and pour off fluids and adjust the wires on the floor.
    And old friends and new friends come by and ask how you’re doin’ and feelin’
    All while the morphine is pumping and your head is at sea and it's reelin’.
    And so you think of your husband or maybe your wife
    And this crazy thing, this thing called your life
    You lie there in your underwear and you begin to wonder where
    The years went, and how you winded up there
    In a strange bed, with tubes in your crank and your arm and your nose
    Bedecked in every conceivable wire and tube and every possible hose.
    Despite the long odds you make it, you thought that you’d fake it
    By dint of pure luck you say, pure pluck they say, for they’re full of ****
    And you secretly know now, how terribly close you came
    You flew like Daedelus flew to that eternal flame.
    Now you’re in the backyard sourrounded around by loved-ones and friends
    And you wonder how you got there, where you're goin' and how it all ends.
    And as you drink your drink and think your thoughts about what it all means
    You gaze into the trees, and the sun and your wife or your lover’s blue jeans.
    And it is then, in that moment that it all hits you, the Meaning of it all
    It’s just the phlegm you say, and you bury your head and silently bawl.
    It's moments like these, moments that come and go, you know
    Moments like these we savor all too rarely in the to and fro.
    I'd say more, but this strange tale is over, I'd say more but I’m all done
    My nose is still stuffy you see and, aw shoot, now it's startin’ to run….
    Last edited by Auricauricle; 02-11-2009 at 11:27 AM.

  8. #8
    JSE
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    Thunk!

    JSE's head hits his desk after failing asleep 1/2 an hour into reading Auri's last two posts.

    Good lord man, I can't maintain focus that long!
    Last edited by JSE; 02-11-2009 at 02:09 PM.

  9. #9
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

    Still Having a Bad Day????
    The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

    Still think you are having a Bad Day????
    A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

    Are Ya OK Now? - No?

    Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

    What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????
    Iraqi terrorist,Khay Rahnajet,didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

    There now, Feeling Better?
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  10. #10
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    a woman walks in and sees her husband admiring himself in the mirror nude. she asks him what he's doing. he replies "baby this is 200 lbs of pure dynamite. she replies " too bad it only comes with a 3 inch fuse
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  11. #11
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Reason Why Guys Don't Write Advice Columns

    Dear Abie,
    The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching the TV. I hadn't gone more than a mile when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home, only to find my husband making love to our neighbor. He was let go from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore. What should I do?

    Sincerely,
    Frustrated


    Dear Frustrated,
    A car stalling can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Check that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. Or it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

    I hope this helps.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  12. #12
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said,
    Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

    The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiancÚ got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"


    The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos.

    I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  13. #13
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    The Nun in Hooters


    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

    The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. !

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  14. #14
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

    "When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down and give her the best oral pleasure she's ever had, until she is so tired and happy that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

    One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral pleasure she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

    "Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
    "I was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  15. #15
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Dear Santa,

    Please send me a baby brother.


    Santa wrote back:














    "Send me your mother..."
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  16. #16
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    A guy & a girl met at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

    A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands.
    The girl has been watching him and says,'You must be a dentist.'

    The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?

    'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.'

    One thing led to another and they made love.
    After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a good dentist.'

    The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?'


    'Didn't feel a thing'
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  17. #17
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Sorry JSE, This is a long one.

    If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

    Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

    Here's what happened:
    Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
    "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad.
    Can you help?"

    I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immedia tely knew what to do.

    "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

    "Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies."

    "What?" my son demanded.
    "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

    I was equally outraged.

    "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife.

    "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).

    "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

    "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

    "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

    By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

    "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

    "Oh, gross!" they shrieked "Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know.

    We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

    "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.

    "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

    "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

    "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

    "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know.

    "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

    "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

    "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

    "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.).

    The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

    "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

    "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs.
    Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

    I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

    "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

    "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um...um...masturbate. Just the way he did,lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.

    We were silent, absorbing this.
    "So, Ernie's just...just...excited," my wife offered.
    "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

    More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

    "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

    Tears were now running down her face. "It's just that I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..."She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

    "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

    "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me.
    "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

    Two lizards: $140.
    One cage: $50.
    Trip to the vet: $30.
    Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless!
    Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  18. #18
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JSE
    Thunk! JSE's head hits his desk after failing asleep 1/2 an hour into reading Auri's last two posts.
    Good lord man, I can maintain focus that long!
    Sorry, man....The meds were kickin' in....
    "The great tragedy of science--the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact."--T. Huxley

  19. #19
    JSE
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    MIA - Until Rich is back! JSE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Auricauricle
    Sorry, man....The meds were kickin' in....

    No problem, I'm gettin' ready to open up a can-o-whoopass on GM for his last 9 posts!

  20. #20
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Just read and laugh. You can skip any that are too long for you. I won't mind.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  21. #21
    Forum Regular audio amateur's Avatar
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    Damn GM where dyou get these? LOL @ the men advise column one

  22. #22
    Audio/HT Nut version 1.3a
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    It was the first night Adam and Eve had been together. As daylight retreated and darkness arrived a chill began to set in. Eve cuddled up to Adam trying to stay warm. She put her arm around Adam's waist and gently kissed his cheek. He began to feel a tingling rush in his loins. Suddenly, he pushed Eve away and said:

    You'd better get back, I'm not sure how big this thing gets!
    Last edited by RoadRunner6; 02-11-2009 at 11:19 PM.

  23. #23
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by audio amateur
    Damn GM where dyou get these? LOL @ the men advise column one
    These all came from the pool league website that I frequent. They're a funny bunch. There is a section of the site dedicated to jokes. These were the "clean" ones.
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  24. #24
    Class of the clown GMichael's Avatar
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    Every day, a male co-worker walks up close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can`t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: "What`s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It`s Keith. The midget."
    WARNING! - The Surgeon General has determined that, time spent listening to music is not deducted from one's lifespan.

  25. #25
    Sure, sure... Auricauricle's Avatar
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    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    Q: Why is pubic hair curly?
    A: So you don't poke yer eye out.
    "The great tragedy of science--the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact."--T. Huxley

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