Bad Joke..... Must Stop Myself!!!!

[Worf101]

A young man moved out of home and into a new apartment,*all on his own.*He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an*stunning young lady came out of the apartment next*to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.*

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with*Him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had*nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's*go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked,*'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?'
Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.*
I work out every day and my*ass is firm and solid.*
I have a 28 inch waist.*
Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.*

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....*

'Outside, when you said you*heard someone coming.......*****


(Wait for it)



"That was me......"

Worf

[bobsticks]

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was
addressed to 'Mom' With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with
trembling hands and read the letter.


Dear Mom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with
my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have
been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you
would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's
not only the passion... Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be
very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other
people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy... In the meantime we will
pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She
deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know
your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son Paul


P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Dustin's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report
card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.
Call me when it's safe to come home.

[luvtolisten]

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather
small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large
stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

[markw]

Ed says "Doc, I.ve got a strange problem. You've got to promise me you won't laugh!"

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now...what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied.

[budgetaudio76]

pretty funny jokes here
. Around here i like to tell the dispatcher to stop crying because" its ok now im here!"
Every thing will be ok!
Some one rudely suggested Good we need some one to feed the wolves with!

[luvtolisten]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material
we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach
lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the
most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can
anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and
suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row
raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'