piece-it pete
01-13-2005, 10:24 AM
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, if you like.
Biting wit and sarcasm served up with a touch of disgust. A man everyone can like :) .
Ladies and Gentleman, Mark Twain.
__________________
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.
Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.
________________
And my favorite:
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Pete
Biting wit and sarcasm served up with a touch of disgust. A man everyone can like :) .
Ladies and Gentleman, Mark Twain.
__________________
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.
The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.
Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.
________________
And my favorite:
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Pete