What character would you most like to see killed?

[Worf101]

I mean die a horrible, blood curdling cinematic demise... Who's on your hit list. Who do you want dead???

1. Jar Jar Binks - I want that f**ker filleted Romulan style over an open spit.. "I want him dead, I want his parent's dead, his children dead... his mailman dead! And then start killin everyone that's ever heard of him!"

2. Harry Potter - I'd pay good money to see this kid lost in South Central L.A. or Da Boogie Down Bronx... "Hey Cholo, let's see if that stick can stop this Glock!"

3. Captain Kirk - I know they killed em once but that bugger's like herpes.. if they get desperate enough the franchise will bring him back. Besides his death wasn't nearly painfull enough for me in Generations.

4. Kiza Soze. - I'd give a months mortgage to see "Da Mother of all Mindf**kers" laid low.. Who's smart enough to tackle him? Sherlock Holmes?

5. The Terminator - Enough already puhlease!!! I'm done okay???!!!!! Mash his ass flat for one and for all.

Sigh.. okay I feel better now...

Da Bloodthirsty Worfster

[Troy]

Holly Golightly. You know, Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Well, I think b!tch-slapping her would probably be enough.

Ditto Marry Poppins.

I think most of Jim Carrey's characters need to "spend a night in the box" too.

[Kam]

van damme in any movie he has ever been in.

mccauly culken back in his home alone days.

jessica fletcher (not a movie but still) anyone who shows up week after week and someone "mysteriosly" dies around them should be killed for the benefit of everyone else.

samwise gamgee - why couldn't he have just pushed gollum and frodo over the edge?

wendy torrance in the shining - man i really wanted jack to connect with that bat just once!

sgt. barnes from platoon... grrrr

along with jarjar, every damn ewok on endor.

the whole tribunal in Paths of Glory.

ahhh feel much better now.

peace
k2

[dph1965]

First and foremost:
Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler & Ross from Friends.
Their death should be so horrid that they couldn't even live in syndication.

Diane Chambers from Cheers - she grates on my nerves like scratching a chalkboard.

the Dawson's Creek Kids - need you ask... Especially Dawson (Van der Beek) - would like to see Gallahger smash his huge head like a watermelon

thinking about it - Gallahger himself

any and everyone in those 1-800-collect/CALL-ATT commercials just for making them -
especially CarrotTop - he should die in a prop mishap

these are just the first few that come to mind....

[Kam]

anyone on a reality show.

[Woochifer]

LOL Worf ...

Harry Potter "hey Cholo, let's see if that stick can stop this Glock!" -- Where the F did you come up with that one? Yer right, HP is pretty dang irritating, but I think those putrid little inbred degenerates that he hangs with deserve that South-Central drive-by lead poisoning more than Harry does! I mean, any kid who had to live under a stairwell with those parents and that stepbro deserves a little bit of slack. But, if my wife pulls into another one of those lame HP movies, then I'll give you permission to strip HP down and handcuff him to an elevator shaft within sniffing distance of some crack dens over by the abandoned projects. His shaft ... errr ... staff will be very popular with the locals there!

Kirk "bugger's like herpes" too funny! -- But, y'know, with all the alien chicks he's bagged over the years, who knows what else the great thespian one is carrying! Bringing up STDs is a little bit closer to the truth than you'd thought! Yeah, better to put a cap into J.Tiberius Kirk than to let him retire back to earth and spread his ETSTDs throughout the female/male/animal populations!

But, with all that anger that you're carrying, it sounds like you need an appointment with a character that I would like to see get killed -- Dr. Melfi from The Sopranos. Man, the way that she's laying the blue balls on Tony S., it can only end badly for the good doc! So, get your appointment in with her while you still can!

[Worf101]

LOL Worf ...

Harry Potter "hey Cholo, let's see if that stick can stop this Glock!" -- Where the F did you come up with that one?..... But, if my wife pulls into another one of those lame HP movies, then I'll give you permission to strip HP down and handcuff him to an elevator shaft within sniffing distance of some crack dens over by the abandoned projects. His shaft ... errr ... staff will be very popular with the locals there!

LOL, sounds like I'm not the only one fed up with Young Master Potter! As for where I came up with my lines, I just let the natural venom flow and try to imagine mythical characters in the "real world" of gun totin' thugs, trigger happy police and panicky gunowners... If Handsome Harry just appeared in my ole neighborhood, he might not get a chance to lift that wand before he got errr... ventilated.... Sorry the Projects was like that..

Kirk "bugger's like herpes" too funny! -- But, y'know, with all the alien chicks he's bagged over the years, who knows what else the great thespian one is carrying! Bringing up STDs is a little bit closer to the truth than you'd thought! Yeah, better to put a cap into J.Tiberius Kirk than to let him retire back to earth and spread his ETSTDs throughout the female/male/animal populations!

LOL ETSTD's !!!!! See now that's what I'm talking about. Let it flow like water from the well... LOL... Cap'n Kirk not your kids breakfast cereal. He'd do anything, anytime... green, blue.. you name it he'll do it.

But, with all that anger that you're carrying, it sounds like you need an appointment with a character that I would like to see get killed -- Dr. Melfi from The Sopranos. Man, the way that she's laying the blue balls on Tony S., it can only end badly for the good doc! So, get your appointment in with her while you still can!

My odds (See the Soprano's Thread) are 12 to 1 Melfi gets whacked before series end. Yeah, that passive aggressive Freudian s**t gets old quick... sigh... but personally I'd rather take her old school thug style and see how much "freak" is in the good doctor... Just my imagination as the song goes..

Thanks for the laffs Wooch!!!

Da Worfster

[Worf101]

First and foremost:
Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler & Ross from Friends.
Their death should be so horrid that they couldn't even live in syndication.

Diane Chambers from Cheers - she grates on my nerves like scratching a chalkboard.

the Dawson's Creek Kids - need you ask... Especially Dawson (Van der Beek) - would like to see Gallahger smash his huge head like a watermelon

thinking about it - Gallahger himself

any and everyone in those 1-800-collect/CALL-ATT commercials just for making them -
especially CarrotTop - he should die in a prop mishap

these are just the first few that come to mind....

Every last one of em I want dead!!!!! You hit some home runs here. Since you opened the TV Bag you can add

1.Kirstie Alley from Cheers!!!, sleazy money grubbin skank.

2. Kevin Sorbo - Unh that one needs killin' quick!!!

3. The Food Channel!!! - Where's Saddam's WMD's when we need them!!!

4. Pokemon & Ugioh - Japanese revenge for WWII....

5. Scooby Goddamn Friggin Doo!!!!! I wanna bang Velma but you may put the rest to death!!!

Thanks DP... I needed that!!!!!

3.

[Woochifer]

LOL, sounds like I'm not the only one fed up with Young Master Potter! As for where I came up with my lines, I just let the natural venom flow and try to imagine mythical characters in the "real world" of gun totin' thugs, trigger happy police and panicky gunowners... If Handsome Harry just appeared in my ole neighborhood, he might not get a chance to lift that wand before he got errr... ventilated.... Sorry the Projects was like that..

Yeah, the absurdity of dropping soft and supple prepubescent Harry into the 'hood is just rife with all kinds of plot deviations!

Kinda reminds me of that "Siskel & Ebert" parody from "Hollywood Shuffle" where you had the two guys sneaking into a theater and doing clandestine movie reviews. That Dirty Harry send up and the subsequent review were classic. Some overweight middle aged white cop pointing a Magnum and delivering hackneyed cop movie cliches at some stereotypical African-American thug while the suspect's getting scared over how big the gun is.

Then of course, the review summarized:
"Bullsh*t!"
"Make my day? Six bullets up your [arse] make your day!"
"We give Dirty Larry -- the finger"

Every last one of em I want dead!!!!! You hit some home runs here. Since you opened the TV Bag you can add

1.Kirstie Alley from Cheers!!!, sleazy money grubbin skank.

2. Kevin Sorbo - Unh that one needs killin' quick!!!

3. The Food Channel!!! - Where's Saddam's WMD's when we need them!!!

4. Pokemon & Ugioh - Japanese revenge for WWII....

5. Scooby Goddamn Friggin Doo!!!!! I wanna bang Velma but you may put the rest to death!!!

Food Network?! Yeah, I say seal the door and drop the cyanide pellets on Bobby Flay, Emeril, Dweezil Zappa, and Martha Stewart, but no way you can touch the Iron Chefs and Chairman Kaga!!!! My former roommate turned me onto Iron Chef back in 96 when it still aired on Japanese TV and had some of the most hackneyed subtitling ever (believe me, in Japanese it sounds totally like a serious sport play-by-play). But still, Iron Chef is just about the best thing on TV! (And another reason to bust a cap in T.J. Kirk/Hooker/Shatner -- he played the Chairman on that unbelievably gawdawful Iron Chef USA special that aired on UPN a couple of years ago ... ugh, I felt so violated after he invaded my space like that!)

And thanx for clearing up all that on Pokemon. I thought the Japanese revenge already occurred years ago with Hello Kitty, Ultraman, the Power Rangers, and Pacman! (yeah, Ultraman was another good candidate for the dead pool, but that robotic bastard kept coming back to life, just in time to save yet another 1/16 scale model from destruction by a couple of guys in rubber suits! Woo hoo!)

Velma, huh? Yeah, behind the glasses and the frumpy outfits, I could totally see some screaming siren banshee underneath it all. Daphne's too much of a whiny little princess. Fred can have her.

Lemme guess, you also prefer Mary Ann? On that three-hour tour crew, I could also do without Gilligan, Skipper, the Howells, the Professor, AND Ginger. Let's just rescue Mary Ann and let the cannibals deal with the rest of 'em! Man, your death and mayhem streak's contagious!

[RGA]

Shatner's ego is so big they had to give him two deaths in Generations.

How bout aiming some WMD's at Middle Earth and take out the hobbits for good - just in case they make the Hobbit. You know the commercialism of the films beckon for some sort of sequal prequal or something.

I agree on JAR JAR. I shut the movie off half way through it was so bad...I mean really really bad motion picture. CGI is atrocious in a lot of movies. Even a few scenes in LOTR.

After watching Dawn of the Dead 2004 I was most impressed that the gore looked real - and why? Because no CGI...the scenes that did use it looked fake.

[Woochifer]

Shatner's ego is so big they had to give him two deaths in Generations.

He already died two deaths and took us with him, did you ever see T.J. Hooker? Talk about dead TV and a show without a pulse, T.J. Hooker even made Heather Locklear look like death warmed over, it was so bad. But, talk about egos, Adrian Zmed on that show made Shatner look like a poster child of humility. Ick ...

How bout aiming some WMD's at Middle Earth and take out the hobbits for good - just in case they make the Hobbit. You know the commercialism of the films beckon for some sort of sequal prequal or something.

Aw come on, you saying you got something against a breed of lazyass little guys who aspire to do nothing more than chase women, eat six meals a day, and sit around smoking weed and getting drunk everyday? Sign me up!

[cashlz]

Donald Trumps combover needs to die, along with Whoopi Goldberg and maybe that girl frankie from the real world.

[Monstrous Mike]

Is Bob Saget dead yet?

[dph1965]

but only in his older animated version. Scrappy has got to go along with all the live action/CG
characters in the new movies.
I've also gotta keep the Iron Chef's alive - but kill the panel of judges - feed them bad oysters or something. Everyone else on Food Network - mad cow disease. And I'll be dam**d if Shatner didn't show up as the host/mc (whatever they called him) on the US version of Iron Chef!
And for gawds sake - the Lifetime channel (I've been subjected to this many times coming home from work while my girlfriend is watching TV) - they must have only 3-5 actors rotating through every movie or show ever produced for this channel.
And last (for now), but not least - Ron Poeil (?) - the RONCO magent who started the whole "info-mercial" craze - PUT HIM IN A BASS-O-MATIC and watch how that sales!! Thank you SNL!!!

[Worf101]

Aw come on, you saying you got something against a breed of lazyass little guys who aspire to do nothing more than chase women, eat six meals a day, and sit around smoking weed and getting drunk everyday? Sign me up!

LOL, I'm dying... stop it... can't breathe... gasp.... wheeze.... (falling to floor)

For some reason I didn't quite see the Hobbits as Middle Earth's version of Rastafarians... I do see what you mean though.... man that was funny... just too funny.

Da Worfster

[Sir Terrence the Terrible]

I mean die a horrible, blood curdling cinematic demise... Who's on your hit list. Who do you want dead???

1. Jar Jar Binks - I want that f**ker filleted Romulan style over an open spit.. "I want him dead, I want his parent's dead, his children dead... his mailman dead! And then start killin everyone that's ever heard of him!"

2. Harry Potter - I'd pay good money to see this kid lost in South Central L.A. or Da Boogie Down Bronx... "Hey Cholo, let's see if that stick can stop this Glock!"

3. Captain Kirk - I know they killed em once but that bugger's like herpes.. if they get desperate enough the franchise will bring him back. Besides his death wasn't nearly painfull enough for me in Generations.

4. Kiza Soze. - I'd give a months mortgage to see "Da Mother of all Mindf**kers" laid low.. Who's smart enough to tackle him? Sherlock Holmes?

5. The Terminator - Enough already puhlease!!! I'm done okay???!!!!! Mash his ass flat for one and for all.

Sigh.. okay I feel better now...

Da Bloodthirsty Worfster

Nothing like reading the post of an angry Klingon first thing in the morning.

[Worf101]

Nothing like reading the post of an angry Klingon first thing in the morning.

Greetings Me Laird!!!! (bending and genuflecting)

How kind of you to grace us wif yer august presence... (bowing and groveling)

If you feel (and quite rightly I may add) that I am "angry" please allow me to change my ways immediately.....

NOT.

What's shakin' bacon? Good to see you in the house. What you know good? You following the hoops now that your brackets are "shot to hell"?

Da Worfster...

Besides nothing smells like invective in the morning.... smells like victory.. one day this war's gonna end.

[Worf101]

I don't get it... Splain it too me... All you guys who I usually count on for heaping tons of bile and invective (Pd and Wooch please stand up), seem quite happy to let this (WTF is this guy anyway) wack job in a cape munching on raw onions and peppers get away scot free. My son and his Mum are fascinated with this refugee from a Japanese Dracula movie. I just don't get it. Everything they make looks to me like it'd gag a maggot...

"Tonight's ingredient....... Ruttabegas!!!!"

Are you kiddin me???!!!

In all seriousness.... , it beats watching "reality TV".

Da Worfster

[Worf101]

van damme in any movie he has ever been in.

You find him more offensive than Ahnold or the grand daddy of them all Steven "Da Scowl" Segal? I'd torch those two before da Muscles from Brussels anyday

mccauly culken back in his home alone days.

He never bothered me all that much but then again I never watched one minute of "Home Alone". That movie played everyday in the hood it was "mommy be back soon" and it wasn't particularly funny. In the burbs it's called "Latch-key life."

jessica fletcher (not a movie but still) anyone who shows up week after week and someone "mysteriosly" dies around them should be killed for the benefit of everyone else.

Now this was inspired. Another show I never watched on a regular basis. You're right though to quote one of my fave westerns... "she's an easy woman to follow, leaves dead men wherever she goes." Jessica comes to town like the grim reaper, everyone runs for the hills.

samwise gamgee - why couldn't he have just pushed gollum and frodo over the edge?

Now this is wrong, Sam wise was the one of the three I wanted to keep!

along with jarjar, every damn ewok on endor.

You can have Jar Jar but leave my carpet wearing, midget legged brotha's alone. Whattsa matta, Ewok can't get no love from a Jedi? Brotha's fought the man, emerged victorious... so what if they were gonna eat Hans Solo... if they had we'd a been at least 20 mumbling movies over the years...

the whole tribunal in Paths of Glory.

Good serious choice...

Peace out man...

Da Worfster

[Woochifer]

I don't get it... Splain it too me... All you guys who I usually count on for heaping tons of bile and invective (Pd and Wooch please stand up), seem quite happy to let this (WTF is this guy anyway) wack job in a cape munching on raw onions and peppers get away scot free. My son and his Mum are fascinated with this refugee from a Japanese Dracula movie. I just don't get it. Everything they make looks to me like it'd gag a maggot...

"Tonight's ingredient....... Ruttabegas!!!!"

Are you kiddin me???!!!

In all seriousness.... , it beats watching "reality TV".

Da Worfster

ALLEZ CUISINE!!!!!

The whole premise behind Iron Chef is that Chairman Kaga's this mysterious wealthy guy who in his quest to find the ultimate culinary warriors has annointed the "best of the best" his Iron Chefs. Of course, in reality, Kaga's actually played by a Japanese stage actor who at one time played the lead role in the Tokyo production of "Les Miserables."

Yeah, on Iron Chef he is a whack job who looks like a Dracula double, but to me that just adds to the whole cult appeal of that show. The whole Chairman Kaga character is so bizarre that it stokes curiosity. Whether that curiosity stems around the concept's originality or speculation on what hallucinagens the writer take is a whole other question! I get the same reaction when watching Australian rules football -- WTF are those officials in the white suits doing when they point their fingers out like a couple of five-years olds engaged in a tag game of cowboys-and-indians? I don't know, but it's so strange that it must be cool! (plus, I don't understand anything about Aussie Football, except that you got these big lunkheads beating one another senseless with no helmets or pads on ... sure beats pro wrestling!)

Anyway, back to Iron Chef. To me, the whole concept of that show is so inspired and bizarre, no way it could possibly have originated in the U.S.! Just the whole idea of turning a cooking competition into a no-holds-barred spectator sport that blends in samurai, pro wrestling, football, American Gladiators, and even high school band (where you challenge people to move up a seat) elements is amazing to me. I mean, you've even got the violent horror pic elements when the chefs are messing around with live animals as the main ingredient (like when they had to pound spikes through the heads of eels to prepare them while they were still squirming around).

In order to fully appreciate Iron Chef, you really need to see it with as much of the original Japanese dialog as possible. The rapid fire delivery of the play-by-play and sideline reporting is like listening to Game 7 of the World Series every week, it's taken that seriously! It was wise of Food Network to stick with the original dialog for Chairman Kaga on most of the dubbed episodes, because you can't really get the full flamboyance and gravity of the moment with the dubbed Chairman!

You have ANY idea how important and momentous those confrontations are? I mean, when that sommalier from Osaka challenged Iron Chef Kobe, you could just feel the tension in Kitchen Stadium as those two great warriors stood eye to eye staring one another down, trying all the psychological gamesmanship that they could muster up.

And couldn't you revel in the sense of redemption when that Chinese chef from Tokyo defeated Iron Chef Chen IN OVERTIME to avenge his brother's defeat at the hands (and cleavers) of Chen two years earlier?

And how could anyone forget when the nemesis traditionalist Chef Kandagawa brought his whole ultra conservative otha faction into Kitchen Stadium and sent his greatest pupil into the maelstrom to try and take down the infidel fusion cuisine of Iron Chef Morimoto, only to leave Kitchen Stadium in disgrace and dishonor as Morimoto brilliantly countered the traditionalist onslaught by cleverly changing strategy and conjuring a reverse play with brilliantly conceived traditional dishes of his own?

Those are legendary moments in culinary history -- on par with when Mr. Big discovered Mac, or when the Colonel added the 11th spice, or when cops discovered donuts!

Just know that in Japan, they take their dining out and celebrity chefs VERY seriously (I heard that's because most people there can't afford homes, so they spend their excess income on fine dining). A lot of the well known French restaurants open their second outlets in Japan, because there's demand for high concept cooking over there.

Oh well, to each their own!

BTW, you mean you didn't like it when Iron Chef Sakai made that sorbet out of sea urchin? Or when Iron Chef Morimoto prepared a Christmas turkey by boiling it in a pig's bladder? Geez, and I thought you had thicker skin than that!

[dph1965]

Dammit man - get to ESPN and tell them you want to do color for Iron Chef! LOL -
And I thought I loved the show! And just think, America gets that excited over WWF and Wrestlemania, what a shame!!!!