THE YEAR ' S BEST (actual) HEADLINES [Archive] - Audio & Video Forums

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GMichael
07-21-2008, 09:43 AM
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
(You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
(No, really?)

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(Now that's taking things a bit far!)

Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
(What a guy!)

Miners Refuse to Work
after Death
(Those good-for-nothing ' lazy so-and-sos!)

Juvenile Court to Try
Shooting Defendant
(See if that works any better than a fair trial!)

War Dims Hope for Peace
(I can see where it might have that effect!)

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
(Ya think?!)

Cold Wave Linked to
Temperatures
(Who would have thought!)

EnfieldCouple Slain;
PoliceSuspect Homicide
(They may be on to something!)

Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces BatteryCharge
(He probably IS the battery charge!)

New Study of Obesity Looks for
Larger Test Group
(Weren't they fat enough?!)

Astronaut Takes Blame for
Gas in Spacecraft
(That's what he gets for eating those beans!)
(Who else could it have been?)

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
(Do they taste like chicken?)

Local High SchoolDropouts Cut in Half
(Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)

Hospitals are Sued by
7 Foot Doctors
(Boy, are they tall!)

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(Did I read that right?)

Auricauricle
07-21-2008, 12:07 PM
I'm not much for ad hominems, but...

From the Daily Mirror (Britain): "How can 59,054,087 people be so DUMB?"

JohnMichael
07-21-2008, 04:04 PM
I'm not much for ad hominems, but...

From the Daily Mirror (Britain): "How can 59,054,087 people be so DUMB?"




I have that cover when Bush was elected for a second time. A friend from Manchester sent it to me. I periodically pull it out and ask the same question.

Auricauricle
07-21-2008, 04:08 PM
Anyway to scan and post it? Something I'd like on the wall. Sometimes there's just not enough salt...

JohnMichael
07-21-2008, 04:16 PM
Anyway to scan and post it? Something I'd like on the wall. Sometimes there's just not enough salt...





You are asking the man with Windows 98 and dial-up? I will see what I can do.

Auricauricle
07-22-2008, 05:38 AM
Any which way. Thanks so much....Now, to find some good darts....

ForeverAutumn
07-22-2008, 07:13 AM
Those are good GM. I may use some of them in our next newsletter. I don't suppose that you have a reference of where they were printed (assuming that they're actually real).

GMichael
07-22-2008, 09:48 AM
Those are good GM. I may use some of them in our next newsletter. I don't suppose that you have a reference of where they were printed (assuming that they're actually real).

I don't. It was just one of those office emails going around. No idea if these are real or not. But they are funny.

Auricauricle
07-22-2008, 10:57 AM
Then there was the renowned mathematician with the intractible case of constipation...


...Said he worked it out with a pencil....


"Somebody stop me!"

GMichael
07-22-2008, 12:35 PM
Was that pencil sharpened?

I've always wondered about people who go for those hot coffee enemas. Do they take cream and sugar with those or just black.
Piping hot?!

nightflier
07-22-2008, 01:01 PM
Was that pencil sharpened?

I've always wondered about people who go for those hot coffee enemas. Do they take cream and sugar with those or just black.
Piping hot?!

No but I hear the coffee should be stiff & woody, maybe nutty, but definitely not buttery.

(hey, don't look at me, blame the coffee snobs!)

bobsticks
07-22-2008, 02:58 PM
No but I hear the coffee should be stiff & woody, maybe nutty, but definitely not buttery.

(hey, don't look at me, blame the coffee snobs!)

Sounds like a bad chardonnay...

Auricauricle
07-22-2008, 03:09 PM
Don't mean to whine; this is gettining ass-inine!

ForeverAutumn
07-23-2008, 04:48 AM
Then there was the renowned mathematician with the intractible case of constipation...


...Said he worked it out with a pencil....


"Somebody stop me!"

LMAO. You see, it's stuff like this that keeps me coming back to this place.

I know. I know. I'm SICK.

Auricauricle
07-23-2008, 05:38 AM
I see your point....

ILMSTMF
08-19-2008, 08:10 AM
Awesome, lol

Auricauricle
08-19-2008, 08:30 AM
Well, better get the lead out....