Advice from my freinds...

[Worf101]

Welp, in less than 2 weeks Knucklehead is off to college. His mother has been hoardin' supplies like a squirrel in heat. She's threatening, much to his dismay, to put his name on EVERYTHING cause we both know how many things are stolen in college. Me, I'm trying (note the word trying) to play it "cool" but I've my worries. Perhaps you folks can give me the benefit of your experience or wisdom.

My list of concerns:

1. Drugs and alcohol - I'm not too worried bout this. If he wanted to dive off this plank he'd a done it before not and I know he's had a couple of beers.

2. Driving skills or lack thereof - He's not allowed a car freshman year but he still might drive someone elses. He sucks!!! He tailgates, drives too fast, thinks turn signals are a myth and scare the chite out of me when he's behind the wheel.

3. Laziness - He's a typical teen in that his body, if at rest, will remain at rest unless and until acted upon by my size 12 up his lazy arse. It's one thing to be lazy, when you're paying the bills, it's another thing to be bone lazy on MY dime. Threats and intimidation may have to continue until he graduates.

4 Sex and love (hopefully not in that order) - This is my biggest concern. Knucklehead, or the infamous "D.B" is possibly the last virgin male in Northeast America. Sending him to all boys schools tends to do that. But I kinda wish he'd had his heart boroken BEFORE college so if and when it does happen it doesn't affect his entire future. Also, I'm worried about what happens when some young co-ed takes a shine to him and lays somethin' on him he ain't NEVER seen before. Men have been known to lose perspective when the joys of sex have been opened to them. He's tall, in shape, relatively handsome and has a 10-inch personality (yes I'm jealous). I'm worried he'll go "buck wild".

Arrrgh... this stuff keeps going through my mind... Help!!!!

Worf

[ForeverAutumn]

Worf, I don't have kids so I may the last person here who has any right to respond to this post, but I'm gonna tell you what I think anyhow, because I wouldn't be me if I didn't.

You're a good man. You've raised a good young man. I'm sure that you've taught him to be responsible and respectable. You've instilled good values in him. You have to learn to trust the young man that you have created. Is he going to do stupid things? Probably...that's half the fun of college. But he knows right from wrong and he knows how to exercise control (if he didn't he wouldn't be a virgin with teenage male raging hormones).

He's not a little boy anymore. He's a college man. You have to let him be his own man and learn from his mistakes. That's the best way for any of us to learn. Continue to guide him and love him, but it's time to let him fly on his own as best as he can. As hard as that might be for you.

College is a whole different world and experience. Maybe he'll suprise you and be able to stand on his own two feet better than you think he can. And if not...at least he knows that loving parents are only a phone call away.

[dean_martin]

I can't stress this enough: NEVER MISS A CLASS!!! I heard a judge tell a criminal defendant who violated his probation by missing an appointment with his probation officer that "80% of life is showing up on time". Most people know what to do when they get there, but if they don't show up at all, they're screwed.

I was an English major (heavy on literature). When I finally got serious about school, I had quotes on my cork board and fridge that kind of motivated me. "Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" - Robert Browning. I had several others that I wish I could remember. Of course that's something that is very personal and most young'uns aren't going to live by their parents' favorite quotes. But they can be nudged to find something or someone positive in their own area of interest to add a little motivating spark.

Interestingly enough, I'm leaving tomorrow to take my son to visit Rutgers Law School where he is accepted for the fall. This is going to be a huge change for him. I have a helluvalot to do today so I may check in next week with more thoughts and experiences.

[JohnMichael]

I think he will rise to the occasion based on what he has learned in the home. You will be like the angel on his shoulder when he remembers all you have taught him.

As far as drinking I would not be worried about the occasional beer but the binge drinking. Again if he is not interested in drugs and much drinking now I do not think it would be a problem.

As far as sex I should have gone to an all boys school. Seriously I have no advice. I think that since he has waited he values himself and will the young women he will date.

I think you will be bragging about him soon enough.

[GMichael]

I don't know Worf. I guess all that you can do is teach them the best you can and have faith that they will make good choices. You'll make yourself available for questions & help. You sem like a great dad and I'm the one who should be asking you for advice.

[recoveryone]

Well Worf you know your son better than any advise we can give. Mine is back home this year doing Community College to get focus, I could not see paying another 35K to see her learn about time management. We had this talk several times and it seem to go in one ear out the other, but don't let our experience place a label on your son. He will either toe the line or he will be back home and learn it the hard way like mine is.

This time you had me cracking up, you call him knucklehead, I call all of mine Crazies and it most be the mother instinct on that hording.

[topspeed]

Props to FA for her insightful post.

Worf, consider college as a test; you've spent the last 18 years or so prepping and cramming everything you know about being a good man and now it's time for him to take his exam and see what stuck. Will he make mistakes? I dunno, did you? I think most of us would agree that we learned more about ourselves than anything out of a book during our college careers. There's more to college than mere academics.

Rest easy, my friend. You've done a great job and now it's time to see what he can do. Let him make mistakes, there's beauty in scars.

[blackraven]

FA gave some good advice. I'll try to add to that. My daughter who is almost 24 and drop dead gorgeous went to the Univeristy of MN and lived in a Sorority which was party central. We basically told her that we know your going to party but that she must use some common sense and that if she ever felt that she was in trouble, too drunk or in a situation where the friends that she was with were drinking and driving that she could call us at any time and we would come and get her no questions asked. Twice we had to pick her up and bail her out of potentially bad situations. We also were quite open with her about sex and put the fear of god in her about pregnancy, STD's (mainly HIV and Herpes) and told her that any monetary support for college would be cut off if her grades suffered because of partying. She figured it out and got her work done and mixed in some partying.

But most of all, have faith that you raised a good son with good moral values. Also keep the lines of communication open with your son.

[TheHills44060]

I have no kids of my own but I'll give you my collegiate perspective:

1. Drugs and alcohol - It's at every school. I went to the #1 party school in the US (Ohio University) and drugs/alcohol are rampant. Your son WILL drink and perhaps experiment with drugs a bit but he sounds like he has a good enough head on his shoulders to know not to take it too far.

2. Driving Skills - On most campuses no freshman needs a car and I reckon the ones who do have one will not likely be offering them up on a consistent basis. If he's as bad as you say I'm sure one fender bender will spook him enough not to drive often.

3. Laziness - This to me is the most important. He needs a goal which will keep him focused. The thing I regret the most is not choosing a major earlier than i did. For the first few years in school I found it hard to focus on my studies because i had no ultimate direction which led to me not getting the most out of school as I could have and also led to more partying. Ended up with a chemistry degree.

4. Sex and Love - This i would be the least worried about. College is where he 'll really begin to hone his social skills. Study groups, campus events, frat parties are all avenues by which he can cut his social teeth. Yes women play a HUGE role. He will break some hearts and he WILL get his heart broken. It's all a part of life and the sooner he experiences the relationship roller coaster the better so I don't think it is a bad thing.

[JohnMichael]

I have no kids of my own but I'll give you my collegiate perspective:

1. Drugs and alcohol - It's at every school. I went to the #1 party school in the US (Ohio University) and drugs/alcohol are rampant. Your son WILL drink and perhaps experiment with drugs a bit but he sounds like he has a good enough head on his shoulders to know not to take it too far.

I miss Halloween in Athens.

[Smokey]

Best advice for a young person starting college would be to keep GPA grades high. Because that is the first thing a graduate school or employer will look into when walkin thru the door. It will open many doors in the future.

[Worf101]

I said it before and I'll say it again... you folks are "aces" in my book. Thanks for the great advice which I will be printing out most of it and handing it to him along with mebbe one more discussion before we load up the car. I know I've done bout all I can to prepare him and guide him. It's up to him now I know that but this is my first time going through ALL of this and I'm a little off my game., I can't say you've put my mind at ease... but you've helped me get it in a bit better perspective... and for this I thank you all.

Worf

[kexodusc]

He gonna be a Red Hawk?

Worf I'm sure you're son is going to be just fine. First, you've instilled a good set of values and served as a fine role model. That stuff rubs off on kids.

Second, you've no doubt but the fear of god into his heart should he screw up.

But if he does make a few minor mistakes, my advice is to go easy on him. I don't speak as a parent (waaaaay too inexperienced for that) but I know I made my most spectacular mistakes at college and through them learned more outside class than I did in.

Met my wife there too.

He's gonna be fine.

Now what gear did ya set him up with for his room?

[Worf101]

He gonna be a Red Hawk?

Worf I'm sure you're son is going to be just fine. First, you've instilled a good set of values and served as a fine role model. That stuff rubs off on kids.

Second, you've no doubt but the fear of god into his heart should he screw up.

But if he does make a few minor mistakes, my advice is to go easy on him. I don't speak as a parent (waaaaay too inexperienced for that) but I know I made my most spectacular mistakes at college and through them learned more outside class than I did in.

Met my wife there too.

He's gonna be fine.

Now what gear did ya set him up with for his room?

My son? A "Redhawk"? Mwaha ha ha ha! If he were interested in some form of engineering and even though he has to grades to go there lemme "splain sumthin' to you Lucy"..... Rennselaer Polytechnic Institute (which borders my house by the by) is in excess of $50.000 Dollars a year to attend... Ah said fiddy thousand!!!!! A YEAR!!!! You think I want to sell much soul to the devil so he can play grab ass in the dorm? Are you nuts? No my son is going to a "State School" as in one that's pretty good that I can afford school. RedHawk? I almost passed out when I read that one. LOL

Worf

[Feanor]

Despite seeing two kids through college, I don't presume to offer any advice, Workster.

The fact is there is plenty to worry about but he's had a good upbringing and will likely get through it in a stellar way.

Well, maybe one bit of advice: stop calling him "Knucklehead" -- even just behind his back; I doubt that he deserves it any more than your typical good kid.

[Woochifer]

Worf -

You helped get him this far, but judging from all the various posts you've made over the years, he did quite well by just positioning himself for college. Sounds to me like you're still in shock that he's about to start college in the first place! The heavy lifting is done, now it's up to him.

I think we can all point back to our own juvenile hijinks in college. And the early challenge will be time management. Like any college student, he'll have his ups and downs, and the workload will be a rude awakening. But, I get the impression that he had more of a challenge than a lot of us just to get himself situated for college admission to begin with. Hopefully, the journey he already took to qualify himself for college has its own motivation.

Anyway, good luck to the no-so-little-one. Hope the next four (or five or six) years don't wrinkle that brow too much more!

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[BalanceBlind]

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