Joke inspired by Florian Post

[JohnMichael]

I just read Florians Dukes of Hazzard post and remembered a sheep joke I would like to share.

Two good old boys were driving around in their pickup truck drinking beers on a Saturday evening. They were trying to think of something fun to do as they cruised the country roads. All of a sudden the driver saw a sheep with his head stuck in the fence. He pulls over and tells his buddy he is going to get some of that.

He jumps out of the truck, runs down the hill, gets behind the sheep and starts giving it all he could. After a few minutes he yells to his buddy "hey you want some of this"?

His buddy says 'heck ya" and jumps out of the pickup truck, runs down the hill and sticks his head in the fence.

[bjornb17]

Wow.... that was just bad.

[mixadude]

A blonde is tired of ridicule, she dyes her hair brown, tries life as a brunette. Things go very well, no stupid jokes, she's gettin by.

One day she's driving out in the country and she spots a shepard driving his flock by the road. She pulls over and starts talking to the shepard, and wants to impress him with her intellect, so she poses the question "Hey, if I can guess how many sheep you have there, can I have one of them?"

The shepard is quite certain she couldn't have been able to count them accurately and says "Sure".

"One hundred thirtyone" replies the brunette.

The shepard is dumbfounded. He says "Well well, a deal is a deal, you go ahead and pick one".

As she's carrying the amimal back to her car, he stops her and has a question "Excuse me but I'd like to ask you something".

"OK"

"If I can guess you're real hair color, can I have my dog back???" :D

[GMichael]

A man is sitting in a bar when 5 beautiful blondes come in laughing and high fiving each other. 4 go to a booth and slide in still laughing and hugging. The fifth comes to the bar and orders 5 bottles of Champaign and 10 glasses. She turns to her friends and yells "FIFTY NINE DAYS!" At that point they all go crazy with laughter and shout, "FIFTY NINE DAYS!" back at her. The fifth hot blonde takes the bottles and glasses over to the table. Just then, 4 blonde guys come in to the bar. As they come in the door they yell, FIFTY NINE DAYS!" Again they all go crazy, squealing like teenagers, hugging, laughing and yelling, "FIFTY NINE DAYS!" A tenth blondes comes in the door. She's even hotter than all the rest. She's carrying something under her arm. As she skips over to the table, she squeals out, "FIFTY NINE DAYS!". Now they're all dancing, laughing like children and yelling, yup, you guessed it, "FIFTY NINE DAYS!".
Now the guy at the bar can't take it anymore. He goes over to the table, introduces himself and asks why they are all yelling "fifty nine days" The tenth and hottest blonde walks up to him with the package she brought it. She takes off the wrapping and shows him. It's a child's jigsaw puzzle of the Cookie Monster. It's been glued together and is in a gorgeous gold frame. She says, "see this puzzle?" We were tired of people telling blonde jokes and saying that we are dumb. So we all got together to find a way to prove them wrong. Then we found this puzzle. On the side of the box it said 2 to 4 years. And we put in together in just FIFTY NINE DAYS! They all start to sing and dance again.

[JohnMichael]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger".

Her takes her by the hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then......" he sighed, ".....let's put all those Frosted Flakes back in the box.

bjornb17 No sheep were harmed in the telling of this joke.

[GMichael]

Good one JM.
Here's another.

A farmer's son gets married to a nice girl from Kansas. After the wedding, it's time for the honeymoon. They get back to the hotel and up to the sweet. As they are getting ready the girl says, "please be gentle because I'm still a virgin." The young man says, "you're a what?!" "A virgin the girl replies." The boy runs out of the hotel and down to his pickup truck. He drives all the way home and runs in the house. His father sees him and yells to him, "get over here son!" "Why the heck are you here? You should be on your honeymoon with your wife." The son tells his father what his wife told him. "A what?!" yells the father. "A virgin" comes the reply. Pop asks, "Well what did you do son?" The boy says, "well, I ran out and drove home paw." "Good" says his ol' man. "If she aint good-er-nuf for her family, then she sure as heck aint good-er-nuf for ours."