• 07-21-2010, 05:33 AM
    Worf101
    Bad joke rising.... I must stop it!!!
    The Woman Marine Pilot

    The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
    Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

    The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
    There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

    But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.
    "Janie, do you have a story to share?'
    ''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy.

    She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit.
    She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all She had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
    She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't Break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
    She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, Killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, And then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

    ''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.
    'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?




    "Don't f**k with Mommy when she's been drinking."
  • 07-21-2010, 06:16 AM
    GMichael
    A good lesson to remember!
  • 07-21-2010, 07:36 AM
    Hyfi
    Subject: Black-Chocolate-Yellow


    > Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when
    > they strike up a conversation.
    >
    > The black Lab turns to the chocolate Lab and says, "So why are
    > you here?"
    >
    > The Chocolate Lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on
    > everything.....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids But the
    final
    > straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
    >
    > The black Lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?"
    >
    > "Gonna cut my nuts off," comes the reply from the chocolate Lab.
    > "They reckon it'll calm me down."
    >
    > The black Lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are
    > you here?"
    >
    > The yellow Lab says, "I'm a digger I dig under fences, dig up
    > flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I
    dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a
    great big hole in my owners couch."
    >
    > "So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquires.
    >
    > "Looks like I'm losing my nuts too, the dejected yellow Lab
    > says. The yellow Lab then turns to the black Lab and asks, "Why are
    you here?"
    >
    > "I'm a humper," the black Lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll
    > hump the cat, a pillow, the table, whatever. I want to hump
    everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was
    bending down to dry her toes. I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her
    back and started hammering away"
    >
    > The yellow and chocolate Labs exchange a sad glance and says,
    > "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"
    >
    > The black Lab says ...."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
  • 07-21-2010, 11:01 AM
    markw
    A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with **** sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
  • 07-21-2010, 01:09 PM
    GMichael
    Do bears really sh.t in the woods?
  • 07-21-2010, 01:16 PM
    markw
    Do bears **** in a garage?
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by GMichael
    Do bears really sh.t in the woods?

    From what I undersand, you've had more experience with them than most of us.
  • 07-21-2010, 01:22 PM
    GMichael
    Oh, you must mean, "Do bears make you sh.t in your pants?"
  • 07-21-2010, 01:40 PM
    markw
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by GMichael
    Oh, you must mean, "Do bears make you sh.t in your pants?"

    Can I assume the naswer to both questions is "yes"? :D

    (It would be for me, anyhow.)
  • 07-21-2010, 01:53 PM
    GMichael
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by markw
    Can I assume the naswer to both questions is "yes"? :D

    (It would be for me, anyhow.)

    Why do you think I sold my car?
  • 07-21-2010, 05:47 PM
    ForeverAutumn
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by markw
    A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with **** sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

    This is the one that made me laugh the hardest!