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06-01-2006, 06:08 AM

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence
of a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently
announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has
one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second to take over four days to

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's Mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many



06-01-2006, 06:15 AM
That's where we get poli (meaning many) tics (meaning blood sucking vermen).

06-01-2006, 03:51 PM
Although Governmentium is surprisingly abundant, the demand for this new element is nil. However, a spokesman for Bose recently announced that Bose's engineers are developing woofer cones from Governmentium that will be implemented in the largest and most expensive loud speakers ever made. These speakers will be marketed to dance clubs all over the world because they will excell at huge, bloated, slow bass. "A signal containing a synthesizer bass note can be sent to the Governmentium woofer and you won't hear anything initially, but over time the note will grow and grow until it practically eats itself. It continues to reverberate months later making an extremely loud and low-pitched flatulent sound," said a Bose engineer who refused to be identified.