Dummy of the Day Award

[Luvin Da Blues]

Just gotta share this,

Break in witnessed by cabbie
by Castanet Staff - Story: 44572
Jan 23, 2009 / 6:00 am

A 32-year-old man is in custody in connection with a break and enter at Wine Kitz in the District of Westside early Friday morning.

According to police, a local cab driver called 9-1-1, saying he had driven a man to Wine Kitz, watched him break in then drove him back to Kelowna.

Rural RCMP say a large rock was thrown through a window to gain entry.

The suspect was eventually arrested. He faces charges of break, enter and theft.

[ForeverAutumn]

LOL. What a bonehead.

[GMichael]

Did he pay with a credit card?

[Rich-n-Texas]

"RCMP" LDB? You mean to tell me the cops still ride horses up there.

[Luvin Da Blues]

"RCMP" LDB? You mean to tell me the cops still ride horses up there.

Steel steeds my friend. Cost too much to keep horses (not to mention the animal right activists) now a days.

[Luvin Da Blues]

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide storm drain to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally
zoned when he ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot
high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole
for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach
chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5
feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and
shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at the hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as
he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked
at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather &
Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of
customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a
target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned
fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired.
The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.
Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge
cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed
23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7
different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just
driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of
dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen.
Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.


RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped
from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The
conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped
along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at
the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a bungee rope.
Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by.
They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied
the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was
never located.

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany )
fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and
more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting
to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt
to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of
him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that
proves.. '**** happens'.

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR
REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

[Rich-n-Texas]

Down here they call it "thinning the herd".

[audio amateur]

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR
REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

it ain't much use if they've already procreated

Where dyou find this stuff?

[Auricauricle]

From Minnesota!

Q: How do you get 16,000 Minnesotans on a frozen lake?

A: Promise 'em that you'll give a pickup to the one who catches the biggest fish....

[nightflier]

I certainly wouldn't want to be a paramedic in Paderborn, Germany.

[emesbee]

Some of those sound pretty gruesome, but I'm glad the elephant got some relief.

[Luvin Da Blues]

And just think, my first career choice was an elephant zookeeper. Our shortage of elephants in Canada kinda put a kibosh on those plans, thank the Almighty.

[emesbee]

And just think, my first career choice was an elephant zookeeper. Our shortage of elephants in Canada kinda put a kibosh on those plans, thank the Almighty.

They're not exactly in herd proportions here, either. Adelaide Zoo used to have one, until they relocated her to Monarto (an open range zoo in the Adelaide Hills). I hear there are plans to expand Monarto, so maybe they will import some elephants (they already have hyenas, giraffes and lions).

The only elephant around these parts at the moment is the mechanical one that makes an appearance at the annual christmas pageant.

[Auricauricle]

Somewhere I heard about an experiment involving plugging up an elephant in the hopes that doing so would encourage engorgement and the production of a prodigious amount of hide that would be collected at a suitable time. Scientists and financiers consulted with each other and watched the progress until the humane society was informed and prevailed upon authorities to end the project. So, after scientists considered various options, it was decided the swiftest and best way to handle "the problem" was to train a team of chimpanzees to pull the plug out.

On the day set for the event, the various parties involved convened and considered their options. The humane societies thought they would position themselves fifty yards from the uncorking. They set up chairs and encamped themselves thusly. The financiers took a more cautious route and set up 100 yards away fom the elephant pen. Like the humanitarians, they set up chairs and a table of wine and snacks for invited guests, etc. The scientists were the most cautious group. They retired to a bunker 500 yards away and watched the proceedings on CCTV.

No-one within the entire perimeter was left standing when the brave chimpanzee who pulled the cork did so. Only shoes remained as trace evidence of the humane societies' presence. Of the financiers present, all were killed on the spot but one, who was found in a tree. When he was brought down, he was laughing hysterically. The scientists survived, but were disappointed when they learned that the camera was destroyed.

Years later, the hysterical financier was contacted and asked to comment about what he had seen.

"All I remember," he said, his lips quavering slightly, "was that little monkey. He and his friends, scrambling and falling over each other to put that cork back in!"