Bad Band Names... Can you think of some? [Archive] - Audio & Video Forums


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Sugar Beats
02-09-2009, 12:19 PM
These came to mind,


Limp Bizkit (anything w/ the name "limp" in it can't be that good, now can it?)


Hoobastank... who ever thought that would be a good name?

02-09-2009, 12:24 PM
Bad Finger (WTH is that?)
Steely Dan
Butthole Surfers...

What is the name of Jehusephat is a "Hoobastank"??

Mr MidFi
02-09-2009, 12:26 PM
Echo & the Bunnymen.
Archers of Loaf.
Built to Spill.

Hell, even 'The Beatles' is a pretty lame pun for a name, isn't it?

02-09-2009, 12:48 PM
Butt Cherry. How rediculous a name is that?

And yeah, Butthole Surfers ranks right up there too. :rolleyes:

02-09-2009, 12:55 PM
Here is 50 of em.

And here is way too many more:

Gnarls Barkley
Danger Mouse and Cee-lo's innovative skills stopped short when it came time to choose a moniker.
Any cock-related name is a lay-up for the list, especially if it's boner-inspired. Morning boner? Welcome to the list, y'all. While we're here, let's do some more genitalia-related names…
Rigor Phallus
What's this, Latin for erect penis? It sounds terrible in any language.
Brutal Dildos
They have "Sorry mom" at the top of their MySpace page. Nice.
MC Vagina
Clit Ripper
Genital Hercules
The Poontang Wranglers
A name like that practically guarantees there'll be no poon to wrangle after the show. But at least they appear to be a joke band.

Papa Grows Funk
If you put "funk" in your name, you should be smacked. Although nothing may ever touch last year's Public Display Of Funk for sheer audacity in its terribleness. To wit…
Urban Funk Ordinance
Yes, let's pass one outlawing this band.
Bandits Of The Acoustic Revolution
Using the word "bandits," minus 5 points. "Revolution," another five. "Acoustic," minus 15. Using them together, minus 1,000 points. They sound like cousins of these guys:
Natives Of The New Dawn
Daughters Of The Sun
You can practically smell the patchouli from here. Ditto for these fückengrüven names…
Tye Dye Skye
National Ass Groovin' Association

Similarly, all pot-related names are bad no matter what, as the culture around marijuana couldn't be more inane:
Fahrenheit 420
Smokable Politics

Emo bands can always be counted on, too:
Cute Is What We Aim For
This Song Is A Mess And So Am I
Boys Like Girls
I haven't heard 'em, so they may not be emo, but they're kindred spirits regardless.
The Devil Wears Prada
Assuming these guys predate the Meryl Streep film of the same name, they still stole their title from a recent, popular book. It all but begs the studio, publisher, and Prada to file cease-and-desist orders. After that, expect TDWP to change their name slightly, like Green Jell-O did with Green Jelly, or Ritalin Kids with Riddlin' Kids. Maybe The Devil Wears Prahda?
Curiosity Valentine
They play jazz, but still have an emo-ish name.

You know who else can be counted on for bad names? Hardcore bands. One of the worst of all time–Gorilla Biscuits–even reunited for a tour this year. Their descendents:
Set Your Goals
They're heavily influenced by GB, from their music to their name: Set Your Goals was the title of GB frontman Civ's first album after the Biscuits. Even with that reference, it's still a dumb name. "Now touring the motivational speakers' circuit, Set Your Goals!"
Silence The Foe
"Of course we're heavy–don't you know our name is Silence The Foe?"

And don't forget bad metal bands:
Figure H8
Sik Fuk

Stupid proper-name combinations:
Guns N'Rosa Parks
Osama Bin SARS
Tom Cruise Control
It's like an Us Weekly headline come to life!

And others:
The Delaware Stringasm
They even boast they made the earlier list on their MySpace page.
The Robocop Kraus
Down With Naked
Honkytonk Homeslice
Green Milk From The Planet Orange
X-Rated Porno Machine
Mood Syrup
Magic Gravy
Nitrous Foxide
The Axe That Chopped Down The Cherry Tree
Forth Yeer Freshman

Black-metal/grindcore/death-metal bands almost always have great names:
Fecal Corpse
Maggot Twat
They're a joke band, but that's still a brutal name.
Corpse Vomit
Forest Of Impaled

Bands whose names indicate issues with women:
16 ***** Pile-Up
They're women, but the name still counts.
Wealthy Whore Entertainment
TwoDeadSluts OneGood****
Lyin' ***** & The Restraining Orders

When in doubt, use "****":
Holy ****
The ****ing Ocean
Total ****ing Blood
Jesus ****ing Christ
**** Start Your Face
Super ****ing Judo Flip

Check! Out! Our! Name!:
You Say Party! We Say Die!
Ambulance! Ambulance!
The Nina The Pinta!
Hollywood Holocaust!
Sh-Sh-Sh Shark Attack!!!

Loooooooooong is good:
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza
America's Meth Problem II
Bodies In The Gears Of The Apparatus
The Busiest Bankruptcy Lawyers In Minnesota
U.S. Pipe & The Balls Johnson Dance Machine
Underground Railroad To Candyland
A Scribe Amidst The Lions
They Will Use Your Bones For Tools
Dave Coulier & The Cut It Outs
Points for the goofy Full House reference, even though that show was terrible.
We Will Eat Rats To Survive
Mister And Misses Tribute To Ugliness
They misspell "missus," but whatever.
Said The Sun To The Girl
Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.
Arsonists Get All The Girls

David Copper****
Knife Knife Gun
Americans UK
Laser In The Jungle

Simply funny:
The God Damn Doo Wop Band
Here Comes Old Vodka Tits
The Internet
You Ruined Christmas
Sorry About Your Couch
Jehovah's **** List

Instant *******
Awesome Snakes
Total B.S.
This sounds like a band started by Napoleon Dynamite–except it's a Bob Seger tribute band. Yikes.
The Dad In Common
Gay Beast
Au Revoir Simone
Points for the Pee Wee's Big Adventure reference.
And Now You Beg
Get Three Coffins Ready

Sugar Beats
02-09-2009, 12:58 PM
Well that's quite a list!

What about names like "Asia" or "Chicago"

They don't seem very original...

Mr MidFi
02-09-2009, 01:14 PM
Speaking of originality, there's always Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young or Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

Nothing says "we've given up on the name thing" quite like a recitation of personnel.

02-09-2009, 01:29 PM
I think Butthole Surfers is a great band name, personally.

To me, the absolute worst band name is:


What the hell? That's not clever. That's just annoying.

02-09-2009, 01:47 PM
I always thought "The The" was really stupid. "Yes" is annoying as well. "Spocks Beard" is especially retarded too.

I think Hyfi's list came from this mega list over at the onion AV Club (,16747/). Be prepared to spend some time there, cuz there's 6 pages of hilarity. "****ty ****ty Band Band" "Harrison Ford Escort" and "Piss Pissedofferson" are particularly marvelous.

02-09-2009, 01:48 PM
Not Drowning, Waving is pretty lame also.

02-09-2009, 04:17 PM
Never made much sense over Mannheim Steamroller...

02-09-2009, 04:31 PM
Elvis Hitler

Supersadomasochisticexpialidocious might qualify for worst album title as well as worst cover (well maybe not cover...there's a website for that too).

02-09-2009, 04:36 PM
Never made much sense over Mannheim Steamroller...

I think they changed their name to Glass Hammer

I know, this joke kinda goes nowhere here, but over at PE, this remark gets 5 pages of derision easy

02-09-2009, 04:39 PM
Rainbow Butt Monkeys and Butt Trumpet come to mind.

02-09-2009, 04:40 PM
if I could only leave bad enough alone:

submitted for your revulsion

Gobblin Cock

nope, I was wrong...this one gets worst album cover

02-09-2009, 04:56 PM
Foo Fighters.

What the hell is Foo? And why does someone need to fight it?

02-09-2009, 05:47 PM
I'm voting for "The Dead Kennedys" as the most insensitive name I've ever heard. That's just wrong.

Luvin Da Blues
02-09-2009, 05:53 PM
Let's not forget "The Flying Burrito Bros."

02-09-2009, 06:02 PM
One wonders if some of the names above aren't just desperation because the music is just that bad. Here's a few that I can remember:

- Circle Jerks - yeah funny, but c'mon
- Scritti Politti - what is that?
- Chumbawamba - wa?
- Faster Pussycat - might want to slow it down...
- Y&T - about as good as their output
- The Cramps - maybe that one's ok to leave off the list
- Swing Out Sister - huh?
- Midge Ure - like everyone else in Hollywood, change your name!
- Haysi Fantayzee - not even clever
- Wet Wet Wet - as in sweat?
- 4 Non Blondes - 3 brunettes and a red-head?
- Def Leppard - always hated the name, music was passable, though
- Kajagoogoo - want a lollipop with that?
- Baltimora - from Baltimore? You don't say.
- Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark - glad they abbreviated that to OMD
- Jimmy Eat World - and then what?
- The Vapors - farts?
- Dexy's Midnight Runners - one hit wonder, was it because of the name?

02-09-2009, 06:43 PM
One wonders if some of the names above aren't just desperation because the music is just that bad. Here's a few that I can remember:

- Circle Jerks - yeah funny, but c'mon
- Scritti Politti - what is that?
- Chumbawamba - wa?
- Faster Pussycat - might want to slow it down...
- Y&T - about as good as their output
- The Cramps - maybe that one's ok to leave off the list
- Swing Out Sister - huh?
- Midge Ure - like everyone else in Hollywood, change your name!
- Haysi Fantayzee - not even clever
- Wet Wet Wet - as in sweat?
- 4 Non Blondes - 3 brunettes and a red-head?
- Def Leppard - always hated the name, music was passable, though
- Kajagoogoo - want a lollipop with that?
- Baltimora - from Baltimore? You don't say.
- Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark - glad they abbreviated that to OMD
- Jimmy Eat World - and then what?
- The Vapors - farts?
- Dexy's Midnight Runners - one hit wonder, was it because of the name?
...loved the commentary!

02-09-2009, 06:46 PM
...misspelled name! Sorry Mr. Flier! It's that short-term memory thing.

02-09-2009, 07:02 PM
Man, there ain't nothin' here to see so far...well except for "Goblin Cock". That's pretty bad.

Check out what these sillyass jackanapes did:

Strangest band names Daigoro
Aug 25, 2001 10:23 AM
With all the talk of Porcupine Tree, Ozric Tentacles, etc., I think we should try and come up with our own band names should we ever form one out of RR.

How about...

The Screaming Feebs
Local Yokel
The Gingerbread Conspiracy
YECH and the Putrid Pustules
The Listless Three
Nothing for Sherlock
Bloody Wogs
Daigoro Nation
Caustic Lullaby
PC Load Letter
That's a good one junior...LMAO YECH
Aug 25, 2001 10:41 AM
Pustule???Sent me scrambling for the dictionary
A puss filled pimple
I've been called worse
Really,it's kind of a compliment

How's bout
Daigaroo And The Skinflute Orchestra???
That's a good one junior...LMAO Daigoro
Aug 25, 2001 1:04 PM
>>>How's bout Daigaroo And The Skinflute Orchestra???<<<<<

LOL! I guess that would put you in the piccolo section.

BTW, nice picture four-eyes! Bwaahaahahahahaha
Yech; those are B&Ws aren't they? Cosmic Messenger
Aug 25, 2001 1:18 PM
What do you drive em with? Just curious...

Yep,B&W's YECH
Aug 25, 2001 4:20 PM
Matrix 804's with Sound Anchor stands that I picked up used for half price from AR Marketplace.
I home auditioned a pair of Nautilus 805's but the store would only give me a 10% break on the price.I loved the 805's.Tons of detail.A great speaker for my late night low level listening sessions.With a 5 year old in the bedroom across the hall I don't have the pleasure of cranking up the sound like the old days.
The 804's don't have quit the last nth of detail as the 805's but I would have to agree with the general concensus they are easier on the ears.A very musical and relaxing speaker.The 805's have a rep as being bright,depending on anscillary equip.For 1400.00 less I bought the Matrix.

I then scored a deal on an Anthem Amp2.I never beat around the bush when shopping.I walked into the store,got the owner aside and said something like this "I am looking for a tube amp.What do you have either on sale or a demo unit that has been sitting around that you want to unload".A 1800.00 amp that ended up costing me 1100.00.The Anthem is a 200 watt hybrid that uses two 6922 in the input stage.I got lucky.This amp is staying .I have no desire to upgrade and that is rare for me.I see at Audiogon someone has had the SE Edition of this amp for sale at 1500.00.That's a good deal also.I did repklace the stock Sovteks with Tungsrams.As I replaced the Sovtek 6922's in my ARC with Amprex Bugle Boys

YECH the poorest Dutchman in Nthn. Michigan
Bugle Boys?!!!! Cosmic Messenger
Aug 25, 2001 5:16 PM
Aren't those SOBs really expensive?
By ARC, I assume you're referring to your pre-amp... yes?

You have a very respectable system that I'm sure you derive great pleasure from.

What kind of longevity are you getting out of your low level (as opposed to output) tubes? I ask 'cause I'm getting ready to roll, tubes that is ;)


The Cosmic Message:

Those Bugle Boys hurt this cheap Dutchman YECH
Aug 25, 2001 5:51 PM
The BB's were 70.00 apiece.OUCH!!!!
I also bought a pair of Siemens 6922's
for later use.They were 50.00 apiece.
Thought I should stock up now.prices will go nowhere but up.
If you really want to spend some dough I believe the 7308's are even a little pricier.

Yep the ARC SP9 is my pre amp.Bought used,of course.
It's currently in the shop being upgraded to MKIII status.
With my limited funds I only can allow myself one upgrade per year.
Last year was my turntable

I have had the Tungsrams in since I bought the Anthem in Feb of 200 and they are holding up well.In the 6922's you should be able to get at least 5000 hours out of them.Perhaps more.

I'll send you an e-mail tomorrow of the two places i ordered tubes.
Me too, plz! DustyChalk
Aug 25, 2001 6:04 PM
I am in the market for some 6922's, would appreciate any leads...Please, and thanks...
I've bought from these three YECH
Aug 25, 2001 7:04 PM
1.Kevin Deal at Upscale Audio-I got my Tungsrams there for 35.00 apiece.this was before he instituted his "cookie jar".Meaning if you don't buy equipment from him he will not sell you any 69922's.Some people don't seem to like him.I have had three conversations on the phone with him,all on his dime courtesy of the toll free number.He spent 10 minutes talking tubes when he knew there would be no sale.I find him too be very upfront and honest Bowman is the guys name.I bought my BB's from him.Do NOT e-mail him.Call on the phone at 616-454-3467.A little pricey but seems to know his stuff.To be honest seems a bit weird.A fellow Michigander.Maybe that's it. got my Siemens from him.Likes to talk tubes and stereos.Count on a long conversation.And I don't think they have an 800 number.Nice web site.

Good luck
Off to Dusty Groove to order vinyl
Thanks for the advice....nt Cosmic Messenger
Aug 25, 2001 7:15 PM
Thanks! (nt) DustyChalk
Aug 26, 2001 12:56 PM

Upscale Audio maf
Aug 27, 2001 2:52 PM
I replaced the stock 6922s in my LS15 with circa 1970 Sovteks at Kevin Deal's recomendation. Subtle but meaningful differences in bass weight, overall detail and noise reduction. A worthwhile purchase and KD was very helpful. When did he institute this "won't sell you tubes unless you bought a component" policy? I bought the Sovteks about 6 months ago. Drag if he won't help me re-tube my Sonic Frontiers Phono 1 when the time comes.

NP: Stone's "Better off Live" Comp.
It was longer ago than 6 mos., but... DustyChalk
Aug 27, 2001 5:00 PM
It was longer than 6 months ago, but it's only on the rarer NOS tubes that he does this, which is getting to be most of them.
Were they worth it? Cosmic Messenger
Aug 25, 2001 6:18 PM
I'm sure you experienced a more refined sound with the NOS Bugle Boys; but was it a whole new world, or just a subtle improvement?

The Cosmic Message:

Ahhhh the million dollar question YECH
Aug 25, 2001 6:50 PM
That's a good question.It really depends on the piece of equipment you are talking about
The ARC uses only two 6922's.One in the phono one in the line stage
I have my doubts that this unit is going to see great changes because of tube rolling.This would go under subtle.Many people feel this unit sounds more SS than tubelike.But when you have an addiction and are in search of that last bit of audio nirvana,what the helz 140.00 clams....

The Anthem I couldn't tell you.The dam thing weighs 50 pounds and it has 15 of these little screws that hold the cover on and I am just too lazy to haul it out,unscrew it and put the old Sovteks in and do a comparison.And besides it sounds good as is with the Tungsrams.
YECH a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing
More like a trombone youngun YECH
Aug 25, 2001 4:01 PM
Four eyes???
Come on,you can do better than that

Really it's a great pic
It doesn't show my green crooked teeth
or my bad complexion
This one's a real band Cosmic Messenger
Aug 25, 2001 12:40 PM
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
They were an industrial noise / dance mayhem outfit in the 80s.

See if you can top that name for pure strangeness guys and gals.


The Cosmic Message:

Local Portland Group ibelafn
Aug 25, 2001 12:53 PM
The Butthole Surfers

---no editorial comment!

NP - Time Warp: The Very Best of The Ozark Mountain Daredevels
Easy DustyChalk
Aug 25, 2001 6:02 PM
Actually, Foetus aka Jim G. Thirwell, has gone by many variations, and one of his own beats that one: You've Got Foetus on Your Breath. I've long since stopped getting visual images...

My personal favorite is HNAS, aka Hirsche Nicht Auf Sofa, which loosely translates to "Moose Not On Couch". The cover of one of their albums is a photograph of someone at a dinner table with one of those mounted mooseheads where his head should be (hey, he's not on the couch!).

His Name is Alive -- sounds like it makes sense, but it doesn't.
Autechre -- not an obscure vocabulary word, not in a foreign language, it's actually just made up and has no meaning.
Crack the Sky -- a full sentence! An imperative unable to be obeyed.
Caroline's Spine -- named after the location of an affliction of a friend of the band's (or so I heard).
Catherine Wheel - sounds like a name, but it isn't!
Jethro Tull -- sounds like a name, and it is, but it's not a member of the band! It's a not-so-famous agriculturalist.
Not Breathing; and Not Drowning, Waving -- sentence fragments (as in, "I am...").
No Use for a Name -- uh, yes you do.
Joy Division -- music to commit suicide by (ditto Nirvana -- not exactly the happiest of bands, yet, if I were not familiar with them, I might look for them in the new age section).
My Bloody Valentine - named after an obscure horror film (I do believe there was one for every holiday except Groundhog's Day, and when that movie came out, I honestly thought it was another horror film, and I laughed...but I digress...).
Boom Crash Opera - it sounds like it's named after a series of sound effects: something that sounds like a low frequency boom, followed by a cymbal crash, followed by a soprano singing -- opera, but bhhhh-tssss-aaaah! doesn't work as well for a band name.

I actually have the notorious distinction of naming every band I've been in but one: Ever Darkward, The Aerodynamics of Chaff, and dreamstillbirth. None of them ever amounted to much, if anything, beyond the vapourware stage. I have plenty more, but I'm not sharing, because I might still actually use them someday. Oh, and you're not allowed to use any of those either, because the other members of the bands might still use them.

Grblgrbl buzz swish click (alright, I made up "click", but it just sounded right), indeed! :-)
Groupnames derived from RaveRec monikers: ibelafn
Aug 25, 2001 12:48 PM
Snowbunny Dude & The Cosmic Messengers

Dustychalk & The 2Channel Masonjars

YECH & The Allears Gurduloo

Zoltan AlphKaya & The Ms. Nomers

Finch Platte & The MasterCylinder RPMs

Mary Rae & The Stone Azuths

BeatleFred & The Over50 Grblgrbl Buzz

UnleasHell & The Skippy Swish IntelliBlondes

Musicalmoondog McScottie & The Jim Clarks

This was much more fun than mowing the lawn!!!
Hope nobody (no pun intended) feels left out or offended.

Seize the Day - Ibelafn
How 'bout TYPO NEGATIVE? (nt) Ms. Nomer
Aug 25, 2001 12:59 PM

Hi Neighbor! Cosmic Messenger
Aug 25, 2001 1:10 PM
Lincoln City here.
Those names were too much ;)


The Cosmic Message:

NP Grand Funk: The Capitol Collector's Series

ORY-GUN!!! ibelafn
Aug 25, 2001 8:27 PM
CM -

It is a small cosmos, eh? Nice to hear from a fellow Oregonian. I've been following your thread with YECH and was curious where you shop for audio hardware, locally or in the valley? In Portland, where I work, there is some interesting used tube equipment at a place called Echo Hifi. FYI the link is
ORY-GUN!!! Cosmic Messenger
Aug 25, 2001 10:00 PM
I just bought an integrated tube amp from those guys... SWEET!

Now, where should I go for tube rolling & software, besides Everyday Music?

TIA, your fellow audiophile / music nut...


The Cosmic Message:

Software... ibelafn
Aug 26, 2001 1:04 PM
I don't have any experience with tubes so can't be of help there but in so far as software is concerned - have you tried the Djangos store downtown? Similar to Everyday Music except Djangos has a pretty good web presence as well. If I recall, you have recently posted regarding several dvd music purchases. Looks like BestBuy has the best selection of those in the area. Happy Hunting!!

1 more thought ibelafn
Aug 26, 2001 1:11 PM
Another good place for CD/Vinyl is Music Millenium. Prices are not such a bargain but they carry alot of stuff that is not mainstream. Hope this helps ;)

1 more thought Cosmic Messenger
Aug 26, 2001 2:13 PM
Thanks for reminding me about Music Mellenium. Back in the old days, my buddies & I used to pile into somebody's old jalopy and make a pilgrimage to Music Mellenium every month or 2. Gawd, we'd spend hours going through those record bins and each of us would bring back AT LEAST a dozen LPs.

Some how, I'd forgotten about Music Mellenium over the years & haven't been there in 20. I'll have to check that old hippy shop out again ;)

Thank for the suggestion!


The Cosmic Message:

re: Strangest band names policyvote
Aug 28, 2001 6:38 PM
I gotcha all beat--check out my band's name:

The Phighting Phranky Action Mongols

The story behind it is both a) long and b) far less interesting/cool/funny that one might suspect, so I'll omit it. Suffice to say, we're usually just called the Mongols. We did have a brief stint where a typo on a flyer billed us as the "Mongoles" (say that in your best Cheech Marin voice, "mon-GO-laaays", and you'll se why we liked that), and we almost decided to change to that permanently, but we decided that the full, real name was much too classic to drop.


Y'all used to get the kind bud.

02-10-2009, 12:29 AM
I think Butthole Surfers is a great band name, personally.

I think the name stinks (pun intended).

Perhaps our resident psych nurse, Aa, could help you. He could possibly identify your fixation.

RR6 :ihih:

02-10-2009, 04:47 AM
Trust me...some heads are best left unexamined.

02-11-2009, 11:16 AM
I always thought "The The" was really stupid. "Yes" is annoying as well. "Spocks Beard" is especially retarded too.

I think Hyfi's list came from this mega list over at the onion AV Club (,16747/). Be prepared to spend some time there, cuz there's 6 pages of hilarity. "****ty ****ty Band Band" "Harrison Ford Escort" and "Piss Pissedofferson" are particularly marvelous.

Right after reading Nobody's !!! commment. When we were kids we had a really lousy garage band we called 'The ?", which is pretty much along the same lines, but we were kids, so we had an excuse.

02-12-2009, 12:16 PM
I have always liked these (most are local to TX)

Gaza Strippers
John Cougar ConcentrationCamp
Reo Speeddealer (now just called lame Speeddealer)
Mary Tyler Moron
Malibu Klaus Barbie
and I remember an album by a band called "Que Sirhan Sirhan"

Anyway, I worked at a record store for 5 years in the late 90's and we always appreciated a clever name, good or bad.

02-12-2009, 12:20 PM
Malibu Klaus Barbie


Gracias, jc

02-12-2009, 12:48 PM
Good band, but what a gadawful name. Also The Teardrop Explodes....let's see...hmmmm....

Babes With Rabies
B-Movie Heroes
Baby Bash
Bad Acid Trip
Daisy Chainsaw

Ah what the h<a>ell. There are too many.

02-12-2009, 08:34 PM
Anal Vomit
Squid Blitz
The Stink

Luvin Da Blues
02-13-2009, 03:55 AM
...........(from an internet article)

If necessity is the mother of invention, then a road-trip along the desolate I-70 corridor in Illinois is the mother of random conversation. So it was that my wife and I came to discuss the worst band names of all time. (This is the worst names, mind you, not necessarily the worst bands, but there is a whole lot of overlap.) Passing judgment on band names is an inherently subjective pursuit, so I would like to propose a set of criteria to bring a modicum of consistency to this project. There are always exceptions to the rules, but in general:

Band names should never be only one syllable
While monosyllabic band names have been around for years (Free, Bread, Can, Yes), their popularity has risen alarmingly since the 1980s. Relatively benign (but silly) band names like Ratt and Kix have given way to a glut of bands with names like Train, Fuel, All, Tool, Tar and Cake, proving that less is rarely, if ever, more. While these names may have seemed muscular or pithy after a few bong hits at the band meeting, nothing grates on the nerves or screams "we chose our name at random out of the dictionary" more than a monosyllabic band name.
Unforgivable: Staind
God-awful: Phish
Awful: Live (no matter how you want to pronounce it)
Honorable Mention: Creed, Spoon, Ween, Slint, Rush, Crunt, James, Seam, Ride, Squeeze
Exceptions: KISS (because it may be an acronym for Knights in Satan's Service, which is awesome), Queen (because it's truth in advertising) and Fear (because that's pretty punk rock)
Fun Fact: Monosyllabic band names can almost always be improved by the addition of the definite article. The Who, The Fall, The Kinks--all great band names that would be horrendous if not for "the."

Band names should never contain prepositions
When I hear a band name like Puddle of Mudd, it sends me into a homicidal rage. As lame as it would undoubtedly remain, Mudd Puddle is a much better name for a band. This category is extra-special, because it has what must be the worst band name of all time.
The Aforementioned Worst Band Name Ever: Archers of Loaf
Not Much Better: Letters to Cleo
Virtually Indistinguishable From #2: Fountains of Wayne
Honorable Mention: Rage Against the Machine, Alice in Chains, Souls at Zero, Mouse on Mars, Apples in Stereo, After the Fire, Porno for Pyros, Tears for Fears, Death Cab for Cutie
Exceptions: There is a major exception to this rule, and that is if the preposition is part of the classic band name formula: [someone] and the [something] [preposition] [something else]. For example, Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention, or Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. Someone should really call their band Brevity and the Soul of Wit, don't you think? Also, Lords of Acid is a pretty awesome name.

Band names should never contain numbers
Never, never, never! Come on, people! Why would anyone want their band to sound like a household cleanser? We are Formula 409, are you ready to rock? Most of these bands have a hard enough time appearing not to be mass-marketed products to begin with.
Innumeracy: Matchbox 20
Square Root of Crap: Seven Mary Three
Count Me Out: Sevendust
Honorable Mention: 3 Doors Down, Blink 182, Sum 41, 98 Degrees, 311, Haircut 100, Front 242, UB40, 5ive Style, Six Finger Satellite, 808 State, 10 Years After, Sixteen Deluxe, Sham 69, Three Dog Night and on and on ...
Exceptions: If the number in the name is the same as the number of band members (for example, Gang of Four, The Dirty Three, MC5), then it's generally ok. This is not ok for Maroon 5. Other acceptable number bands include 999 (British emergency phone number), U2 (spy plane) and Five for Fighting (obscure hockey reference). Finally, I kind of wish that Four Jacks and a Jill from Spinal Tap was a real band.

Band names should not be intentionally misspelled
Nothing is less hip than an obvious attempt to be hip.
Krap: Limp Bizkit
Baaaad: 'N Sync
Un-4-tunate: Def Leppard
Honorable Mentions: Korn, Linkin Park, Boyz II Men, NOFX, 24-7 Spyz
Exception: Lynyrd Skynyrd (because revenge against gym teachers is sublime)
The Mother of All Exceptions: The Beatles

Band names should not be stupid catch phrases
We're fun; we're whimsical--we're Wham! Kill me.
Talk to the Hand: Enuff Z'nuff
Don't Go There, Girlfriend: No Doubt
Oh No You Didn't: Take That
Honorable Mention: Go West
Exception: Nomeansno gets a special pass because they're two Canadian guys who aren't really P.C. feminists

Band names should not contain the word 'Mister'
Mr. Big, Mr. Bungle, Mister Mister. Enough said. No exceptions.

Band names should avoid the needlessly stupid
This is kind of a catch-all category. It's for the Dead Can Dance and Trip Shakespeare's of the world. A band name should be thoughtful, clever if possible. It should not induce nausea and tension headaches. It should not be a complete sentence, use made-up words or be the obvious product of the moron's version of a Dadaist word collage.
God, No: Colonel Bruce Hampton and the Aquarium Rescue Unit
Aaargh: Toad the Wet Sprocket
Sigh: Hoobastank
Honorable Mentions: The For Carnation, Everything But the Girl, Godspeed You Black Emperor!, Smashing Pumpkins, New Kids on the Block, Presidents of the United States of America, Tripping Daisy, 'Til Tuesday, God Is My Co-Pilot

Naming bands is not an exact science and it's admittedly easier to know what not to do than to figure out how to do it right. It is important to listen to the masters. Unfortunately, for every ? and the Mysterians or Black Sabbath, there are a thousand Alice Donuts and Big Head Todd and the Monsters. It's not impossible to come up with a classic band name these days (see The Darkness), it just takes a lot of restraint and a moment of inspiration. For any bands out there looking for that spark, allow me to suggest Cletus and the Federlines. Your first album can be called Can You Handle Our Truth?

02-13-2009, 04:08 AM
Foo Fighters should have called themselves Food Fighters. Obvious really!

02-13-2009, 04:12 AM
Bad band names go back a long way. The Quarrymen (not a bad name) became Long John And The Silver Beatles (an awful name), which became The Silver Beatles, and eventually just The Beatles.

02-13-2009, 04:16 AM
Commander Cody And His Lost Planet Airmen

02-13-2009, 06:34 AM
Throbbing Gristle

02-13-2009, 10:20 AM

I don't know what this internet author was smoking. His rules are entirely inconsistent. What is his criteria for his worst examples. After all, it can't be commercial success or popularity. Bands like Rush, Tool, Matchbox 20, Linkin Park, Smashing Pumpkins, and just about every other example he points out, were huge commercial successes, had & have a significant following, and established a legacy in the history of music. Case-in-point, we may not like all of the music, but we all know them. These aren't simple exceptions, they are the norm. This author's "evidence" disproves his own case!

(Unless this was a tongue-in-cheek commentary and I completely missed that).

Luvin Da Blues
02-13-2009, 10:42 AM
I'm sure it was a TnC article, but ya never know.

You know what they say 'bout 'pinions and @ssholes........

02-13-2009, 11:46 AM
You know what they say 'bout 'pinions and @ssholes........

...these kinds of articles make me want to rip the author a new one...:mad2: