Facing the fact he might actually be going!

[Worf101]

As I go through life I'm experiencing new things all da time. The latest stop on the journey of life is the prospect of sending my son, Los Knucklehead, to college. He's applied to about 7 schools and the returns are starting to come in. He want's to be a Physical Therapist. His dream is to be the guy massaging Micheal Vick's pinky toe between halfs at the big game. Still, even if he doesn't become a sports trainer he could make a living helping folks recover from injury.

So far he's been accepted at Drexel University and Duquense University. Both are offering scholarship money and other swag. Finding this out last night it finally hit me that in less than a year, my walking talking gullet/bottomless pit will be gone off somewhere to college. His mom's already alternating between joy and tears... so I'm trying to be calm and strong... Anyone have and guidance and help for a firstime college poppa?

Worf

[ForeverAutumn]

I can offer you no guidance since I don't have kids, myself. But I can offer you sincere congratulations for raising a son who can qualify for scholorships and wants to build a career helping others. Nicely done Dad.

P.S. Sorry the gummies haven't arrived yet. I keep forgetting to buy envelopes!!!

[Feanor]

All of you will survive and thrieve, I suspect. Mom too well be fine unless she is a really pathological worrier.

My son was going to school while living at home, but unpredictedly it was the rest of the family that decided to move to another city. It worked out fine except that Dad had to fork out for a whole lot of money for room & board that wasn't expected.

[Feanor]

BTW, physiotherapy is a solid choice of occupation. One of the jobs that can't be outsource to India (or wherever).

My daughter made a similar choice with dental hygene. My son on the other hand is a computer program developer; presently he has a pretty good job but needs to keep in mind that there are similarly qualified, (MSc), people in Bangelore who are working for $300 a month. We are fools in North American if we don't realize that there will be intense downward pressure on salaries & wages here as a result of the new "flat world", (as Thomas Friedman refers to it).

[Sir Terrence the Terrible]

As I go through life I'm experiencing new things all da time. The latest stop on the journey of life is the prospect of sending my son, Los Knucklehead, to college. He's applied to about 7 schools and the returns are starting to come in. He want's to be a Physical Therapist. His dream is to be the guy massaging Micheal Vick's pinky toe between halfs at the big game. Still, even if he doesn't become a sports trainer he could make a living helping folks recover from injury.

So far he's been accepted at Drexel University and Duquense University. Both are offering scholarship money and other swag. Finding this out last night it finally hit me that in less than a year, my walking talking gullet/bottomless pit will be gone off somewhere to college. His mom's already alternating between joy and tears... so I'm trying to be calm and strong... Anyone have and guidance and help for a firstime college poppa?

Worf

Worf buddy, I went through this and things will be just fine after the initial shock of the change(pats the Worfster on his shoulder). I went through sending them to college, and after graduating, watching them move away from home. I think it was more traumatic for them than it was for me.

When they left for college, I went back to doing my first love...training dogs. When they graduated and left home, I rescued two dogs, and began to train them for the Canine Good Citizen Test. Pepper(pitbull/lab mix) passed it first, then Bodhi(****zu/apso mix) two weeks later. My kids were never that far away, and still are not. They are over a lot, and its like they still live with me except at nights.

If you are worried about the empty nest, get into your favorite hobby, or spend more time nestled up with the lady doing things you two like. If he is going away, call often, and encourage him to so as well. As crazy as this sounds, things just flow during this transition. You might feel some loss in the beginning, but things just even out in the long run.

When my twin boys were going off to college, we had the talk. I told them you don't have to worry about finances as long as you perform the same way you did in high school. If you falter or get distracted, the price is too high to keep supporting you. They got the message.

[dean_martin]

Desperation. That's what I went through with my sons, one of which graduated in 3 years. I know from my own experience (I blew my first shot at college) that a second chance takes considerably more work. Of course conveying this truth in a way that sinks in is the hard part. I tried to present some simple rules. You can't give'em all at once, but here are some:

1. Never miss a class.
2. Take good, legible notes and go over them the same day you take them regardless of when the test is.
3. Eat food that's good for you as often as you can. (Give the "freshman 10, 15" example.)
4. Get some kind of physical exercise on a regular basis.
5. Get to know and like the library. You'll need it soon.
6. If you're not sure, determine as soon as you can whether you study better alone or in a study group. Even if you study better alone, chances are you're going to have a class that you just don't get and the right study group or partner may help.
7. Beware of 100-level courses. There are no gimmees. You don't want to have to take Art History twice.
8. The catalog you came in under is your Bible. Keep it. Pick a major from it. Take the classes you need to graduate from it.
9. Cross-reference your academic advisor using your Bible (see no. 8). You can't always rely on advisors.
10. This was a hard one to give but it goes along with no. 1. If you can't make an 8:00am class then don't take an 8:00am class, but know this: At some point you'll have to take one, then see no. 1.
11. Finish strong each semester.

I know a lot of kids really don't know how to study. Going over different techniques like making note cards from class notes, studying with a group, etc. may be important depending on the kid.

As far as you and your wife go, we suffered a little depression when both boys left home, but it didn't take me too long to get over it. I like my free time to a fault. It took the wife a little longer plus a lap dog. Relax. Be encouraging. Take trips to the school for special events (clear it with your student first). Try not to let your desperation show.

[basite]

not as a dad (of course, at my age...)

but speaking as a college/university student myself:

Your son will have the "most beautiful" years in his life, and the most fun. He'll be learning his ass off, and he'll be able to do something he really wants. He'll meet much interesting people and will see amazing and new places. He will gain much new experiences, most of them good, some of them not as good, but even those will be worth it. It's a great journey.

What I also want to say is, let him "free". Yes, rules are necessary, but let him go too :)

Regards,
Bert.

[Worf101]

You know, you guys and gals. You're as close to me as any friends I got in the "real world". I come here first and last for loving, honest advice and you all have NEVER failed me. (Damn enough emotioninatin')

Some responses:
Feanor, I've told Ian from the day I put his but in LaSalle Institute (aka "Our Lady of Perpetual Warfare") that he's not just competing against kids here in Troy, New York or even North America, but competing against kids from Mumbai, Shanghai, Bejing and all points in-between. I think he gets it!

Sir TofTerribullness: Yeah man, thanks for the knowledge and support. Ian knows, I've told him many times, that I'm not paying 40 plus a year for him to play X-box and grab-ass at college. Anything below a "B" will be on his dime. Plus he'll most likely be in a 6 year accelerated course. He won't have time to scratch his butt much less play fun-n-games. I think he got the message on this too.

Deano: I'm simply gonna print your comments/suggestions out, roll them up, then hit him over the haid with them repeatedly till they sink in. Thanks for the very practical advice.

FA: Keep the warm Canadian vibes c'mon and some Moose Jerky next year wouldn't hurt!!!

Thanks all.

Worf

[Worf101]

not as a dad (of course, at my age...)

but speaking as a college/university student myself:

Your son will have the "most beautiful" years in his life, and the most fun. He'll be learning his ass off, and he'll be able to do something he really wants. He'll meet much interesting people and will see amazing and new places. He will gain much new experiences, most of them good, some of them not as good, but even those will be worth it. It's a great journey.

What I also want to say is, let him "free". Yes, rules are necessary, but let him go too :)

Regards,
Bert.
Thanks for the love. Yeah, I'm the liberating partner in the relationship. If it were up to his mum he'd be in a glass case at the Smithsonian. I guess it's that way when you only get one or two kids in this world. I'm not a "helicopter" I don't hover over Ian... BUT as anyone knows who's raised a kid lately, teenagers are often long on emotion but short on common sense. It ain't logical, but it's often true.

Worf

[Sir Terrence the Terrible]

Thanks for the love. Yeah, I'm the liberating partner in the relationship. If it were up to his mum he'd be in a glass case at the Smithsonian. I guess it's that way when you only get one or two kids in this world. I'm not a "helicopter" I don't hover over Ian... BUT as anyone knows who's raised a kid lately, teenagers are often long on emotion but short on common sense. It ain't logical, but it's often true.

Worf

I guess my boys went the opposite direction. Long on common sense, but very short on emotion. My mom said the same thing about me, although she said because of that, I would never get married. Fooled her, married somebody long on emotion, and even longer on common sense.

[dean_martin]

not as a dad (of course, at my age...)

but speaking as a college/university student myself:

Your son will have the "most beautiful" years in his life, and the most fun. He'll be learning his ass off, and he'll be able to do something he really wants. He'll meet much interesting people and will see amazing and new places. He will gain much new experiences, most of them good, some of them not as good, but even those will be worth it. It's a great journey.

What I also want to say is, let him "free". Yes, rules are necessary, but let him go too :)

Regards,
Bert.

Yep, good points, Bert. What I left out of my comments is that college is potentially the best time of one's life. I think that's why I experienced so much anxiety with my sons. I didn't want them to waste the experience. I wasted my first shot. I had to work for it the second time around with little or no family support until I started proving myself. I was more mature, but going back and getting that degree was more like a job than a life experience.

[thekid]

Bro- Based on past posts that I have seen that gives a little glimpse into the bond between you and your son I don't think you have anything to worry about. You have already established lines of communication and although distance will affect that line a little bit it will not eliminate it. Don't get me wrong you will miss him and their will be a bit a transition period but you will find that in many ways nothing will have changed because you will still be talking on a regular basis and you will often find that you are still coaching/teaching the same lessons you were before and they will still be seeking the same guidance they have sought in the past. It is another leg in the journey but not another journey.

Good luck!