Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Friday jokes

  1. #1
    Forum Regular
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Posts
    400

    Talking Friday jokes

    First off, Heaven and Hell (got this from Pravda):

    Heaven:
    Chinese food
    English house
    American salary
    Russian wife

    Hell:
    English food
    Chinese house
    Russian salary
    American wife

  2. #2
    JSE
    JSE is offline
    MIA - Until Rich is back! JSE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Denial
    Posts
    1,929
    Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz To Men............?

    > He thought they were a delivery service.


    Oh, and......


    A young women walks up to the chekcout counter at the grocery store. The checker rings up a bottle of soda, a Cosmo magazine, A pint of ice cream and a movie. The checker says to the young women.... Ahh, you're single? She says yes, how did you know. Was it beacuse of what I bought. The checker say......

    NO, It's because you're F*#@*%G ugly!
    Attached Images Attached Images    

  3. #3
    JSE
    JSE is offline
    MIA - Until Rich is back! JSE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Denial
    Posts
    1,929
    Why did Michael Jackson go to Kmart.

    > He heard little boy's pants were half off.



    JSE

  4. #4
    What, me worry? piece-it pete's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Cleveland Ohio
    Posts
    717

    Let's get Dean!!

    Howard Dean Jokes

    Late-Night Jokes About Presidential Candidate Howard Dean

    Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

    "Howard Dean was endorsed by former Vice President Al Gore and now he is getting advice from Al Gore. And I'm thinking, who better to give advice than the guy who couldn't even get elected with the most votes?" —David Letterman

    "Howard Dean was endorsed by Al Gore. Now, if Dean could get Gray Davis to campaign for him, that would put him over the top." —Jay Leno

    "Al Gore has endorsed Howard Dean for president. That's pretty fitting, the guy that didn't beat Bush endorsing the guy who won't beat Bush." —David Letterman

    "Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean was all smiles, well smirks, after picking up the endorsement of former Vice President Al Gore at a rally in Harlem ... Gore went on to praise Dean for taking a tough anti-war stance before the invasion of Iraq and he praised Dean supporters in hopes that will ease his concerns over lack of foreign policy experience, and his lack of support among blacks and Latinos, and his hot temperament, and perceived arrogance, and policy flip-flops, and campaign glitches. Well, there's a lot going on here." —Jon Stewart

    "General Wesley Clark commented on Gore endorsing Howard Dean. He said endorsements don't win elections. Hey, in this country, votes don't even win elections." —Jay Leno

    "Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy — but now I know this guy is presidential material." —David Letterman

    "The New York Times is reporting that back in the '60s, presidential candidate Howard Dean used a letter from a doctor about a back condition to keep himself out of the draft in Vietnam and then spent 10 months skiing. Well it sounds like he's done the impossible. He actually made Bill Clinton and George Bush look like war heroes." —Jay Leno

    "Presidential Democratic front-runner Howard Dean admitted to Chris Matthews on the 'Hardball' show that he got out of the draft because of a bad back. He had a curvature of the spine. Apparently it curved too far to the left." —Jay Leno

    "In a recent interview, Howard Dean admitted that he used to drink and smoke pot. So, now all he needs to put him over the top is a sex scandal." —David Letterman

    "In his new book, 'Winning Back America,' Dean talks about his wealthy prep school and how he used to get drunk. Let me get this straight — he had rich parents, drank a lot, went to prep school and avoided Vietnam. He's the alternative to George Bush? I think he is George Bush." —Jay Leno

    "Howard Dean is a politician, a medical doctor and a Democrat. So he has three reasons to tell women to take off their clothes now." —Jay Leno

    "While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and balanced Vermont's budget — all traditionally conservative policies. Dean also received an 'A' rating from the National Rifle Association, which I think you can't get unless you've killed a guy." —Jon Stewart

    "It was reported today that former Governor Howard Dean raised $14 million dollars in campaign funds mostly over the Internet. Of course, Dean's success could be contributed to his Web site: www.wetboobies." —Conan O'Brien

    "Former Vermont Governor Howard Dean's presidential campaign is handing out tongue depressors to volunteers with his name on them. Wasn't that Clinton's trick?" —Jay Leno



    Top Ten Reasons Al Gore Endorsed Howard Dean

    10. Thought Dean would give the most dynamic concession speech

    9. Howard Dean reminds him of Jimmy Dean, who makes them breakfast sausages

    8. Only way to counteract freight-train success of Kucinich campaign

    7. His support could get Dean popular vote, for what that's worth

    6. Judgement clouded by Melana not selecting Adam on "Average Joe"

    5. Dean promised to totally be his best friend forever

    4. Wants Howard Dean to do for America what he did for Vermont...whatever the hell that was

    3. Maybe it was the eleven vodka gimlets

    2. The dart hit Dean's name

    1. As a doctor, Dean has a legitimate excuse for fondling interns!
    Attached Images Attached Images  
    I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
    Abraham Lincoln

  5. #5
    JSE
    JSE is offline
    MIA - Until Rich is back! JSE's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Denial
    Posts
    1,929
    Thought this was funny. A lawyer one.........

    When the man in the street says: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it," the lawyer writes: "Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."

    JSE

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Friday hahas?
    By piece-it pete in forum Off Topic/Non Audio
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 12-12-2003, 12:27 PM
  2. Friday Joke Time
    By Over50 in forum Off Topic/Non Audio
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-28-2003, 06:40 AM
  3. ALL CDs $9.99 at Circuit City Friday, AND....
    By Finch Platte in forum Rave Recordings
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 11-27-2003, 03:28 AM
  4. Friday Jokes
    By trollgirl in forum Off Topic/Non Audio
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 11-21-2003, 06:27 PM
  5. Friday the 13th/Halloween Box Sets?
    By John Beresford in forum Favorite Films
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-19-2003, 10:05 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •